Pairing: RenShuu

Warnings: Yaoi, swearing, sexual content

Dedicated to Mimi-chan, Happy (late) Valentines day! Love you!

Perfect Delirium

"Fuck you Renji!" And he stormed out of the hotel room. Renji stood and watched him go, deciding that letting him cool off was probably more productive than chasing after him at this point. He sighed and stood for a moment longer, before falling to sit on the massive king-sized bed that had sparked off the previous chain of events. He began to run his fingers through his dark red hair, letting it loose when he came across his hair tie. Seemingly making a decision, he stood and headed towards the en-suite bathroom. He tiredly removed his clothes and turned on the shower; he stepped under it and closed his eyes.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. They'd barely been here two hours and already this holiday was falling to pieces. He had meant it to be a relaxing break for the both of them; because God knows they needed it. He just couldn't believe he'd screwed this up just like he manages to screw everything up. Ever since Tousen had left, Shuuhei had been buried with paper work, trying to sort out his ex-Taichou's mess, which not only put a strain on the poor shinigami himself, but also on their newly developing relationship as well. They'd only been together a few months, but it felt like years purely because of the intensity of it. Though, they had been crazily in like when they'd started it, they also had crazy amounts of stress at that point, and so opportunities to spend together had been few and far between, leaving them both feeling even more frustrated than before they'd been dating. Which is why, when the two of them had been granted time off, Renji had come up with the idea of them going away. Shuuhei had agreed easily, thinking that time away from work to relax with his boyfriend seemed like total bliss. Unfortunately things had gone awry from that point on.

Needless to say, as their alone time was limited; they had yet to consummate the relationship. The furthest they had gone was some heavy kissing and a lot of groping however, whenever they had come close to doing something more serious, Shuuhei had stopped them, saying he wasn't ready for anything yet. Renji was fine with this. Even if they'd only been together a couple of months, he couldn't help but think he was falling in love with the black-haired shinigami- it was excitingly frustrating and painfully confusing and he couldn't imagine feeling this strongly about anyone else; and he wanted the first time they made love to be amazing and spontaneous, not because Shuuhei felt forced into it. And so he was willing to wait as long as he needed to for Shuuhei to feel comfortable with it. And although he was completely accepting of this fact; he didn't think Shuuhei would react this violently to sharing a bed. It wasn't even purposeful. Renji would be the first to admit that his English needed work, and so it was entirely possible that he'd booked a room with one bed instead of two but whilst Renji found it extremely typical of himself, and albeit a little bit irritating, he didn't figure it would matter that much. Shuuhei disagreed. Shuuhei had for some reason felt that this was Renji's way of saying he thought it was time they 'fucked' as Shuuhei had put it. The other man had tried to explain that it was a mistake and that a king-sized bed didn't necessarily equate to sex, but his boyfriend stormed out anyway into the cold London Street.

Although he didn't exactly enjoy arguing with his lover, that wasn't what was causing this stabbing sensation in his chest. He'd always assumed the reason Shuuhei wanted to wait was so that they didn't go too fast and that it would mean something, but if that was true, then why did he react so badly? There was definitely something else on the shinigami's mind and Renji just wished he knew what it was.

He got out of the shower and, wrapping a towel around his waist, made his way over to the window. He stared out of the window only to be face with white. It was snowing. Its purity was beautiful as the snowflakes drifted past; however Renji could only think of one thing - Shuuhei was out in this.

Shuuhei trudged along the icy streets, oblivious to the wintry weather. The wind pushed against his bare arms and yet he refused to yield to the cold, too involved with his own thoughts to care. He knew he'd probably over-reacted to the whole one bed thing; sharing a bed with Renji wouldn't be that big a deal, they'd done it plenty of times when they were younger and had talked too late into the night or simply because they'd passed out drunk. Nonetheless, sleeping in a hotel bed with Renji seemed a lot more intimate than Shuuhei felt comfortable with. It wasn't like he was a complete commit-o-phobe – far from it. He wanted nothing more than to be with Renji until the day they died; to be loved; to have somebody's warm loving arms to cuddle in for all of eternity. But he was scared.

