Entwined – Wishes
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach character.
Warning: Yaoi -malexmale, language and sexual situation with an unconscious person.
Author's Note: This is the twin chapter of my long story "Entwined – Secrets" – chapter 6 – Egotism. This one is, however, in Hisagi's POV of what happened that night at his place.
I highly recommend you to check the other story, if you need closure. This can be read alone though, but it will leave a lot of questions after. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
This was NOT beta-ed yet. I apologize for the mistakes.
Hisagi Shuuhei was a sexual being. He was aware that since young.
For him, sex was a important part of life, not only for the obvious reason of reproduction, but also because the Ninth Division Fukutaichou firmly believed, people showed their true self when they had intercourse.
Their body language, their voices, their reiatsu would give away their real personality and their real wishes. Just like a zanpkauto was based on its master's soul, sex was the representation of people's character.
Shuuhei disliked that, the same way he disliked his zanpakuto. His real self was something he tried to hide as much as possible. It wasn't the sex he disliked, like it was said before, he was a sexual person, but what he disliked was that, in that moment he held someone, he couldn't control his actions or his words. He couldn't hide his deepest desires. His body would act upon his most secret wishes.
He would enter into a world, beyond his inner world, somewhere much more darker and much deeper. Somewhere he hated to go, because he couldn't leave that place until he got his release.
Hisagi Shuuhei was a sexual being, and was afraid of losing his mind.
During his life, he had several partners, women and men, most, - if not all- were nothing serious, but they all had a factor in common. They had been used as a replacement. They had been used the same way they probably used Shuuhei, seeking relief while they thought about someone else.
Shuuhei was sure some of them may had feelings for him, and that made everything worse, because every time he had sex, his mind would go to that dark place in his mind, and his body would do horrible things, just for the sake of him reaching that moment of perfection. Everytime he reached it, - his climax- his dark world would be illuminated by the two blue eyes that were haunting him, since the Academy days.
The owner of those eyes was Kira Izuru, his best friend. Shuuhei adored him in a way that it wasn't acceptable in Seireitei. He wished he could be more than best friends, and he wished that the blond was the one fulfilling his lustful desires.
But he wasn't.
Kira wasn't gay, in fact he highly disliked the idea of homosexuality. Why? Shuuhei never asked, and never intended to. It would break him even more.
Dispite that, both fukutaichous had a great friendship. Something stronger than any relationship Shuuhei ever had, and even though that wasn't enough, Shuuhei saw it as a blessing.
The only thing he could do was wishing that he was strong to not make something he would regret later.
Which he always did.
It had been a long time since Shuuhei had sex. The betrayal of Tousen-taichou and the War against Aizen, had taken great part of his time. The idea of sex barely came to his mind while the whole Seireitei prepared for the war, on the exception of, when Kira trained with him, sweating and panting... his kosode slightly loose revealing a chest as smooth as it looked, the slender neck begging to be marked, a beautiful collar bone that made the blond look so fragile...
In those moments, it was hard to control himself. But even harder was when the blond was stupidly drunk and decided to undress himself, and for some unknown reason, Shuuhei always ended up undressed too. His hands would wander, innocently, through the blond's body, something he would always regret the next day, but thankfully, Kira never remembered anything.
It was hard to control, but he could do it. This was the lie he told himself.
Shuuhei decided to ask Kira to have dinner at his place. It was a risk to have the blond in his house, especially when he had a large amount of saké ready to be consumed, but he needed to do that.
A few days before, Kira revealed to him, for the first time in is life, that he was interested in someone, and that made Shuuhei furious. He wanted to know who the person was, and what were the odds of him losing the blond.
Even if he wasn't his.
So he prepared dinner, sent a Hell Butterfly to Kira, and prayed for him to show up.
And he did.
The moment the door was knocked, Shuuhei opened it right away. Kira was there with a small polite smile in his face. How beautiful he was.
"Good you came." Shuuhei said more to himself in relief, than to the blond.
"Just because you mentioned sake."
Hisagi chuckled, the little bastard.
"Why am I not surprised by that?" Hisagi let him enter the house.
A few minutes later, they were both eating in the small table, in Shuuhei's main room.
"It's been a while since we ate together." The brunet said. He missed that.
"Yes." Kira simply replied as he eat. Good, it seems the blond was enjoying the food. Shuuhei loved that.
"It's nice, though... Especially when you keep avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you!" Kira replied too quickly. Lately, the smaller fukutaichou had been acting strange towards him, too strange.
"Yeah right. You barely come to see me." Shuuhei said. Kira frowned.
