I first put this on tumblr, but you can't really get reviews there, so I'm putting it here, too.
Prompt (which was originally given to missbeizy but she didn't want it so I asked to adopt it and then kinda forgot about it...but then I remembered and here it is!): I'd love a fic where Santana walks in on Kurt while he's showering and gushes over him in a ridiculously aren´t-you-supposed-to-be-gay-santana while with Rachel who refuses to believe and checks herself. and this time, when she bursts into the shower, there is also blaine. and an eyeful. she can react however, but I do love me some Kurt Hummel appreciation.
A/N: Okay, I might have taken this a bit too far...but it was just so tempting and I love cockslut Blaine and overuse of the word cock and Kurt being ridiculously hot ... I'm really sorry if it's crap.
It has been only a few weeks since Blaine moved in, and the girls are still kind of getting used to a few new things. Rachel is getting used to having not one, but two adorable boys who listen to her ramblings, sometimes cook, give her advice whenever she asks for it, and generally being like perfect boyfriends with the exception that they really don't want to kiss her or have sex with her available.
Santana is getting used to their almost disgustingly adorable, never-ending we're-back-together-and-so-in-love honeymoon phase, because now that they're back together, they seem to always be together. They feed each other everything, from strawberries to spaghetti and even freaking potato chips. They cuddle and compliment each other and sing together and generally treat every day like it's the last one they'll ever be allowed to spend together. She still isn't over the fact that Kurt Hummel is getting more than she has been recently.
Santana and Rachel both are getting used to sleeping with earplugs and really always having them handy when Kurt and Blaine are home at the same time. It's a bit unsettling, how much sex those two have. How often can they come each day? They're a bit worried that they can actually answer the question: Four times, and even up to six, on especially crazy days in which they don't have any duties outside of the apartment. Dealing with that is harder than having to share the bathroom with yet another person, but even that isn't as bad as movie nights in which Kurt sits in Blaine's lap or the other way round so they can make out better before they excuse themselves halfway through the third scene, giggling through their half-assed lie about being tired.
As if anyone believes them, especially with those noises coming from their room partition. They think they're so quiet, whispering the sweet things they say to each other and muffling their moans and groans against skin.
The two girls have even found a way to spend the evenings talking and watching a movie together without having to turn the music up really loudly or putting medical earplugs into their ears. Or leaving the apartment. Basically, they use wireless headsets to both watch the same movie on their respective laptops, while having a chat-room open and a bowl of popcorn between them. Voilà, they're watching a movie together and commenting it to each other. It's not perfect, but it's a solution, since neither of them have the heart to tell the boys to stop, knowing how miserable they have been for a whole year, separated by miles and problems and mistakes and even more miles.
None of those things, however, are on Santana's mind, though, when she enters the bathroom one Saturday morning to what's probably the most shocking as well as hot thing she has ever seen, promptly forgetting about the bracelet she left in here the other day.
Kurt hasn't noticed her yet, as his eyes are closed. His arms are languidly stretching, raised above his head, which is thrown back to allow hot water to wash his face, streaming down - are those abs? And then there are the arms, and the never-ending legs...and then there's the cock.
Santana is as gay as they come, but it took her fucking a good part of McKinley's male population to realize and come to terms with that, and she can still appreciate a nice specimen of man.
And Kurt Hummel is exactly that. His cock isn't even hard, but it's big and so … pretty? She wants to touch it. His eyes are still tightly closed, and he hums in pleasure, an unusually low, guttural sound, as his hands massage whatever ridiculously expensive foam that is into his hair, and the water is still streaming down his wet, long, eyelashes and the pink nipples and the abs and the cock and the pale, creamy skin.
I have a problem, she thinks. Then turns around and leaves, seconds before he opens his eyes and would have noticed her - and probably screamed at her to leave, the damn princess that he is.
In the evening, Kurt and Blaine are out seeing some Broadway show that is apparently important enough to actually stop fucking and go out and see it, Rachel is writing a boring essay and Santana, who doesn't feel like braving the icy rain outside, thus spends her time at home with a few glasses of wine and some stupid movie. She's bored to tears, and the gorgeous sight she saw this morning isn't getting out of her head. The wine and boredom have loosened her tongue, and she can't help her question.
"Rachel, have you ever seen Kurt naked?", she asks, half-hoping for a yes and ready to chew Rachel out for keeping the cock and the abs and the biceps from her, but Rachel rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Of course not.", she says. "When would I have? I've caught an eyeful of chest a few times right after we moved in together and before we worked out the bathroom schedule. But it's not like he'd have sex with either of us, why are you asking?"
It sounds a bit wistful, like Rachel has noticed Kurt that way. It's also very interesting how Rachel mentioned Kurt together with sex, when Santana hasn't said anything about that.
Santana smiles. "I walked in on him showering this morning.", she explains, and her roommate chokes on the potato chip she's eating. After she stops coughing, she asks "And he didn't scream? Is there anything you'd like to admit?"
