As I lay here in this hospital, I think about her, about how much I still love her, even though she will never love me back. I suppose that's just another fantasy of mine, another dream never to be realized. Terra, I wish Slade wouldn't have gotten in the way all those years ago, I wish when I saw you again all those years later, I could've made you remember me, and your past. I wish I would've kissed your lips, and brought the real you back to life. But I didn't, and wishing has gotten me no where.
I wince as I turn over in bed; it feels as if every moment I am alive my pain becomes more overbearing. I wish I would just die, it can't be any worse than living. And now I get to thinking about you again Terra, did you pass on yet, will I meet up with you in my afterlife? Will we maybe become more than just friends if we see each other again, when the weight of the world is lifted from our shoulders. One can only hope I suppose. For every time I close my eyes I see you, I hope it's a sign from you, telling me you feel the same way I do.
God, why am I so desperate to see her again, I blame you for this, every day I ask you if you plan on lifting my depression, and every day I receive no answer. I think that's why I think of her every waking moment, because she is the only happy thought I have left, her memories are my only joy.
I listen to the doctors talking on the other side of my door, saying I'm not long for this world, and I long to know why those words are music to my ears, I long to know why I am so close to nothing already. I wonder why I am not only fading away physically, but mentally as well, why am so close to insanity without even trying to get there. Why do I have to go on living like this when I am already so dead inside. Doesn't anyone realize there's nothing left of me anymore. Terra, I hope you are no longer in a constant battle with yourself, like I am now, I hope you are no longer searching for peace of mind. And I wonder, why I am so willing to let go of this world, but not your memory that keeps me binded to it.
Now, as the last of me fades away, and I am gone from this world, I wonder, why wondering is all that's left to do.
I know this was very short, and just as a little clarification, in the first paragraph, when I said when I saw you all those years later, I was referring to the event in the episode "Things Change. " Thanks so much for reading, and please review.