"Why don't YOU come to see me?"
"I went to see YOU, but you weren't at your place." The brunet continued, "You keep telling me you are working hard, but whenever I go see you, you are never there, I wonder where you truly have been..."
"Probably doing some errands, we must have missed each other."
Shuuhei stared at him. The blond had something about him when he was lying he would look too confident, like he was now.
"Or maybe you're lying."
Kira stayed silent.
"I think you are hiding something from me." Shuuhei continued, as he filled his cup of sake.
"Why would I lie to you?" The other asked looking down at his food.
"Dunno, maybe the Golden Rule?" Shuuhei asked. The Golden Rule consisted in keeping everything to themselves, to avoid the Female Shinigami Association to discover any of the men's secrets, all males in the Gotei 13 decided to create this rule. If they had a secret, they wouldn't tell anyone to not take the risk of the women finding. It was about damage control.
Of course, Shuuhei and Kira didn't follow this rule, and usually told everything to each other, knowing they would never sell the others secrets.
"Since when do we follow that?" Kira asked.
"Since you don't tell me everything." Shuuhei stated. Kira stopped eating and looked at the brunet. It was now... Shuuhei was going to ask about Kira's crush now, maybe he didn't even had a crush and this was all just a big mistake. Shuuhei was nervous.
"What do you mean?" Kira asked looking at him.
Shuuhei's eyes avoided his.
"You know... about your crush."
He could feel Kira tensed.
"Wh-What?"
"Last time we went out, you said you liked someone." Shuuhei asked looking at him now.
"Oh... I never said that."
"But you implied it. And I'm hurt you don't tell me who it is."
"It's not like you tell me everything, Hisagi-san." Kira said. Shuuhei frowned.
"I tell you everything." He really did, well except that he wants to fuck the blond... badly.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I do." Hisagi said. Kira looked at him straight in the eyes.
"It's no one." He replied.
"Liar." Shuuhei said smiling, "I know you like someone, you space out a lot of times, and I can see the glint in your eyes – that's love."
Kira blushed. It was the cutest thing ever. Those usual blue sad eyes, looked so warm now.
"And now you are blushing."
"No, I'm not. It's the sake." Kira excused and drank from his cup.
"You blush every time we speak about this, just admit it you like someone." Shuuhei said grinning, he needed to make the blond feel comfortable.
"Ok, I admit it." Kira blurt out.
Shuuhei's grin faded away.
"You really like someone." The tattooed man said in a low voice.
"Didn't you already know?"
"Yeah I did, but hearing you saying it, it's... different." He said still serious. It was a matter of time before Kira found someone, so the brunet should have really expect something like this to happen, but it was still a painful thing to hear the confirmation.
"D-Do you think I'm weird?" the blond asked. Shuuhei's eyes widen. Kira looked at him embarrassed and nervous. He gave him the wrong impression, Shuuhei was so lost in his discontentment that he didn't realize Kira may took that in the wrong way.
"No, why would I?"
The blond didn't say anything. Shit, the mood was becoming uncomfortable.
"Do I know that person?" the brunet asked trying to make things brighter.
"Maybe..." Kira answered blushing.
"Is it Hinamori?"
'Please not her, please not her, please not her.'
"I told you before, no!" Kira said.
"Rangiku?"
"No! And stop trying to guess, I'm not going to tell you." Kira said firmly.
"Why not? Don't you trust me?" Shuuhei asked slowly. He really needed to know who it was. It was killing him inside.
"It's not about trust. You know you're the only person I truly trust."
That felt good to hear, but still...
"Then why don't you tell me?"
"Because... because I don't like to talk about it. I don't have any chances with that person, so I rather not talking about it." Kira said shyly, his blush returning. Shuuhei felt disgusted with himself for being happy for that.
"Have you... tried anything? How do you know you have no chances?" he continued to ask, he had to know if Kira really didn't had chances or if it was just his low self-esteem talking.
"I... I just know it. I'm not really... that person's type."
Shuuhei could see that the blond wasn't comfortable with the conversation, so he changed the topic to things like the Seireitei Communication magazine and the weird rumour about Kenpachi-taichou and Unohana-taichou being seen together. After more than an hour, they were both starting to feel more than just tipsy.
"Where did you get so much sake?" Kira asked, his cheeks stained with a rosy shade from the alcohol.
"I have good-hearted guys in my division." It was a present, he received for defeating Touse-taichou, he had bitter-sweet feelings about it, but the blond didn't need to know about it.
"Really? I wish my men did the same for me." Kira said, drinking some more.
