Notes: Just a quick little oneshot I wrote quite a while ago in response to the fanon idea that Megamind would not own a bed, or perhaps would be uncomfortable on a standard mattress. I've read a lot of fics where Megamind sleeps on a cot, or the floor, or an old couch because he's grown so used to sleeping on a prison issue mattress. So I figured, heck, I'd be all about finding myself a good mattress after all of that! And this is what came from it.
I realized how many little oneshots I've written and never uploaded here, so expect a couple more to be put up soon!
Enjoy!
Warnings: Some minor language!
Disclaimer: 'Megamind' and all its characters are owned by Dreamworks. I own nothing.
"Hey! Hey, you there! GUARD! I demand your attention immediately!"
"Shut up already!"
"I will NOT be silenced until my demands are met!"
"You're not in any position to make demands, prisoner."
"You will RUE the day you crossed me Paul the Prison Guard!" the young detainee screamed down the hall, leaning his arm out between the bars of his cell to shake a fist at the retreating back that ignored his rantings.
As the boot steps retreated down the hall, swept up among the shouts and hoots of the prisoners, the young male heaved a sigh, his frame slumping into the iron that contained him. His once defiant fist relaxing into a weak hand that draped out into the hall.
"Sir?" a meek voice asked from within the cell behind him.
No movement.
"Sir, perhaps some other time they'll listen."
The lanky framed individual remained pressed against the bars, his orange prisoner garb hanging slack and loose around a too-tall, too-skinny body. The collar was popped high on a slender neck, the garish colour contrasting violently against his skin tone.
The soft scrape of glass against concrete filled the cell for a moment, a swoosh of liquid accompanying the movement.
"Sir?" One final plead.
The figure jolted suddenly, whipping around to stare at his companion with wild green eyes.
"Hmm? OH! Yes, Minion. Of course," was the hurried response, one hand reaching up to swipe over a high, much too high, bald skull.
"Some other time, sir," the small companion repeated, and the prisoner, now with full attention, smiled down to the smaller one with a confident chuckle.
"Oh Minion, you and I both know we'll never get what we want. At least not in here," the prisoner laughed, coming to sit cross-legged on the barren floor, reaching forward to grasp the sphere of glass that held his cell-mate. Carrying the water-filled globe onto his lap, the prisoner looked down at the one he called Minion, a fish that much resembled something from the pre-historic era, his jaw wide, his body nearly as round as the globe that held him.
"That is true, sir. So what's our next plan?" the fish asked, smiling large sharp teeth hopefully up at his master.
"Well Minion," the prisoner began, drumming blue hued fingers against the glass that kept his friend hydrated and safe. "It has become apparent to me that as I grow and reach adolescence, my stature is increasing."
"Yes, sir. You have had quite a growth spurt recently."
"Agreed. And as such, these prison accommodations are simply not cutting it," he went on with a nod, the fluorescent light above sending dark shadows across cerulean skin and a massive cranium that was fair larger than human proportions.
"The bed in particular," Minion assented, turning with a flutter of his fins to eye the threadbare padding and slatted metal construction of the bed, fastened securely into the wall. It was coated in jagged graffiti marks, etched into the metal with sharp and blunt objects. The mattress, if it could be called that, was little more than a too small pad, sealed on all edges to prevent tampering. A pillow, flattened within inches of its life sat at the head of the bed. A shabby bed for anyone, but given the unique physiology of the occupant of the cell, it was particularly inadequate.
"Yes. And all of my attempts to acquire better furnishings have been met with resistance, if not outright disdain. And so we are left with no other option."
"Escape, sir?"
"Escape, Minion. Exactly."
"So what's the plan this time? Hopefully we can avoid any mishaps like last time..."
"Yes, our last escape did have more casualties than normal," the prisoner mused with a self confident smile, glancing over his shoulder as another guard walked by, glaring pointedly into the cell past dark circled eyes, and an obviously broken nose.
The prisoner grinned boisterously and turned to wave at the man.
"Greetings Mark! Looking good! Did you get some work done recently?" he cooed gleefully, shooting a cocky wink to the man who responded with a lengthy diatribe of foul language, banging his baton against the bars of the cell.
"Watch your back! I'll get you eventually, you little blue freak."