She snorts. "He had his eyes closed, and I left before he noticed me.", Rachel nods in understanding, glad that there wouldn't be future awkwardness between her two roommates.
"But Rachel...you have to see him naked. Our little porcelain is actually not little at all.", she says, almost feeling like she should blush for saying it. Rachel certainly does upon hearing her words. "Oh god, you don't mean..."
Santana nods furiously, finishes her half-full glass of wine in one long drag and sets it down, then leans over to Rachel on the couch, little red patches of light inebriation forming high on her cheeks. "Rachel he is so hot. We keep saying he can't keep his hands of sexy dapper Anderson, but it's probably the other way 'round. He's like...arms and legs and then abs and cock. Rachel, Kurt's cock is huge! And he wasn't even, like, hard!", she half-slurs.
"Okay okay, STOP! I definitely don't need to hear about my best friend's boy parts! And I thought you were a lesbian, Santana! Also you totally shouldn't have checked him out like that, what's he gonna say if he finds out? And I also think you're exaggerating. He can't be that hot, I'd have noticed. You just haven't seen an actual naked man in too long.", she decides swiftly, blushing because the topic is starting to make her feel horrible for talking about Kurt and imagining him naked the way Santana is describing him.
Santana's eyes widen in shock. "You don't believe me? What, is it so far-fetched that he could be hot? You're being really insulting to him!"
"Since when have you cared about insulting someone? And what's actually insulting is you sexually objectifying him like that!"
"I'm objectifying him because he's a damn hot fucker! You have to see it for yourself. He takes daily showers anyway, and probably will tomorrow morning in order to wash off Blaine's jizz.", she insists, making Rachel's blush deepen.
"Geez, fine. I'll see if I can sneak a glance, but only so I can prove you wrong. And out of scientific curiosity. Promise me he'll never hear about this discussion. Now pour me some wine, this stupid paper only needs a conclusion anyway.", she commands.
Santana promises and gets up to get another wine-glass.
The next morning, they're sitting in the kitchen partition together, Santana miraculously not hungover - how does she do that? - as she nurses a glass of orange juice. They aren't really talking about anything, but then Santana reminds her to wait for the shower to start so she can see "Lady-Hummel's not-so-ladylike attributes".
Blaine is probably still sleeping off the sexed-out haze Kurt undoubtedly left him in when they hear the shower start, and Rachel was so close to backing out, but the sound has made her curiosity peak again, and she gets up. If he notices her, she knows she'll just say "Sorry - I needed my hairbrush!" and pretend like she hasn't really seen anything. Santana winks at her, murmurs "Enjoy the sight." and goes back to searching for food in the fridge.
It takes her another at least five minutes to get over the fear of getting caught, her thoughts loud and nervous, but then she gets it together and strides in, gravitating towards the shelf where her hairbrush is, in order to make the story more believable.
Just in case.
Her being careful turns out to be a complete waste of time, though, because Kurt's eyes are tightly closed. He's also not alone. And Blaine isn't sleeping off a sex-haze, after all. In fact, Blaine is in a sex-haze, pressed with his chest to the wall of their tiny shower stall, moaning and groaning and begging because Kurt is fucking him, fast and without mercy and how can he actually move that fast?
She releases a shocked, soundless breath, knows she needs to leave, but can't even find the right muscles to move her legs because this is so hot. Blaine's arms are twisted, his hands on the back of Kurt's neck, who is nibbling on his boyfriend's neck, whispering dirty things like "That's right baby - oh - take it...you take it so well, open up for me so well, god, Blaine. I love you so much, you feel so good around me...", while the only things Blaine seems to be able to respond with are broken sounds and gasps of "Please - so good - right there - I can't - I'm so close-" and Kurt isn't even touching Blaine's cock, and suddenly he's determinedly unwinding Blaine's hands from his neck, pressing the wrists together forcefully with one hand and holding them tight against the wall, and it's so obvious that Blaine can't even move a single inch - even if he wanted to, which he very very obviously doesn't.
He just...surrenders to anything Kurt is doing to him, to everything Kurt gives him, begs for more and moans gibberish, painting the wall with clear precome. She can't even find it in herself to be disgusted.
Rachel's eyes trail up and down their bodies automatically, she can't do anything to stop it, it's as if Kurt isn't just trapping Blaine against the wall. He's also trapping Rachel right here, staring transfixed and her panties swiftly getting soaked, impossibly unable to leave or even close her eyes.
And then there's the way Blaine's hole is swallowing every single inch of cock like a pro, a cock that should be forbidden because it's so huge, and it sends her mind into a spinning ramble immediately. How does it even fit in there? Blaine is such a tiny guy, and Kurt has always been taller than almost everybody but Finn, but she hadn't realized to what cock-size he would translate, and now her meager experience is proven officially wrong, because body-size hasn't got that much to do with cock-size after all, and Rachel feels stupid along with impossibly turned on.
