We've come so far

by Loo-C

Christian and Syed have their first fight.

"Hey, you're back early. Had a good night?'

"Hey, babe."

Christian locks the door, pulls off his shoes and dumps his blazer on the table before he walks over to where Syed's sat on the sofa in just his dressing gown and boxers, the laptop recently abandoned and placed on the coffee table. Syed pulls him down next to him so his head's resting in his lap, leaning down to kiss him slowly as Christian places his warm hand on his cheek. He 'mmm's into the kiss before pulling away and smiling, cocking his eyebrow, still waiting for Christian's answer.

"Yeah, it was alright. Now thinking I would've had a better one if I'd stayed here with you though."

Syed smirks. "Always. You don't stink, which means you didn't drink much. What happened, Roxy left with some guy?"

"Surprisingly enough, no. I wasn't really in the mood to be out bar-hopping when I knew you were waiting at home for me. I've only had one drink. I didn't want to go in the first place, not after you got out of the bathroom after your shower, looking all flushed and fluffy-haired."

He reaches up for another kiss as Syed laughs.

"I didn't want you to go either. You look far too hot in that shirt to be let loose on the public." He runs his hand over Christian's chest and the dark blue cotton.

"Well, I'd be quite happy for you to take it off me."

Syed laughs and starts running his fingers through Christian's hair as Christian pulls his other hand onto his chest and holds it with one of his own.

"Patience. There's plenty of time for clothes to be ripped off, it's not even 10 o'clock."

Christian laughs. "You're joking? Oh, Sy, look what you've done to me! I'm home before ten, sat on the sofa because I couldn't be arsed drinking and couldn't stop thinking about my boyfriend sat at home. You've turned me into an old man!"

"Would it be too cheesy to say you're my old man?"

"Yes. Yes it would."

"Thought so. It's true though."

"I know."

Christian smiles up at him while Syed continues to thread his fingers through his hair. After another kiss Syed pulls him up to sit beside him, leans his back against the arm of the sofa, and lays his legs over his, Christian resting a hand on his bare knees.

"Shall I put the kettle on then? May as well cement my old man status and have a hot chocolate. Want one? Or a coffee?"

"Oh, yeah, I'll have a hot chocolate as well."

Christian's about to get up to go to the kitchen when Syed sits up straighter. "Oh, I found one!"

"Found one what? A hot chocolate? Oh no, please tell me it's not a grey hair! I can't handle that as well as being home before ten on a Saturday."

They both laugh.

"You know you started going grey long before I arrived."

Christian slaps his knee, smiling. "Oi! I did not! I had a lovely head of youthful, entirely brown hair before you made me all domestic and happy!"

"If you say so, old man. But no, a job! I was looking on job sites earlier. I found one that I'm thinking of applying for."

"Oh, brilliant!"

"Yeah. Well, it's not that great but it's a job. I don't really care what it is at the moment, as long as it pays."

Christian sighs. "Sy, come on. We've talked about this before. I want you to be doing something that you love. You've been living your life for other people for far too long, you don't need to do that for me."

He smiles, broad and happy. Full of love for the man sat next to him. The times Christian spoke of almost don't even enter his mind, because he knows that doesn't matter anymore when Christian means what he said. "I know, and I love you for that. But I need to start earning."

"You know I don't agree, but go on, what's the job?"

Syed shifted, knowing what was coming after he told him what it was. "Call centre operative for some bank. The pay's not that good." He watches as Christian starts frowning.

"So then why are you thinking of applying? It's a crappy job in a call centre, and it doesn't even pay well."

"I'm thinking of applying because it's the only proper job I can find that's a reasonable distance away, that I can actually do."

"Yeah, but something else will come up at some point. Why this one, why not wait until you find something you wouldn't mind doing?"

"Because we don't know how long it'd be until I found something else worth applying for."

"So?"

"I've told you, I want to be earning. Even if it is a pittance, it's something."

"Fine. What're the hours on this one?"

