Xirysa Says: Alright... So... This is my newest fandom. Just because RoV is amazing. I cried so much at the end of the series it was ridiculous. But... yeah. This really wasn't going to be the title, but my stupid brain couldn't come up with anything better. Gaah... I tear up whenever I think of the ending... So, this is when Oscar is walking around Paris, thinking of André. It's my first RoV fic, so it's gonna suck. I know that. But please read anyway! Thank you!
I'll See You Soon
I never told you I was dying, did I, André? Yes, it's true. My lungs are failing me. Dr. Lassone said that I had tuberculosis. He told me that I would live for another six months at most, but only if I moved away from the city and relaxed and did nothing at all.
But you know how I am, don't you? You know I that I can't sit still. And if I was ordered to just sit and do nothing for half a year? I can see you laughing at the thought. Oh, see what you did, André. Even though you're gone, you can still make me smile. I wonder if I ever made you smile when you thought about me. Or did I make you cry?
Can you see me, sitting here on the steps of this church in Paris? I'm smiling and crying at the same time. I remember seeing Lady Antoinette doing the same thing whenever she spoke about Fersen.
Is this what love does to people?
I think I loved you all along, André. I just didn't know it. At first I loved you as a friend, then my best friend. Before I knew it, I had considered you to be my brother. It was only until that night when we were beaten in the street by Parisians did I start loving you differently. I remember screaming at Fersen that I needed to save you, that my André was in danger.
My André?
For the longest time, I thought that I was in love with Fersen. How long for, I wonder. A day? Maybe a year. Perhaps a decade. Or a century? It must have seemed like an eternity to you. And how much it must hurt! Watching me chase after someone we both knew I could never have, while your heart ached with the knowledge that we would probably never be together.
For the longest time after he left, I thought about what I felt for Fersen. I truly thought I loved him, but over time I realized that it wasn't love I felt – it was really just a silly little crush, like that of a school girl. Compared to what I was realizing I felt for you, it was nothing. Nothing at all.
I cough into a white cloth. When I pull my hand away, the fabric is stained crimson. I knew it would be. What I had not expected was the amount of blood on the cloth. I truly am dying, André. Oh André…
What if I had told you I loved you earlier? Would we have had more happiness together? It's ironic, isn't it? When my father tried finding me suitors, I would always run away and say that I didn't want to get married. And now, here I am, sitting on the steps of a church, a widow after only one night.
But in that one night, I found happiness that I truly thought wasn't possible. I look up at the inky black sky and sigh. Ah, the color of the Parisian sky at night reminds me of the color of your hair, dark and soft and beautiful. And can you see the stars from where you sit in the heavens, my heart? They sparkle and shine the same way your eyes did when you laughed. Oh, André! Oh, my love!
Your eyes… André, it was my fault you lost your sight. Because I let you impersonate the Black Knight, your left eye was wounded. Because I made a stupid mistake and allowed myself to be taken hostage, you donned that costume and took off the bandages. You lost the sight in your left eye because me. And as a result, you could barely see with your right. There was hope to restore your sight before, but now… Now you will never see anything again. And it was all because of me.
I lower my head and place a hand on my stomach. There could already be a child forming inside. How right it sounds – a child, born from our union! You would have made an excellent father, André. I always thought so, with your kind and gentle ways. The perfect man to raise a child. To raise our child.
But even if there was a child inside me, I know that I won't live long enough to see its birth. My lungs would not hold out for long. I only have half a year to live, provided that I take care of myself.
It's strange, André. My entire life, I believed that I was the only one taking care of me. The one person I could trust with my life. Just me, myself, and I. But I later realized that there was one other person, whom I could trust, André. You.
But why couldn't I notice that I loved you until it was too late? We had only one night together as husband and wife, when we could have had so many more together. Your were supposed to take me to a church in the country and marry me there, in the presence of God. I would have worn a dress then, André. Just for you, so I would see you smile. Your smile, André. The smile I fell in love with…
Never again will I see your smile. I will never hear your hearty laughter ever again, nor will I ever breathe in the scent of gunpowder and horse and sweat and apples that is you. What I would do to feel your warm, firm lips on my own or the light touch of your fingers on my skin as we made love with only the stars as our witness? I want to bury my face in your soft black hair again, André. And though I have heard it many times before, I just wish that you could have told me you loved me one more time.
Because I love you more than life itself. And it's taken me more than twenty years to realize that, André. But you knew, and you never gave up. You never gave up on me, no matter how many times I shunned you or pushed you away. How long did you love me, André?
Whenever I close my eyes I see you as an angel, with large feathery white wings and dressed all in white. You can see with both eyes again, and you look at me with the same love and compassion you did in life.
There is one thing that makes the pain of losing you a little more bearable, André. If we truly must be separated from each other, it will only be for half a year at most. That is the only thing that puts my mind at rest.
And so I wander through the streets of Paris, a widow after only one night. And I think about you. The times we shared together, both the good and the bad. All the times we laughed, how we sparred, the little games we played as children. There were a lot of things I wanted to tell you, André. But I guess I waited too long to say things left unspoken for twenty years.
You can see me from up there, can't you, André? Are you crying too? Oh, please don't, my love. Don't cry, André. I'll see you again soon.
Xirysa Says: Wow... Could that get any sappier? D: Anyway... Yes, I do realize that her thoughts are like all over the place, but this is how I see it: if your beloved died in front of you, you wouldn't be able to think straight, would you? At least, I don't think I would. And the repititiousness of it all WAS intentional for the same reason. Hmm... I'm tearing up again. Oh well. This is my first tribute to what is probably the most beautiful couple in history. And as always, constructive critcism is very much appreciated!