Hey all this is just an idea that came to me. We'll see what happens, hopefully you all enjoy. It will pick up in pace within the first few chapters and will be told with flashbacks and current time. Also some of the grammar is meant to sound like a child is speaking! Please review. Perhaps I'll flesh this out into a short story.
Logan Mitchell gripped his steering wheel tightly as he exhaled. Killing the engine he let the sound of the rain hitting his windshield calm him. He ducked out of the car and into the rain, pulling his hood up and slipped on a pair of dark sunglasses. With quick and quiet steps he rushed down the sidewalk hoping to blend in with the damp morning that surrounded him. It was early, only eight am, hopefully too early for any fans or paparazzi to be lurking. As usual he parked a block over from his destination to avoid being seen emerging from the old apartment building across town from the Palm Woods. He stepped into the small lobby and took his usual route up the stairs to the fourth floor, by passing the elevator which always had someone coming or going. He smiled nervously as he took off his glasses and pulled down his hood. It had been a while since he had stood here. But the dimly lit hallway, with it's stained carpet felt like home. He gave a quick knock and stepped back.
"Logan, you made it."
His face brightened as he looked at the girl in the doorway. Her dark, curly was swept up into a bun and she was still in pajamas. Her glasses perched on her nose. Her light brown skin had a sallow look to it. She gave him a tired smile as he stepped inside, glancing over his shoulder to see that the hall was empty.
"Yeah I uh, can't stay long we have to be in the studio around ten."
"That's fine, I'm just happy you're here." She admitted as she hugged him. "I've missed you."
Logan kissed her head and shut his eyes, even though her words were happy he could hear the sadness in her voice. The way it always sounds when he had been away for a long time.
"I missed you too Avery." He pulled back and looked around. "You changed things."
Avery looked shyly around the apartment. It wasn't nearly as nice as the Palm Woods. They stood in the tiny living which had a new sofa in the middle and a TV on a stand. The kitchen was even smaller and had a window that looked into the living room. Logan knew the bathroom and two small bedrooms were down the short hallway behind them. Even though he knew it was enough for Avery he couldn't help but feel guilty when he thought about how he lived in a spacious apartment that wasn't in a somewhat shady neighborhood.
"Yeah, new sofa and some things for the bedrooms."
Logan knew better than to reach for his wallet and try to give her money, she wouldn't take it directly he had to leave it on the table. Maybe it was better this way, he could leave her more without her saying no.
"I like it. Where is she?"
Avery shrugged walking into the kitchen. "She should be waking up soon. Do you want coffee?"
"Sure thanks." He sat at the table which was crammed against the wall with three chairs around it. It was a nice kitchen, just small. "Just black."
Avery busied herself pouring it into two mugs, adding generous amount of sugar and milk into hers. "How are the guys?"
"They're good. They all said hi." He took the mug from her. "Thanks."
Avery sat across from him, an awkward silence hung between them. Logan drummed his fingers against the table. He never knew what to say to her. He took a sip of his coffee, burning his tongue in the process.
"Mommy?"
"In the kitchen baby."
Logan grinned and turned around. The little girl walked into the kitchen, her face brightening as she saw Logan at the table.
"Daddy!" She exclaimed, climbing into his lap. "I missed you."
Logan kissed her forehead and hair and held her tightly to him. Her curly hair brushed against his cheek and he felt her small arms wrap around his neck. He kissed her head again and squeezed her even more. His heart flooding with warmth and love. It had been way too long again, it always was way too long.
"Hey baby girl, I missed you too." He said softly as he pulled back. "How are you?"
"Good, you're here. You were gone real long."
Logan felt his smile drop a little. Hearing that we was gone too long from Avery was one thing, she understood why. But from his daughter it hurt, there was no way she'd understand why her father would come and go and why they never went out in public.
"I know baby girl, but I'm here now. You're so big!"
The child beamed proudly. "Mommy says I'm three and a half now."