"Maybe they will in the future. Everything seems fine lately in your Squad."
"Of course everything's fine!" Kira raised his voice making Shuuhei flinch, Kira was starting to get really drunk. "I-I worked very hard to make everything fine!"
"I know you did." Shuuhei smiled at him, making his crush blush.
"We are fine in the squad as long as we have no Taichou!" the blond boldly replied.
"Don't say that. We both need a Taichou you know that." He knew Kira didn't mean that.
"No we don't! I don't need one! I can do all the work, I can defend them! And I will not use them, ever!"
The brunet stared at the smaller man, realizing that no matter what happened in the Winter War, Kira was still scarred.
"I agree, you can take care of them. You are their true leader, but you deserve a Taichou to take half of that work out of your back."
"I don't need that. I'm good with doing all the work." Shuuhei agreed with this, but Kira spend so much time working that he never had time for himself, and they almost never saw each other.
"But then we barely have time to see each oth-"
"OH MY GOD!" Kira cut Shuuhei's words. The blond stared at the window that showed the dark sky. "Look at all those stars!"
The brunet looked at the sky and smiled. He knew his division had the best view at night, he was proud of that. He wondered why Kira never noticed it before.
"It looks better with the lights turned off." He got up and turned off the lights of the room. Kira looked at the sky in awe.
Hisagi took the used dishes back to the kitchen, and after a quick cleaning he returned to the main room. He noticed Kira drinking long shots of saké straight from the bottle still looking at the window. He sat in the floor next to him.
"Kira are you planning in getting drunk 'til you black out?" he asked amused, but nervous as hell, this was bad, because he didn't know if he was able to control himself.
"I don't black out!"
"Oh yes, you do. You just don't remember you do." Thank goodness for that, or the blond would have killed him already for the things he did to him.
"No, I don't! I-I..." Kira stopped and frowned, "I forgot what I was going to say."
Shuuhei chuckled.
"Maybe you should stop. We have work tomorrow." The older man said and tried to take Kira's bottle from his hand.
"No!"
Kira gripped the bottle, making Shuuhei use a little more force. The movement made the bottle slip from Kira's hands and spilled its contents in his clothes.
"Oh God, sorry, Kira!" Kira laughed, clearly drunk. He was so careless.
"Look, Hisagi-san, I'm all wet!" He laughed even more, making Shuuhei laugh too. Kira generally had two types of drunkenness. The miserable crying type and the goofy, bold type. Now, he was the goofy/bold type. Which was good, because that way Shuuhei would be able to hear that marvelous laughter.
"Maybe you should take that off, to let it dry." The brunet said. What the hell was he saying? This was not supposed to happen. He could hear his own mind saying 'Control yourself' and could feel Kazeshini laughing hysterically at him.
Kira gave him permission, and Shuuhei took the obi off, and pushed the kosode off Kira's shoulders.
"Your shitagi is also wet." Shuuhei said, taking it off as well. Shit, his body was doing all this on its own. He couldn't stop his own hands taking Kira's clothes off. His fingers brushed the blond's skin.
"My hakama is also wet." The blond said innocently. Shuuhei smirked.
'It's like you are seducing me, Kira.'
"Then you have to take it off as well." He replied, untying the sash, he decided to stop hearing the voice of reason in his mind, "Why is it that you end up almost naked every time you drink, Kira?" he asked teasingly.
"I'm not the only one!" the blond replied.
"Yeah, we both end up always half naked." Shuuhei said removing Kira's hakama and putting it aside opened, to dry. Those thin, yet muscled legs were so perfect, how much he wished they were around his waist, pulling him to...
"Why am I the only one naked now?" Kira asked lying down on the floor, his face was so sexy. His eyes had this dark intensity, that could make Shuuhei obey anything he wanted. Anything.
"I'll take my clothes off too, if you want."
Kira watched as the other man took off his shihakusho, leaving in, only his fundoshi, where his arousal was barely hidden.
He noticed Kira trying to reach him with his hand, he grabbed and pulled him to a sitting position, but the blond fell forward his face hitting the brunet's chest. The blond's heavy breathing made his skin tickle. Damn, how much he needed to feel Kira's skin too. He knew it was a matter of minutes now until he went to that dark place of his mind again.
"Kira you are drunk."
The blond nuzzled his head on his chest. He seemed so drunk, Shuuhei was sure Kira wasn't even thinking. He had to put a break now, before he did anything bad to him.
