This is loosely based on the song Forever and Always by Parachute.
I'm sorry.
She sits at the dining table with a book in her hands, unable to concentrate on the words on the page in front of her. Myka had called to report that they bagged the artifact two hours ago. It wasn't a very long drive; they should be back by now.
Helena takes a sip of her tea, but it's gone cold and she makes a face as the taste washes over her tongue. As if reading her mind, Leena enters the room and sets down a fresh cup of tea for her. Helena nods her head in thanks.
"It's late," Leena says. "You should get some sleep."
Helena shakes her head. "I'm waiting up for Myka and Pete. Have you heard anything from them? They should have returned by now."
"No, not yet." She notices the worried look on Helena's face. "HG, I'm sure they're fine. They probably just hit traffic."
"In the middle of nowhere, South Dakota?"
"Don't worry," she reassures. "They'll be back soon." Leena takes Helena's cold cup of tea with her and leaves Helena alone with her thoughts once again.
Helena sighs and sets her book down on the table; she's lost hope of getting anymore reading done tonight. She spends most of her time worrying now. Even when they're out on missions together, she constantly fears for Myka's safety. Myka says she's just being protective over her future wife, but this time it's different. She has a feeling in her gut, and it's not a good one.
Helena fiddles with the ring on her finger and faintly smiles. Her mind wanders back to that beautiful December evening.
Helena always loved winter in South Dakota because it reminded her of the weather all the time back in London. She loved snow, and Myka knew that.
They held hands through the frost covered garden at Leena's as icy grass crunched beneath their feet. Myka seemed nervous, and she kept one hand buried inside her coat pocket.
"Let's sit." Myka tugged Helena over to the back porch, and they sat down on the bench. Helena lifted their intertwined hands and pressed her lips against Myka's knuckles. "Helena, I wanted to talk to you about something."
Talk about something? That was rarely a good phrase to hear. "But it's so peaceful right now. Why don't we just enjoy the quiet?"
"Please?" Myka's eyes were nervous and desperate. It was the hopeful gaze that ultimately made Helena nod in agreement. "We've been through so much together. And I've been thinking…"
"Myka, if there's something I'm doing wrong, please tell me." Helena began to worry.
"No, you're not doing anything wrong."
"But if there's anything I can do better—"
"Helena, just listen to me!" Helena shut her mouth and nodded, letting Myka continue. Myka laughed softly. She hesitated. "For so long, I felt like there was something missing from my life. Ever since Sam died, nothing felt right anymore. And then I met you." Helena lifted her head to find Myka looking at her with such love and adoration. "I met you, and I felt whole again. I let you into my life when I had no reason to. I trusted you when I shouldn't have. I just knew that you felt right. And now I can't imagine my life without you anymore."
Myka got off the bench and kneeled in front of Helena. "Myka," Helena whispered. "Myka, what are you doing?"
"Helena G. Wells," Myka said her name delicately, emphasizing each word, tasting each syllable. "I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want you there for all the good things and all the bad things, and we've had plenty of both. I want us to grow old together, and—"
"Technically I'm a hundred and forty years old," Helena muttered, interrupting.
Myka glared at her and suppressed a smile. Of course it wouldn't be a proper proposal to Helena if the woman hadn't interrupted her. "Older," she corrected before continuing. "I love you. I love everything about you. I love your mistakes and your faults, and I hate the fact that you snore but I love it anyway, because it's you." She took a deep breath and finally took her hand out of her pocket to reveal a ring. It was simple, yet beautiful. Just like her.
"Helena, will you marry me?"
Helena hadn't noticed that she started crying. She never cried. And yet here she was, cheeks streaked with warm tears, soothing from the bitter cold. Myka was the only thing that ever made her feel at home ever since she was de-bronzed. Even back in her younger days, she knew no one had ever loved her this much, nor had Helena loved anyone as dearly as she loved Myka in this moment. And she continued to love the woman more and more every day. Of course she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Myka, growing together, solving puzzles and saving the day.
"Helena, please say something." Helena was sitting in shock with her mouth agape and tears streaming down her face. Myka was still waiting for a reply.