"And a half?" He said, pretending to be surprised. "You are getting big, soon you'll be old like mommy."
Avery rolled her eyes jokingly. "21 isn't old Logan."
"Mommy's pretty not old."
Logan tickled her sides. "What about daddy, isn't he pretty? Huh? Huh?"
She laughed, warming Logan's heart. "Daddies aren't pretty, daddies are nice."
"I can live with nice." He surrender, ruffling her hair.
"I love you daddy." She hugged him and gave his cheek a wet kiss.
Logan bit his lip and hugged her back. "I love you too Kennedy."
"Loge can you get her breakfast? I need to shower."
"Totally, no problem." He was glad he could feel useful for once. "What should I feed her?"
"It depends on the day. Go easy on him Kennedy." Avery kissed her face. "Help yourself by the way."
Logan watched as she disappeared down the hall before tuning to Kennedy. "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Um, yogurt!"
He sat her in her own chair after standing up. "Yes ma'am."
Opening the fridge, he couldn't help but feel this is how it always should be. Him, making breakfast for his daughter, while Avery showered. The three of them spending the morning together. Of course he knew it could never be that way. He grabbed the yogurt that was clearly hers, pink with a princess on the cup. He opened the container and spooned it into a kid sized bowl and put a plastic spoon in. He sat it in front of her.
"Can I have nana in it?"
"Anything for you Kens." He peeled a banana and started slicing it into her bowl. "A little bit or a lot?"
Kennedy held her hands close together and shoved them in Logan's face. "Little bit."
"How's that?"
She answered by spooning a large bite into her mouth, dripping pink yogurt onto her chin. She gave a thumbs up. "Tanks daddy."
Logan wiped down her face and decided he'd make something for Avery. He hadn't seen them in almost 4 months, it was the least he could do. He settled for making scrambled eggs and waited for the pan to heat up. Of course one breakfast would never make up for his abscene and all the time she was alone in raising their daughter. As guilt got the better of him he reached into his wallet. After making sure Kennedy wasn't looking he laid five $20 bills onto the counter. He paid monthly child support and made sure they were taken care of, but it never felt like enough. Throwing money at the situation in no way made up for the past three and a half years but it made him feel better.
"Mommy says you're doing well in school. Is your teacher nice?"
Kennedy looked up for her breakfast and swallowed, nodding eagerly. "It's so fun daddy. We get to color and there's a big slide. I'm not scared of it. Ms. Karen says I'm brave. Mommy says you have a big slide at your house."
He hadn't lived in the crib for a few months now, he had been on tour. But shortly before they left the guys decided getting their own apartments would be a good thing. They all still lived in the Palm Woods just separately. Kennedy had never seen the crib or his own place. The fact that Avery mentioned it to her and she remembered made him feel like he wasn't so absent.
"Yeah I used too. But Ms. Karen is nice?" He wanted to change the subject.
"She's funny and knows lots of stuff. She teaches us about animals and counting. Daddy, I can count to 20!"
"To 20? That's awesome baby girl. What's your favorite thing about school?"
"The other kids and I can use paint at art time. I made you a picture daddy. Want to see it?"
Logan smiled, she was a ball of energy and non stop talking. "Finish your breakfast first, okay?"
As the eggs cooked and she finished her food, Logan took the chance to look at her closely. She looked so much like Avery it was almost like she just had a mini clone of herself. Kennedy had dark curly hair, like her mother, a slightly tanned skin. Avery was both black and white and Logan was what Avery called, "pale and pasty." Kennedy's skin had a nice warmth to it. Although Logan was proud to say they shared a crooked smile and the same dark eyes. Avery's were more hazel but Logan and Kennedy shared dark brown ones. He could tell that she had grown since the last time he was here.
"What smells good?"
Logan was pulled out of his thought when Avery kissed his cheek. Her hair was damp and she was no longer in pajamas.
"I made you eggs. I wasn't sure what you wanted."
She smiled. "Thanks Loge, what did she eat?"
