On rare occasions I ask her what it felt like when I bent her, and she lies to me. She says she can't recall, that the night was just a blur and she can't remember the sensation well enough to describe it. She's a horrible liar. Even if I had no other reason to disbelieve her, the way she turns from me and refuses to meet my eyes would make me suspicious. And though I will never bloodbend again, I cannot stop being conscious of the water in her body. I can feel her pulse racing and the smallest trembling of her hands when I ask the question. And far too often I have lain awake in the dark watching her shake through nightmares. But without fail, she'll put on a tight smile and tell me she can't remember much of that night.
I don't know how she can have forgiven me. I don't know if she has forgiven me. She throws herself into my arms and showers me with kisses at every opportunity. She laughs and smiles so freely that I truly believe she is happy with me. And at night she pulls me to her with an eagerness I have never experienced before and holds me like she never wants me to leave. But every once in a while I raise a hand to touch her and there's the smallest flinch before she leans into the contact, or I see fear flicker in her eyes before she controls her expression. It makes my heart ache unbearably. But I will endure it without hesitation because for what I've done to her I deserve all the pain that she could ever inflict on me.