A/N: Amazingly angsty JimmyCoop drabble, written at 1am last night, that probably makes no sense. I apologize for the serious depression seeping from this piece, I think my own emotions got poured into this one. Sorry about the terrible title aswell, I'm useless.
This is Jimmy's POV...sort of...not really...uh, you'll see...
Rated T just incase, although it could probably pass for K+.
L O N E L Y
N I G H T
For SeluciaV, for writing my first ever review, and a very lovely one at that!
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There it was again, that sudden, painful pang of loneliness, deep within yourself. It squeezed at your heart, as your eyes studied the shadows and outlines of objects, in the darkness of your bedroom.
You found yourself reaching out to someone who was never there, clasping at cold empty air, wishing there was someone to wrap your arms around. Somebody to hold close, who'd hug you back and whisper in the midnight, words of comfort and love. That one person, who could kiss away the tears that you can't stop from running down your cheeks.
You cast your blurred eyes around the room, so full of material things...so desperately empty.
Empty like the void within yourself; hollow and untouchable.
Have you ever felt alone, even with the knowledge that someone, somewhere, in the world cares about you. Knowing that when you wake in the morning and face the day you'll meet people who know your name, who throw you smiles, and call you friend; but laying in the dark, with ghosts and memories for company, the loneliness is so overbearing it eats away at you.
Memories, a blessing and a curse. How they taunt and heal as you reflect on a past never forgotten. Memories of a first kiss under a starry sky as you'd given in to what'd you longed for, something you'd desired but pushed under the surface, a wish to drown in your muddled mind.
The ghost of a touch between trembling hands, that said more than words could ever express.
Your mind relentlessly tells you all the things you don't want to hear; and when you try to recall the face of the person you loved and lost, you realize you can't quite picture every detail. So you gasp, and sob, squeezing your eyes tightly shut, praying you had the chance to refresh your fading memories.
But you can't, they're gone and damn, perhaps they were never really there at all. It seems unreal, remembering you once had someone to love so much it could of consumed you, if only you hadn't been so afraid.
Fear – what a burden it is. Weighing you down, making you choke on the words you longed to say, trapped in your throat, refusing to push their way out and grace the world with their presence.
Do you regret the words you never said?
What are the words we never spoke, in the grand scheme of things? Did they really mean anything at all? Weren't they nothing but sounds, meaningless noise to be lost in time; hanging in the air for a moment before vanishing into the past? No, you know it isn't true; some words stay with you forever, an eternal memory, burned into your mind like the most punishing of brands. Words like, "We were the lucky ones," as your cries of his name down the radio fall on ears that hear no more. You never forgot that.
"I loved you, Coop," you breathe into the night.
And maybe they won't fade, but rise into the starlit sky, and by some miracle he might hear the words you should of whispered in his ear, when he'd laid beside you in life. The last time you can recall, you were truly happy.