Disclaimer: I make no profit, I just have fun.
Full Summary: "Jou." Ryou hesitated. "We've talked about this. I… you've lost a fair amount of time." He swallowed. "What was the last thing you remember about us?"
Warnings: Implied mind/memory-alteration, implied potential kidnapping, implied dubious consent. Honestly everything is implied but it's mostly up to the reader to decide. I'm just covering my ass here. Also, Atem may be an asshole in this.
Pairing List: Upfront and technically? No one. Implied on the other hand is a different story. Implied we have; Ryou/Jou/Bakura/Mariku/Malik
Beta: Unavailable at the moment.
A/N: Written when highly sleep-deprived and I'm somewhat astonished that something else was posted so soon. Yugioh, it seems, is very immersed in my brain.
Befuddle the Mind
It started off really damn suddenly if Jou was being honest with himself. He couldn't really fathom where or how or why everything started looking out of place one after the other or when his brain starting telling him; wrong, wrong, danger.
He remembered one day where he was nervously shuffling into a ridiculously pristine apartment and then it was the knowledge that it happened all the time (without the anxiety rippling through him, without the fear, with comfort). There had been a living room that had been so devoid of happiness once but overlaying that was one full of laughter crazed and sweet and wrapped in friendship.
There was a growing part of him that wanted to scream 'no, no what the hell? No no' but the urge was being smothered - when he started thinking about getting knife throwing tips from Bakura and making bets as they tossed daggers like darts at a target on the living room wall.
It was surreal. It was messed up - and than there was the sense memory of Malik trying to convince him to help teach Mariku how to ride a motorcycle. They light touches from Malik, the sound of a growl from Mariku. It all overlaid and pressed down on the reality that Ryou was making biscuits in the kitchen right now, honest to Kami jam-filled biscuits and humming under his breath.
"I'm having a meltdown," he established, not sure why but when the words tumbled out, it felt right. He didn't notice the way his casual position on the couch had warped in the last few minutes to something similar to an animal poised to run. He saw little of the room around him, like it was a grasp away from him, all that was there was the wrongness in his head and the people around him.
Bakura glanced at him first, a frown on his face as if he was judging the truth or severity of the statement.
"Why?" he eventually asked.
He wasn't angry yet, that was good. Bakura only got angry when he was worried and didn't know how to show that he cared. If Bakura was just annoyed or curious, then Jou at least didn't look like he was about to give in and break into a blubbering mess. Tension or not.
Jou could cope with that. Maybe. A little. It was a good thing he knew the tomb robber so well… and he tried to control his breathing. He knew the tomb-robber so well.
Malik started looking alarmed and called nervously, "Ryou?"
Mariku was watching Jou like he was a curious insect, head tilted to the side and a narrowed and piercing stare from his crazy eyes.
Ryou made his way out, plain white apron being used to wipe whatever might have remained on his hands. He took in the scene easily. Jou sitting rigidly, his eyes wide and somewhat glassy - while the three Egyptian's all catalogued him with varying degrees of concern.
"Oh dear," Ryou murmured, coming more fully into the room and pulling off his apron as he did. He laid it on the arm of the couch and crouched down before the unsettled blond. "Jou, what's the matter?"
Jou swallowed very thickly. "I, um. I just kinda realised where I am."
Ryou had a uniquely special expression that managed to be confused, concerned and dreading all at once.
"Mariku," Ryou said calmly but there was a level of ice to his tone that would have shocked many people. Not Jou, he knew Ryou had a core of steel and a way of being pissed off that was frightening. He'd have to, if he had any hope of controlling two psychotic Egyptian's and one borderline insane one. "Did you, at any point while I was gone use the millennium rod on Jou?"
Jou saw the obvious look of bafflement and the flicker of anger on Mariku's face and it was ridiculously, painfully, comforting. "No," he near hissed and there was a hint of darkness, shadows, to the edge of the room.
Ryou didn't take his eyes off Jou, but his voice, when he spoke to Mariku again, had thawed. "I apologize for the insinuation but with Jou's comment and current state, you can image it made me pause."
It was kind of miraculous the way Ryou walked the fine line between getting obliterated off the face of the planet and being fondly indulged. Mariku lost his harshness and the room lightened.
"I wouldn't," he said again, a hint of violence still in his voice. "He knows that."
Ryou didn't comment on it, neither did anyone else. "Jou, please focus on me. In my eyes. Right here. Yes. Thank you, Jou. Why is realizing where you are a problem?"
Jou shut his eyes against the concern, worry, in Ryou's gaze and to help lock out the growing panic on Malik's face as well as the twitching that symbolized Bakura was about to start yelling. Ryou was really the only one who handled his panic attacks well. Jou knew he wasn't conventional about it and the way he could or couldn't handle the things around him would fluxate. Ryou was the only one who could keep up. Jou wondered how he knew all of that.
He wet his lips and opened his eyes again, tired to focus on what Ryou had asked. There was so much to answer the question with. He knew a lot of it would hurt. He knew this part would hurt the most, he said it anyway. "They're here."