He didn't have a bad life; either human or shinigami. There were no childhood traumas or any major psychological damage in his past; he may have a few self-esteem issues but for the most part he'd been content if not happy. However, his relationships were a whole different issue. They'd all been short but definitely not sweet. The same thing happened every time. Someone would show an interest in him; ask him out; date him for a while and make Shuuhei believe that they were onto something amazing; they'd sleep with him; and leave him. After the same thing happened again and again, he'd pretty much given up on relationships. He was tired of getting all the fuzzy feelings; of becoming attached to someone; giving all of himself and then being thrown away like a used tissue. He'd actually cornered his last boyfriend after being ignored for a good long week and interrogated him as to why he was continually treated in this manner. He wasn't weak; he was anything but. And although he realised he wasn't the most attractive guy in the world he still managed to have his previous boyfriends all over him anyway, and so he wanted to know why after one night of passion, they left him, why this happened every single time – surely he couldn't be that bad in bed. And so he'd asked this last one why it was; at first he'd avoided answering and spun a line about how they were two very different people and it just wouldn't work out. Eventually Shuuhei got him to answer. The guy had smirked before replying.

"Look, darling, it was fun and you're a pretty boy, but pretty boys are there to be fucked not loved. Did you honestly expect me to fall for you?" and he'd laughed and offered to 'give him another go'. Needless to say Shuuhei didn't take that lightly- the guy would be lucky to ever get laid again after what Shuuhei did to him.

From that point Shuuhei had vowed off relationships. If all he was good for was a quick fuck then there really was no point in trying. Then there had been Renji.

This thing with Renji had come from nowhere. They were always close, but it seemed to morph overnight into something indescribably amazing and despite Shuuhei's better judgement, when Renji confessed he felt the same way towards him, Shuuhei gave in and kissed him. He smiled as he thought of that moment. Kissing Renji had been unlike kissing anyone else; so gentle and sincere; like he was trying so hard to keep his passion in check. There was nothing false about it. He loved kissing him and would do it at any opportunity – something that confused Renji to no end. Shuuhei began to feel a strange pang twisting in his gut as his instincts told him he should go talk this out with Renji. Renji was his best friend; he refused to lose his friendship with the red head over something like this.

And so determinedly Shuuhei turned to go back to the hotel. Unfortunately that was when he realised his surroundings. He was standing in the middle of a crowded London street, it was snowing, he was wearing nothing more than a muscle tee, thin trousers and trainers and to top all of that off – he had no idea where his hotel was. The cold started clawing at him and he suddenly felt feverish and tired. He massaged his temples to try and clear his mind, but his thoughts were jumbled with exhaustion and anger, the only clear thought echoed around his skull.

"Fuck."

Renji sat on the bed, staring at the receding light outside the window. It had been hours since Shuuhei had fled and He had yet to return. Renji couldn't help but worry. Suddenly he heard a click in the doorway, and he jumped up to see the form of his lover, leaning in the doorway, hanging on the door handle for dear life.

"Shuuhei!" he called and ran over to him, instantly pulling the boy's frame to him. He looked down at the other's face to see his eyes were out of focus. "Shuuhei, are you okay?" he questioned.

"I found it." The black-haired shinigami murmured against his shoulder, and then he passed out. Renji pulled him fully into his arms and carried him to the bed. He laid him down. His clothes weren't wet just cold and so Renji decided that he would be ok in them; the last thing he needed was for Shuuhei to wake up and find Renji undressing him. He felt his forehead and just as he thought, it was flaming hot. The shinigami obviously had a fever. Renji took note of his bare shoulders and flimsy clothes and tutted to himself.

