This is my first fanfiction, so it might be really bad, I'm not sure what I think of it really. I like writing it though! It's Kradam! ('cause I'm obsessed! actually, I'm much more of an Adam fan, but I like these two are so cute together!) Basically I'm using a song for the title of each chapter and then using that song in the chapter somehow. It'd probably help if you've heard the song before reading the chapter. Please review, I really don't know if this is something people will like or not! Oh and I know I have a lot of ,s and ...s, especially in the dialogue. Those are just supposed to indicate pauses, I kinda hear how it sounds in my head while I'm writing it (yeah, I'm weird haha). Anyways, I'll stop randomly talking about it now and let you read. This chapter is to Kelly Clarkson's song, Cry.
Kris put his hand on the cold metal doorknob to the room that he had been sharing with Adam Lambert for several weeks now. He felt like he'd known him forever. Adam was undoubtedly the best friend Kris had ever had. Kris loved the way Adam would listen to him, the way he talked to him when something went wrong with Katy, as so much had since idol had started, like he really cared. And Kris was pretty sure he actually did. It only took one look into those beautiful blue eyes to know that. Shit, kris thought. He was doing it again. He couldn't let rooming with Adam have this effect on him. "I am married, I am straight" he repeated to himself under his breath, "and Adam has a boyfriend," he added. An image of the extremely feminine and overly flamboyant "cheeks", as he liked to be called, flashed into Kris' mind. An involuntary shudder went through his body, accompanied by a strange, but not foreign, aching feeling. He was not jealous of Cheeks, he simply couldn't be. He looked down, realizing he was still clutching the doorknob to their room, so he ignored his thoughts, like he always did, and began to open the door.
Adam lie down on his twin bed in the room that he'd been sharing with Kris Allen since idol had started. He sighed and immediately let the tears start to flow. He'd ran back to their room the instant the show had ended. He'd known this week would be hard to do, as soon as he chose his song, and as soon as kris had told him about his choice.
"So...what're you singin' this week? Disco week is so hard to find something for... but I've got mine so you can tell me."
"If I uh" the words got caught in his throat as he remembered why he'd chose the song, "if I can't have you" he felt his cheeks heating as he said it and couldn't even make himself meet Kris' beautiful brown eyes.
Kris grinned at him "But I know your gonna make it your own thing, I'm doing she works hard for the money. I love it, y'know s'about this beautiful, independent, unique woman. Reminds me of my wife, before all this fighting, I guess." his voice trailed off at the end. Well mine reminds me of you, Adam had nearly blurted out, but he stopped himself quickly and used the excuse of going to the bathroom. Kris noticed how hurriedly he'd left and called after him "Wait, are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah of course..." he'd assured him, wondering if he was really trying to tell Kris or to tell himself.
That night he'd made it through his song, winning over each of the judges, but he didn't care. All he really wanted was to win over Kris. If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby, he thought to himself. He didn't want Brad (Cheeks) he wanted to get over himself, to stop being stupid and dreaming of a life with a currently married, straight guy. It wasn't working. Cheeks was distracting, but not that distracting. All Adam could ever do when he was with him was compare him to Kris. Adam reached over to the alarm clock where his iPod was currently plugged in, already on his favorite playlist, he pushed play and turned up the volume as loud as it would go in attempt to drown out his thoughts in the noise. He started to sing along to the words of Cry by Kelly Clarkson as tears streamed freely down his face, making dark smudges of his eyeliner beneath his eyes.
"Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue, pretend I'm okay with it all, act like there's nothing wrong. Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?"
As Kris slowly opened the door music instantly spilled out into the hallway, making him stop. He could hear Adam's perfect voice, full of genuine emotion, singing softly along to it. It was Kelly Clarkson's Cry. This wasn't good; Adam only listened to music that fit his mood at the time. Kris' first instinct was to go in and see what was wrong, but he stopped as it suddenly hit him. The song, and the thoughts he'd just had about Adam. It made him think about how he might really feel.
Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?
As he heard Adams voice echo the words, it made him truly understand what a song could do to you. He felt his hand fall off the doorknob; he needed some time to sort things out.