Why had she been so stupid? Why couldn't she just accept who she was? How could she hurt Joey so badly? What was she thinking? Nothing but questions had run through Charlie's head since that night with Hugo. She had felt every emotion, anger, guilt, shame, regret, and hatred but only towards herself for what she had done.
Even now two and a half months later she was sitting in her office at work trying her hardest to do paperwork but the only thing going through her mind was Joey, that's all that ever went through her mind. Everybody had been so kind to her since Joey left, which she hated, even more cause she didn't deserve it. Her colleagues had all accepted her for who she was why was she so afraid? They had supported her, in fact they even brought her out to cheer her up they didn't care if she was BI, gay or straight. In fact nobody in the bay cared, well except colleen who had struggled with what to say to her. Even trey that had given her such a hard time the day she gave the talk didn't mention anything to her. She wondered was this because with Joey away and she hadn't been with anyone since that they didn't have a reason to act weird around her or make comments about her or where they just talking about her behind her back. She found herself getting paranoid again. She tensed up at the thought of everyone talking about her.
"Charlie" came a voice.
It had startled her, tore her away from her thoughts, she even jumped a bit.
"Sorry senior."
"Yes, constable" she replied harshly.
"This just came in and I thought you'd want to see it straight away"
She stood up and walked over to the constable, she held out her hand to take it.
"Its Joey Collins court date and your summence"
Just hearing her name overran her with emotions, this was the letter she had been waiting on, this is when she knew Joey would return and she could see her and hopefully make it up to her. She had dreamed every night since Joey left of seeing her again; she played it out in her head every time. She had wanted this for so long but knew it was never going to be like her dreams. She knew Joey would never forgive her for what she had done. Even thinking about Joey not forgiving her made her want to burst into tears. She snapped back to reality and pulled herself together and replayed the constables words in her head, 'and your summence'
"My summence?" she quizzed half with a shocked face and half quizzical.
"Charlie, you always knew it would be a possibility, you found robbo trying to drown her, you protected her, you … mm you are.. were her girlfriend and his case says she's lying about being gay"
"but I thought I would of got word before now, meet her lawyer…..when is the courtcase?? "she asked anxiously, wondering how long she had to prepare herself for Joey's return and her statement.
"Monday" the constable sheepishly replied knowing Charlie was likely to panic.
"what?? Monday???? But today's Friday. Has everyone been informed??" she asked the last question only thinking of Joey, would she get back in time?
"yes Charlie, everyone has been informed, and she will make it back" as if reading Charlie's mind.
"what do you mean she will make it back???" she was angry he had presumed Joey was the only one she cared about, he was right but she couldn't, wouldn't dare show him that.
"her trawler is due back tomorrow, I know you miss her"
he had become a friend and obviously knew a lot more about Charlie than she had thought.
"thanks" she had said it in the most sincere way she could.
After the constable left she went back to her desk but all she could think about was Joey, how would she react seeing her again? What would Joey say? Does Joey know she's a witness? Question after question until she thought of Joey smiling and how her hair used to lay around her shoulders, how they had kissed and held each other the night she finally told Joey she loved her. She meant every word of it, she felt every word of it.
Just thinking of returning to the bay gave Joey a wide range of feelings, she thought about why she was going back. Robbo! She would have to face him, give evidence in front of a room of strangers who would be judging her. Would they believe her? If they didn't he would be free, even though Charlie had reassured her so many times that it wouldn't happen she was still scared.
'Charlie' she sighed, the one person she thought she could trust, the person who helped her deal with it all, the person who had saved her, brought her back to life in so many ways and then broke her heart. She became nervous all of a sudden no longer thinking about robbo but thinking how she was going to face Charlie, it had been over two months and although she began to understand why Charlie had been so stupid she still didn't know if she had forgiven her.
She thought about the first time Charlie had spoke to her, Charlie had come into the storeroom where she had been crying and comforted her with a single touch on her shoulder. From that moment Joey knew there was something between them. Just thinking of Charlie made her miss Charlie.
But slowly she had been moving on.
"I will not let Charlie touch me or speak to me directly, I'm there for the court case and then I'm gone again" she declared to herself. She knew that that one touch, one look into Charlie's deep blue beautiful eyes would have weak at the knees and she knew Charlie would be the one to make her feel safe again.
So was so determined not to fall back into Charlie's arms. Not to be hurt again. Not to be hidden as if they were nothing more than friends. Not to be seen as herself.