"Fool." He whispered stroking his windswept black hair. He then went and got a wet cloth from the bathroom to cool the boy's high temperature. He sat beside him until it died down. He was tired and his eyes were starting to feel heavy but he refused to lie down and sleep, in case Shuuhei woke up. Instead he stayed awake and watched him. He kept telling himself that it really was just a fever and his boyfriend would be okay, but he couldn't help the fear that was pulling impatiently on his insides. He shook his head trying to rid his head of nonsensical thoughts though he realised it was useless, and so he focussed his attention on the slightly quivering frame before him; fruitlessly wishing that that would be enough to block everything else out.

Shuuhei shivered slightly as the fever waned, though Renji was sure he hadn't completely recovered. Reluctant to cover him with the duvet in case the fever returned, he simply wrapped him in the shirt he had been wearing earlier. Gently, Renji leaned down and placed a kiss on his lover's cheek. Wearily he lay down on the pillow beside him and waited for his boyfriend to wake up.

The dark twisted and turned before Shuuhei's eyes as he blinked them open. Staring around, he could see nothing but dark blue closing in on him. His gaze caught on a painting of some woman but she just laughed at him, he sat up frantic. A door across from him opened and he saw it immediately burst into flames; he tried to let out a cry but his voice was too hoarse; his throat felt like it was closing up and his breaths came out short and fast. He glanced around the room though he couldn't tell one thing from another. The walls were falling apart.

"Shuuhei!" The sound echoed around him, pounding into his head. Suddenly, a figure stepped through the fire, one he was sure he recognised. They ran over and sat down in front of him. Through the haze, the person's worried features came into focus and he mouthed their name.

"Renji?" He croaked. "I'm scared! I'm so scared!" Renji murmured to him and lay him back down onto the bed. "Don't leave me!" he called out. Renji's heart broke.

"I won't" He promised taking the other's hand in his and stroking it soothingly. Shuuhei felt it, but he could still hear the room whispering and in his fevered state of mind, the distance between him and his lover stretched for miles. "Closer, Renji, I need you." He whimpered. Renji complied and took the other man in his arms and held him as close to him as he possibly could. Shuuhei clutched onto him and hid his face in his chest, shaking and trembling uncontrollably. He clung onto Renji's warmth and slowly, he felt his eyes drop closed as he fell into a deep sleep.

Renji still held the boy to him as he continued to shake and murmur in his sleep. He lay on the hotel bed, Shuuhei asleep on his chest as he stroked his lover's back. It had scared him to see Shuuhei so panicked and distraught, as long as he'd known the shinigami he had always been so strong. A little bit nervous sometimes and he had a strange little knack for tripping over whenever he was with Renji- but he had never been weak. And seeing him like this was something Renji was finding hard to come to terms with. He found it ironic to think that they had ended up spending the night in the same bed after all.

Shuuhei fidgeted in his arms and Renji loosened his grip to allow him room to roll over in his sleep. He was still moaning in his sleep- some of it was understandable though most of the time it wasn't and Renji guessed that his delirium would be over by the morning he seemed to have gotten over the worst of it all. He touched the sleeping man's hair and smiled when the other let out a breathy moan. As his lover slept on, Renji's mind fell back on what had happened earlier on in the day.

He wished he knew why the other had reacted so badly to sharing a bed. It hurt to think that Shuuhei didn't trust him. If he didn't want sex it was no big deal but if he didn't trust Renji to respect that and whilst Renji did respect it, he couldn't understand why it was that Shuuhei didn't want to further the relationship. Being one of his closest friends, Renji knew that Shuuhei had slept with pretty much all of his boyfriends without much of a fuss. So why was he having so much trouble with the idea of sleeping with Renji? It disheartened him somewhat, and he was starting to think that maybe Shuuhei had mistaken his deep feelings of friendship for Renji and wasn't as attracted to him as he had originally thought. But then Renji reasoned, although he knew Shuuhei had gone out with quite a few people, this had stopped months ago- months and months ago in fact, way before all the trouble with Aizen, Gin and Tousen; before he and Byakuya had gone to the human world to bring Rukia back to the soul society…so something had probably happened around then to make Shuuhei behave like this.