"They're not good. It's pretty long days. And there's a commute too."

Christian sighs again, getting annoyed. "Oh, Sy, come on."

They'd talked about this a lot over the past few days but it had yet to turn into a full blown argument. Syed was hoping this wouldn't be that argument.

"I know, I know, but it's not too bad! Well. I'd have to leave here at about quarter past 6 and I'd probably only get home at about...quarter to 8."

Christian squeezed Syed's knee subconsciously. "6 'til 8? Sy, that's crazy!"

"I know, but they're odd hours. I'd be working 7 'til 7.

"A 45 minute commute? When you said a reasonable distance I thought you meant a couple of stops away on the tube!"

"It's not as big a commute as some of the others I was looking at. It's between half an hour and 45 minutes. But that's door to door."

"That's not the point! Where is it, Newcastle?"

"Don't be dramatic. I don't know exactly where it is."

"Don't you think that's a little excessive?"

"Excessive?"

"Yes! You'd be out for 14 hours a day!"

"Well, not necessarily, I could probably get the commute down to closer to half an hour."

"Even if you did, you'd still be out of here before I get up, and then by the time you get back you'd be that tired you'd be going straight to bed. You cannot be working 14 hour days, Sy!"

"I don't see why not. And anyway I wouldn't be, I'd be working 12 hours."

Christian looked at him like he was being stupid. "Oh, so that's alright then? Would you want to see me working 12 or 14 hours a day?"

"No."

"Well there you go then!"

"But it's a job, Christian! If I did any less hours there'd be no point me doing it at all, the amount it pays."

"Exactly! So don't bother."

"We need the money!"

Christian instantly becomes defensive. "What? Since when?" He twists so he's facing Syed, sitting closer to the edge of the sofa, rather than being turned sideways. Syed moves his legs so they're curled next to him.

"Since I moved in here. You've been paying for everything!"

"Are you being serious, Sy?"

"Yeah. You've been paying for all the food, everything we've had to buy to replace my stuff that's still at Mum and Dad's, every time we've been out for lunch or for breakfast. I've not paid for anything."

Christian shook his head. "I don't see your point."

"How is that fair? You've paid for everything for three weeks and all I've done is sit here and get more fliers printed for you."

"Fair? It's not about being fair, Sy. And I don't see how that isn't."

"Yes it is. I haven't even been able to buy you a cup of coffee in the caf."

"So what? You really think I care?"

"You should!"

"I should care that my boyfriend hasn't bought me a cup of coffee, even though he's not working, and I've told him to continue not working until he finds a job he likes?"

"But that's what I'm saying! I'm not working and I should be!"

"Syed, you're being silly."

'I can't keep sponging off you, Christian!'

'You're not sponging, you idiot! You think I'd rather have you out of the flat for most of the day, doing something that you don't even want to do, than have a bit of extra cash to help with the bills? Don't be stupid.'

'I'm not being stupid, Christian, you've just started a new business, there's now someone else living in your flat -'

'It's our flat.'

'Right, our flat, but there's someone else living with you now -'

'You're not living with me, Sy, this is our home, both of us.'

'Christian! You know what I'm trying to say. There's two of us now, which means a bigger water bill, more money spent on food, more money spent whenever we go out. You can't afford to keep paying my way! I need to start contributing, Christian, and this is the only way I can find to do that right now!'

'I'm not paying your way. We're together now, Syed. Together. We're partners. Which means whatever I make is for both of us. It's not my money, it's ours. And I'm earning enough to be able to cover everything we need. There's no need for you to be working all hours when we're doing fine.'

'And what about when a client decides to quit? Or decides to go elsewhere? What if you don't get any new clients for the next 4 months? Then what, we starve? I sit around and do nothing while we can't even afford to pay the rent?'

Syed regretted saying that the moment it came out of his mouth, when he saw Christian's face drop. He didn't mean it the way it came out. Christian stood up though, going to walk into the kitchen.

