Title: Somewhat Damaged ( 1/2)
Author: Jessica
Email: jrothenyahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: Role Model
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, POV
Feedback: YES please...jrothenyahoo.se
Pairing: House/Cameron
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: "Your world remained unaffected by her leaving. At least that was what you told yourself."
AUTHORS NOTE: Title comes from a song by Nine Inch Nails.This is my first ever House M.D fic so please be gentle.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar mistakes may occur.

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House POV

The silence was deafening afterwards.
You stood where she had left you until your leg hurt so much that you had to sit down to keep from passing out.
She had come to say goodbye and you had just stood there and let it happen.
You were grateful in a way: she freed you from making the decision about who to fire.
So you should be happy.
But then again you were never happy.
It was not in you.
You were the kind of person that got their kicks from picking things apart and exposing old, not yet healed wounds.
All in the name of science.
All in the name of proving how really good you felt about yourself.
They were wrong and you were right.
Things were as simple as that.
So you should feel okay now.
It wasn't like you would miss her.
There were hundreds, maybe thousands smart, pretty doctors out there.
All of them ready to take her place.
Well, maybe not thousands.
That would be stretching it.
Maybe a few.
And you had Chase and Foreman.
So she would eventually become just another name of the people that trickled through your life.
Your hand trembled a little as you reached for those white, small, pills that kept you sane.
You chalked it up to just a muscle spasm in your hand, nothing else.

She had told you that she liked you.
Like you were a boy and a girl on the playground.
It should make you warm and fuzzy inside.
But you were a realist.
Or that was what you called yourself.
It wasn't love.
It was pity.
So it was easy to sweep it under the rug.
You were not a nice person.
People couldn't stand you.
You were rude and you said things that shouldn't be said out load.
You didn't just hurt people.
You crushed them.
It was in your nature.
And one thing you had learned was that you could never fight nature.
She would be just another of those that you had broken down and picked apart until it was nothing left.
So it was better to walk away now before it was too late.
She didn't belong to you anyway.
She was nobody to you.
So maybe this was the best thing.
You didn't need her.

She had been just another face in the crowd at first.
She was beautiful and young.
You hired her because of that.
She wasn't the brightest of them all but she had a beauty that fascinated you.
As the years passed you managed to scratch the surface and you saw a sadness in her that mirrored your own.
A part of you wanted to pick her apart and explore every cut, every unhealed wound.
The other part of you understood and wanted to protect her.
You called your need to protect her a weakness and buried it so deep inside of yourself that no one could find it.
But it showed its ugly face sometimes.
You called it a temporary lack of judgment and refused acknowledge that it was something else.
She tried to prove herself to you.
You watched as she struggled to find her footing in a world that did its best to break her.
She faltered sometimes but she always managed to find her way again.
Her battle fascinated you.
She grew a little each day in your eyes until the day she told you that she liked you.
You called it a flaw in her character, an error in the programme.
You were not a nice person.
You were not liked by anyone.
You were not someone to fall in love with.
So there had to be something wrong with her.
You confronted her with your problem and you wanted a reason, some kind of proof that it was a lie.
But she didn't back away.
You had no idea where to go from there.
So you did what you always had done.
You ignored the problem, denied it ever existed.
But it kept nagging at you, biting you, blindsiding you.
Anger fueled the fire inside of you then.
She was weakening you and you hated that.
So you went out of your way to try to remove every trace of her from your heart.
She didn't belong there.
She belonged in the periphery of your life, easily replaced by another one.
You had always been alone.
You liked it that way.
There were some people you let in but only in select parts of your life.
Wilson was one of them.
Well, he was the only one.
Now she demanded entrance just by her sheer presence.
She had made your defenses weak and almost non existing.
So you did what you had to do to survive.
You pushed and pushed until someone would be the first to back down.
But she proved to be a worthy opponent.
Some might say that you won the battle.
She left after all.
You could pat yourself on the back and say that you did your best.
It wasn't like you missed her.
You liked being alone.
It kept you sane.
You could think then.
So in a way this battle was yours.
You kept your status quo.
Your life remained the same.

The office seemed a little bit bigger when she wasn't there.
But you wouldn't admit that to one living soul.
You went on with the business of saving lives.
It was your purpose after all.
Nothing else matters than the case.
Your kingdom was the hospital.
It was there you shined.
Your world remained unaffected by her leaving.
At least that was what you told yourself.

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Cameron's POV
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You went there knowing that he wouldn't stop you from leaving.
But still a part of you wanted him to at least try.
It was foolish to think you leaving would evoke the slightest tremble in his world.
You could be so easy replaced by someone brighter and better looking and he wouldn't regret doing it.
You didn't matter in a his world.
He would be just fine without you.
But still you had thought that maybe he would find a place for you somewhere.
He didn't want you.
He hadn't even taken your hand when you offered it to him.
You had always been foolish with your heart.
The years should have taught you to be careful and you had been.
You had protected the remaining pieces of your heart and fought everything that threatened it.
But you were weak.
You knew that.
He found his way into your heart, slowly.
It scared you at first.
He had the power to crush you.
He could rip you apart.
You should have walked away.
A little voice inside of your head whispered that he would be the death of you.
He became a drug to you.
You saw a pain and sorrow in him that mirrored your own.
He hid it so well.
He hid behind a huge wall and he had placed archers on the wall to keep anyone away.
So people did.
Maybe it would have been better if you had been one of them.
But something made you stay there beside him.
It was over now anyway.
All you had to do now was let him go.
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End part one.