"Yes," she breathed. Helena cupped Myka's cheeks and nodded fiercely, as if the more she nodded, the more she meant it. "Yes." She leaned in to kiss her fiancé. Fiancé. Helena could get used to saying that. "Myka, darling, of course I will marry you. I love you more than I could possibly express in words. I could write a thousand more novels and you still wouldn't understand precisely how much I love you."
Myka smiled. She found Helena's hand and took it in her own, and she slid the ring on her finger before kissing her again. "Then show me."
And Helena did show her. She showed her with her lips as they made their way inside, and with her tongue as they struggled to climb upstairs, and with her hands as they slipped into their room. They made love as the snow fell and the stars shone, and it was beautiful.
Helena smiles to herself and takes a sip of her tea. Then her phone rings. It's Pete.
"Pete, where are you?" she asks as she answers the phone.
"HG, you have to get down here," Pete says urgently. "You and Artie and Claude…just, tell everybody to come now."
"Pete, what is it, what's wrong?" Helena is worried now. Her voice is shaking.
"There was an accident." Pete is silent for a moment. He pauses for a moment as his words sink in. "We're at the hospital just outside of town. I'm fine, but Myka, she's…"
Helena's heart stops. "Pete, what's happened to Myka?"
"Just come. Now. Please." The line clicks as Pete hangs up. Helena sits shell-shocked as the tears begin to fall.
Leena comes back into the room. "Helena, was that Pete? What's wrong?"
Helena can't speak. The only words that she can somehow form are, "Myka," and "hospital". Leena runs upstairs to wake Claudia and Steve, and Artie comes in through the front door. Pete called him too.
Helena can't move, she can't speak, she doesn't know what's happening or what she's supposed to do. She feels lost. She simply allows herself to be ushered into a car. She doesn't know whose car it is. She doesn't know who's driving. She doesn't know how long it takes, though it seems like an eternity.
When they reach the hospital, Helena is the first one out of the car. She runs inside and frantically asks the front desk about Myka Bering. The others catch up with her eventually, but Helena isn't paying attention. She needs to see Myka. She needs to know what happened.
Pete finds the group and leads them up staircases and through a maze of corridors to the second floor of the hospital and into the waiting room. He explains that Myka is in surgery right now. Helena paces around the room, fiddling with her ring, ignoring all requests for her to sit down and rest. She won't rest until she knows that Myka is alright.
Finally, a doctor approaches. He says he has news about Myka. Helena and Pete approach him, waiting to hear the news. Helena watches the doctor's lips move as he speaks but she can barely hear the words he is saying. The only phrase Helena can make out is, "too late" and she is on the verge of tears again. Pete puts an arm around her. They need each other.
"I don't think she has much longer," the doctor finishes.
How is this possible? Myka Bering, the woman who's survived countless dangerous missions and artifacts and shootings, hell, even old age itself, would not—could not—be taken down by a simple car crash. It seems so mortal. She's stronger than that. She will pull through. She has to.
Pete looks at Helena. She is in shock; her cheeks are stained with tears and she can't speak. "Can we see her?" he asks.
The doctor nods. "Only three people are allowed in at a time."
Pete keeps his arm around Helena as he tries to calm her down before going to see Myka. "Hey, HG, look at me. We're going to see Myka. She wouldn't want to see you crying like this, would she? Come on, she probably wants to see you."
First it's Helena, Pete, and Artie. Helena attempts to compose herself and wipe away a few stray tears before going inside.
Myka lies in a hospital bed, battered and bruised, with full knowledge of what little time she has left. She has every right to be miserable, yet her face lights up with the brightest smile when she sees Helena.
Helena sits down at Myka's bedside and delicately takes her hands. She doesn't know what to say. "How are you?" is what she finally asks, internally scolding herself for asking such a stupid question.
"Better, now that you're here." Myka's voice is weak, but she sounds genuinely happy. She's always happy when Helena's around. Even if she's dying.
No one can bear to separate the two of them, so only Pete and Artie leave when it's time to let the others have a chance to see Myka. Helena finally breaks the moment they're alone. The tears come back. She feels so weak, so helpless. There's nothing she can do.
"Babe, don't cry," Myka says, and reaches to wipe away her tears.