"Ah, please remember that I've changed my name to Megamind now, Mark. I'd really appreciate you working on that," the blue alien smiled charmingly, an evil glint shining in his green eyes, dark black eyebrows drawing down wickedly. Mark responded with a string of curse words and imaginative insults.
"Now now, Mark," Megamind chided wisely, waving one finger in the air. "That foul mouth of yours is what got you that injury in the first place." He tapped his angular nose as a reminder.
"Go to hell, alien!"
"Nice talking with you! Ta-ta for now!" Megamind crowed back cheerfully, leaning back so he could peer after the grumbling man, waving one arm energetically in the air. His ear-to-ear smile fell as soon as the guard was out of sight and ear shot, and the alien hunched back forward on the floor, wrapping his arms around Minion's bowl possessively.
"We'll get out soon, sir," Minion comforted, peering up at his ward's dark and gloomy expression past the arms that crossed atop the glass, a sharp chin just starting to show the lines of facial hair resting on the bare forearms.
"Soon, as in today, Minion. I've had it with this place. I'm not going to let them take me back this time."
"What about Metro Man, sir?"
"Oh, Metro Mahn," Megamind groaned, frowning expressively, stretching out the name with an annoyed tone. "More like Metro Man-URE! HAH!"
The fish gave a good natured chuckle.
"Very funny sir."
"I know. Now, Minion, on to the plan!" he smiled mischievously, and slapped his hands together with a clap. Rubbing his palms, he flexed his fingers and shuffled them both across the floor toward the bed. Beneath the thin mattress, he reached to pull forth a pad of paper and various writing instruments, splashing them on the floor with a flourish. Setting his companion down on the ground, they hunched together secretively, going over the elaborate scheme late into the day until the correct opportunity arose.
"Where is he?" the Warden grumbled, climbing out of the squad car and adjusting his suit jacket before falling in step beside the police officer that greeted him. The night was filled with noise, red and blue lights flashing in the dark and sending shadows streaking down the busy street. Traffic was diverted several yards down the street to both sides, but at this late hour it was practically deserted anyway.
"In the show room, sir," the cop answered, gripping the brim of his hat with one hand to lift it, the other hand swiping across his brow wearily. "He's got another gun... thing. Zapped Fred Sinclair."
"Shit. He alright?" the older man cursed, wincing at the paperwork that would be involved in the morning. Yet another escape from his prison, and now the local PD were involved. Half a dozen squad cars were parked across the street, behind barricades and tape lines. Cops milled around, discussing potential plans and scenarios for dealing with the young menace that was plaguing their fair city.
"Yea. Fred's fine," the officer elaborated, motioning to the boxy white ambulance at the end of the block, where a man sat wrapped in a blanket speaking with an EMT. "Just the whole little blue block thing again. He's probably gonna want a couple weeks off for stress leave or some crap. You know Fred."
"Jackass," the grey haired man scoffed, heaving a sigh while weaving his way through the cars and officers that surrounded the large building. Sirens and flashing lights lit up the night, and the warden stooped under the yellow tape set up as a boundary around the building in question where their perpetrator had holed up in.
"A mattress store?" the old man questioned, staring up at the store front, a banner fluttering in the breeze that displayed a mattress made of puffy clouds floating serenely under a cartoon moon. Advertisements littered the windows with signs about various deals, brand names splashed on the glass.
"Yep. Patrol spotted him around 11. How many escapes is that so far this month, Warden?" the officer asked with a haughty look. The Warden simply frowned beneath his thick moustache, glaring at the much younger policeman.
"Son, you try living a day in my shoes and we'll see how long you can keep a super-intelligent alien behind bars."
"I just don't get how he keeps getting all these machines and thin-"
"If I knew, don't you think I would have stopped him already?" the warden snapped viciously.
Adjusting his hat, the man was silenced for a time, clearing his throat.
"And where's Metro Man in all this?" Warden barked, glancing around for any sight of the towering super hero that normally came rushing in to save the day.
"Hasn't shown up yet. There's a fire out on 6th though. Apartment building. Lots of people."
"Any connection?" he asked, jerking his head toward the store where the groups of police officers were surrounding the building, weapons drawn, waiting.
"Nah. Your boy hasn't moved in a while. Looks like he broke out, and went straight here. Couldn't have set a fire. Not really his M.O., either. He's just in there... Laying down. Him and the fish," the cop shrugged, stopping behind the barricade to watch the building.
