This is an answer to two challenges: "The Item of Youth" challenge by Sayla and the "Klink? What Klink?" challenge by Tirathon

Have fun and don't shoot me.

There must've been something wrong with the mirror. That was it. A crack that somehow bounced the light the wrong way. Of course. Simple.

Klink grimaced and moved closer to his mirror, inspecting the surface carefully. No cracks. Maybe it was the poor lighting.

Quickly hurrying to the other side of the room, Klink turned on another lamp and rushed back. No, that wasn't it either. The mirror just gave him the same reflection.

With a sigh of defeat, Klink slumped his shoulders. There was no way around it. A new set of wrinkles had moved in around his eyes. To anyone else, they might've gone by unnoticed, but to Klink, they stood out like a sore thumb. But then again, what did he expect? He had just celebrated his 50th birthday. From there, life went down hill, didn't it?

Klink sighed again and grabbed his cap. He inspected it for a moment before placing it on his bald head. After a moment of inspection in the mirror, he adjusted his cap and put it on an angle. He pulled on his jacket and straightened. Shoulders back, chest out, riding crop firmly under arm, monocle in place. There. Dashing as ever.

With a satisfied smiled, Klink strutted from his quarters and to his office. He made sure he flashed an extra charming smile towards Hilda. His secretary just giggled and he liked to think it was because he had sent her heart fluttering. As he entered his office, he took off his cap and threw it onto the helmet that was on his desk. A very Hogan thing to do. A very- what?

Snapping out of whatever was possessing him to act this way, Klink swiped his cap off his beloved helmet and hung it up on his coat rack. Very Hogan indeed. And the he last thing he needed was to act like the American colonel. True, Hogan had a certain young at heart charm, but Klink was a colonel in the German Luftwaffe. It was serious business. It would be no good to adopt American attitudes- especially with an upcoming visit from General Burkhalter.

Klink groaned and flopped into his chair. Why was the General coming? He had been there no more than two weeks ago. What little hair Klink had left was quickly greying at the thought that Burkhalter was only coming to send him to the Russian front.

Klink rubbed his face. Maybe he should consider an early retirement. Find a little cottage in the mountain, raise goats or something. All this stress was making him feel far too old.

"Kommandant Klink! Kommandant Klink!"

Oh no. Klink buried his face in his hands as he heard his sergeant of the guard enter the outer office. What now?

Suddenly, the door to his office burst open and Schultz barged in. The sergeant immediately bent over, resting his hands on his knees and gulping for breath. "Kommandant- Kommandant Klink!"

With a growl, Klink smacked his desk and rose to his feet. "Schuuuultz! How many times have I told you not to barge into my office!"

"But Komman-"

Klink raised a hand. "None of your excuses, Schultz. Go to the other side of the door and knock. And then when I say enter, you enter!"

Schultz nodded vigorously and shakily straightened and left the office. A moment later, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Klink called.

Again, Schultz burst in. "Kommandant Klink, I must make a report."

Klink sat down again. "Go ahead."

"Kommandant, I must report that… I must report that…"

Klink was growing impatient. "Must report what, Schultz?" he asked sweetly. When the sergeant didn't answer right away, Klink again slapped his desk. "What is it Schultz?" he barked.

Schultz sputtered. "I am trying to remember, Kommandant." He held up his hand and started counting on his fingers. "I was walking around the compound. And then I was going to check on the prisoners and then- and then-"

"And then what, Schultz?"

"Oh yes! I remember! And then all this water shot out of the ground."

Klink shot out of his chair. "Schultz, how could you forget a thing like that?"

"Well you see, Herr Kommandant, I knew what I wanted to say but then you-"

"Never mind that, Schultz," Klink said, waving his hand in the air dismissively. He rubbed his chin. "Obviously Hogan is digging a tunnel and hit a pipe. Ah-ha! I've got him this time! Let's go!"

Klink grabbed his cap and his riding crop and excitedly marched out of his office. He had him this time. There was no way that Hogan could talk his way around this. How else would he explain a spring of water in the middle of the camp?