"Yogurt and a banana. Is that okay?"
"Yes it's fine stop worrying." She teased, handing him the other half of the banana. "Eat this you're jittery as hell."
He blushed slightly, taking a bite. He was never not jittery when it came to his visits he just wanted everything to go right.
"Daddy come on. Mommy made my room pretty."
Kennedy led the way to her room, talking the whole time. Logan smiled, she was bossy as hell just like her mom. He paused, looking a picture of him, Avery and Kennedy in the hospital. The was one of the few pictures the three of them had. He sighed and followed her into her bedroom. It was light pink and her bed had flowered sheets.
"Look Daddy it's you."
Logan stared at himself. Avery had hung a poster of Big Time Rush next to her bed. Her room was small and decently clean for a three year old's room. There was a dollhouse on the floor. A few other dolls and a large stack of coloring books and art supplies. It made him feel good to recognize some of the stuff he picked out for her laying around her room. A bookshelf was in the corner and on top sat a framed picture of Kennedy and himself from a few months ago.
"It is me. Did Mommy put that up there?"
"Yeah so I can talk to you when you're at work."
"You can call me on the phone just ask mommy."
She rubbed her eyes. "Mommy says your bosses get mad if we call too much."
Logan crouched down in front of her. "You can call me whenever you want to. It's okay."
"Why don't you live with us?"
Logan's stomach dropped. She had never asked him that, she'd only ask him when he was coming back from work.
"Daddy has to work a lot so I can't be here all the time." He cleared his throat. "But I love you so much Kennedy. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too Daddy. Can you come home more?"
He hugged her tightly. He would be going back on tour soon. They were just on a short break. "I promise I will. Maybe later this week?"
"Really?" Kennedy perked up. "Mommy can make dinner and we can color."
"That sounds fun. Now you said you made a picture for me?"
Kennedy shyly handed him the drawing. "Mommy helped maked-ed the words."
Logan looked down and his heart softened. There were two round shapes with smiley faces on them. One was tall and had brown lines coming from it's head and the other was short and had swirls all around. There was green at the bottom and blue across the top. In the middle was a scribbled. "Love u Daddy." The L in love was backwards and the third d in daddy was backwards too.
"Is this us?"
"Uh huh. We're at the park. That's me and that's you."
"I love it. I'll take it to work with me." He promised, carefully folding it in half and putting it in his pocket.
"I miss you a lot daddy."
"I miss you a lot too baby girl." Logan's voice was shaking. "Here let's take a picture."
Logan pulled out his phone and took of picture of the two of them.
"Take more daddy."
Kennedy smashed her lips into his face and Logan took another picture. They took one making stupid faces before Kennedy yelled out.
"Mommy come here!"
"What's up baby?"
Kennedy tugged on her shirt to get her to sit down. "Take a picture with us."
Avery and Logan leaned in and Kennedy stuck herself between them. They took one serious one and and another stupid one. Logan grinned to himself, everything felt right.
"I wanna do it. Daddy can I do it?"
Logan handed her his phone and Kennedy stuck out her tongue. "Say cheese."
She took the picture and gave Logan his phone back. Logan had his arm around her and Avery looked a little red. Kennedy's thumb was in the shot too. Locking, his phone he saw that it was already 9:30. He had to go soon if he wanted to be on time.
"It's 9:30." He whispered while Kennedy was distracted with her toys.
She frowned and galnced at their daughter. "Okay. How about you help her get dressed and brush her teeth?"
"Sounds good." He stood up from the floor. "Hey Kens how about we get dressed?"
Kennedy picked out a purple skirt and a black shirt to wear. Logan helped her get her arms through the holes and pulled her skirt up.
"Am I pretty Daddy?"
"Prettiest girl in the whole world." He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. "Step up."
Kennedy climbed onto the pink stool in front of the sink and grabbed her tooth brush.
"Now just a little bit remember?" The last time he had helped her brush her teeth she used way too much toothpaste and made a mess.