'Thanks for the vote of confidence. Lovely to know you believe in me.'

Syed stands up too.

'Christian! It's not about that. Of course I do! I'm not saying it'll happen, I'm just saying what if it does? The business is still new, we can't be placing everything on it yet. We need to have savings, spare cash for when the business needs it, or for when we do. We don't know how expensive me living here -'

Christian turned around as Syed was talking. He was frowning, even more now. 'Syed. How many times do I have to -'

'Right, us living together, you know what I mean Christian. We don't know how expensive this is going to be yet, and yeah, you're earning just enough to cover us for the moment, but I've only been here three weeks, what about when we get this month's bills? What about when we need to do the monthly shop?'

'You're one person, not a whole football team! The bills can't have gone up that much! And we have been shopping during the last three weeks Sy, shopping for a month can't be much more expensive.'

'Christian, you're not listening to me!'

'Well what do you want me to say, eh? Oh, sure honey, we've only just started living together, but yeah, you go out and work all day! No, of course I don't mind that I'll barely see you, I'd much rather have a bit more cash!'

They're both starting to get frustrated. Syed feels awkward now, arguing in his dressing gown, stood in the middle of their flat while Christian's fully dressed. He pulls it closed and ties the belt around his middle.

'It's not like that and you know it's not.'

'Oh, yeah, you go off and do a job that you'll hate, at least then we can go out more! Who needs to see each other when we can afford cocktails on a Saturday?'

'You're making out like I'm being selfish! I'm doing this for us, Christian! Like you keep saying, we're together now, this is our home, and you can't pay for all of that yourself! You're not loaded, we can not afford to only have one wage coming in! And an unstable one at that!'

Syed can't believe he's just said that, he, again, honestly didn't mean that how it sounded. And neither can Christian, judging by the way his shoulders become tense and his brow furrows even more. He's starting to get angry.

'Unstable? Thanks, Sy, thanks a lot. And the us that'll only see each other for two hours a day, if that? Yeah, sounds like it'd really do us good!'

'I don't mean it like that! But you're self emplyed now, we haven't got a set wage coming in every month. I don't understand what your problem is. I'm trying to look after us! I don't see why you have to be so stubborn when all I'm trying to do is be helpful!'

'Because, Sy, you're not listening to me! Like I've said, you being out at work all the time and then tired when you get back won't help anything!There is no point in making yourself miserable! Me going to work every day thinking that you trust me to run a successful business that little, that you're doing a job you hate just so we have savings for when I fail, will not help anything! You obviously don't think I can look after us. But seeing as all of that, and the thought of being apart so much doesn't bother you, go ahead!'

'Oh, now you're just being ridiculous, Christian!'

'Really? I don't think so!'

'You know you are! Of course it'd bother me! Of course I believe in you, that's not what this is, Christian!'

'Well it doesn't sound like it! I've told you that we're fine for money, that there's no need for you to do it, the business is doing well, but you clearly don't believe me. I can take care of us. I'd rather spend time with you, but you don't seem to agree. I'd rather feel like you believe in me and I have your support, but if you're that eager to get out of the flat, and that eager to start preparing for when I fail miserably, go for it!'

Christian's gesturing with his hands, definately angry by this point.

'I'm not saying I think you'll fail! I can't believe you think I do, you should know I don't think that! Me wanting to bring some money in, is not me being eager to get out of the flat, Christian! You really think I'd rather be stuck in an office than at home with you?'

'I don't know, you're rather insistent on doing long hours for someone who doesn't need the money! Oh, no, wait, we do! We need it for when I run my business into the ground. Silly me!'

'For goodness sake, Christian! That's not why, but yes we do need it! It's like talking to a brick wall!'

'Oh, you think? How many more times would you like me to tell you we don't?'

'YES WE DO, Christian! No matter how much you think so, we are not rolling in it! And no, that doesn't mean I'm preparing for you to fail, or that I don't believe in you. It just means I want to be able to make sure I can take care of you if I need to! That's all!