Slowly she began packing her bag in preparation of the following day. She picked up and folded her green T-shirt, then as if to fall on the bed she sat down. This was the T-shirt she wore on the boat that day she knew Charlie felt something for her too.
She sat on the bed thinking of how Charlie had put her hand forward as if inviting Joey to take it, how they held hands and moved so close she could see they fear in Charlie's eyes. it hadn't been a bad fear it was more of a wondering fear, wondering if she was doing the right thing. she could feel Charlie's hands trembling in anxiety.
Joey grabbed the T-shirt and pulled it close to her chest. Her mind drifted to the night in the car that had made her feel so alive, so in love. Charlie saying 'I think I love you too'. A tear treacled down Joey's right cheek. She could see Charlie as if she was in front of her, long beautiful tanned legs. the hips she loved to hold. her arms; Joey longed for them to be around her. her eyes so true, so beautiful and comforting. her lips; Joey wished she could just have one last kiss from those soft, gentle, caring lips.
She had wish so many nights for that one last kiss.
"no, no, no" she said to herself angrily. "I will not fall for her again"
Charlie arrived home and found Leah and ruby sitting at the kitchen table.
"she's coming back" Charlie exploded
"who??" ruby quizzed
"Joey, her case is on Monday I got word today but she's back tomorrow" Charlie could contain her excitement even though she knew any hope was limited.
"really? That's short notice" Leah couldn't help be shocked, "have you had word from her?"
Charlie collapsed in the seat beside ruby, she began to feel like she was the only one who had hope that Joey had forgiven her.
"no" it was such a disheartened no that lead Leah to jump in "she's probably had no opportunity to, you excited about seeing her?"
Charlie knew Leah was trying to keep her excited but she couldn't help but think back to reality, Joey probably hates her.
"yes" Charlie mumbled "but she probably doesn't want to see me"
"give her time, she'll probably want to talk to you at her pace, she loves you she'll want to see you."
Charlie so wanted to believe what ruby had just said but she knew two and a half months was a long time and she probably got over her.
Charlie went to bed but she just lay there thinking, planning. She then erased the plans and started new ones. She would go to the pier and wait for the boat…. No what if Joey didn't want to see her….she would find out where she was staying….no that's just intruding her space before she has to go to court….she would accidentally bump into her at the diner…no what if Joey made a scene telling her where to go…. None of her plans seemed to work.
At some point she had drifted off asleep and woke the next morning, firstly full of hope and then despair took over her body. She knew nothing she could do would make Joey want to talk to her never mind get back with her.
Joey stepped off the boat. She looked around, she couldn't believe that it was still the same summer bay. she thought something would have changed but nothing. She was glad, she had missed this place.
"Joey" a familiar voice called out "welcome back!"
She turned in the direction of the voice.
"boy but am I glad to see you" she looked at Aden and smiled. He smiled back. He gave her a hug to welcome her back.
"I've been waiting on you!"
"how did you know I was coming back today?" Joey asked
"Charlie, rang me this morning, she didn't want you to come back and have nobody meet you and she wasn't sure if you wanted to see her."
Joey half smiled at this kind gesture and suddenly wished Charlie had been there to greet her.
"that was nice of her" Joey replied in a mixed tone so as not to give Aden any idea of the thought that had just gone through her head.
"she told me to tell you Leah and Ruby would be in the Diner and are dying to see you but she would stay clear so you wouldn't have to see her if you didn't want to."
Joey looked confused and slightly angry.
"she's missed you Jo, she's just trying to do right by you." Aden added quickly after seeing Joey's expression. This eased Joey and comforted her slightly, she realised at some point she would have to see her.
Aden picked up Joey's bag, "where to?"
"the Diner, I'm starving!"
As Joey walked in the door she could see all the familiar faces that had made her feel as if she was part of the community.
"Joey!" a voice screamed.
Joey knew instantly it was Ruby. Ruby ran towards her and gave her a massive hug as if they were sisters and she had missed her. This made her smile. She had missed Ruby, she was a great girl and she had grown to care for her and became great friends with her.
Leah was next with a hug and then VJ, she had missed them as if they were her family. They were for a short time. She loved hanging out with VJ and helping Leah around the house.
"come sit down tell us everything." Ruby was so excited.
"not much to tell really, been on a boat …yeah that pretty much covers it" they all laughed.
"god, I've missed you, it hasn't been the same without you!" ruby declared.
