Chapter One

Olivia lay in bed unable to sleep. The night was completely still and quiet except for the sound of Fitz snoring lightly beside her. Only three short years ago she would have given anything to be here lying beside him as his wife and his First Lady. Only now she felt trapped. She was in prison. She was a goldfish in a fishbowl and the American people the child tapping its finger on the glass trying to get the fish to react. December was the busiest month in the White House. There were endless holiday parties, tours for school children and tours for people wanting to see the White House Christmas decorations. Thankfully most of the preparations had been made by Mellie before she and Fitz had gotten a divorce. Also on her schedule this month were the multiple magazine articles and covers about the REAL Olivia Pope. The REAL Olivia Pope was dead. The Woman who replaced her, Olivia Grant, was a joke. A shell of the woman she had been a month ago. Before she and Fitz were forced into a shot-gun wedding to save his presidency.

A month ago Olivia Pope had been at the top of her field. She was top dog. Not only that, she had been the top dog that other top dogs ran to when they needed to have a problem fixed. The most interesting problem she had been confronted with lately was when Senator Harding's wife had forgotten what a snicker doodle was. She was a statue, ornamental. The kind of woman she had always sworn she would never be. For as much as she loved Fitz, she also resented him too. He had turned her into Mellie. The trophy wife whose only job was to stand at her husband's side and look pretty. Prop him up and make him look good. To spew clichéd platitudes to make him feel good about his most mundane achievements. Gone were the days of Olivia Pope offering him her council and wisdom. Never mind the fact that she got him elected twice, it was painfully clear to her that now she was just the wife. Her thoughts, her opinions, her experience meant nothing. It wasn't until she had moved into the White House and became Fitz's wife that she truly gained a new appreciation for Mellie. For 23 years she propped Fitz up and stroked his ego making sure that he had everything he needed to feel good about himself.

With all of the stress that had been happening in her life at the moment it would not shock anybody that she had been feeling run down as of late. Thinking it was just an iron deficiency she went to the White House doctor to have some blood drawn and to see about getting an Iron Supplement. Little did she know she was not anemic she was pregnant. To say she was floored would have been an understatement. She had a Gyno appointment later that day. She still didn't know what she wanted to do. Fitz loved being a father, he loved his children. That was always abundantly clear to her. She remembered a time when they were on the campaign trail six years ago when she saw him kissing babies and playing with toddlers in the crowds at campaign rallies and other various functions that she used to dream about their children. In her mind it was safe to dream of what might have been because there was no way that it would actually happen. After receiving the news she felt nauseated. One might blame it on morning sickness but she blamed it on the sudden overwhelming sense that she was suffocating. If her own mother was any indication of her maternal instincts she knew she would be a terrible mother. Given the fact that a baby would only complicate her already tenuous relationship with Fitz it just didn't seem feasible for the two of them to have a baby. Only a few weeks ago the mainstream media had been calling her anything from a home-wrecking whore to a power grabbing seductress she did not know if she could bring a child into this world. Anybody who could do simple math would know that she had gotten pregnant before she and Fitz had gotten married. It was her worst fear that not only would the name calling along with the date and rape threats would start up again. However this time it was not just her that would be being attacked it would be her child. The only person who was completely innocent and blameless in this scenario would be the one who would get hurt the most. She was at a loss when it came to knowing what to do.

Eventually Olivia was finally able to go to sleep. As soon as she did though it seemed as if it was already time for her to get ready for the day. She heard Fitz stirring in the bed beside her. She soon felt an arm wrap around her body. "Hi." Ugh, morning breath. Olivia thought to herself. "How did you sleep?" Fitz asked her. "Not well, I feel like I just barely got to sleep before the alarm went off." Olivia said, slipping out of her husband's grip. Fitz rubbed his eyes and sat up on his side of the bed, facing away from Olivia. "It's going to be a long day. Thankfully, this Cabinet dinner tonight is the last obligation we have for the year. Hopefully after that you can start catching up on rest." Olivia took little comfort in this. "Look, I know you hate these things but our plan is working, our approval ratings are going up. Just hold on a little bit longer." The way the words our plan rolled off his tongue so easily irritated her. He was delusional. This had not been their plan. This had been Cyrus's plan. He was the evil master-mind behind their whole marriage. It had been her only way out. Besides her father of course. She seriously considered that option, but in the end she opted out of that option. Her father was a monster that could not be let out of his cage.