'I don't know what else other than NO WE DON'T, you want me to say, Syed! We don't need the money, we don't need another wage coming in, we can manage just fine with one, we're not short of cash, the business is doing well, what else can I tell you? You know all that but you still can't wait to be out working from 6 'til 8 every day! So you know what, do it, apply! If you're that keen for me to be out of your hair, do it! I'm going out.'

'What do you mean you're going out? Where?'

Christian ignores him and puts his shoes on quickly, grabbing his blazer and unlocking the door. Syed walks over as he's doing it, knowing he can't run out after him in his dressing gown even if he wants to.

'Christian, wait.'

He walks out.

'Christian!'

Syed sighs and locks the door with his set of keys from the table, putting them back when he's done it. He sits down and leans back, resting his head on the back of the sofa. He's angry and frustrated, both at himself and Christian, and even more mad that Christian's left. His heart's pounding and he's shaking; that was their first real fight. Sure they argued before, but it was an entirely different feeling having Christian's anger directed at him now. Back then he was glad Christian was angry with him, because he was angry at himself, he felt he deserved his anger, and it let him know Christian still cared. It was almost reassuring. But now he just feels unsettled.

xxxx

Outside Christian pulls his jacket on and puts his keys in the pocket that still has his wallet in. He almost feels let down by Syed and he hates that, and he's annoyed at the fact that Syed won't listen to him. He's angry. His phone rings as he's walking to catch a taxi and he cancels the call without looking at it, knowing it's him. He turns it onto silent and flags down a passing taxi, getting in and asking the driver to take him to one of the bars he was in with Roxy earlier, an old favourite of his.

While Syed's sat at home not knowing what to do with himself; not knowing whether to ring him again, if he even wants to talk to him, Christian's paying the driver and getting out of the cab. The street outside the bar is busy with smokers and Christian thinks about stopping for a cigarette himself, before deciding there's no point starting up that habit again just because he's upset and stressed. A few good drinks will do the same job.

He walks inside and manages to quickly find a seat at the bar, where he orders a vodka and tonic. It's dark and loud, just what he needs to stop himself thinking for a while. There's mirrors everywhere, including behind the bar. It's busy too, packed with dancing bodies. He scowls and downs his drink in one go, still feeling like he needs to calm down.

He sits and just listens to the music for a while, hoping it'll stop him running over and over the argument in his head. It doesn't.

The dancefloor's busy but there's not that many people sat at his end of the bar. He thinks about checking his phone, but never actually takes it out of his pocket to do it. He also thinks about calling Roxy, asking her to come and meet him, but doesn't get his phone out to do that either. Instead he sits there leaning on the bar, looking down at his hads curled around his empty glass.

He looks up at the bartender after a while though. "Another one please, mate."

As the barman slides his second drink across to him, a guy walks up to the bar and sits at the stool next to his own. He's dressed nicely; he's tall, well built and handsome, the kind of guy Christian would usually go for. Nice jaw, striking green eyes and short blonde hair, similar to the style of his own. He orders a scotch on the rocks and glances over at Christian, smiling as he turns back to the bartender.

Christian's hunched over the bar and his glass, still frowning to himself. He doesn't know which emotion is trumping the others. Anger, frustration or disappointment. He wants to cry. And get extremely drunk. He feels stupid for thinking he could really make a go of the business on his own when everyone else seems to think it's going to end up a disaster before it's even started. But regardless of what everyone else thinks, deep down he knows he can do it, and do it well. It just hurts to know that Syed doesn't feel the same.

He didn't think this is what their first fight would be about, not by a long shot. He's not one to shy away from confrontation, but he absolutely hates arguing with the people he loves. He couldn't stand to be in that room with Syed anymore, with only their shouting and anger for company.

Lost in his own thoughts, he jumps when a hand lands on his arm. He looks up, seeing the man beside him smiling at him, realising he must have been talking to him.

"Sorry?"

