A/N this is a song fic for The House that Built Me by Miranda Lambert...it's an amazing song I really recommend you listen to it Hope you enjoy this, maybe even shed a few tears (yeah enjoying and shed a few tears that made sense) but please remember to review! It doesn't take long and it means so much! Thanks;) This chapter ended up as a sort of prequel but I hope you enjoy it none the less.

Merlin walked over the hill, back pack bouncing up and down with each step he took. Anyone would guess he was excited, in some ways he was but more than anything he was feeling pure dread. He had left Camelot without hesitation, Merlin was nothing without Arthur and with Camelot around him to remind him of Arthur 24/7, well that would end in turmoil.

He saw the tops of the turrets of the highest towers of Camelot's great Castle and wished more than anything that he could return to the naive, young boy that had walked over that hill many years ago with a spring in his step and wonder in his eyes. That boy had no worries, nothing boring down on his shoulders just a bit of anxiety of meeting his mother's friend for the first time, well first time he could remember anyway. That boy had grown up many a summers ago and now, following the exact route he had took with Arthur on every ride out of Camelot, every hunting trip, every patrol, every casual ride, they even took that route on the way out of Camelot that final time and walking along it, reminded him of why he left. He could hear Arthur in his head and he felt tears spring to his eyes. He looked to his right and saw smoke coming from within the trees. He felt his eyes tingle with the feeling of magic as he held his hand out to the smoke and spoke some sacred words of the old religion. He watched with a weak, sad smile on his face remembering the last time he had used that spell and all the kafuffle it had caused.

It hurt so much and as he walked through those gates he felt overcome by emotions. He looked over to the training fields and could almost see Arthur training with his knights. Elyan, Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival and Leon, he remembered them fondly, word of Gwaine's death had reached Merlin not long ago and brought more reasons as to stay away from Camelot. As the image his memories created faded away he saw two knights staring at them. They smiled at him and started a walk towards him. It almost felt like old times, almost, not quite. Leon greeted him first, and then Percival hugged him tightly and told him of how Camelot had not been the same without him. Despite never being particularly close with either knights, he hadn't felt such joy since the night before they had set of for Camlan, in the tavern with Arthur. He asked the knights of Gwen's well-being and they told him of how, despite being introverted and depressed for a while, news of Arthur baby she had been carrying unwittingly put a stop to that- she felt she still had Arthur with her.

Merlin bid Leon and Percival goodbye before going off to meet Gwen. He walked through the halls and could feel eyes boring into him as people stared trying to remember where they knew him from. It felt odd to be here again but right at the same time; this was where he belonged, Arthur or no Arthur and he could feel the regrets of ever leaving becoming bigger and bigger with each corridor he passed, feeling more at home with each step. Finally it came to Gwen chambers and the guard outside gladly let Merlin in, remembering him fondly.

"My lady." He said loudly as he walked over to her.

She turned her head and her mouth fell open. She almost dropped the child she held in her arms, quickly putting the girl on the ground she ran to Merlin, tears quickly leaving trails down her face.

"Merlin, you're here. You're really here. Oh gods I've missed you so much. So, so much! Are you hurt? Why are you back? You know what, I don't care! I just care that you're back." She said to him, her voice loud but soft at the same time. Grapping onto Merlin's shoulders and head Merlin wasn't sure what she was doing. Gwen was simply making sure he was really there and not another one of her dreams that had been closer to nightmares. Where she would see someone she lost standing there and she would run to them but then they would disappear as soon as she touched them. It happened regularly, the most recent being one of Gaius...oh Gaius, how was she supposed to tell Merlin?

"I've missed you to Gwen, so much. I'm sorry I failed you but I will never leave again. I promise." They stayed entwined for several minutes before they untangled themselves from each other and Merlin walked over to the child standing in the corner staring at the scene in front of her.

"And who is this little Princess? Literally." Merlin asked, sounding more like his old self.

"This is Ariandria." Gwen said, "Freya, this is your Uncle Merlin. You know all about him but he doesn't know you, how about you tell him something?"

"You know what I would love to hear all about you, Ariandria but there is someone very important I need to go see first. I will come back later though." Merlin said, smiling to the young girl who couldn't have seen more than four summers. "Gwen, does Gaius still stay in the same chambers?"

"Merlin, I need to talk to you about that. Ariandria, go and see if you can find Sophie and then you can play with her but be back for dinner sweet heart."

"Okay, mother. Bye, bye, Uncle Merlin." The girl said in a sing-song voice as she skipped out the room. Gwen smiled after her before turning to face Merlin, both her and Merlin's faces turning grim, though Merlin's displayed some confusion as well.

"Gaius was an old man when you left Merlin, he didn't have very many years and I'm afraid his time ran out around this time last year. He passed peacefully and with no pain. He simply fell asleep and did not wake. His duties as physician were lessened about a year after you left and he never retired until about month before his passing. He lived a good, long life, Merlin! It was just his time to go. I'm sorry."

"i should have been there." He said, his voice barley above a whisper, "I should have been there to hold his hand and let him know I loved him like a father. He probably thought I hated him and I don't blame him, I abandoned him here to rot. I should have been there." Merlin's voice was laced with regret and hatred for himself and his selfish actions.

"Merlin, his last wish was that I tell you, if you ever were to return which you have now," She stopped to swallow back tears and give a small reassuring smile at the now grief-stricken man before her. "He want me to tell you that he loved you more than life itself and knew you loved him too. He wanted you to know he was proud to call you his son, even if it wasn't in blood. His final word was your name; just before he took his last breath he whispered it to himself. He loved you Merlin, never forget that. I'll get Sir Bronad to find you a room. Excuse me." She said before kissing him on the cheek, whispering "I'm sorry" in his ear.

Gwen walked out the room and slowly pulled the door behind her, it was then that Merlin fell to the ground, overwhelmed by guilt, sadness, grief and more pain than he imagined joy he had felt at being reunited with the knights and Gwen was replaced by the pain he had felt as Arthur died in his arms. His vision was blurred by tears and soon he could hardly breathe he was crying so hard. He lay on the ground, curled up in a ball, crying his heart out before he fell asleep in the fatal position, whispering to himself 'Gaius'.

A/N okay well this was whole one shot was supposed to be around 500 words but what I intended to be an opening paragraph before I got to the stuff based on the song ended up being 1280 words long, so I'm gonna end it here and make this a two shot. The next part will be up in a few days and it will be base on the song. I have started the next chapter and have found myself in tears while writing it so I hope you like sad stuff;) Thanks and remember to review.