Linzin Week, Day 3: Love
He had been mine for a while before things really went anywhere. We spent a long time sneaking away from teasing friends and protective parents, only concerned with finding a private corner of the park to hold hands or a quiet patch of shade of shade to lie with my head on his lap. We slipped away together whenever we could to teach each other how to kiss. In those stolen moments and our faltering, inexperienced touches I sometimes felt a strange feeling building in my stomach. I longed for something more, but I couldn't put words to it and I was scared to think about it too hard.
There was no way things could go any further at my home with my mother who could see the whole house at a touch. There was nothing resembling privacy on Air Temple Island either. It wasn't until I got my own tiny, cheap apartment in the city that we really had a chance to be alone together. That night, I think we were both driven to distraction with thoughts of what could happen now that there was nobody here to interrupt us. Every time he turned to me or spoke, my heart beat so loudly I was sure he must be able to hear it.
Even though I was frightened, I knew I wanted this. I needed it. I eventually ended up sitting against his side with his arm wrapped around my back, but I couldn't bring myself to look up into his face. The conversation stumbled on, but both of us were stammering and tripping over our words like we did back in the first days of the relationship. His thumb traced a tentative circle against my side and I forced my body to respond, placing a single hand on his thigh.
I could feel him shift to look down at me and raised my head to meet his eyes. I know I was embarrassingly red, but it was comforting to see he was blushing just as hard as me. When I closed my eyes and kissed him, I could almost imagine it was just like those other times we'd stolen kisses together, only nothing here would stop us from going beyond that. In a matter of minutes, our shirts lay in piles on the floor, and his lips were on my body. As he kissed down my neck and slipped a hand under my breast wrap, my hands ran over the lean muscles of his shoulders and arms. When his thumb brushed over my nipple, I gasped and clutched him tightly to me.
Eventually we managed to stumble over to the bed. I can't pretend that we knew what we were doing, but when it was done and we collapsed into each other's arms it was the best feeling I'd ever had in my life. We were sweaty, flushed, and breathing hard, but neither of us wanted to let the other go. Without ever breaking that contact, we managed to recover the pillows and pull a sheet over us. It was awkward, but we looked at each other, laughed, and ran gentle hands up and down each other's bodies. He blew out the lamp with a puff of airbending, and nestled down against each other to sleep. As I dropped off, one of his hands held mine and the other slowly stroked my hair. If I hadn't been so close to him I never would have heard his whispered words.
"I love you."
I love you too, Tenzin.