Disclaimer: If CSI was mine do you honestly think that Catherine's boobs would get more screen time than Sara?
A/N: Today is Dev's birthday and I've been sitting on this for a while. Happy Birthday!!!!
It's crap, un-beta'd, and I am fully aware of these facts. No flames please but review if you want… All mistakes are mine.
A man runs through the forest. Behind him footsteps can be heard. You can believe that no one will see the mysterious person behind him. That is, if there is a mysterious person to be seen.
The next sound heard is a gunshot.
Two majestic Denali's arrived at the scene. From these Denali's appeared Grissom, Nick, Greg, Breasts, and the Rock. Suspiciously absent was Sara. Brass was already there, standing over the body.
He quickly delivered what was known about the victim. As his name wasn't known there would be more than enough opportunity to discover who the victim was in a complicated though lucky process. There was suspected to be some witty comment from Brass though this time, none is forthcoming.
Super Dave then told time of death, guessing that cause of death was gunshot wound to the temple. He estimated time of death at seven hours ago and removed the body from the scene.
"What are you thinking Grissom?" asked Breasts as, mysteriously, a button popped off her shirt exposing more bra than normal.
"Gah," he said. "I hope I never have to see that again."
"Who are you? Who, who, who, who?"
"Sorry," mumbled Greg as he checked his phone. "I downloaded it and put it as my ring tone. Always figured it was such a good song to be our theme tune."
"I always thought Another One Bites the Dust would be more acceptable," said Brass thus having a slightly witty moment. His talk caused a chuckle from the Rock.
Though processing a crime scene takes many hours, it seemed like only five minutes. Loading up the Denali's with evidence they drove back to lab and deposited evidence at the various lab techs that would be investigate the evidence using flashing lights and more than a couple of inappropriate moments.
Grissom drew the short straw and had to drop evidence off with Hodges. "Some trace," was all he said as he dropped a bag of evidence on Hodges' counter.
"You're stuff has just been moved to the top of my pile boss," said Hodges. "Now you're here this may be a good time to discuss a recent memo that came across my desk…"
"Later," said Grissom as he strode out the door to the layout room.
"The victim has been identified as William Smith. Someone was smart enough to label his underwear for us," Doc Robbins intoned.
David stuck his head in as, very conveniently, he happened to be passing by at that very moment. "I was the one to sniff the shorts again and saw the name."
"Quit whining Super Dave, it's your job," said the Rock. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"
Super Dave stared at him before he let his gaze drift to the ground and shuffled out the door.
"What do you least suspect COD to be?" asked Doc Robbins once the Rock and Breasts seemed less stunned from their encounter with Super Dave.
"Death by being abducting aliens only to be on the receiving end of experiments then deposited back down on Earth?" said Breasts.
"What type of experiments?" said the Rock, changing his usual expression to one with a raised eyebrow.
"Stick around and you may just be lucky enough to find out," Breasts said.
"Well it wasn't alien abduction though, if it isn't too forward of me to say, where was that on my honeymoon? Let's think of something within the realms of possibilities. Like something that comes across this table of mine on more than one occasion."
Both Breasts and the Rock thought about what it could be. They stared at each then stared at Doc Robbins who just smiled deviously at them.
Breasts broke the silence by saying the first cause of death that came to mind. "He was smothered with a pillow…?"
"How did you guess?" said Doc Robbins, clearly amazed.
"It's a gift," she said with a shrugged.
"You never did show me your other gift," said the Rock.
"No more flirting in my morgue," said Doc Robbins and shooed them out with a wave of his hands.
Grissom was laying out some evidence in the layout room when Sara appeared for the first time this case even though she should have been around the whole time.
"Watcha doing?" she asked with a smile, eye-sexing him as she did so.
Grissom eye-sexed her back. "Nothing much. I've got the photos laid out from the crime scene seeing if I can figure out this case by just looking at some pictures."
"How's that working out for you?"
"Not too great I must admit but 'tis early days yet."
"Need any help?"
"Nope, feel free to continue whatever it is you were doing."
"That just it Grissom, I'm not doing anything! You never let me out into the field and it always seems that I'm not doing anything around the lab either. If our relationship thinks that it gives you the right to baby me, to keep me out of harms way in the lab, then forget it! Send me out into the field." Sara paused and allowed herself to look at Grissom. "Will this happen again?"
Grissom hung his head in remorse. "No dear."
"Good because I'm not ready to say goodbye." Sara walked back out into the lab, and who knows, maybe she will reappear later at the end of the case to create some angst and tension in her relationship with Grissom.
