Hi! I've wrote this fanfic after I heard Bruno Mars's song 'Talking To The Moon'
(Great song, by the way. You should check it out).
Hope you enjoy!
I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have
Remus kicked a stray water bottle that was rolling down the street.
It was a dark night in London, but surprisingly quiet for the big city. Of course, this did not mean that it was silent- there was still the lights and movement and cars, but to Remus, even with his sensitive werewolf hearing, everything seemed slightly muted.
Maybe this had something to do with the fact that this day, November 1st, marked the three year anniversary since Sirius Black had been convicted of murder and sent to Azkaban prison.
Remus sighed and stuck his hands in his coat pockets. The full moon was coming up in seven days, and though he had dealt with undergoing his transformations alone for three years now, it still saddened him to know that never again would he have Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail to comfort him.
He walked to the end of the pavement, where a traffic pole stood and a crowd of people waited to cross the street.
He was about to turn the corner when he noticed four boys, around James's age before he died, joking around and pushing each other playfully.
The tallest one, who looked scarily similar to Remus's former classmate Benjy Fenwick, laughed at a joke one of the shorter boys had told.
A dull ache pained Remus, and he turned away before they could catch him watching.
"That could have been us," he whispered up to the night sky. The moon, luminescent and glowing, seemed to be listening.
"But you had to ruin it, didn't you, Padfoot. I thought you weren't like your family," Remus spoke, a little louder this time, ignoring the strange looks he received from onlookers.
"You told me you were different. You said you were different!" the man cried, this time his yelling directed at the moon.
Some people backed away from the man, unbeknownst of what he was yelling about.
Maybe the moon and Sirius were both the same.
They were both glowing and they were both beautiful, and yet they both brought him so, so much pain.
"And I hate you for that," Remus finished, then spun on his heel, looked down at the pavement, and began his journey home.
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryin' to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon
His apartment wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.
The building was crumbling, the floors were creaky, and several times Remus could swear he heard rats (and then he would try not to cry because Peter), so he would have to shoo them away many times.
A twin-sized bed was sat in the corner with a white night stand placed beside it. A few feet away, there was a dresser, and in the middle of the room there was a green couch and a dark brown coffee table.
Opposite his "bedroom", there was a tiny kitchen and pantry. Several lengths away, there was a closet and beside that a bathroom.
Remus would often come home from work (he had a muggle job, for no one in the wizarding world wanted to hire a werewolf) and sit on his bed, staring out at the window that was stationed up above the dresser.
Often, when London decided to have nights where the stars and moon were visible, he would talk to it, sometimes (mostly) yell at it, pretending it to be Sirius, because Sirius and the moon were one and the same.
His neighbors would then call the landlord, who would then call Remus because 'Sir, you're disturbing the other residents of the building, could you please yell quieter or you must be asked to leave', and then Remus would oblige, and then the moon would mock him through his window.
And Remus's hatred for Sirius would grow, and then he would fall asleep with his heart heavy and his chest aching because Why did you do it, Sirius? Why did you do it?
Tonight was no exception.
"I hate you, you know," Remus stated, hands clasped together in his lap while he sat on his bed, his shoes still on but he didn't care.
"And I'm not kidding. I really do mean it, Sirius. You caused this mess, you caused this pain and I despise you. You are a despicable human- no, not even a human. No human could cause this much pain. You are a thing, a worthless thing, and I hate you more than I can say."
Remus stood up and began to pace, his sandy hair falling into his eyes but he did not brush it away- he was too busy pacing to to brush it away.
"I thought you were my friend- you were my best friend!"
And so the yelling began.
I'm feeling like I'm famous,
The talk of the town
They say I've gone mad,
Yeah I've gone mad
But they don't know what I know,
'Cause when the sun goes down,
Someone's talking back,
Yeah they're talking back
Many times when Remus would walk outside, people from his building would give him odd glances then quickly look away when he spotted them.
They would whisper things about him behind his back, and more than once Remus had snarled at them to stop ("If you have something to say I suggest you say it to my face"), and they would quickly walk away in fright.
He was known as a lunatic, a danger to children, and even though they were muggles, it hurt Remus to know that people shunned him in both non-magic and magic worlds.
But even so, even when the whispers only increased, Remus would still spend every night the moon was visible yelling at it, resulting in many more phone calls, dozens more stares, and the price increasing for his rent.
This particular night, two days before his transformation would begin, Remus was exceptionally mad, and the moon and Sirius would get the brunt of his anger.
"You are the reason I am like this," he snarled, glaring at the moon with such ferocity it seemed to shrink away from him.
"I hate you, and I hate life, and I hate everything because you are the reason I am like this! You deserve to die, to rot, and I will kill you if I ever see you again!"
Perhaps this was a long shot, but in his anger Remus tended to scream things he would have never said if he were calm.
But Remus was not calm, because in two days time he would become a monster, and he would not have his friends to guide him, because they were all dead and one was in prison.
"I'm going to drown in this darkness- I am a monster, I am something people fear, but I am not going down alone- no, if I go down, you go down with me!"
"I hate you, you are everything I hate! You, you and that freaking moon- this is your fault and you are the source of this pain, this agony, this angst that I can not escape, you have driven me down this path of madness- and I- hate- you!"
Remus had always been the 'calm' one in their group of four, but now one might have mistaken him for James when he got angry.