He wasn't wrong. The room went almost black and the snarl was pure Bakura, "Who is?"
It was a very severe threat. Ryou paid it no mind. "Obviously, he's referring to you and Mariku, possibly Malik. I think me, as well, in the back of his mind." Ryou sighed. "Honestly, Mariku, let the shadows go it is really not helping your case."
Some of the light fixtures shook but slowly the darkness faded and it became easier to see Bakura pacing, Malik had his hands on Mariku's shoulder talking quietly as the other glared at the opposite wall. Ryou hadn't stopped looking at him.
"Jou." Ryou hesitated. "We've talked about this. I… you've lost a fair amount of time." He swallowed. "What was the last thing you remember about us?"
"Daggers," he admitted promptly but there was an awkwardness in his tone and it was rapidly approaching panic, "Bakura taught me how to throw backhand. Malik wants me to help with teaching Mariku to ride." It reached a crescendo. "Oh fuck. I shouldn't be here."
He went to stand but Ryou was gentle, so gentle at pushing him back down. "Okay, okay," Ryou soothed. "I can see how that would be jarring," his voice sounded pained and Jou nodded while feeling small twinges like the beginning of a headache in his mind. "What do you remember before that? Before coming here?"
"I-" Jou stopped abruptly, trying to think. It made him wince but not from it hurting but because it felt like he had to pull a huge weight in order to roll something, not memories just weight over to get to his next clear recollection. "Battle City."
He felt the anger the memory held, knowing what the three Egyptian's had done… but it was also not there. It was like it was wrong or that it had been right but it wasn't anymore. "I remember what they did at Battle City."
Jou could see Bakura shift, it would have looked like he was uncomfortable if he didn't look so furious. Ironically, unimaginably, the scene made him smile. Ryou, who he wasn't looking at, closed his eyes briefly in utter relief.
That one unconscious gesture let Ryou know it wasn't too bad, that the relapse was manageable.
"Jou," Ryou called him softly. Jou blinked back towards him. "Jou. That was seven years ago. We graduated high school a long time ago." He hesitated, but this didn't seem like one of the ones he needed to be cautious with. "You were living with Bakura and I for three years, an extra two now with all of us and-" he cut himself off, the first show of the storm of emotions going on inside him showing.
Mariku picked up the slack. "And as of almost two fucking years ago that fuck of a Pharaoh broke your fucking mind."
The snarl that Ryou sent Mariku, making him bear his teeth was so reminiscent of Bakura it would have been near impossible to tell them apart.
"Thank you, Mariku," Ryou bit out.
"Atem?" Jou ignored the rest, searching around his mind and finding a mixture of emotions that were hard to quantify. Admiration. Friendship. Horror. Hatred. Betrayal. Guilt. "What?"
Malik was suddenly on his knees beside Ryou, looking helpless and desperate. "He found out about your friendship with Bakura, with me and Mariku. He… he found out…
"That you forgave them," Ryou cut in smoothly.
That jogged a few things loose. He remembered brief flashes. Atem with his face murderous, the eye of Horus glowing. Jou had tried to explain, screamed, told him to fucking slow down and listen, damn it. Ryou had stood in front of Bakura, Mariku had shielded Malik.
There had been so much yelling and Atem had begun talking about the Shadow Realm. Jou had known, known that while Mariku could make it back Bakura would have been fucked and Malik would have been ripped to shreds by the shadows. Ryou… well, Jou had known Ryou was going to be safe, but that was not all of them.
He'd punched Atem in the damn face and yanked him out of the apartment. He… hadn't remembered much more, just a hand in his face and Atem shouting something about taking the corruption from his mind.
He felt himself flinch on instinct. He felt soothing hands on his arms; Ryou's and Malik's.
"What… What did he…?"
"You can't take the corruption," Bakura spat the word, "from an innocent mind. He basically just fried a fuckload of your memories that he didn't like."
A hand was running gently through his hair this time and he realised it was Mariku, softening the words. "You saved four undeserved lives that night." A protesting growl from Bakura, made Mariku amend, mockingly, "Perhaps not Bakura's little light."
"But." Jou paused, a few more memories trickling out of the weight that he'd felt, the blocked and crumpled part of his psyche. "You helped… you kept me safe. You moved us here and…" he twisted to look at Mariku. "You mended my mind with the rod."
His lips pulled down. "I did what was possible."
A new memory came back. "You use the rod. You are using it. To help."
"It makes your memories sporadic afterwards," Ryou answered for him. "It's difficult to undo what was done, to mend it, and you usually go catatonic afterwards." Ryou smiled but sadness tinged it. "These happen. That's why I asked Mariku if he had attempted something recently," he nodded at the other. "These usually don't happen on there own."
"Does that mean I'm getting worse?" He felt a stab of horror for a whole different reason now as things finally, finally seemed to come back into shape. It was still muddled and he felt almost disconnected from it, but the past was there. His friendship his… He blinked rapidly, gaping slightly. "You. I. We?"