"how's Charlie?" this was a question none of them expected, they all were frozen.
"she ok" someone finally answered. "she was …. A wreck!"
Joey was shocked to hear such honesty coming from VJ he was the only one who could muster an answer.
"VJ" Leah yelped.
"well she was, she cried all the time and ….."
"VJ, Joey doesn't need to hear that"
"but she was" he protested.
"thanks VJ for your honest answer… so you been playing much cards recently?" Joey had to change the subject. Hearing how upset Charlie had been made her upset and she didn't want to show that not now in front of the people she missed and was having a good time with.
Charlie couldn't sit still for two seconds; she had tidied the house, organised her drawers, and made numerous cups of tea and coffee. Anything to keep her distracted. She was currently washing out the fridge. She was on her knees scrubbing the bottom shelf. She was angry with herself. Had she made the right decision, would Joey have appreciated the thought? Was she back in the Bay? Did she meet Ruby and all? What was she doing?
She became overwhelmed and threw her cloth at the wall and sat back on her ass. She couldn't help but wonder. Joey hadn't come running over to see her, she must be so angry with Charlie. Charlie started to cry. She sat staring into the fridge full of regret and sorrow.
Joey finished her last mouthful of her coffee she had forgot how good the coffee here was.
Leah couldn't hold it in any longer, "where you staying?" she had wanted to ask Joey to come home with her since they first sat down. She didn't want Joey being in a hotel during the trial.
"I've booked into the hotel" Joey responded
"what where Robbo attacked you, no way!" Leah had shocked herself at how loud her voice was.
"you can't do that" Ruby agreed.
"you can stay with us" Aden offered.
"no I don't want to impose," Joey said it and meant it.
"it's Aden's or ours!" Leah ordered.
Joey felt so touched that these people cared so much about her, but she was left with a dilemma. Stay at Leah's which felt like home but she'd have to see Charlie. Or go to Aden's and let Leah down and make Charlie think she really doesn't want to see her. Which wasn't true anymore, sitting in the diner with her friends made her long for Charlie and wonder what she was doing. Who was supporting her? She knew Charlie had still wanted to protect her even if it was from afar; proof being the welcoming party. She knew this was probably killing Charlie.
"well??" ruby interrupted Joey's train of thought with her eager 'well', Joey knew ruby wanted her to come back to Leah's as well.
Charlie was sitting in her bedroom. She thought reading a book would distract her but she had read the same line at least 15 times and it wasn't registering with her. She decided she better read the paragraph again to see if it would make sense. She heard voices.
She rushed out of her bedroom and through the kitchen as if she had been late for something. All she could hear was laughing and giggling. She could hear Ruby above all. She was waiting for this all day for Ruby to come home and tell her everything. But now the moment had come she wasn't sure if she wanted to know how much Joey hated her. She felt so tense. She was frozen to the spot with this one thought racing through her mind. Did Joey still hate her?
As she stood in the arch between the living room and the kitchen. She saw Leah pass the window followed by Ruby, then VJ and Xavier.
"Hi Charlie" the voice had snapped Charlie straight back to reality.
"Hi guys" it was all she could muster at this moment and time.
She moved over to the sink and reached for a glass and filled it with water. Trying to act as normal as she could. Avoiding eye contact, still not wanting to hear about Joey cause of the hurt she dreaded feeling.
"What have you been up to?" Leah asked as if to bring Charlie around sensing she was tense.
"Just tidying really." With that Ruby opened the fridge.
"Tidying???? Did you wash the food as well? That's just a little too tidy!" ruby declared.
"It needed doing" Charlie spoke defensively.
"Yeah but I don't think the fridge was that clean when we bought it!" Leah tried to make light of the conversation.
"Well aren't you gonna ask?" Xavier blurted out as if Charlie had done something wrong.
Charlie paused not knowing what to say in return, she'd never seen Xavier this blunt before.
She pulled out a chair and sat down.
"Why don't you tell me?" looking at them, inviting them to sit down. "How was she?" it took so much out of Charlie to ask the question.
They all sat down; none of them knew where to start. Xavier played with his watch hoping to avoid having to answer the question.
"She's good" Leah finally managed to get the words out of her mouth.
"That's good." Charlie didn't know what to say in response. All she could feel was pure terror. They weren't flowing with information. Joey must hate me she thought to herself.
"She was Joey! Same old funny Joey! We talked, caught up and had a laugh." Ruby finally answered.
