A/N: Picks up after Volchok shows up at Sadie's house in The Heavy Lifting. No spoilers after that. I don't read them, so any correlation this and the show are coincidental.
Sadie closed the door on Volchok and Ryan eyed her curiously. "What was he doing here?"
"He and I sort of dated last summer, when I was living here," she replied. Smiling shyly, she continued, "I think the real question is, what are you doing here?"
He chucked softly. "I don't know. Marissa… it's complicated."
"Yeah, I gathered that." She gave him a look that urged him to explain.
"I don't want to bother you with this, you just lost your cousin-"
"I could use the distraction."
"Okay," he hesitantly agreed. "Tonight when I went to see her, she accused me of being glad he was gone."
She raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you the one who dove to try and grab him?"
"Yeah, but she's just not thinking clearly now. Which is understandable, but…"
"It still hurts?" she supplied.
He nodded, surprised that he was able to meet her eyes. He'd only met this girl a day or two ago, but for some reason, the words were flowing from his mouth. "She and I have been through so much…suicide attempts, stalkers, problems with my brother, her mom, angry exes, a pregnant ex-"
"Please tell me that one was yours," she interjected, hoping to lighten his mood. It worked, because she saw the corners of his lips turn up a little.
"Yeah. Marissa did go through a period of experimentation though."
Sadie made a face and Ryan laughed. She looked hesitant for a moment, but her curiosity got the best of her. "So your ex…?"
"I moved back to Chino to help her out, but she lost the baby, so I came home."
"Oh no, I'm sorry."
"You know, I think you're the first person to say that. I guess everyone thought I was just relieved, and I sort of was, but every time I see a little kid now, I can't help but think about it."
Sadie looked at him, her eyes full of compassion.
"Sorry, I guess with everything that's just happened I'm a little over emotional."
"No, no it's fine." A heavy silence hung in the air for a few moments. "When I lost my dad, I was such a mess. My mom would try and be strong for me, but I heard her crying at night for months. It's getting a little better. She just started dating again."
"My dad went to prison when I was about eight. My mom kept a roof over our head, but that was about it. My brother did his best to look out for me though."
"He must have done a good job, because it looks like you turned out pretty good."
"Oh, no. Actually…well, I guess in a way it was because of him. A couple years ago he decided I need to learn how to steal cars. We got caught. Trey went to jail for it, but I just got probation. But then my mom threw me out and I wound up living with my lawyer, Sandy, and his family."
"Wow. So your family isn't your biological family?"
"Nope. I haven't seen my mom in a few years, and Trey… that's a whole other saga."
"He's out now?"
"Yeah, he came to Newport and the Cohens tried to help him out. But he got into drugs again."
"Is he back in jail?"
"No. Well, maybe. I actually don't know where he is. We got into a huge fight."
"What about?"
"Marissa," he said and Sadie nodded, almost as if she'd been expecting that answer. "It wasn't her fault though. She was doing me a favor by helping Trey out, and he took it the wrong way. He was drunk and high, and he…he tried to rape her." The words still didn't quite make sense in Ryan's head. Sadie gasped, but didn't say anything. "When I found out, I was so angry. I went over to his apartment, and he pulled a gun. Told me to walk away. I know I should have, but I couldn't. Trey was about to bash my head with a telephone, when Marissa shot him."
"She shot him?"
Ryan nodded. "And she saved my life. She almost killed my brother, but I can't be mad about it because she did it to save me."
"Is your brother okay now?"
"Yeah. I think so. He skipped town as soon as he could." A photograph on the dresser caught his eye. It was of Johnny and Marissa, but the girl in this photograph wasn't the same girl he'd just been talking about, at least not to him. Something had changed between them. Maybe she had fallen out of love with him. Maybe he was falling out of love with her. "I figured that if we could get through that, we could get through anything."
"Maybe you can."
"I don't know."
In the weeks that followed, things between Ryan and Marissa were tense at best. Marissa spent a lot of time alone, and a lot of time hanging out with Chili. Ryan found himself spending more and more time with Sadie. They were getting close enough that he was beginning to feel guilty. Nothing had happened between them (yet), but he'd told her things he'd never told anyone before.
He understood that Marissa was grieving, but what he didn't understand was why she refused to let him be there for her. Sadie had suggested that maybe it was because she felt guilty for choosing him over Johnny, and now she was trying to compensate for that. Whatever her reasoning was, they were drifting further and further apart.
Things came to a head when Marissa went over to see Mrs. Harper and Ryan was there hanging out and looking a little too much at ease with Sadie. Marissa had muttered some excuse and left in a hurry. That night, Ryan decided it was time to settle to settle things. Marissa would be expecting him to come and explain himself, maybe try to make up with her. When she opened the door, he realized that she looked like a shell of the girl she'd been a year ago.
"We need to talk."
Marissa didn't say anything. Nodding sadly, she gestured for him to come in.
Ryan took a deep breath and braced himself. "I can't do this anymore."
That wasn't what she'd been expecting, and the blow nearly made her lose her breath. "What?"
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Marissa, I love you, but…first it was Oliver, now Johnny…I'll never be enough for you."
She looked up at him and her eyes, which had once been a source of security for him, now looked strange. "No, please, I just need some time."
He smiled sadly. "No you don't. I'm not saying you didn't love me, but between me and him, he came first. At the end of the day, he's the one you wanted to be with."
Tears filled her eyes. "That's not true."
"It was true before Johnny died, and it's true now." He could see how painful this was for her, but he also knew that it was the right thing to do for both of them. "I can't compete with a ghost."
"Ryan, I know I haven't been the best girlfriend lately-"
"This isn't about that."
A single tear rolled down her cheek. "Is it Sadie?"
"Sadie?"
"Do you like her?"
"This isn't about Sadie. This about you and me. We just don't work together anymore. I'm sorry." He let out a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding.
Marissa thought about what he'd said for a moment, and realized that as much as it hurt, he was right. "Me too. Maybe, eventually we can be friends again?"
"I hope so." He kissed her on the cheek, and then stepped back to put his coat on. "See you at school?"
"Yeah." As the door closed behind him, he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He knew he would miss a lot of things about Marissa, but he couldn't keep living in the past. It was time to move forward.
When he got home, he found Seth and Sadie in the living room playing video games. When Sadie saw him, she forgot about the game and Seth was elated to finally defeat her. "I won! I finally beat you!"
"Yeah, it only took you five tries," she replied, sharing a smile with Ryan.
Seth followed her eyes and saw Ryan. "Hey buddy, where did you run off to? I went out to the pool house and you weren't there, and then you didn't answer your cell phone-"
"I had to go talk to Marissa."
"Oh," Seth said knowingly. The room was quiet and no one needed to ask the question that was hanging in the air. Finally, Seth broke the tension. "So Sadie, are you staying for dinner tonight?"
"If it's okay, I'd love to."
"There's always room for one more a la Casa de Cohen." Seth got up to get the take out menus, leaving Ryan and Sadie alone.
"You okay?" she asked, sincerely concerned, but undeniably happy that they would finally have a chance.
"Yeah," he smiled into her warm brown eyes, that had already become so familiar to him. "I'm good."
Fin. Please review!