AN: just a little something that been on my mind
DISCLAIMER: ownage denied.
ORDER IN MY DISORDER
He's leaving again. Leaving me here by myself. He wants me to try something new today, wants me to try breaking my habit. I can't. I can't do anything when he's gone.
Need.
I need him to come back. My mind is reeling, my heart is pounding. Shadows make me do a double-take. Who's there?
No one.
There's never anyone there. It's just me here. Just me when he's not around. It makes me feel lost. Lonely. I'm alone again.
Blood.
Oh god there's so much of it. I cover my head and I try not to scream, but it's seeping from the walls and dripping from the ceiling. It's everywhere. It's…
Not real.
Not anymore at least. There was blood once, lots of it. I saw it. I was covered in it. They were covered in it. But I was alive and they were not. Dead. Gone.
Screams.
I hear them again. The screams, that is. They fill my head. I block my ears but they only get louder. It's like I've trapped them in. Those anguished screams.
Run.
I'm running, running through the house, throwing open each door and checking for them. Are they there? Are they bleeding? Do they need my help? Where are they? I can hear them, I have to find them!
Disorder.
I'm back where I am every day. Sitting in my corner, watching the door, listening to the chaos in my head, watching them die all over again. I need him, I need him. He needs to come home. He needs to save me again.
Order.
The door opens and he's smiling at me. The noise in my head quiets and I feel myself calm. Slowly, I rise to my feet and walk forward. His smile is blinding. I like it.
Naruto.
His kisses are sweet, his voice is soothing. He tells me about his day and asks about mine. I shrug, unwilling to answer. Nothing really matters anymore. He's home. His voice is persistent now, asking me questions, willing me to answer. I smile softly at him.
"I'm okay now."
But I know when he leaves in the morning, I'll be that way again.
Tortured.