"She really enjoyed working on the trawler" Xavier felt the urge to join in, seeing he brought it up.
"We filled her in on all the things that have happened since she left, she felt sorry for Irene. Happy for Rachael and Tony, and shocked about Angelo being back." Ruby was struggling to think of things to say, although she had enjoyed every minute of the day she knew telling Charlie was hurting her. She didn't want to hurt her sister but she knew Charlie wouldn't let it drop.
"We asked her if she wanted to stay here until the trial was over" Leah spoke with instant regret.
She could see Charlie brighten up at this thought.
"But she had already agreed to stay with Aden." Xavier tried to save Leah. Both Ruby and Leah looked at him gesturing thanks.
"That's probably best, seeing I'm being called as a witness in the trial." Charlie was trying to convince herself of this more than she was trying to convince the others. She could feel herself beginning to well up. She was determined that she was gonna stay strong.
"She asked how you were!"
Charlie had forgotten VJ was there, Charlie felt over come with emotion. She was glad that Joey had cared enough to ask if she was ok. Then her mind drifted to 'what if she was only saying it to be polite?' Charlie couldn't think straight.
"Really…" Charlie croaked out the word, she didn't know if she wanted to hear anymore; but she was thankful to VJ for saying it so she gave him a half hearted smile.
"Aden told me she thought you were very thoughtful asking him to go and see her and the way you organised us to be in the Diner to welcome her." Xavier had hoped this would bring Charlie a bit of comfort.
And it did. Charlie finally felt like she had done something right by Joey even if it was too late for them.
"She's agreed to come for dinner tomorrow." Leah had hoped this would cheer Charlie up.
"Really?" a quiver of shock echoed in her response. "Does she want me to be here?" this time with a quiver of hope.
"Yeah she said she's gonna have to see you sometime!" Xavier laughed. Ruby kicked him under the table.
"She hates me doesn't she??" Charlie couldn't control herself anymore.
Leah grabbed her hand "she's coming isn't she! If she did she wouldn't…Charlie she doesn't seem angry. She…. Wants to see you."
Charlie smiled down at Leah, she knew Leah meant well. But she just couldn't believe it.
"Thanks but I know she hasn't forgiven me I can feel it." Charlie turned towards the door. "But maybe we can …be friends". It wasn't what Charlie wanted, she just wanted to see Joey's smile and take hold of her and for everything to be ok but it wouldn't be. It made her feel sick. She slowly walked out of the room. She would rather have Joey as a friend than nothing.
As Joey and Aden walked home they stopped along the beach.
"God I've missed this place" she sighed. "This was my spot, I loved sitting here and starring out to the sea…"
Aden cut her off "that explains it!"
"Explains what?" Joey looked at him with a more than confused look.
"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you" Aden paused "…why…"
"Why what?"
"Why Charlie has come here everyday since you left."
Hearing Aden say it made her heart skip a beat. She knew Charlie would have been upset but she never thought about how upset she was.
"Everyday on her break or even early in the morning, I'd see her just sitting they're starring out to the sea. One morning she was here before I started the early shift and she was there when I returned that afternoon. It's been actually quite sad. I tried to speak to her sometimes but she just seemed distant. But you've just cleared up why for me."
Joey couldn't get over what she was hearing, she knew what Aden meant but she wanted to be sure, she wanted to hear the words out loud.
"Why?" it was all that she could say.
"Come on Jo, you know why," again he paused. "She was waiting and thinking of you…. I know what she did was wrong but she has suffered more than anyone has. She's put herself through hell and back."
There was a long silence and Joey began to walk again but then she stopped. She turned to Aden.
"What if I can't forgive her?"
"How do you know you haven't already?"
"What do you mean?" not for the first time today but Joey was confused.
"You never really know if you've forgiven somebody until you've looked them in the eyes."
"… I cant …it would hurt…"
"Jo you're already hurting, maybe this will ease the pain." Aden sounded so sure of what he was saying.
"I'll see her tomorrow at dinner at Leah's." hoping this answer would satisfy Aden, but she looked up at him and she knew it hadn't. She also knew he was right.
"Your choice Jo" Aden had seemed to sure of what he was saying and seemed as if he knew what he was talking about. Joey couldn't help but admire him for it. He had become wise. This thought amused Joey.
They continued walking home in silence. Joey knew she had to wrap her head around what Aden had said. Aden knew he had said too much and was best waiting for Joey to say the first thing so he let her walk in silence hoping she thought he was right.