"I can't live without you," Helena says simply.
"You don't have to," Myka replies. "We're going to grow older together, remember? Once we get married, maybe we can buy a house on a hill. I've always wanted a picket fence." Helena smiles. "And we can adopt a little girl, and she'll have two moms that love her very much."
Helena wants this. She wants it so much. It's the perfect future she imagined for herself and Myka. But with each passing moment, the image of that future dissolves and distorts into something unrecognizable as reality sets in. But it's nice to pretend while they still can. Helena continues grasping Myka's hands with desperation as they talk of what other plans they have for their future together. She speaks through her tears.
Neither of them notices Claudia and Steve watching them from the back of the room, both crying. They look so happy, Claudia thinks. It's heartbreaking to hear them talk about the future they can no longer have. And then she gets an idea. She tells Steve to wait here, and that she'll be back soon.
Myka notices Claudia leave but Steve doesn't know where she's gone. She and Helena sit in silence now, holding hands, looking into each other's eyes. Myka hasn't cried yet, and Helena has stopped crying. She's just somber and morose now.
When Claudia returns, she has Artie and Pete in tow. Leena had since joined Steve and Helena. The nurse protests at the large crowd but Claudia whispers something into her ear and she backs off.
"You two are getting married," she announces. "Right now."
"Claudia, I…" Helena begins to protest, but Claudia won't let her finish.
"Look, I went to get rings from a thrift shop, Artie is certified to marry two people (don't ask why, he won't even tell me), and we're all here to be your witnesses. All you guys have to worry about is how much you love each other."
That's when Myka starts to cry. But it's happy crying. She laughs weakly and smiles through her tears because these people are her family and they just want to see her happy. And she is happy. Everyone starts laughing and smiling and crying along with her, even Helena. Tears fall on clothes and skin and hospital bed sheets and the floor. The beeps that keep getting slower and slower almost can't be heard anymore.
Artie keeps things short and sweet; he was never one to ramble on emotionally, and they don't have much time. Then it's the vows. Helena goes first. She's stopped crying for the moment, and she looks into the breathtaking green eyes of the woman she loves.
"Myka, you trusted me and you loved me when no one else would. You've stayed with me through the good and the bad and the ugly. You're the only thing that's ever felt so much like home, and I will always love you." She hesitates for a moment. "I don't know what I'll do without you."
"Helena," Myka reaches out and places a hand on Helena's cheek. Her voice sounds weaker with every breath and the beeps are still slowing. "Helena, you are my life, and I will always love you. Remember that. Even if I'm not there, I know I'll still be in your heart to take care of you. You're never alone, Helena. You have a family. Not just me, but everyone in this room. They're your family too. Please just remember, I will always love you."
Helena kisses her out of turn, but no one protests. It's brief and soft. Pete hands them the rings and they slip the cold circles onto each other's fingers. Artie pronounces them to be married, and Helena leans in to kiss her wife. Her wife. It takes so much energy for Myka to smile against her lips, but she is genuinely happy.
This kiss is also quick because Myka is beginning to have trouble breathing. Helena stays by her side and presses her lips against the back of her hand. Myka rests her head on the pillow again; she's tired, and in pain. Helena is on the verge of tears, but she keeps herself composed.
"I love you," Myka breathes. Only Helena can hear her. She brings Helena's lips down against her own, to kiss her lovingly one last time. When they break apart, Myka looks into Helena's eyes and smiles.
But soon, Myka's eyes begin to close. The beeps on the machine are painfully slow. Helena holds her hand as she takes her last breath and her grip becomes slack. There is silence.
Tears begin to fall, uninhibited, and silent sobs tremble through her body. She holds her wife close, unable to breathe right, unable to open her eyes, unable to think. None of this is real. It's all a bad dream. It has to be. She feels empty.
She doesn't know how long she cries, but soon Helena feels a hand on her shoulder. It's Pete. He is crying too. She looks past him and sees that everyone is crying: Artie and Claudia and Leena, even stoic Steve. She needs them and they need her. Myka was right, they are her family.
Helena leans over Myka's bed and presses her lips softly against her forehead. Her skin is still warm.
"I will always love you, my dear. Forever."