(Now, I haven't seen this short film in a LOOOOOONG time so there are going to be possibly many mistakes as I only had the transcript to help me and it actually wasn't that helpful. Enjoy this little project, reviews are welcome!)
"FIRE!" Squadrons of vikings rushed around the village to put out a large fire. No one was sure how this mysterious fire started, but there would be time to dwell on it after it was out. Stoick stood down below, giving orders.
"The wind is shifting! Fire Brigade, move in! Bring the Nadders in from the South!"
"I'm on it!" Astrid flew in, pouring water on the flames.
"Gronckles, aim for the roof! Good work, just a few hot spots left." Hiccup and Remi flew down, dismounting their dragons.
"Where's Gobber? Is he still inside?" Hiccup asked his father.
"No, we can't find him."
"I'm right here." Called peg legged man, rolling a cart of weapons. "That beast will pay for this!"
"Gobber, what happened?" Stoick asked his long time friend.
"What's it look like? A dragon set my home on fire!" The teens gathered, confused that a dragon would do something like this. Gobber swung his hook to the sky in anger.
"You pushed me too far this time, you ugly bag of bones!" Hiccup moved over to his dad, trying to figure this out.
"Dad, what's he talking about? Our dragons don't do that anymore."
"He doesn't mean one of yours. Gobber, for the last time, there is no such thing as a-"
"Boneknapper?!" Gobber interrupted with fierce determination that the beast was real and set on killing him.
"A what-knapper?" Tuffnut asked with morbid curiosity and skepticism.
"A disgusting, foul beast. Wearing a coat of stolen bones like a giant, flying skeleton." Gobber replied. Fishlegs perked up, having read about them before.
"The Dragon Manual says that the Boneknapper will stop at nothing to find the perfect bone to build its coat of armor. It's awesome!"
"Come on, it's just a myth. It doesn't even exist." Stoick argued. There has never been any proof fo a Boneknapper and there never will be.
"I'm telling you, it's real! I've been running from him my whole life. He's the one who started this fire." A viking pushed through the fray with a smoldering piece of cloth on a stick.
"Stoick, we found Gobber's underpants hanging by the stove. They must've started the fire." Laughter echoed in the late night, taking this fire to be one of Gobber's delusions of this foul beast that was supposedly after him.
"Still think it's the Boneknapper, or just your underpants?"
"I don't think! I know! Somehow he found me again. That dragon is pure evil." Stoick sighed, putting a hand on his head.
"Gobber, it's late, and we're too tired for your stories. Now, get some rest." Gobber swiped his underpants away, placing them in his cart.
"You rest, I'm putting an end to this. Come on, Phil. Let's go. We don't need their help anyways." Phil the sheep bleated and walked after Gobber as he headed down to the dockes. Remi shared a look with Hiccup, knowing it was too dangerous for Gobber to head out alone, dragon or not.
"We can't let him go by himself. Alright, Vikings! Grab your shields." Hiccup announced. The teens cheered as they were going on an epic adventure, but Snotlout was not on board at all.
"There's no way I'm getting on a boat to go after a fake dragon."
Yet, there he was on a boat going after a fake dragon.
"Come on! Put your backs into it you lazy dogs! Stroke! You're not even trying! Stroke!" Gobber bellowed. Remi had the job of steering, much to her joy, and was actually having some fun being 'captain' of the ship. Hiccup placed his oar on his lap, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"How fun is this, right? We got the team back together, another adventure. This is pretty cool, huh?"
"Yeah, nothing cooler than rowing until your hands bleed." Snotlout retorted.
"I just want you kids to know that it touches my heart, you helping me slay the Boneknapper. True Vikings, you are." Wiping away a small tear of gratitude, Gobber was truly thankful for their help.
"Gobber, are we there yet?" Asked Ruffnut.
"Oh, you'll know we're close when your ears explode from the piercing screams. Legend says this dragon's roar is so fierce, it can melt the flesh right off your bones!" Fishlegs enthused, but Gobber corrected him in his mistake.
"Not so, Fishlegs. The Boneknapper has no roar at all. That's why he's terrifying. He's a silent killer."
