May 22, 2016
Temporary Love
Sometimes with the way things are, you can't help but wonder what they could've been.
She wouldn't say she regretted her decisions in the past or the mistakes that once helped her grow… because she was the person she could call herself today for a reason; but sometimes, she wonders what kind of Sakura Haruno she'd be if she had married another man.
She loved him, don't get her wrong. She definitely loved him.
That's what she'd remind herself when she'd tuck Sarada in at night, alone.
She wasn't doubting her relationship or the memories she and Sasuke were able to develop when they did spend time together. She was fine with waiting—she was used to it. It was a part of who they were as a couple.
Late into the evening, though, occasionally on a sleepless night, she'd sit at their dining table with one of the lamps dimmed in the living room. Her long hair (at the time) weighed behind her back in a low ponytail, sometimes a part of it slipping past her shoulder when she'd motion herself to sit down. The quiet of the house would lead her into another familiar state where she'd sit, occasionally sipping at a cup of self-poured sake. Those were the nights she'd consider what it'd be like if she were the one always away instead or what it'd be like to have someone come home regularly in the evening, even just to sleep.
Sometimes she'd smile to herself as she'd reflect on how different the three of them were now—how different she, Naruto, and Sasuke had grown up to be.
Sasuke, although still a lone wolf, had a quiet openness to him now, as though the bitterness and angst within him had finally began to heal within the arms of his friends and now family. While it was sad seeing him walk past the village gates, she would still be able to see the subtle warmth in his eyes as his fingertips would brush her forehead and then tiny Sarada's.
She, on the other hand, had never thought she'd grow up as busy as she remembers seeing her mother. Hospital work aside, her life at home was a handful simply because she often only hosted Sasuke a few times a year, depending on his schedule. She otherwise had to care for not only the house while he was away, but also herself and Sarada, who was ironically similar to her as a child: Helpful but notably argumentative at times the older she became.
Then there was Naruto—the one no one thought would decide to grow up (at least not fully); but he, like everyone else, had to the moment he received not only the responsibility of marriage and two children, but also the entire village of Konohagakure. Who knew that even he would one day have to tame himself into doing paperwork and attending meetings, despite the classic bouts of hyperactiveness he'd still occasionally get on his few days off.
Things changed and that's why Sakura's mind would wander in search for alternative realities where Naruto hadn't become Hokage, where Sasuke hadn't returned, where she hadn't become head medical nin. How would things be different then? She'd even laugh and wonder what things may've been like if perhaps she'd have married Naruto instead.
It seemed repulsive years ago but now that it was something out of reach, she found it was easier to picture objectively. She could remember not only his annoying persistence, but also the genuine care and interest he held for so long. It was still there today, too, just simply lacking the intent to someday extend their friendship into romance. It was easier to picture if she considered the times she'd often felt (and denied) a flutter in her chest as they spent more time together while they grew older, and more so as they began to understand each other beyond their days as genin.
She loved Sasuke and she looked forward to his homecoming no matter the wait, but sometimes she couldn't help but wonder what she'd feel if she saw Naruto's stupid face burst through the door instead, or what it'd be like to hear him singsong "Sakura-chan!" the way he would when he used to run into her in the village...
She'd wonder until the last drop of sake left the bottle into her cup and then into her mouth where she'd savor the dry notes tinged with her growing nostalgia.
Only then would she break the silence clouded around her as she'd slide her chair and sit up, placing her cup and now-empty bottle in the sink. She'd turn off the lamp and step past Sarada's room, glance at her peaceful, sleeping shadow, and then guide herself into her own room and bed. Finally, she'd close her tired eyes, eventually remembering the warmth she'd feel beside her when Sasuke was finally home.
Only then would she doze off, happily anticipating his return the following morning.
author's note.
Contrary to how it may seem near the beginning, I pictured this as one of those (I would think) familiar moments where you just reflect on how much has changed as time has passed. It'll vary from person to person, but I intended for this to be just that - reflective. Not necessarily angsty or regretful, but maybe bittersweet the way nostalgia can often leave us feeling at times. That, and I suppose this could also be considered the sequel to my previous update from almost two years ago, "another time, another place," as well.
With that being said, I hope this was an enjoyable quick/light read. Perhaps it made some of you reflective yourselves. I'll see you all in another update (what kind is undetermined at the moment), hopefully in the near future :)