The man moves his hand. "I said, didn't I see you in here earlier?"

He's not at all in the mood to talk, but doesn't have the energy to be rude to the guy. "Oh. I don't know. You might have done."

"Were you in here with a blonde woman? Quite loud?"

"Yeah, that sounds like Roxy. Got a bit of a gob on her. But then so have I."

The guy laughs and nods. "Haven't we all?"

Christian smiles politely and turns away; goes back to staring into his glass.

After five minutes and the rest of his drink, he looks up to find the barman, wanting to order another, and his eyes fall on the reflection of the man next to him. He's watching him in the mirror, smiling when he sees Christian look up. Christian's surprised to feel a familar thrill at being checked out by someone. He hasn't gone out much in the last few months. Well, in about a year really. Certainly not as much as he used to, and the last time he came here before tonight was probably nearly six months ago. So it's been a long time since he's seen anyone but Syed look at him like that.

The guy turns to look at the real thing, rather than the mirror. "Can I buy you your next drink?" He gestures towards Christian's empty glass.

Christian hesitates, but nods. It's nice tohear that question again after so long. "Vodka and tonic, please." He doesn't know how much money he has left in his wallet anyway.

"It's Adam, by the way." He speaks as he gets his wallet out of his pocket.

"Christian."

Adam smiles at him. For a moment Christian thinks he's going to extend his hand for him to shake, but he doesn't, just waves the bartender over and tells him what they want, then turns back to Christian while they're waiting for their drinks.

"Your friend gone home then?"

"Roxy? Yeah."

"So is it just you here now then, or are you with other friends?"

"No, it's just me now. You?"

They sit and chat while they drink. Nothing special, nothing important. Adam's impressed with Christian's job, "Personal trainer? I should have guessed from looking at you. It must take quite some work to stay looking that good." Christian's out of practice with dealing with these kind of comments, so just laughs, not sure whether he's flattered or not. The 'old Christian' definitley would have been, a year ago, but now he's not so sure.

Adam asks him if he wants another drink once they've finished those ones. Christian says yes and they carry on chatting while they wait, this time about Adam's job. He's not particularly interesting, but it's nice to have someone to chat to, to take his mind off things, and he's not bad looking either.

After a few minutes the barman puts their drinks in front of them and Christian turns to say thank you. As he does, Adam reaches out and places a hand on his, waiting for Christian to turn to him before he leans in and speaks.

"I wanted to get my hands on you the moment I saw you. Fancy getting out of here after this one? My place is close. You could give me a workout."

It's like he's flicked a switch. Christian smiles.

Adam grins back at him, hand still resting on Christian's. He stands up then and downs his drink, waiting for Christian to do the same.

Instead Christian pushes his glass away and stands up, moving away from Adam.

What is he doing? He's a complete and utter idiot. And a total arse. He's been sat here sulking and drinking for 45 minutes while Syed, his Sy, is sat at home. Their home. After everything they've been through, he'd stormed out over something as small as Syed wanting to start work. Of course Syed believed in him. He wouldn't have been out printing and handing out fliers, helping to handle the money side of things, mentioning the business to pretty much everyone he spoke to, and carrying business cards with his constantly in case anyone wanted one, if he didn't. Syed just wants to know that he's able to take care of them both if he needs to; he's being sensible. He'd been that wrapped up in his own stubbornness and pride, that he hadn't even listened to what Syed was trying to say, not properly. And all it took was one sentence, a glimpse of his old life, what his life would be like without Syed; repetitive, empty and shallow, to make him realise how ridiculous he was being. He's changed so much, and for the better, because of Syed. He's not that person anymore. Rather than anger, disappointment and frustration, now all he feels is embarrassment, shame and annoyance at himself, for walking out on Syed. He doesn't want to be here with some stranger who's looking for a quick fumble, no matter how much attention he gets. It means nothing, especially when compared to what he and Syed share. What's a bit of hollow charm from someone he's just met, when he knows what it's like to be the centre of someone's universe?