"Wait, so if we don't hear anything... we're dead?" Ruff questioned.
"I don't hear anything." Tuff muttered. Waiting to hear something, the teens looked around the grey sky. From behind them, Phil bleated, scaring them all. Gobber laughed.
"Good one, Phil. Did I ever tell you about the first time I met the dreaded Boneknapper?"
The scene is set with a ship sailing through icy waters, a family of three on the ship. A mother sunbathing, and a father and son rowing.
"I was a young lad, about your age, on summer vacation with my family, when I heard the call of nature." Teen Gobber suddenly winced, needing to go."Dad, pull the boat over!""Didn't I tell ya to go before we left?" Gobber runs through a glacier, stopping to unzip his pants and relieve himself. Once he was finished, he picks up his axe and begins to walk away when he sees bodies froze in the ice."I saw an army of Vikings, frozen in battle. Clutched in the fingers of one of the Vikings was a small treasure chest...I had to have it."
Gobber uses his axe to create a hole to grab the mysterious chest.
"I reached in a pulled out the chest…""It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw."
A sudden jerk prevents him from taking the chest and he looks up.
"But the frozen Viking was still alive! He started punching me in the face!"
Punched in the face multiple time, one hit knocks out one of his teeth.
"Oh, my tooth." He cried.
"And there it was...I never even heard it coming...The Boneknapper! It crashed into the glacier, causing an avalanche of frozen Vikings!"
Jumping over the frozen bodies, the one block of ice with the treasure in it had slipped into the dark waters.
"The treasure!"
"I reached into the water… Only to find the frozen Viking punching me in the face again!"
"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" With all the hits to the face, Gobber was disoriented for a moment before ripping the chest from the frozen viking and coming face to face with the Boneknapper. It grabbed the chest with Gobber still holding it, carrying him off."The Boneknapper wanted that treasure...but I wanted it more!"
Spotting a fissure in the ice, he yanked the chest from its talons and jumped through the fissure. Sliding on the ice, it tossed him through the air and landing safely back on the ship."What took you so long?" His father asked, and he hid the chest behind his back, chuckling.
"You expect us to believe that a frozen Viking punched you in the face?" Snotlout demanded, not believing a word that the smith was saying.
"Yeah, twice." Gobber reminded. Hiccup shrugged, wanting to give his mentor the benefit of the doubt.
"Hey, it could happen."
"What do you mean "it could happen"? It did! But I outsmarted the silent beast." Fishlegs had to intervene, shaking his head at the story.
"Um, Gobber, I hate to be a stickler for details, but...Boneknappers are not silent." Gobber sighed.
"Fishlegs, I know what I didn't hear. But, I could feel it…" He insisted. Everyone ignoring Fishlegs, he began to notice they were dangerously close to jagged rocks.
"Uh, guys? Are there supposed to be...?"
"I had a sixth sense for danger. I can smell anything…"
"I really think we're gonna hit these…"
"...I could taste the oncoming doom!" Bam! The boat crashed jolting everyone on board.
"Um, I'm tasting rocks." Astrid spoke. Remi pinched the bridge of her nose, already feeling the headache this adventure was going to cause. "This is why I stick with flying." She mumbled under her breath. Gobber hopped out of the wrecked ship, the teens and Phil following close behind.
"Ah, we're here." He announced. On land, Ruffnut looked back as the ship slipped into the waves, sighing.
"Ugh. Now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, and no one even knows where we are!"
"Except the Boneknapper. Legend says…" Fishlegs began, only for Snotlout to interrupt.
"Hey, you know what legend also says? Stop talking!" Now angry, Fishlegs put his foot down.
"Okay, just hold on one darn second…" He warned, but Gobber intervene.
"No need to panic, kids. I've been shipwrecked many times!"
"Oh, well that's...comforting." Hiccup deadpanned. Remi placed her arm on his shoulder, leaning on to her left with her other hand on her hip. "Tell me about it." She dryly quipped. Gobber sat down on a rock with a stone in his hand, sharpening his hook.