"Hold on." Shuuhei laid down Kira again and got up, getting his futon on the floor and laying Kira on it. The blond turned around and laid down on his stomach and watched the starry sky with his head resting on the pillow. This position was too much for the older man. Kira's beautiful round ass in front of him like that, his fundoshi covering just the middle... Shuuhei started to feel his back sweating, and his cock ached wanting to be touched. He tried to adjust it, to make himself feel less uncomfortable and tight, his hands trembling trying to make it fast so Kira wouldn't turn around and see the full boner he had. Carelessly, his fundoshi untied and he could feel it fell, right in that moment...
"Hisagi-san!" Kira jolted and lifted his upper body, reaching for the brunet, he grabbed him and pulled him down. Hisagi fell on top of the right side of his back. His heart beat so fast... it seemed Kira didn't noticed Hisagi was naked on top of half of his body.
"What is it Kira?" Shuuhei gulped tried not to sound suspicious. Damn, Kira's hair smelled so freakin' good.
"I saw a shooting star." Kira said laying his head on the pillow. His blond hair spreading in the pillow looked so soft. He was magnificent.
"Really?" Hisagi said looking at the sky, distracting himself from his boner against the back of the blond's thigh, "Did you wish something?"
"Yes..." The blond softly replied closing his eyes.
"What did you wish?" Shuuhei asked as he saw Kira falling asleep, he wasn't sure but it felt like he heard the blond apologizing for something.
The steady breathing, confirmed he was asleep, and for a moment Shuuhei just stared at him.
Kira had his mouth slightly opened... so inviting... Those pink, soft lips...
Shuuhei leaned down sniffing his neck. How could a guy smell so good? Better than a woman? He closed his eyes, feeling the greatest desire he ever felt before. And he was naked, on top of Kira... He never went to the point where one of them was completely bare of any clothes.
His cock pressed against that thigh...
Shuuhei adjusted himself and groaned when his member grinded the blond below him. This was too good... too bad... too insane. He couldn't do something like this, he shouldn't... It was wrong... oh fuck his cock slipped from the blond's tight to his ass! He was sure that single movement made him leak pre-cum like crazy.
He knew it was too late now. He was in the dark place in his mind, except he wasn't... because that inner place was materialized around him. In that dark room, in that futon, in that white skin... He couldn't stop now.
He moved his hips, and it was the most wonderful feeling he ever had. Again and again, slowly... To not wake up the blond, but fast enough for him to realize this was better than any kind of sex he had. He pounded him a little faster, pressing more against the other. If Kira wasn't that drunk he would wake up by now. There was still a chance of that happening but Shuuhei didn't care. It was too late now, and he wouldn't care if he was found out. He just wanted to come. He bumped faster and faster, letting out a few moans and gasps.
The smell of the blond was so arousing... he could feel himself close to release. He leaned forward not resisting those parted lips, and he pressed his mouth on them, slipping his tongue inside tasting sake and what he was sure was Kira's taste. He rolled his hips and closed his eyes as he came on the blond's ass cheeks. The pleasure making everything bright around him, saving him from the darkness.
He stood there enjoying the blank feeling on his mind. Though, he didn't took long before he realized what he had done... And now came the regret...
He got off the blond sitting down. He looked at Kira watching him sleep soundly... innocently... The evidence of Shuuhei's sin in his body. Hisagi felt the terror inside him. He defiled his friend in a unforgiving way.
Quickly he grabbed his discarded shitagi and cleaned the blond. Then he covered him with his sheets, and dressed himself. He sat there in the dark, thinking in what was wrong with him. He was a good guy, he shouldn't do dirty things like that, especially to Kira, his closest friend.
"Don't you know why?" Kazeshini asked in his mind.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because you hide yourself. You're not a good guy, you are as bad as I am. Like it or not, you can't deny that."
Hisagi shivered at those words. He looked at the night sky feeling miserable. The stars were still there, but there was no shooting star for him. Nonetheless, he still wished everything was different. He wished for Kira's love, he wished for control.
Next day, before the blond got up Shuuhei left the house. He hid himself on one of rooftops he could see the entrance for the his barracks. An hour later, Kira went home. Then one thought came to his mind... What if Kira did remember what happened?
Shuuhei saw the back of the blond as he left, and decided, that maybe it was best to cut off ties, even if it hurt him, he couldn't let himself lose control again, because he was sure, next time he would go all the way, even if Kira was awake, even if it was against his will.
End.
How was that? This was my second attempt of yaoi lemon/lime. I apologize if it sounded weird. Again, I recommend you to check Entwined-Secrets.
Review if you can =) Thank you!