A/N: I hope you both LOVE it!
Anakin Cook was withering in his cavern, watching his favorite anime, 拍打我美丽棕色直肠. Unexpectedly, he started crying when he remembered that he's still Anakin Cook and is unpopular and has no friends. Thankfully, his hideous father installed a flushing system in his room. His father knows that Anakin Cook often cries about his miserable life, so he had to put a drain in the floor to make sure Cook doesn't drown himself whenever he remembers that he still exists. At first, Anakin's father secretly clogged the drain hoping that Anakin would drown in his tears, but the bugs that live in Anakin's eyes unclogged the drain, allowing his tears to flow out of the room before they could cause harm to Cooky-boy. While reaching for the flusher, his thicc mother called him on the string-connected tin cans in his room. Anakin Cook quickly flushed away the tears and answered his tin can.
"What do you want, mom?" Anakin Cook wept.
"Have you been crying again, Disgrace #1?" His mother started dying of laughter. "What a pathetic boi!"
"Stop laughing mom, I don't laugh at you whenever you slip on the shit in the bathroom floor and break your teeth on the toilet bowl!"
"First of all, you do laugh. Second of all, I haven't done that in 4 days! You're having a bowl of sauce tonight as punishment, and an extra 5 spanks on Sunday!" His mom countered.
"But mooom, I already have 14 spankings on Sunday!" Anakin Cook wept more.
"Hush up, Disgrace #1! There's a package for you at the cavern door. You'll need to mail it to the return address and tell them they have the wrong house."
"What if they actually do wanna talk to me?"
Suddenly, his mom started laughing so loudly the tin can exploded in Cook's face. He wiped the metal off his cheek and tumbled down the stairs like a sack of potatoes. His mother was still laughing when he walked by her in the kitchen while heading to the cavern entrance. He swung open the door and swooped the package into his arms. I will protect this with my life! Cook thought. When he turned around, he tripped over a rat and launched the package across the room. It landed and the sound of glass breaking could be heard all over the house. Cook's mother, who had been watching the entire event unfold, fainted from laughing too hard. Cook cried and rolled over to his thicc mother and ripped a tooth out of her mouth to open his package with. When he opened the package, he discovered that there were 10 sheets of glass in it, which were now shattered. He turned the package upside down and shook all the glass onto the floor, and at the very bottom of the glass, there was an envelope. It was addressed to Anakin Cook-sepi. Without hesitating, he opened the envelope and took the letter within to his room. He excitedly read the letter aloud to his anime body pillow:
Anakin Cook-sepi,
I supremely enjoy sneaking into your room at night as you slumber each day for the last 10 months to watch the sun rise with my industrial sized bowl of dip, my love. I admire you and my love for thee burns with the intensity of one thousand buckets of water. You can cook my buns anytime, sweetheart. It would make me the happiest reptile in the world if you were to be the paper to my toilet, or even the 弩射击模 to my 射里.
Please, allow me to lay my fecal matter brown eyes upon your face in person, and you be aware of it this time? Meet me in the back alleyway where all the seniors sell drugs, tomorrow at 8:00pm for some Crunchyroll and chill ;)
Your eternal love,
Amy from Geometry Class.
Cook was shocked to see another, human being showing care for him. He didn't recall having an Amy in his Geometry class, but he didn't seem to notice. He nearly couldn't wait to meet this mystery letter sender in person.