"You never forget your first shipwreck…" He dreamily sighed.
"I was stranded on an island, with only my broom. It was a very small island. It's no wonder the Boneknapper found me again. He never forgave me for taking that treasure."
Gobber looked across the waters to see salvation at hand.
"There was another island. My only escape. But I was surrounded by blood-thirsty hammerhead sharks!"
Suddenly, sharks surfaced around the entire island, teeth bared and wanting food.
"I only had one chance. So I ran across the shark infested waters."
"Take that! Watch it! Nighty night, fatty!" Punching sharks and jumping on their heads, one shark jump in front of his and tried to take a bite, missing. Gobber used his broom to scrub at the shark's teeth, leaving it quite confused."Someone forgot to brush!" He chidded before punching it way. Now it was getting dangerous. The boneknapper was right on his tail, ready to devour him whole"I didn't think I was going to make it. But then, from the depths of the ocean leapt forth...a giant hammerhead whale!"
A hammerhead whale burst forth from the water, scaring many of the sharks and leaping for the dragon.
"Whoa! So the hammerhead whale ate the Boneknapper?" Fishlegs asked, enthralled in the story.
"Almost, but he got away. Years later, the dragon hunted me down again and chased me into the jungle."
"All I had was my trusty egg beater. I carved through that thick brush as fast as a jungle cat. Still, the Boneknapper was right behind!"
Gobber stopped running though the jungle to sniff a flower bush.
"Ah, azaleas!" A roar brought him out of his daze and he ran far away, to a volcano."I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leapt across the fiery crater. Then, deep within the burning volcano burst forth a giant hammerhead yak!"
The yak was ina battle stance, ready to take on the boneknapper.
"Okay, wait a minute." Tuffnut called. "Now you're saying a giant hammerhead yak leapt out of the fiery volcano and ate the Boneknapper?"
"You would've thought so, wouldn't you? But the dragon got away again! I knew the boney scoundrel would keep coming after me…"
"So, I set up a gauntlet of traps, and waited for the beast." Gobber sat down on a stool with a lute in hand, playing an epic tune. One fit for the climax of this journey. And there it was, the boneknapper.
"And when he was ready... he charged!"
Gobber ran through his traps, dodging them all. Looking back, he saw none had worked."But the traps failed!" Now he was caught by a cliff edge, pinned under the claws of the boneknapper."Then, captured, I did what any brave Viking would do…"
"Help!" He called in a helpless and small voice. Suddenly, the clouds parted to reveal a God, who to be honest looked like a WWE wrestler."The Gods must've heard my prayers. It was Thor! He tossed a mighty thunderbolt." Thor threw the bolt, but instead of hitting the dragon, it hit the ground below the edge.
"Aw, you missed.""Wait for it…""Then, from the center of the Earth blasted forth… The hammerhead yak riding the hammerhead whale!"
The hammerhead yak smacked the side of the whale like a bull. It's face meaning business.
"Deploy the yak." The yak ordered, and the whale shot a jet of water, sending the yak flying through the air and punching the boneknapper in the face. They dragged the dragon away, saving Gobber. The whale and Yak saluted to Gobber as they sailed back down into the Earth, Gobber tearing up slightly."Yes!" He cheered, only for a loud cracking sound to emit from his spine. "Oh, my back!"
"Whoa... the whale saluted you?" Fishlegs gasped.
"Can you believe it? But the Boneknapper got away again! He found me on Berk-"
"Are you kidding? I don't believe any of this." Snotlout yelled. Snotlout and the twins began to argue that they needed to go home, that Gobber had no proof that this boneknapper even existed.
"Of course I have proof. I still have the treasure. This stunning belt buckle." Lifting the end of his shirt, he showed the belt buckled he had taken from the chest.
"It was in the Viking's treasure chest. It's kept my pants up for years."
"It is stunning." Admitted Fishlegs. It had been enough now, and Hiccup thought it was time to bring Gobber to his senses.
"Um...listen, Gobber. Instead of chasing down an imaginary dragon, maybe we should figure out how to get home?"