Remus's eyes were flashing, his chest was heaving, his hair messy from yanking at it and his heart aches, his throat was sore, and oh, how he hated Sirius and that god forsaken moon.
"I have been living in the darkness for so long that I now do not remember the light- because there was no light, was there? You faked it all, you never loved us- you never loved me, but I did. I loved you. I loved you and you stabbed me in the back and you are the cause for my pain. You know that, right?"
This was the most Remus has yelled in a while, and if James were here he would hand Remus chocolate and everything would be alright.
But James wasn't here, and he ran out of chocolate months ago.
"Have you always planned to do this? Were you just waiting for the right moment to strike? Were we ever even friends? Did you ever consider us friends?"
Tears were falling now, spilling down his cheeks like a waterfall, and if he was not going to drown in this agony, then he was going to drown in his tears.
Remus tried not to cry when he was angry, because it made him feel weak- he was a monster, he was weak, but monsters weren't allowed to be weak.
Remus was caught like a fly in a web of betrayal and he wanted out but there was no way out.
Because bad things happen to monsters….he thought.
"Maybe we weren't friends- were you just under orders- under orders from your family- yes, the one you told me you hated- but you lied, didn't you? You lied to us: to James, to Lily, to Peter, to me. You lied to me! I loved you and you lied!"
When he finished this, Remus cried harder than ever. It had taken a while to admit it to himself, but he had loved Sirius, and Sirius had taken his heart and crushed it between his fingers.
I hate you because you are a terrible person, Remus thought bitterly. But what I hate most of all is myself, because a part of me will always love a terrible person.
To say the least, Remus did not get much sleep that night.
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Tryin' to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon
It had been a week or two since London had seen the moon, and to most this was a disappointment ("Oh, I was hoping to get a good picture with my family when they came 'round for Thanksgiving"), but to Remus, this was a huge relief.
No more yelling, he thought happily, wincing as he remembered the strain on his throat the next few days after his outburst.
Until later that evening, Remus noticed a bright orb in the sky, drawing most people's attention as they pointed upward and grinned ("Finally, my mother's coming in town, and she would be terribly judgemental if there were to be no moon).
Remus sighed, for this could only result in more yelling than ever and probably another sore throat.
So Remus decided he would only have small conversational chats with the moon, because then he wouldn't yell and he wouldn't be kicked out of his apartment and he wouldn't have to cry himself to sleep.
This, Remus decided, is a much better idea.
That night, when Remus walked into his apartment, he attempted to make small talk with moon and Sirius, starting with talking about himself.
"A job at the library, honestly," was today's topic. "They don't pay me enough, and really, people seem to overlook all that librarians do: put books away, help customers- oh don't look at me like that," Remus was cut off as the moon rose higher into the sky.
"I understand that there are volunteers, yes, but still." He laughed breathlessly, surprising himself.
Oh, it was quite odd to hear a laugh come from Remus; he hadn't laughed since James and Lily died.
If James were around, he would smirk, then say something along the lines of, "Did you find that funny, Moony? You know what else is funny (insert something witty)," which would make Remus laugh all over again.
Remus was fortunate enough to have a "good laugh", as Sirius would call it, for his laugh wasn't a giggle, nor a snort, guffaw, cackle, chortle, or anything of the sort.
Remus's laugh was light and airy and genuine, and most people laughed when he laughed mostly because they found his laughter contagious.
People often found Remus's laugh to be one of his better aspects, and even though this wasn't a full blown-laugh, a little part of Remus healed.
"Hm. Perhaps we should switch topics. Let's, ah, talk about...traveling. I assume you travel everywhere, Mr. Moon, but Sirius and I, we've never been anywhere…"
Oh, how different this was to their last encounter.
Maybe Remus could get over his heartbreak and grief if he tried not to focus of hatred, and instead focused on healing.
Do you ever hear me calling?
Oh ohh oh oh ohhh
'Cause every night I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you
In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too
Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?
I know you're somewhere out there,
somewhere far away….
10 Years Later
It was the 30th of January, Lily Potter's birthday. She had always complained about her birthday date not being in a warmer season, but then James would laugh and comfort her, all while listing the reasons her birthday was better than his.
Remus would stand by Sirius and smile, both of them watching the exchange as Peter laughed and looked at the couple adoringly.
Really, how could someone's birthday could cause one this much pain? Remus found himself wondering for the upteenth time as he went to the same muggle jewelry shop as he did every year to get Lily her present.
He had been going since the start of seventh year, and even if she was dead, there was no reason to stop.
The workers, though old, always recognized him, then would smile a big smile and gladly give him the piece of jewelry he picked out.
Normally, he would be broke, but every year, around Christmas, Remus would gather all his money and put it together for one perfect gift.
The cashier seemed somewhat surprised when he headed over to the more expensive area, but did not say anything and opted for a smile.
He chose a diamond necklace (which Lily adored), and walked out of the store just as the moon had begun to rise.
Remus hugged the necklace close to his heart and gazed out at the moon, smiling a bittersweet smile.
He had not talked with the moon ever since the fourth anniversary of the Potter's death. It had been quite a while.
Hello, old friend.
Finite Incantium.
Yey, first story longer than 1,000 words: finished
I can't decide if this is good or not, so I'll just wait until someone reviews to find out.
Hopefully you like it, but if you didn't, that's cool, and tell me how I can improve :)
Thanks! ~Brynn