Maybe he was just unsure after not being in a relationship for such a long time? But then he would've confessed that as soon as the subject of sex had been brought up. They weren't normally the type for keeping things secret from each other. And he hadn't reacted so violently as to suggest that something truly tragic had occurred. Renji just couldn't work out why it was a huge deal. He wanted it to be special, sure, but he was sure if there wasn't something else on Shuuhei's mind, he would have guessed Renji had made yet another mistake; he wouldn't have completely blown off the handle. He looked down at his lover, whose face was scrunched up as in deep thought, and he found himself wondering what the other was thinking.

He was pulled out of his wondering as a soft laugh met his ears. He jumped slightly before he realised the laughter was in fact coming from his bed mate. He felt a smile twitch on his lips; it was a relief to see him happy again.

"Kira, you're so weird!" His boyfriend shouted out. Renji blinked but shook his confusion away, he had shouted weirder things throughout his delirium earlier, and it was obvious to him now that Shuuhei was simply talking in his sleep. He had done so various times when they were younger though Renji had always been too tired and sleepy to recall specifically what was said. He decided to treasure this rare moment and actually take note on the subconscious of his lover. "What? Yeah!" the other continued. Renji couldn't help the light chuckle that escaped his lips. "No!" Shuuhei's face suddenly crumpled. "No….No! No! No! NO!!" He cried. Renji sat up alert at the other's troubled tone; scared that Shuuhei might be experiencing a nightmare. However just as he was about to try and wake him, he was stopped by Shuuhei letting out a scandalised shout: "You can't be naked in front of a window! That's Stupid!" Renji settled down again albeit slightly puzzled at the latest outburst. "It's pink." He murmured quieter this time.

He carried on murmuring intelligibly in his sleep and Renji grew slightly bored. Deciding his lover was definitely over the worst of the fever, he stood to stretch his tired limbs, vaguely thinking about finding a spare blanket to make him a bed on the sofa. He was just about to turn and leave when Shuuhei spoke as clear as he was awake. Renji didn't hear what he said but turned anyway, expecting the other to be up. However, he must have still been sleep-talking because he seemed as undisturbed as ever. A slight grin pulled at the corner of Shuuhei's lips and Renji couldn't help but find this adorable.

"Renji." He spoke again, clear as day. Renji sat back on the bed, curious. "Renji…" He repeated. He let out a low moan. "Mmm…Oh…Renji!" Renji's eyes widened. Did he just imagine it, or did that sound slightly…sensual? "Renji! Oh, Renji please…" Shuuhei was moaning this now, he writhed slightly on the bed and Renji was left in no doubt about the sensuality of Shuuhei's dreams now. Renji blushed a deep crimson as Shuuhei continued moaning his name with the occasional "Faster!" and "Oh God" thrown in. He finally let out a final, resounding "Renji!" with an expression of utmost pleasure on his face before he fell quiet, turned over and drifted into a less active dream. Still red with embarrassment, Renji couldn't help but laugh. He had just seen Shuuhei having a sex dream. At least now he could be sure of Shuuhei's attraction to him.

Still laughing to himself, he made his way to the bedroom closet to see if he could find a spare blanket.

Shuuhei woke up to the weak morning light filtering through the curtains. He sat up dazed and a bit confused. He could remember his argument with Renji and he had vague recollections of coming back into the hotel room but everything else that happened the day before was a blur. His gaze fell on Renji who was asleep on the sofa and he smiled. He couldn't really stay mad at him anymore; after all he had no idea what had happened when he returned to the hotel room and he figured Renji must have looked after him. He slid across the bed and pushed himself up into a standing position. Casting a wary glance over at his red-headed lover, he carefully tiptoed his way to the bathroom to freshen up. He felt vaguely dizzy and he had a semblance of a headache pawing at the back of his skull but he ignored it hoping a good shower would wash it away.

