Wolf: I thought of this yesterday, for some reason. And I made up the lyrics today during school. It was awesome! GO ANAKIN!

Rapping is in italics.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. And the a-word is just 'a' in this, since I don't swear.

The Anakin Skywalker vs. Palpatine Rap-Off

A large crowd had gathered inside the throne room on the Death Star, Rebels and Imperials alike. This was a strange event, unlike anything they had ever seen before. "Hello everybody!" shouted the DJ from behind his disc jockey. His long dreadlocks fell over his shoulders. On top of his head sat a baseball cap. "Welcome to the one and only Jedi-Sith Rap-Off!" Cheers roared out from the crowd.

The DJ gestured to his right. "And in this corner, standing at 1.85 meters! You know him as The Hero With No Fear, the Chosen One himself, Anakin Skywalker, newly redeemed from the Dark Side!" Anakin pumped his fist in the air as the audience bellowed out in thunderous applause.

The man lost his enthusiasm as he turned to the other corner of the stage. "And in this corner, also known as Darth Sideous...Palpatine." There were jeers and boos from the crowd. Palpy glowered at them all.

"All right, Palpatine," continued the nameless DJ, "you're up first! Keep rapping until the beat stops!" He touched the needle to the record, and a beat-boxing sound was emitted from large speakers. Palpatine began to rap.

"I'm the darkest Sith Lord you'll ever have seen

Yeah you guessed right, I'm the B.A. Palpatine

My pimped lightsaber makes yours look like a glowstick

Now go die with the others in Order 66

When I grill you I know you'll fizzle like soda

I even beat the snot out of little old Yoda

Try to teach me, son, and I'll take you to school

You'll do the dead man float in your own blood pool

Don't ever screw with me, you know I'm the best

By the way did you know your children were incest?

You think I'm ugly? You were crap at Mustafar

Sometimes you're as stupid as that moron Jar Jar

With a flick of my finger I hit you with a zap

I'll pin you and kill you with a RAT-A-TAT, TAT!"

Anakin arched his eyebrow, bringing the microphone to his lips. The wrinkled corpse thought he had skills? He'd seen nothing yet! Anakin began his turn:

"With a burst of the Force I'll slam you wall to wall

You're just a little wiener without Darth Maul

And don't forget what happened to Count Dooku

He didn't stand a chance against me and my crew

I'm the hottest Jedi ever, don't be a hater

Did you really forget I was once Darth Vader?

Oh, that's right! I turned on you, too

You're more worthless than bantha poodoo

Flying my starfighter all over the place

I'll blast a torpedo right in your hideous face

Your wrinkles are like canyons, your mouth is like a grave

Try to touch me, creep, and you'll be enslaved

I'm an awesome Jedi dude who came back from the dead

You're a senile old perv who still wets his bed!"

The crowd thundered for Anakin. Palpatine sneered darkly as the shouted on,

"Oh, little Ani, how you're such a tool

Don't you realize you're a great big fool?

You can't make a rhyme to save your life

Was that why you were ditched by your wife?

I'm so hot, you can't ever own me

You couldn't even beat old Obi-wan Kenobi

I've met your son, he's a midget and he's puny

Your daughter is a sleaze and her boyfriend is loony

I'm unbeatable with unlimited power

Don't even try to top me, you lame pansy flower

If we had a saber duel I'd toast you 'cause I'm vicious

Padme always said I was so delicious

I'm a dang Sith Lord with a giant army

You're a whining little prat with a dead mommy!"

Dude, he had just dissed Anakin's mom. Palpatine was going down. Anakin rapped like no one had rapped ever before.

"Say it, don't spray it, I swear you're a stalker

I'll bust you up with my Imperial walker

I've got a super, awesome, rockin' platinum studded Death Star

All you've got are some lame and gay weakling scars

The Dark Side can't own me, I'm so fly

Me and my gang doing Jedi drive-bys

We don't kill everyone, that's a big fat myth

All we ever bust up are those creeper Sith

Before you die you'll beg for a painless end

I'll roll my eyes and say, 'Go whine to your husband!'

I leave nasty destruction in my wake

You'll be crushed under rubble like a queer fruitcake

No one can deny it, I've got style

Unlike you, Palpy, you're a gay pedophile!"

The audience bellowed out names, mostly Anakin's. "ANAKIN WINS!" yelled out the DJ. Anakin grinend and hoisted Palpatine over his head.

"Wait are you doing?!" demanded Palpatine. "Put me down this instant!" Anakin didn't listen, and threw Palpatine over the platform. "NOOOO!" He shouted, before meeting his doom.

It was officially the strangest victory ever for the Light Side of the Force.

Wolf: So who do you think won, Anakin or Palpatine? Let me know in your review!