I sit in the clearing, trying to stay still… but it's hard, I am going to be announced as an apprentice today!! As the leaders climb the Great Tree and yowl for silence I watch carefully, not wanting to miss anything on my first gathering. Firestar, a firey-red tom, and the leader of Thunderclan stands first. As he tells how his clan is doing I think about his past… a kittypet who was called to the wild… into the 'old territory' as the elders call it. As I think about his struggles I feel sorry for him. I know what its like to be an outsider. As Blackstar, the Shadowclan leader sits I look up excitedly, it was Leopardstar's turn to talk and the first thing she would announce would be, me. Her only kit. I wasn't really hers but that's what she told the clans; and only Mistyfoot and I knew that. Not only was that what she told the clans, that was what I believe. She has inever/i treated me like the outsider I am. "Leopardstar," I look up and see Onestar nod his head, telling her that she could go before him. "I am very proud to say that my kit is now an apprentice, Palmpaw, please stand up." As I stand some of the clan cats start murmuring, they had never believed that she had had a kit, and now that they could see me they were ialmost/i sure that I wasn't.
Later that night, while we were heading back to camp Leopardstar dropped to the back and motioned me to follow her as she started walking away from the group. "Palmpaw, did you see how the clans reacted tonight?" I knew exactly what she was talking about by how serious she was. "Yes," I replied calmly, I didn't want to look weak in front of my leader, let alone my mother. "We both know who your real mother was and why I adopted you right?" At that I just nodded, not only did I know who my mother was; I also knew who my littermates were and where they were right now. "Do you also know what might happen if the rest of the clans find out about it?"
"Leopardstar, I'm sorry but if I cause so much trouble, why don't I just leave the clan? Its hard enough to pretend I fit in!" As she turns around to look at me she sees the fear in my eyes and wrapped her tail around my shoulders. "Palmpaw, calm down… I didn't save you for nothing did I?"
"No Leopardstar, you didn't but--" She lays her tail over my mouth and gently turns me around so I can look into her eyes. "But what Palmpaw?"
"But why did you save ime/i why not my sister? Or, why not both of us?"
"What I did wasn't exactly my choice; I did it because Starclan wanted me to."
I gaze at her in wonder, I knew she was loyal to Starclan, but not ithat/i loyal. It must take a lot of courage to go against your beliefs and against your clan, even if someone you were loyal to was telling you to, to adopt a kittypet's kit. And not only adopt it, lie to your whole clan, your family, friends, all of them, about it. Claim that it was your own and then face the shame by yourself if it decided to live life as a kittypet.
That's when it finally struck me. I wasn't alone in this lie; Leopardstar was the one protecting me from harm, like a real mother. She isn't my adopted mother now, she is my ireal/i mother.