Title: Three sides to every Triangle. 1/3
Rating: R
Pairing: Addison/Derek/Mark
Summary: The story of Addison/Derek/Mark in New York.
3 Chapters from each side of the story. This one is Addison's.
Disclaimer: It's all Shonda. Not moi.
The alarm buzzes besides her but she's already been awake for an hour. Addison knows that when she wakes up Derek won't be beside her. She knows because that's the way it's been for months.
She knows that she will go downstairs and find her husband asleep on the sofa. She'll ask him why he didn't come to bed and the reply is always the same.
"Late night" he'll mumble "didn't want to wake you"
The morning's seem to follow this same pattern constantly. He'll roll over on the sofa and she'll go into the kitchen to make coffee. Most mornings she finds herself gazing through the window trying to remind herself that it wasn't always like this.
He never used to mind waking her up, and she was glad of it as it meant that he wanted to spend every spare second with her, even if she was half asleep. Even up to as recently as six months ago he would creep in and wake her up in the best way possible.
Now those moments have gone, and the hospital feels less and less a place to work in, it's his excuse not to see her.
After coffee she'll get ready, trying to hider the bags and puffy eyes while he stays downstairs. He always says the same sentence before she leaves, and she matches it.
"Love you, goodbye"
However each day it feels more and more routine and their words lack their usual emotion.
She goes to work every day feeling empty, and she too starts to use the hospital as an excuse, an excuse not to think about Derek, their marriage and the ever growing distance between them.
She blames herself for not doing anything about it, but she's tired of trying. When it started she tried all the usual tactics of getting him to talk to her, but he even stopped arguing with her.
They've had arguments before, and even ignored each other for days but it always resolved itself by one of them apologising, then making it up to each other with amazing make up sex.
Even the sex itself has fizzled out. Derek used to look at her with such passion and longing in his eyes that it thrilled her. The last time they made love she felt like they were performing a well rehearsed routine, and he kept his eyes shut the whole time.
She knows when she returns home from work that she will be dining alone, and it's this loneliness that propels her into the arms of Mark.
Tired of dinner's for one she invites him round and revels in the fact that someone is paying attention to her, someone is seeing her. It makes her feel sexy, confident and alive.
Once it starts she feels as if something is unleashed inside of her, and as the distance increases between her and Derek it closes between herself and Mark. Emotionally the bond between them is thickened, and with that she starts to yearn for the physical.
It starts over an innocent joke and glasses of wine, she hit's him playfully on the arm and as revenge he pins her to the floor, tickling her until she's cursing him and gasping for air. She is sure she doesn't make the first move to kiss him, but everything feels hazy as she feels arousal for someone else but Derek for the first time in over a decade. The sex they have is fast, and her body seems to move of it's own accord as it searches for release. When she comes she has to bite her lip to stop herself from saying the name she is so familiar with, but her mind feels so far gone that she almost doesn't realise that tears have formed in her eyes and Mark is lying next to her, panting after his release.
Afterwards she lies in bed, and for the first time is relieved that Derek won't be coming up to sleep beside her. While the loneliness and physical desire have passed, that have only been replaced with guilt. She can't stop it though, and carries on a sexual pattern with Mark that her marriage should be following.
She hate's herself for doing it, hates Derek for making her feel so lonely and vulnerable, and hates Mark for continuing to sleep with her while she's so lonely and vulnerable. But she's started now, and finds that she cannot stop.
When the alarm goes off in the mornings she' already awake as she can't sleep with all these thoughts in her head. She knows Derek is downstairs and knows they will go through their usual morning routine.
They will say "I love you" and she will blink back tears on the way to work. Mark will see her later and she will feel desirable again.
She knows she will go to bed alone, and always wake up before the alarm goes off.