There was a nuzzle to the side of his face than; Mariku. "Ah. Have we remembered that?"
"Stop it," Bakura snapped abruptly. "He's still nowhere near normal yet."
Jou ignored the glaring going on above him to reach for Ryou like a lifeline. "Ryou!"
"Shh," Ryou calmed gently. "It's not worse, from what we can gather it's probably natural."
"It might even be good," Malik chimed in with a small smile, drawing the room's attention to him. "I mean, Atem wanted us obliterated from you. Jou's stronger than that and this is proving it. I think his memories are trying to fight there way back."
Jou felt a blossom of hope form and reached out for Malik on instinct. "Yeah?"
Malik linked a hand with his and smiled. "Don't doubt it. You were a fucking bitch to control at Battle City, if your mind was that much of a pain then," his look softened, "it's only a matter of time now."
Jou took in a breath feeling his body relax for the first time since his mind had revolted against him and sent him spiraling into terror. It seemed like everyone else let out a breath too.
"Glad that's fucking over," Bakura said simply. Pointing a finger at Malik he ordered, "Finish up Ryou's baked shit. Ryou go make Jou sleep."
"What about me?" Mariku asked, somewhere near an eyebrow raise and a sneer. But he moved away from Jou. "Why I can't I take him to bed?"
Ryou helped pull the still foggy blond up while, with one more lingering touch, Malik went into the kitchen.
"Does it look like he can deal with that now?" Bakura asked, turning to head back to what he had been doing, but before he did he let his fingers lightly brush Jou's cheek, a small twitch of a smirk to his lips.
Jou felt the last of his tension escape as Ryou led him further into the apartment, leaving the bickering Egyptian's behind. It only took Jou a few moments to get his bearings, to know which way to go and Ryou let out a soft, grateful sound.
It was as they walked that Jou asked, "We're not in Domino, are we?"
"No," Ryou agreed.
"London," Jou stated. "No. We were. Now we're." He turned and stared, blinking rapidly. "France?"
Ryou's eyes were laughing. "You already love it, Jou. You'll remember."
"Take your word for it," he grumbled good-naturedly, but he could already feel it, sense it, see it. The moments they'd shared, the things he'd seen, but there were still so many blank parts and the humor and joy was fast to fade from his face.
"What… what happened?" he asked, meaning so much with that question and hoping the other would understand.
Ryou sighed as he reached for the door and pushed it open. The bed was huge, obviously custom made. It could easily fit six people. Jou tried not to think about that.
"There's a lot to say. Atem, obviously, he took you from us and tried to reverse what he did, fiddling in your head to find out what 'spell' we had used to make it backfire."
Jou felt his whole body shudder at the mere thought. It made him feel cold - sick. Ryou squeezed his arm gently, sliding past the topic. "We got you back and fixed what we could. No one would help or believe us when we said that it was Atem's fault, that…" Ryou cut himself off, clearing his throat before continuing. "We, well, we disappeared, taking you with us." His smile was almost rueful. "The memories you mentioned, of Mariku and the bike? Bakura and the knives? That was our first year, before Atem happened. There's a lot in between, but we all wrote diaries, notes, took pictures - you did too. They're here and should help you catch up, jog what's still missing."
His mind stuck on something, putting a lump in his throat, hardly hearing the rest. "D-Disappeared?"
Ryou nodded sadly. "It's a lot to explain, I'm sorry. You did want to come though and things have been working fine. No one's found us and I know it doesn't seem like it, but you're getting better. Everything's turning out fine."
"But, I-"
"Shh," Ryou whispered and Jou found himself complying, his head hurt, his body ached and his mind felt so utterly fucked and like he had no idea what was up or down, just that he was safe and he needed to sleep.
Seeming to read his troubled mind, Ryou said, "Come on, you need to rest. I can stay until you do? I promise nothing will happen to you again. I'll be here."
Jou seemed to nod in one second and be curled up in bed the next with Ryou sitting beside him and stroking his hair. It was one more empty spot in his mind. "Shh, go to sleep, Jou. Everything will be fine in the morning."
Nodding, Jou pulled the blankets closer and tried to ignore the cold shudder some of the snatches of what had happened before sent down his spine. He concentrated on Ryou, on the touches he'd received from the others and the warm memories he had rather than the cloud to his mind that made everything feel so obscure.
It didn't take him long to start slipping into unconsciousness. He hardly noticed the way Ryou's hand left his hair and completely missed the sad look and soft breath the other let out before he gestured the three Egyptian's by the door into the room.
They all climbed on to the bed and sat around the sleeping blond. Silently and with unanimous consent, Mariku pulled out his millennium rod.
A/N: I'll leave you to decide just how safe Jou really is and just who took the time to befuddle him.
While I may or may not write more in this story, I love these particular characters together and have a few ideas for them in the future. Keep an ear out if you share this affection, you might enjoy what I'm considering.