And it did. He walked back into the bedroom fresh as a daisy. As he entered he saw that Renji had awoken and was now sitting on the bed where Shuuhei had previously lain. There was an awkward pause before Shuuhei made his way over to the bed. He crawled across until he was directly beside Renji. Hesitantly he leaned forwards; Renji watched him unsure of what he was doing until their lips met. Shuuhei pulled away so that their lips were still touching.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I'm sorry too. I know you're not ready yet; I must've have just fucked up the booking." Renji explained. Shuuhei smiled.

"It's fine. I overreacted." Shuuhei shrugged it off. "And don't worry; you can sleep in the bed tonight." Renji's eyes lit up.

"Really?" Shuuhei nodded. "Thank God that sofa was painful." Shuuhei laughed though he stopped short when he felt Renji's eyes on him. He blushed at the intensity of his stare.

"What?" He questioned nervously. Renji just grinned.

"Nothing." He replied. Shuuhei eyed him suspiciously. "You're beautiful, you know that?" Shuuhei rolled his eyes exasperatedly but didn't deny the lips that were now firmly pressed against his. He leant into Renji's touch and moaned as he felt Renji's tongue push past his lips. Renji's hand slid behind his neck as he continued to kiss him, Shuuhei relaxed into his lover, he moved so that he was straddling his lover and pushed him into a lying position. He lay down on the strong body beneath him and deepened the kiss. However Renji forced him to pull back a little.

"Shuuhei?" He questioned.

"Mm?" the other replied looking down curiously.

"Why did you react the way you did?" Shuuhei hesitated before leaning down to capture the others lips in a kiss, however when Renji didn't respond he had no choice but to answer.

"Does it matter?" Renji raised an eyebrow incredulously but said nothing, knowing if he didn't respond Shuuhei would soon cave in. And he did. Shuuhei knew he couldn't really avoid this. He fully got off his boyfriend and looked to his hands. "Do you…How do you think of me?" He asked hoping he didn't sound too much like a woman by asking that question. Renji appeared taken aback but he answered almost immediately.

"I love you." That was the last thing Shuuhei had expected.

"What?" Renji laughed.

"I love you. I'm in love with you." He reiterated watching the expression on Shuuhei's face change from confusion to happiness.

"So you're not going to leave me?" Now it was Renji's turn to be confused.

"Of course not!" and to his further bemusement, Shuuhei laughed and tackled him.

"Well, then I don't have a problem." He said huskily against Renji's ear. "I love you too." Shuuhei could tell Renji was perplexed by his behaviour but he was acting way too cute. Shuuhei wasn't going to elaborate unless he absolutely had to. He shifted so that he was comfortably cuddled up to Renji's side and kept quiet enjoying the weird but comfortable silence that had drifted upon; going over Renji's words in his head. Renji loved him. No one had ever said that to him before, and to finally hear and feel it made his whole being swim; he felt like he actually meant something for once and this feeling he held for Renji was something we would never ever want to leave him. He lay there and revelled in these new sensations whilst Renji lay lost beside him.

"Did you really think I'd leave you?" He finally spoke up. Shuuhei nodded silently. "Why?" he asked looking down at his lover, trying to catch his gaze. Shuuhei, however, kept his gaze determinedly on the wall opposite.

"Well, everyone else did why not you?" he murmured. Renji frowned.

"You mean every time a boyfriend and you…?" Shuuhei nodded. "And that's why you…?" Another nod. Shuuhei suddenly found himself constricted in his boyfriend's arms. "Well, I won't. You shouldn't ever think like that because they're fools for leaving you. So don't fucking underestimate me again 'cause I'm never going to leave you. No matter what." Shuuhei look up at his lover's speech and gave him a watery smile. Renji met his gaze for a solid second before he looked away embarrassedly. Finding this incredibly endearing for no real reason, Shuuhei placed a gentle kiss on Renji's flaming red cheek and decided to change the subject.

"Thank you for looking after me last night. Was I really out of it? I can't remember much."