After she and Fitz parted ways Olivia made her way to the East Wing where the Office of the First Lady resided. "Good morning Diana, do I have any messages?" Olivia asked her receptionist as she walked towards her office. "Yes ma'am, you have message from the social secretary requesting your help in regards to tonight's Cabinet dinner. And you have a message from your gynecologist wanting to confirm your appointment for later today." Diana was a petite woman probably in her late 20's or early 30's. She had been very gracious with Olivia when she first started her duties as First Lady. Olivia was grateful for this woman, Diana had made her transition from OPA gladiator to First Lady less taxing. "All right thank you Diana, I will take care of it."

Upon entering her office Olivia turned on the TV and flipped the channel to BNC. The day had just barely started and it seemed as if the newly appointed Senator Grant was already making waves by filibustering on behalf of Planned Parenthood. She watched in awe as Mellie passionately and purposefully defended the institution. She couldn't help but feel a little twinge of envy as she watched Mellie prove to everyone that she was a force to be reckoned with. There was a lot riding on this filibuster. The very future of Planned Parenthood could very well be riding on the shoulders of Mellie Grant. She knew she should help out in some way, however she hadn't the slightest clue as to how to go about doing so. Flipping the TV off again she made her way downstairs where the social secretary was eagerly awaiting her help.

Her morning went by relatively quickly. She made her way back to the residence during her lunch hour where she was met by Fitz, who was standing in front of the TV watching as Mellie's filibuster progressed. "Can you believe this?" Fitz asked as Olivia slipped off her shoes upon entering the bedroom. "She is baiting me. She knows I need this funding bill to pass and she is doing the to sabotage me." God, has he always been this arrogant? She thought to herself. "Or maybe it has nothing to do with you." Olivia snapped, the words coming out harsher than she had intended. Fitz was taken aback by her last statement. "Sorry," she said. "That came out worse than I intended. I don't know what has gotten into me." Fitz sat down beside Olivia on the couch in front of the TV. "I know you are frazzled, this is a lot to get used to. For what it is worth I think you are doing an amazing job." Olivia looked a him with a sad look on her face.

"So, what is on your agenda for the rest of the day?" Fitz asked, putting his arm around her. "Well this morning, I helped Mitch prepare some last-minute details for the dinner tonight so this afternoon is a little light. I am actually going to deliver some snicker doodles to Senator Harding's wife." Fitz looked at her with shock on apparent on his face. "Snicker doodles? Really?" He asked in disbelief. "Yes, apparently she had some last year at one of the White House holiday parties and she forgot the name. Only that it had cinnamon and a funny name. Apparently they were just to die." Olivia said mimicking the Senator's wife. "Plus, tis the season after all." Olivia decided to leave out the part about the doctor's appointment for that evening. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the pregnancy and she didn't want Fitz to know. Fitz adjusted his tie as he stood up. "Well, I should get going. I love you, and I will see you this evening." He said placing a kiss on the top of her head before walking out the door. Olivia continued watching the coverage of Mellie's filibuster. She was drowning out there. In that moment Olivia knew what she had to do.

Olivia's heels clicked on the marble floors of the Capitol building as she carried a plate of cookies over to the secretary's desk. "Hi, I'd like to drop these off for Senator Harding's wife. They're called Snicker doodles." Olivia said with a fake smile plastered across her face. Upon seeing a familiar figure Olivia made her way through the atrium of the Capitol building. "Senator Muskowitz, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time." Upon hearing this the Senator made her way over to Olivia. "What can I do for you Madam First Lady?"

"It's not what you can do for me so much as it is what you can do for Senator Grant." Olivia stated. "You are a democrat, you of all people don't want to see Planned Parenthood's funding get moved to the discretionary list. She is drowning out there and desperately needs someone to help her out." Senator Muskowitz rolled her eyes. "Look Madam First Lady, I am sympathetic to Senator Grant's plight, but the fact of the matter remains it's the holidays. I am just interested in getting home to my family." Unbelievable, Olivia thought. "Okay well, thanks for your time. Have a happy holiday." As the Senator walked away, Olivia picked up her phone to get in touch with Susan Ross.