Instantly, all he wants to do is get home to his man, to apologise and feel how much Syed loves him, in everything from the way he looks at him to the way he touches him. He doesn't want to be here with Adam.

"Sorry Adam, but no. My boyfriend -" He stops himself and re-phrases.

"My partner's waiting for me at home." He's smiling, wide and happy, knowing what he's about to go home to.

Adam's not happy, but Christian doesn't wait around to see what he's going to say. He walks past him and outside, where there's a group just getting out of a taxi. He holds the door for them and waits for them to stumble off, getting in as soon as they do.

"15 Turpin Road, please." He can't stop smiling. He takes his phone out of his pocket to ring Syed, but changes his mind. He wants to apologise in person, it's the least he can do.

xxxx

An hour later and Syed's still sat in the same place on the sofa. He hasn't bothered ringing again, he doesn't know what he'd say anyway. He knows Christian, and he knows he'll be home when he's ready.

He's getting up to make a cup of coffee, because he isn't going to bed until Christian's home safe, when he hears keys in the door. He stops where he is, not quite at the kitchen, not knowing what's going to happen when Christian gets in, if he'll still be angry. He really doesn't want another argument, the last one was bad enough, he just wants to apologise for making Christian think he didn't believe in him, and go to bed.

The door opens and Christian kicks his shoes off, dumps his keys and walks straight over to where Syed's stood.

"Christian, I -"

"Shush. Just listen. I'm really sorry, Sy, I was being an idiot. I just got so wrapped up in my own pride, and I should have listened to you more, tried to understand what you were saying. I'm really sorry for walking out, I shouldn't have left like that. I was being ridiculous, I know. All you were doing was telling me you want to be able to take care of me, of us, and I was shouting at you for it. But I really realised how far we've come tonight, and how much I've changed. And it's because of you. I don't think it'd hit me until now that we've both finally got what we've wanted, fought and struggled for, for so long. We're together now, and we've come so far, and so much has changed in the last 14 months. And for me to get so worked up about something so small is stupid. Whatever happens and whatever we argue about, none of that matters as much as the fact that I have you and we have each other now. We're in this for the long haul, and I'm sure there'll be times when we drive each other crazy, but as long as we remember that, we'll be fine."

He's smiling, his whole face lit up. Syed's looking at him with a mixture of suprise, adoration and the kind of love that can't be put into words; he's stunning, gut-wrenchginly beautiful.

"Oh, I love you, I love you so much."

On the last word Christian closed the gap between them and pressed Syed back into the column he was stood in front of. He kisses him like he hasn't seen him for months, all passion and love and need. Syed gasps into his mouth, not expecting the intensity of the embrace, even after his speech.

They kiss until, breathless, Syed pulls back. "Christian, I'm sorry too, I -" Christian shakes his head and cuts him off with another kiss. Syed speaks into his mouth in between kisses. "I do believe in you, I do, I -" This time Christian nods, and again cuts him off, whispering "I know, I know." against his lips. Syed mumbles, "I love you." over and over again against his mouth, breathes it against him and into their kisses, cradling his face in his hands.

Their kiss gradually becomes more and more desperate, Syed gripping Christian's lapels and pulling him even further into him while Christian reaches down and unties the dressing gown Syed's wearing, slipping his hand inside to rest it on his warm hip.

They kiss and kiss until they have to pull away, panting. They smile at each other and rest their foreheads together. Syed slides his hands up onto Christian's shoulders and pushes his jacket off, letting it slip down his arms onto the floor. Christian pulls him away from the column, doing the same with the dressing gown, leaving Syed in only his boxers while he's still in his shirt and jeans. He moves towards the bed and pulls Syed with him, turning them round so Syed hits the mattress first.

Looking down at him, he smiles, reminding Syed of his words earlier, "Is it time for my shirt to be ripped off yet?"

Syed laughs and pulls him on top of him where he starts undoing the shirt buttons.

"Absolutely."