Grissom watched her leave through the glass and stood in silent contemplation for a while before walking out into the lab to get a cup of Blue Hawaiian coffee.
"I am the Rock!" Hodges cried.
Grissom happened to be walking by at this time on his way to get some Blue Hawaiian coffee and managed to insinuate himself into Hodges seemingly apparent conversation with himself.
"No," he corrected. "As I told Warrick when I left on my sabbatical, he's the rock of my team. You are a lab tech who does appear to be seen more than Warrick but he has always been the rock. He most certainly was the rock when he was a gambler but now he's married Tina I never see him anymore. Quite obviously Tina makes him less of a rock but I'm not saying anything on that point."
"No Grissom, I'm the Rock, the wrestler." Hodges waited for Grissom to affirm that he knows the Rock but was rewarded with a blank stare from Grissom. "Anyhow, I've been accepted into a cage fight tournament and yay for me because I'm gonna kick some ass in it. First comes the basic cage fighting then comes WWE! I will be the next Rock."
Grissom gave Hodges a raised eyebrow. "I'm going to pretend to know what you're saying and slowly walk out of the room. In all this cage fighting you're going to do have you done the results I want?"
"Not yet but it is on the top of my pile."
"So you keep saying." Grissom walked out of the Trace lab and to the break room hopefully now to get his Blue Hawaiian coffee.
Luck was on Hodges side as the very next person he saw was the one he wanted to speak too.
"Nick, Nicky," said Hodges and he gestured for Nick to come into the lab.
"You got those results Grissom wants yet?" he drawled.
"Not yet but I've got a question for you. I'm gonna to be cage fighting in a week and I was wondering if you could tell me the secret to those muscles."
"Working out in the gym for many, many years,"
"Oh…Well do you think you could tell me the secret to your soft, shiny hair."
"No," said Nick and he walked out of the trace lab, running his hand through his soft, shiny hair.
Through Grissom made it to the break room he still didn't get that cup of Blue Hawaiian he was desperately craving. Sara walked into the break room just as he got there and though he didn't mind talking to her, it was a little unusual for her to be in the lab at all, much less in his presence for the second time in one day.
Grissom didn't like puzzles or mysteries to remain unsolved so he put off his cup of coffee to talk to Sara about this interesting appearance.
He didn't get a chance to ask his first question he posed as Sara spoke first.
"Do me on the table."
"What?" said Grissom, even taking a moment to peer over his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.
"Sure the eyesex is great and everything but I want something more in a relationship at the office. I'm not one to spread rumors," Sara glanced down the hall, "but even Judy and Archie have progressed from eyesex. Same applies for Warrick and Catherine…"
"Ah, the rock of my team," mumbled Grissom. "Wait, isn't he married?"
Sara raised her eyebrow. This was either in response to Grissom's pointless question or to the fact that Grissom had interrupted her as he often does.
She managed to pick up her sentence where she left off. "Rumor around the break room table is that Nick and Greg even…" She let her sentence drift off.
Grissom leaned forward in his chair, expectation evident in his eyes.
"Someone called for a spork?" shouted Sofia as she bounded into the break room, spork in hand.
Grissom and Sara looked at each other. "Not me," said Sara as she shared a shrug with Grissom.
"Shouldn't you be at PD?" asked Grissom.
"You know me," said Sofia enthusiastically, "I'm always ready to appear at inappropriate moments. Take, for example, when I came back as a detective. Bet you didn't expect that? Then I said that there we some things about the lab I missed. Well let me tell you Grissom, you were one of them."
Sara was visibly shocked by Sofia's forwardness though it was Grissom who was first to speak. "The other things you missed?"
"Greg's Blue Hawaiian coffee. I must admit, not even Starbucks brews coffee that good." Sofia helped herself to a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.
"And you decided to come here and interrupt our conversation now?" asked Sara.
"It seemed inappropriate," said Sofia. "It appears that I was right."
"Well go find someone else to annoy," said Grissom. "And take that useless spork with you as well!"
Sofia downed her cup of coffee and wandered out of the break room. As she reached the threshold of the door she turned around. "Sporks are not useless," she said quite annoyed. "I use them for many things. Off the top of my head they're quite useful when I go camping as it lighter than a fork and a spoon." Grissom and Sara just stared. "Well it would appear that I've overstayed my welcome in this place called the Crime Lab so I'll be on my way. Just remember that you have my number Grissom." Sofia quickly and merrily skipped down the hall.
"We'll talk later," said Sara as she walked out of the break room to plan the demise of Sofia, the useless spork enthusiast.
Grissom looked around the empty break room. "Now I can finally have that cup of coffee," he said aloud to no one in particular.