I Can Ride My Bike with No Handlebars

by Wolfofsherwood

A short songfic about Itachi inspired by the music video "Handlebars" by Flobots. Written on sleep deprivation and sounded good at the time. I don't own Naruto. Rated for character death and general angst.

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

There was always praise here. People loved him. He and his brother played when he was younger, with Sasuke learning how to fight by tackling him. He always lost, but it was good training.

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy

His path was always clear. His family was a famous ninja clan. He would try his hardest and graduate from the academy and then join the rest of his family in the leagues of nearly-invincible ninja.

I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

His power was magnificent. It was like he was born to be a ninja and his brother looked up to him with wonder every day.

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

His Sharingan was unlocked when he was still a child. His Genin years passed quickly and his ranks passed by like it was destiny for him to succeed. He didn't lose and he didn't fail.

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE


In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance

Itachi could do anything. He was perfect and the pride of the village.

I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

But all powers corrupt. His amazing skills made him seem like a god, so he had to perform like a god. Everything was wonderful, but he had to keep getting better or his praise would be diminished. He craved that power over them.

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure

He was more and more distant. His brother's game was forcefully stopped and he refused to play or teach any longer. Anyone who tried to get in his way or deter him from his goal was removed. He helped the ones who would help him get stronger and got rid of the rest.

I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command



His family became useless to him. The power was sweeter than their words and he sought to become stronger. His brother was useless now. The boy was weak, although he still had potential. They came from the same parents after all.

His test came on the day he killed them all. Sasuke was still alive, mostly because of his potential. He wanted to see if the boy would grow a little. The event could make his hatred grow and hatred could be turned to power.

I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope

The killings continued, listening to Leader and dealing with Kisame. Both of them were professional and Itachi felt himself grow distant. His power was superior and he waited for his brother to come. Their game hadn't ended yet.

And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

Now his brother was strong and he felt tired. The younger boy was now more powerful than he could have hoped. Sasuke would be able to kill him and one day he would thank him for it.

Sasuke lunged and tried to tackle his brother. Both of them were out of chakra and their taijutsu was the final leg of their little race. Itachi almost felt himself smile when Sasuke's kunai ripped through his clothes and almost made him bleed.

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

It was just like old times. Sasuke would lunge and he would dodge nimbly out of the way. Only now, their roles were different. He couldn't quite dodge everything and Sasuke was wearing him down slowly.

"Die, Itachi," Sasuke hissed, plunging the kunai to the hilt into his brother's neck. Itachi grinned openly and didn't allow the hiss of pain to move past his lips. Instead, he looked up at Sasuke and saw how big he'd grown.

"You got me," he said quietly before quietly dying. Yes, everything could go back to the way it once was. There would be no more killing and no more death.