A/n- HI MY name is Jessica also known as Wandhappy, This is my first thought out fanfic I know it is retarded but IT is the retarded story's that I love to read love to read so i thought i would write one.

DISCLAIMER- I own harry Potter hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

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hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa...no

Review if you think it worth reviewing woopwoop

Chapter 1

"I am your all powerful ruler, your leader, your master. Bow down before me i say." Dumbledore, who was obviously on heroin, bellowed from his chair at the Hogwarts school of witch craft and Wizardry staff table. The students who were used to it by now just ignored him and rolled there eyes. But seeing as how Neville Longbottom is a dip shit, he started to bow down. Over at the Gryffindor table how ever a familiar 16yr.old red head, turned to The-boy-who-lived-and-we-say-his-name-to-god-damn-much and sighed.

"He has seriously been to high for to long"

"Ron you asshole!"Harry yelled a bit to loud. Harry slipped down llittle in his seat.

"What the hell was that for harry?"

"Nothing, nothing at all "Harry shifted his eyes a bit and obviously wanting the subject changed added "Where is Hermione?"

Ron looked a little uneasy at the question, "Well, ever sense she has been taking those damn acting classes, she has been a different person every day, like Tuesday when she was that alien from outer space, let me tell you it is not fun being Prob-...Damn it all to hell" Ron's eyes had quickly averted to the Great hall entrance his expression was slightly scarred. Harry wondering what had gotten his friends attention followed rons gaze. Harry nearly shat himself.

Sat the great hall doors stood what harry assumed to be Hermione Granger, But looked alot like a wannabe Eminem. Hermione stood at the entrance in what appeared to be boxer shorts hanging out of a pair of big sagging jeans witch made her look like she had a footlong dick in there, harry saw rons eyes stare questionably in that location. She also wore a shirt that said Once you go black you never come back. Sh e had chains hanging out her jeans and long ,money sign gold chains hanging from her neck. HE hair was hidden under a do rtag. She pimp walk all the way over to a terrified looking ron.

"What up dawgs?"

Harry of course being stupid yells OH MY GOD Sirius is alive???? excitedly harry looks all around the room for any sign of his god father, causing all the other students what kind of stuff he is sniffing, Dumbledore mean while yelled out DANCE MY PUPPETS DANCE

Ron rolled his eyes. "Harry you dumb ass Sirius has been dead for liker a year now along with voldemort."

Harry turned to Ron "Oh right, anyway then who were you talking top Hermione?"

"IO was talking to you cracker. Harry cocked an eyebrow at Ron which was a waste seeing as how rons face was hidden in his hands. So harry turned his gaze back to Hermione.

"Hermione... why the fuck are you dressed like that?????"

Hermione looked pissed. "Get off my up of my grill yo you be tripping i am kicken it old school."

Harry slightly taken aback "you want of your what with who ... what?"

"I said ge-"

harry cut her off "What the hell is on your teeth they are gold!"

Hermione smiled showing goldteeth, "These be ma grills yo, I'm blingblingin"

Harry being whiter than Micheal Jackson, "OHHHHHHH wait i want on your teeth"

Ron who apparently decide to join in on the conversation, "Hermione why are you doing this?

Hermione looked at him"Don't be call me hermoine Call me fatback, ha be my pimp name yo"

Ron went red and decide to inspect what was left of his dignity in his hands

HARRY LOST FOR WORDS WAS ABOUT TO JUST give up when Hermione broke the awkward silence

"Foshizzle biozzle I gotta go check to make sure my hoes are making me money, Catch a on the flip side peace out NIGGAs."and w that fatback left, and the awkward silence came back for a visit till ron finnally feeling it wzas safe again popped his head back uip.

"What the fuck"harry looked at ron for a explanation.

Ron meekly shrugged, "Honestly harry its not that bad ya know Yesterday she was a cow girl and that has been my favorite so far.

"Whys that ron?"

"Cuz i got to be her horse."

End of chappie!!!!!

What do y'all think... not to bad?In have already written chapter 2 and its pretty funny. Harry gives dumbledore cooking classes... what happens when ron follows harry and only hears whats going on

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and yeah and did i mention REVIEW NO FLAMES PLEASE i mean if you really didn't like my story why did you tread it all the way down to here and wshy would you make the effort to review?

LOVE LOVE KISS KISS SMACK Smack

Jess

oh AND THANKIES TO MY b.f.f AND MY BETA SESSHOUMARUCRAZY, she is also a fanatic writer all though most of the time she is a fanatic reader and reviewer Tee Hee Oh sesshoumarucrazy, I am still waiting on our plane tickets to paris from Dumbledore, he is a bit on the cheap side, i think we will be traveling by cargo stall!!!