All the while Kurt is still furiously pounding into Blaine, who has by now forgotten the few words he seemed to have had left just moments ago, now reduced to "Oh, oh, oh, Kurt - so - big - oh - perfect-" and she still can't look away because it's like watching an accident happen, she is trapped in this, in the sounds and the visual and the knowledge that this happens daily, in this apartment that she lives in, often just a room away, and her knees shake -
Suddenly she's yanked away forcefully, pulled out of the bathroom and away from the delicious scene and Santana is pulling her to the kitchen and sitting her down and- "Hey! Stop spraying me with cold water!", she sputters indignantly.
"I didn't know what to do, you were spaced out and freaking drooling over them!", Santana hisses, internally thanking the gods for not having alerted their roommates to their presence. Rachel's cheeks turn bright red. "Oh god, that was so embarrassing. How long were you there?"
The Latina bites her lip, looking sheepish. "I followed you almost immediately. I wanted to see if Blaine felt like making pancakes for breakfast because I was really craving some, but he wasn't in bed so I realized he's in the bathroom with Kurt. I was going to warn you and pull you back before you saw something you didn't want to, but you were already in. And when I followed, I couldn't help but stare, I mean...wow."
Rachel lets out a relieved breath. "So we can agree that you were right, and we are living with secret porn stars?"
"Not so secret anymore, if you ask me", Santana snorts "but that was undoubtedly the hottest thing I have ever not finished watching. I almost feel sad. We should go back in.", she suggests, making Rachel smack her.
"Santana! That was the worst thing I've ever done, and that includes sending Sunshine Corazón to a crackhouse! What if they find out? I'll never be able to talk to any of them again! I feel so bad, like that was a really private, if admittedly drop dead gorgeous, moment that we intruded on. They're our friends, not some strangers in a porn movie!"
She hates it, but Santana knows Rachel is right, and she does kind of feel bad, but she's also unable to stop replaying the moment in her head like a visual mantra. "I get what you mean. Still. Let's make pancakes, since Blainers obviously won't be able to do it today.", she reluctantly agrees.
Rachel pouts. "I wanted Blaine's chocolate and strawberry pancake special." Then a thought strikes her, and she can't stop herself from voicing it. "I wonder if he'll even be able to walk after that.", she says, pulling out milk, two eggs and butter from the fridge while Santana gets the other things they need.
It's about half an hour later, when the boys join them in the kitchen, both in boxers and T-shirts, Blaine's hair wet and starting to curl and Kurt's sticking to his forehead. He's the one carrying Blaine in with Blaine's legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his neck. Their cheeks are flushed pink, and there is a mischievous glimmer in their eyes. After a relatively short kiss, Kurt sets him down on a chair and cheerily asks if there's anything the girls need help with. Blaine just beams and stares at him like he's the most perfect being on earth or something.
Rachel and Santana exchange a meaningful glance, and it's like they're asking each other 'Dammit, how could they look so freaking innocent after that scene in the shower?' with their eyes.
"No, we're just finishing up. You guys cook almost all the time anyway, we've got this.", Rachel tells him, guilt still eating at her.
He grins, eyes flashing, and shrugs. "I like cooking, it's no big deal. And you all eat way less than Finn and my dad do, and I was already used to cooking for them."
"Ugh.", Santana moans, internally thankful for the distraction "I remember how Finn used to eat, it was like watching a half-starved pig. It was one of the worst things I ever had the displeasure to watch."
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Is that also how you would describe watching two of your closest friends have sex in the shower?", he inquires, triggering three reactions at once: Rachel gasps, flushes and looks away, Santana sputters, choking on her orange juice and Blaine's mouth hangs open in shock as he looks back and forth between his two friends and his boyfriend.
"Kurt please tell me that was a very bad joke.", he begs, cheeks turning pink.
"Unfortunately no, love. I noticed the two of them come in, but I couldn't stop.", he murmurs apologetically, wrapping one of Blaine's locks around his fingers. "I'm really sorry for not telling you right away."
He just shakes his head. "It's fine. But why would you two do that? It's really rude! Not to mention embarrassing!"
It's Rachel who speaks up first, voice tentative and still averting her eyes. "We didn't really mean to, it's just...yesterday Santana accidentally came in while you were showering and told me, and I got curious and it really wasn't supposed to be more than a peek! I'm so sorry. I get it if you hate me now."
"We couldn't hate you.", Blaine says after exchanging a quick glance with Kurt. "But what do you mean, told you?", he turns to Santana "Did you tell her to go in while Kurt was taking a shower?"
"Umm...basically I said that Kurt's really hot and she didn't believe me and I kind of encouraged her to do it so I would be proved right, but we didn't count on you being there together and we both ended up in there because I realized Blaine wasn't in bed. I was going to stop her from going in but...ended up right beside her? Sorry. Really.", the Latina says, clearly unused to apologizing.
The boys exchange another infuriating glance, like they're actually having a conversation that Rachel and Santana aren't part of, then Blaine starts to eat his pancakes while Kurt says "Fine. Apologies accepted. While I still can't believe you two would objectify us like that, I don't want there to be awkwardness between any of us. You're forgiven. But don't do it again."