"Say no more, I hear ya loud and clear. I've got a plan. Alright, who'd like to be dragon bait?" The teens gasped, all turning to look at Fishlegs who was the bait. Now, standing in the center of a trap with rope tied around his face to look like Gobber's mustache and a fake hook and pegleg made of bone, Fishlegs was antsy as this could get him hurt. The others hid behind boulder out of sight.
"Um, Gobber, are you sure this is safe?" Fishlegs called out. Gobber just waved it off.
"Safety's overrated. Okay, here's the plan. The Boneknapper wants me, right? He comes down that trail, sees Fishlegs, thinks it's me, rushes Fishlegs, causing Phil to trip that rope, dropping that rib cage and then we rush in a finish him off once and for all!"
Staring at the crazy man, Snotlout leaned in and whispered. "It's sad when they get old.
Walking up to his mentor, Hiccup had had enough. This plan was going to get someone killed.
"Gobber, you're taking this way too far, okay? You need to face it. There is no such thing as the Boneknapper!"
"Wormsquat! Now, get into position. Way to go Fishlegs, you're doing fine!"
Now the teens had begun to bicker again about how much of a waste of time this entire things has been. Behind them, Fishlegs saw the boneknapper land, sneaking in on its prey. He tried to get the attention, but the first few times were not successful.
"Guys!"
"WHAT?!" A rattling startled them all, now realizing what Fishlegs was trying to say.
"It's right behind us isn't it?" Hiccup deadpanned. Everyone turned up to see a massive dragon covered in bones. The boneknapper spread its wings out, and let out a tiny yip.
"Well, what do you know? No roar." Said Fishlegs.
"RUN!" Shouted Gobber. Everyone ran to hide in a massive ribcage, keeping out of the dragon's fire as it attacked.
"Okay, Gobber, we believe you!" Astrid exclaimed. Hiccup tried to think of a way out of this mess, and suddenly noticed something on the boneknapper. A small missing piece, one that fit perfect with the belt buckle.
"Wait. It searches for the perfect bone to build its coat of armor. The treasure! Gobber, take off your pants!"
"Huh?"
"NO!" Came the horrified teens. Hiccup trugged over to Gobber, needing him to listen.
"Wait, listen to me. I think Fishlegs was right. The Boneknapper is supposed to have a roar. But maybe he can't because the bone he needs is your belt buckle."
"Gobber, please, you have to give it back." Remi begged, even pulling puppy dog eyes.
"No way, it's mine. Uh-oh." The boneknapper had grabbed Gobber's wooden leg, dragging him out into the open and swinging him around.
"Give him back his bone!" Demanded Hiccup.
"NOOO!"
"GIVE HIM BACK HIS BONE!"
"NOOOOO!" It flung him up into the air, and that is when Gobber gave up.
"Noooo... oh, alright." He threw the bone at the boneknapper. It fit perfectly in, completing his armor. Gobber felt into a pile of bones, slightly disoriented as the dragon leaned down, eyeing him.
"Alright, you've got me. Make it fast." Gobber told the dragon, expecting the be set aflame of eaten. Instead, it began nuzzling him. Now without his belt, Gobber's pants fell down, disturbing the teens.
"That's gonna give me nightmares." Hiccup shuddered. Astrid came up next to him, looking at the boneknapper.
"Well, at least we have a ride home."
High in the sky with everyone on the back of the boneknapper, they flew back home. Remi was practically surfing on the back of the dragon, enjoying the ride.
"He sure seems happy to have that bone back." Hiccup noticed. Fishlegs chipped in with a bit of legend.
"Well, legend says that Boneknapper's roar is its mating call."
"Oh, that's just a myth." Gobber disregarded until a plethora of roars came from behind the boneknapper. At least ten female boneknappers followed them on their flight home.
"I think Stoick will believe me now, eh?"
(This was just something I wanted to write, and it doesn't have much of Remi in it because it's a Gobber centered short film, so it would make sense to just let her be a small part of it like the others were. I hope you enjoyed this and again, it was just a little bitty project. Remi and Nova are more heavily involved in the television series and the random one shots I will write every now an then.)