After hanging up the phone with Susan, who seemed more than willing to help Mellie out, Olivia was hit by a sudden wave of nausea. This had been the first symptom of her pregnancy that she had experienced. Aside from hormones causing her to lash out unpredictably. Although, she argued with herself, that could just as easily have been her husband getting on her last nerve. He had been acting like a petulant child lately. Olivia ran as fast as she could to get to the women's bathroom. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she was reduced to dry heaving still feeling the need to empty her stomach. She heard someone enter the ladies' room, presumably Mellie. Eventually she left her stall and cleaned herself up at the sink. A few moments later Mellie came out of her stall and froze upon seeing Olivia. "Of course, I should have known this was you." Olivia remained silent and went to throw away the paper towel she had used to dry herself off with.

"Did you know the youngest mother in American history was nine years old?" Olivia began. "Nine years old. She wasn't out there having sex with other nine-year-old boys because how many nine-year-old boys do you know that have already reached puberty? That means that somebody did that to her Mellie. An uncle, a brother, a grandfather, her father. Someone hurt that child." Mellie stood there in silence not sure how to react to Olivia's statement. "What were you doing at nine years old Mellie? Do you remember? I was riding my bike with my friends around my neighborhood. I had baby dolls that I played with when I was younger but never in a million years did I ever even imagine taking care of a real baby at that age. Hell, my parents didn't even tell me what sex was until I was 11." Mellie washed her hands and continued staring at Olivia in disbelief. "This took place after the days of Roe v. Wade, but because her family didn't have money for her abortion this little girl was forced to go through with a pregnancy that could have killed her. You're a mother Mellie. Can you imagine for a minute if that little girl had been Karen?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm exhausted, and I am still not even close to being through." Mellie finally spoke up. Olivia nodded, understanding that Mellie had to be tired after being on her feet all day long. She looked as if she had run out of steam. "Mellie, you can do this. You only have a few more hours to go… And besides you are the biggest bitch I know," Mellie looked at Olivia with an incredulous look on her face. "Don't you dare tell me you can't do this." Olivia finished with a smile. With that she began to walk away. "You want to stay and watch?" Mellie asked, as if she were extending an olive branch to Olivia. "No, I um I can't. I have somewhere to be." Olivia stated. "Right, the Cabinet dinner. God those things are boring." Once again Olivia turned to leave. "Keeping peppermints in your purse helps with the morning sickness." Mellie called out. This caused Olivia to spin around so fast she nearly lost her footing. "Liv, I've been pregnant three times. I know what being pregnant looks like."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Olivia said as she once again turned around to walk out of the bathroom. There were so many thoughts swarming her mind as she sat in the back of the motorcade on her way to her doctor's office. Before the morning sickness, her pregnancy had just been some abstract idea in her mind. It wasn't today that it had become real. There was really a tiny person growing inside of her at that moment. Things had become more complicated to say the least. She was still not sure how she wanted to proceed, but the thought that she would make the world's worst mother kept eating away at her. When they arrived at the gynecologist's office checked in at the receptionist's desk and took a seat in the waiting room. While waiting, a diaper commercial came on the television. A woman in a delivery room had just been handed her newborn baby for the first time. Olivia imagined what it would be like in the delivery room with Fitz. Who would their baby look like? Would their baby be a boy or a girl? Emotions threatened to overtake her, but she was able to pull herself together and hold the tears back. "Grant?" One of the nurses called causing Olivia to snap out of her daydream.

Olivia's weight was checked along with her temperature, blood pressure and pulse were all checked. "Alright, the doctor will be with you shortly, in the meantime here is a gown that you can change into." Olivia smiled in thanks to the nurse. While waiting for the doctor she started to wonder if she really wanted to go through with the abortion or if she wanted this baby and Fitz. After changing into her gown the doctor came in as if on cue. "Alright Madam First Lady, I am Doctor Adams, now before we begin I am required by law to preform a trans-vaginal ultrasound before we continue." Olivia nodded. She didn't know if she could go through with this, especially after seeing her baby on the monitor. "Now, you might feel a little discomfort, but that is perfectly normal." Olivia winced as she felt the wand making its way inside of her. The doctor moved the wand around a little bit which admittedly didn't feel so great. Then. She heard it. It was this fast-paced whooshing sound. The doctor turned the monitor towards Olivia. "There you go. The fetus is perfectly healthy. Your ovaries are in good shape and your cervix is in good shape as well. Given the size of the fetus I would say that you are six weeks along. Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I have to ask again. Are you sure you want to go through with the procedure?"