Pimp Master Potter and the Potions Master

This is the story of a wizard, but no ordinary wizard. You see this wizard was a pimp. The magiest pimp of them all. This pimp was Har-

"Excuse me, but you know to call me by my title. The whole title, like "A Pimp Named Slickback. OK, and do the voice too."

"Sorry," said the narrator dropping her soon to be sixteen voice, for the old dignified voice of a British gentleman. The narrator will further mention that a British gent will be appearing sooner or later. And now moving along...

Pimp Master Potter, as he liked to be called rose from his king sized bed, leaving Sizzle and Pop to dream on. He walked into his personal off chamber bathroom, complete with jacuzi tub, up to the full length double mirror and admired the image. Pimp Master Potter had decided that his seventh year at Hogwarts would be different than the last two. His fifth year, he had spent angry and hanging out with Cry-Cry Cho, and his sixth year too soothed by morphine to care about anything except little miss Gin-Gin. That all cleared up when Big-homie D fell from the castle and went to thug heaven. B-homie D ran this school with a twinkle in his eye and a B-hey! slap that could turn you every color of the rainbow, literally.

The past summer, after listening to M-ione rant on about school and lil Ron fawning over her, Pimp Master Potter decided to change his life for once.

"Cue the flashback," PMP called.

xxx

"Harry you have to come back to school! It's what Dumbledor would have wanted. Not for you to go after the Horcruxes alone. Please Har-"

"Alright Hermione. All right. I'll go back to school if you will please just shut up." Harry was tired. Ginny had been nagging him, hexing him, avoiding him, and sneaking him out for snog sessions ever since he had come to the Burrow. Not that he didn't mind.

Hermione satisfied with his answer, pulled out their list of supplies and told Harry they would be going to Diagon Alley in a few hours.

A few hours later, and stocked with everything anyone could ever need for their last year in magic school Harry told the Weasley's he need some fresh air and left the Leaky Cauldron, where they had been getting a light lunch.

Walking down the London streets Harry wasn't sure where he was going but neither did he care. That is untill a voice called out to him.

"Watcher," she drawled out.

Harry turned towards the voice and found an olive skined woman, black hair and blue-eyed motioning to him.

Walking over to her, she said to Harry, "I've seen your kind before, lonely, destitute, and in need of a family and some kind of control. I'm right aren't I?"

Harry with his emerald eyes, just stared back at the woman.

"Hmmh, we'll fix that."

xxx

The woman, known as Lina had lead Pimp Master Potter down a very dark corridor where she sat him down and taught him all her pimpess ways.

The rest of his summer was spent building up his body and his B-na na na. He now had a four-pack soon to be six and arms of steel. He had decided on a more new age hair cut. Long in the front, short and spikey in the back. Pimp Master Potter had learned to mix traditonal pimp with emo, and I must say he had it.

Showering, picking his outfit and accesses, he left for the Great Hall. Word had gotten around that Harry, I mean Pimp Master Potter had changed and he made sure All the teachers and students knew it by the first week.

Entrance perfected to all eyes on him as he strolled into the Great Hall, he found a seat with his still two best friends and began to eat his breakfast. Profess McGon sat as the Headmistress and beside her was the new DADA teacher. This year they got a woman, no not a toad like Umbridge, I mean a real woman. Her name was Mia Spells and she was fresh out of school, from France of course.

Pimp Master Potter, rose from his seat, his breakfast completed and headed to his first class, which just happened to be DADA.

Miss Spells was already there, perched on her desk as happy as can be. Class began.

"Attention stu'dents, it ez time for class to begin," she smiled, accent very noticable.

Now by chance this year, little Malfoy jr. had been allowed back and so had Mr. Snape. Of course he went by Potions Master now. That was the short title.

Class ended and PMP went to speak with Miss Spells.

"Ah Profes Spells, excellent class today, but I think I may need a little more help on the subject, especially if you want me to do well on the homework you set for us."

"Why sure Mr. Potter, I'd be glad to. Come by my room tonight about seven and I'll help you with whatever you need."

"Thank you Ms. Spells, thank you."

"Harry, why'd you have to stay after class with Ms. Spells? Honestly Harr-" said Ron.

"Uhmm," coughed Pimp Master Potter.

"Sorry, Pimp Master Potter, but why did you stay after?"

"It's a pimp thang mate, a pimp thang."

Potions began. Oh mercifull, sleak, and sexy (NOT!) Potions Master Snape had begun to teach his lesson. Class, also not being interesting enough for Pimp Master Potter to have me write it down, skipped to the end where, There is no way I am saying his name again Snape called PMP to his desk to have a chat with him.

"Now Potter..."

"That's Pimp Master Potter to you Sevie," PMP said under his fringe.

"Look Potter I don't have time to be playing games with-" he stopped. Pimp Master- wait I'm getting tired of saying this. Can I please just drop the voice and the titles so we can move on?

"No," they said together.

Fine.

Pimp Master Potter had begun to ignore Potions Master Snape and pulled out his new m-brace. It connected him with anyone and everyone that had one. Including all his women.

"Hey Pav? You ready tonight," he said to the image of Parvati. "Good, you're up with Bulstrode. Make that money." He clicked off with a tap of his wand and scrolled down the list of his other girls.

Potions Master Snape grew impatient, drew out his wand and hexed Pimp Master Potter.

PMP being faster, due to the reestablishment of the DA, counter-hexed him.

Snape, on his back in a pink frilly tutu with matching wings could only stare at Pimp Master Potter as he strolled out of his dungeon classroom.

Draco, listening at the door, somehow did not see PMP come from behind him and whisper in his ear in a deep husky voice," Be there, you know I want it."

Mortified Draco turned around to see PMP dissapear up the stairs.

A/N: Harry - excuse me Pimp Master Potter is not gay or bi. I/ He just likes messing with people. lol Also I need a new narrator. She quit. Night guys,don't forget to review!