"Crap. This kid has just become such a pain in my ass, the older he gets. Gimme a bullhorn."
The warden leaned against a squad car, speakerphone in hand and he pulled it to his lips with the high frequency whine of feedback.
"Megamind. Come out with your hands up," he called out, his voice booming from the device in his hand.
"Warden! How good of you to come!" a voice called out, gleeful and taunting. "Did you know they have mattresses in here that you can drop a bowling ball on, without feeling it? It's FASCINATING."
"That's great kid. Now come out peacefully and we won't have to resort to using force," he drawled back, tired and seeming as if he had done this one too many times.
"Force? When have you ever resorted to that," came the sarcastic reply. Through the windows, a silhouette could be seen with a large head and slim figure. The shadow was bouncing cheerfully up and down on a mattress. Then the figure stopped bouncing and seemed to lean forward.
"Where's Metro Man?"
"On his way," the Warden lied. He wasn't sure when the hero would come. It could be in the next few seconds, or in an hour. But Megamind didn't need to know that. "So, I'd reckon you better come out of there peacefully before the big guy gets here to drag you out."
"Oh Warden," Megamind sighed, flopping back onto the bed and kicking his feet up in the air, visibly crossing one over the other bended knee. Minion's small orb could be seen rolling across a mattress to his right. "Even if I didn't know that Metro Doofus was being held up by that fire in town, we both know I'll stay in here as long as I want."
"Look, I've had it with this bull, Megamind. Surrender now, and there won't be any more trouble."
"Trouble's my middle name!"
"You don't have a middle name, sir."
"I know that Minion... It's an expression I heard."
"Oh! Very good sir!"
"Boys, if we could get back to the topic at hand? Throw the gun out here, and come out with your hands up."
"Warden, have you ever tried out the prison mattresses?"
"What?" the older man blinked, looked at the other officers and shrugged helplessly.
"The mattresses. They're simply atrocious. But THIS. This is a PILLOW TOP. It's delightful!"
"Great. Really happy for you. Now give it up, and get the hell out of there."
"You know what I'm going to do? When I'm free, REALLY free, I'm going to get HUNDREDS of mattresses. That's the first thing I'll do. I'll have the best bed in the entire world. I'll never go back to the despicable accommodations your prison offers. Never."
"When you're free huh? You sound pretty sure of yourself."
"I'm always sure of myself, Warden."
"I wouldn't be so SURE about that," another voice interrupted, causing the Warden to spin around and Megamind to make a strangled sort of noise from within the store. His shadow promptly fell off the bed, and Minion's smaller globe seemed to spin in panicked circles.
"Metro Man, thanks for dropping by," Warden smirked at the young hero, who gave a two fingered salute, his white tailored spandex suit sooty and burnt, but his skin remained flawless. He was still a young lad in the Warden's eyes; hardly a man yet. But with super powers, and muscles that seemed to grow daily, no one really questioned the moniker he'd given himself.
"Let me guess. This store has some... pests you need removed?" Metro Man asked, his voice somewhere between a baritone and that crackling tone of puberty.
"You could say that. Just get him out of there."
"You won't take me alive!"
"Don't worry Warden," Metro Man smirked while ignoring the shouted response from the mattress store. The cleft in his chin and the sparkle of his teeth made some of the police women swoon. "I'll handle him."
"And that, Minion, is why this day is so important," Megamind stated firmly, hands on his hips, smile wide and chest thrust forward triumphantly. Age had seen him grown, but his eyes remained vivid and wild with excitement. A white cape with fur lined trim fluttered around his shoulders, contrasting brilliantly against his blue skin tone.
"I'd forgotten about that night, sir," the fish admitted, tapping one metallic finger against his tank. He grinned toothily down at his friend, wiggling his gorilla-inspired and furred shoulders with delight. "I suppose this is a big day then!"
"Exactly. A momentous occasion to be sure. OH LOOK Minion! Here it comes!"
The delivery van pulled up with a slow crunch of tires on gravel, the side of the metal vehicle painted with a mattress of clouds hanging lazily beneath a starry night sky and smiling moon.
"I'm true to my word Minion," Megamind smiled, watching the delivery men unload a plastic wrapped mattress and box spring, carefully guiding it out onto the pavement outside of the once-Evil Lair. The new Protector of Metro City signed a flamboyant 'M' across the papers handed to him by one of the workers. "I'm true to my word."