"Like this?"
"Perfect!" He encouraged, he tried to keep his voice light and cheerful, not wanting to upset her. "I'll be right back. Keep brushing baby girl."
Logan went into the living room and found Avery sitting on the couch.
"Hey." He sighed. "She's fine right now."
She handed him the five bills. "I don't need this Logan."
He shook his head, pushing the money back into her hands. "Please keep it, it makes me feel better."
"Money doesn't replace you." Her tone was short, he recongized it. They were about to get into it.
"You don't think I know that? Of course I do." His voice came out slightly harsher than he intended. "I wish I was around more. But I have to go on tour."
She blinked back tears. "I know that, it's just h-hard she needs her dad in her life."
His stomach churned uncomfortably. "And I want to be in her life Ave, I do. Since day one."
"This isn't working."
Logan covered his eyes with his hand rubbed at his temples. He ran his hand over his face. He didn't know what to say, whenever this fight happened he just stayed quiet. Avery sniffled next to him, it killed him to know she was upset because of him.
"I miss you."
"I know. I miss you too Aves. But maybe I can get Gustavo and Griffin to loosen up."
She scoffed. "Yeah right. You have to keep us hidden or we'll mess it all up remember?"
"Hey that wasn't my idea." He frowned. "You know given the choice I wouldn't hide you guys. We were just starting out and it would have ruined the image."
"I know it just fuckig sucks. I see you every few months. We can text but Kennedy m-misses you." Her eyes were teary. "She asks about you all the time."
Logan kissed her softly. "I know. I miss her too. But I have a few weeks and maybe I can come over tomorrow for dinner?"
"I just don't want her to get used to you being around then you go off to the other side of the world again."
He hugged her tightly. "I don't like this either. But I swear I'm going to make it work. This is our fourth album. The fans support us we're big. Maybe we can go public now."
"I guess. If you do come over make it after 5 okay?" She said ending the conversation. "Kens can you come here?"
Kennedy came into the room carrying the stuffed sheep Logan had bought for her in the hospital when she was born. Logan stood up and kneeled in front of her, he grabbed her hand and smoothed her hair.
"Baby girl Daddy has to go."
"But you just got here." Her voice was small. "Please stay Daddy."
The saddness in her voice hurt him. "I-I know but I'm coming over tomorrow and I'll call you tonight."
"You always say that." Little tears fell down her face and Logan had to look away.
"I promise I'll see you soon. I love you so much baby girl."
Kennedy hugged him tightly and started hiccuping. Logan rubbed her back and shook his head, he hated this. It never got easier. As she got older it was harder to leave her behind. He kissed her face over and over again, trying to calm her down. He hated leaving Avery with a crying Kennedy. He shut his eyes and pulled himself together. There was no other option.
"L-love you too Daddy." She kissed his face.
"Bye Kennedy."
Avery took Kennedy's hand and Logan walked to the door. He felt arms around his lower legs. Kennedy was holding onto him.
"You have to let daddy go so he can come back again."
"But he doesn't come back for a long time M-mommy."
"I'll see you tomorrow I promise."
Kennedy struggled as her mother picked her up. "Just go she'll be fine."
Logan kissed both of their cheeks. "I love you."
The door shut behind him and he put his sunglasses back on and pulled his hood up. Tears stung his eyes as he left the building. He hated leaving them, he hated not being to be around all the time. He and Avery were close and Kennedy was his child, keeping them a secret disgusted him. He was proud of them and wanted to be able to go out in public with them. But of course the label and Griffin didn't want to risk Big Time Rush's image. Their demos had only just been picked by Griffin when Avery had gotten pregnant. But that was almost four years ago and he still had to keep it a secret. Logan slid into his car and looked down at the drawng before heading to the studio.
"They deserve better." He vowed. "They don't deserve this."
AN: Well I don't know what I thought of this I just thought it be interesting. Logan is seen as the responsible but what if he wasn't? I have a few chapters planned. Review, thanks!