Before he could open the door leading outside, Klink paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob. How would Hogan explain that. Klink groaned. It would be fantastic to be sure. Miracle mineral water? The fountain of youth?

Klink snorted at the thought. Hadn't Hogan already tried that one? Or both? He should look it up in his journal. He had written every insane excuse Hogan had given him in there. Maybe he could make some sort of radio program out of it after the war.

There he went again. That was something that Hogan would do too. He definitely needed the war to end and soon, before Hogan rubbed off on him any more.

"Kommandant?" Schultz said, breaking Klink out of his thoughts. "Is there something wrong with the door?"

"Nothing, Schultz," Klink grumbled as he opened the door and marched out into the compound. As expected, there was a group of prisoners huddled around something. As the office door shut, Colonel Hogan himself looked up from the group.

"Good morning, Kommandant Klink!" he called.

"If it is a good morning, Colonel Hogan, then you had better enjoy it while you can," Klink said as he approached. "Because you will not be seeing another one for a long time!"

Hogan blinked innocently. "Whatever do you mean, Kommandant?"

Klink stamped his foot. "You know what I mean, Hogan. Two weeks in the cooler for attempting to escape."

"Me? Attempting to escape?" Hogan asked in shock, putting a hand to his chest. "Kommandant, how could you accuse me of such a thing."

Klink waggled his finger at Hogan. "I'm on to your little tricks Hogan. There's no way around it. You were digging a tunnel and hit a water pipe. Now off to the cooler with you. Schultz."

Schultz moved to grabbed Hogan's arm, but Hogan swatted his hand away. "Wait a minute, Kommandant. I protest. Are you seriously accusing me of digging a tunnel?"

"Yes!" Why did they always have to play this game? Why did Klink let him do this? All he had to do was order Schultz to take him away and walk off, ignoring any protests. But Klink found himself waiting for Hogan's argument.

"Ha! Of all the ridiculous things," Hogan said with a bark of a laugh. "I never heard anything so ridiculous!"

The other prisoners voiced their agreement and laughed as well. Klink felt his face turn red and his body start to shake. He took a deep breath before speaking. "And just what makes it so ridiculous, Hogan?"

"Well take a look at where we're standing, Colonel!"

Klink looked around. They were standing halfway between his office and Colonel Hogan's barracks. "I'm looking, Hogan, but I don't see your point," Klink said impatiently.

"If I really was digging a tunnel then I would dig towards the fence, not the middle of the camp."

"Hmmm. That sounds reasona- Hogan! You are not talking me out of this!"

Hogan shrugged. "I'm not trying to do that at all, sir. I know you already know."

"Already know what?" Klink pressed curiously. What was Hogan getting at?

"Oh come on, Colonel, you don't have to hide it from me," Hogan said as he slid closer to Klink. He dropped his voice to a whisper before continuing. "You just want the men to think it's some sort of broken pipe, I get it. You don't want them to know what this really is."

"What is it, Hogan? What?" This didn't make any sense. Why would he want Hogan's men to think he thought it was a broken pipe from a tunnel they themselves had dug. Klink stifled a groan. His head was starting to hurt.

"A natural spring of course."

"Now why would I want to hide that from your men?" Klink whispered fiercely.

"It's not just any spring. Oh but you know that already."

"Yes, of course I do," Klink hissed. No he didn't. Oh this was ridiculous. Hogan was just making up some story. A few weeks in the cooler wasn't the worst thing. Why didn't Hogan just admit that he had a horrible sense of direction, had dug in the wrong direction and had hit a pipe? But still, Klink was unable to break away from Hogan's tale. "Remind me again what it is."

"The fountain of youth, sir. One gulp of this and-"

That was it. He had had it. No more. "Hogan! Enough of this. Into the cooler! Two weeks and not a day less! And I want that tunnel filled in by then end of the day! Schultz! Take him away!" And with that, Klink spun on his heel and stalked off.

Fountain of youth indeed. He could skip writing this one in his journal. Hogan had already used it.