"Yeah, you idiot. What were you doing out in the freezing cold without a coat on. You could've killed yourself!" Renji scolded, seizing upon the subject change. "Luckily you just had a fever."

"Sorry." Shuuhei apologised once more, sheepishly.

"It's fine. You were just delirious and slept a lot…" He suddenly grinned as he seemed to remember something and Shuuhei felt a vague pang of worry. What had he done?"

"What? Was I sleep-talking again?" he asked. He knew of his sleeping condition, but he never knew exactly what he said during it and he could never remember his dreams so they were no help. He hoped he hadn't said anything too embarrassing. Renji nodded as he started laughing hysterically. "What did I say? Renji, tell me!" he begged.

"Well, you talked about Kira and something about being naked in a window and then…" Renji broke off into more peals of laughter.

"Renji!" Shuuhei cried whacking his boyfriend upside the head. "Tell me what I said." Renji calmed himself down.

"It was something like…" He paused to antagonise his lover further. "Oh, Renji…Mmm, Renji, Faster…Oh." He imitated. Shuuhei watched him mortified.

"I didn't?" Renji just laughed. "Oh God!" he cried and hid himself with his arms.

"Hey, don't hide!" Renji protested, trying to force his arms away. They wrestled on the bed for a while, Renji attempting to get Shuuhei to show his face. He eventual succeeded by pinning the other to the bed. Once the task was accomplished, he gave the other a teasing kiss.

"You know it's your fault, don't you? For being so damn sexy." Shuuhei flirted earning himself another kiss from his lover.

"I know." Renji answered. Shuuhei hit him half-heartedly before pulling him into a longer kiss. Renji pushed deeper into the kiss, and lay himself down completely. Shuuhei wrapped his arms around Renji's neck, as Renji settled himself comfortably on the other. Shuuhei smiled as he felt the others body pushing into his. He moaned as Renji moved so that he was resting between Shuuhei's legs. They kissed for a while longer, withdrawing every so often to catch their breath, and each time kissing each other more passionately, fervently trying to be as close to each other as possible.

Renji pushed his body against the others eliciting a gasp; as he moved his lips to the others neck. Shuuhei leaned his head back to give Renji further access, the sensation of Renji's mouth on his skin was becoming too much for him and he arched upwards, craving more contact. Renji groaned in response, and once more captured the others mouth in a drawn out kiss. Shuuhei clawed at the others clothes, eventually sliding his hands up Renji's shirt. Renji shivered at the contact and pushed his body against the others needing friction. However as Shuuhei made to remove his shirt he stopped him. Breathing heavily, he tore himself away from the lean, dishevelled figure below him.

"Shuuhei, if you don't want to go any further we should probably stop now." He panted out. Shuuhei gazed up at him through hazy eyes.

"Really? Just a little longer?" He pleaded, surprised at how low and husky his voice had become.

"It's just…" Renji began, though he took a sharp intake of breath as Shuuhei continued his ministrations under his shirt. "It's getting kinda painful." He breathed out. Shuuhei stared at him, trying to work out what he was talking about before realisation hit him.

"Oh." He said as he suddenly became aware of the hardness against his leg. He blushed as he took in just how all of this was affecting Renji. He bit his lip before he came to a decision. "Then maybe we shouldn't stop." He made sure his eyes met Renji's, which widened at his response.

"Are you sure? 'cause it's alright if you don't wa…" But Shuuhei cut him off with a searing kiss.

"I'm sure." He murmured against his lips. Renji smirked and proceeded to begin to tear off the others clothes. Shuuhei let out a nervous giggle at Renji's eagerness, though Renji silenced him by pressing kisses down the others now bare chest. Renji sat up slightly after effectively silencing his lover and proceeded to remove his own shirt. He knelt between the others legs staring down at his half-naked lover.

"I love you." He told him before continuing to remove his boyfriend's clothes. His fingers snaked down to undo the buttons of Shuuhei's trousers, one hand dipping below the waistband to caress his thigh. Shuuhei watched nervously as Renji undressed him and then undressed himself, leaving them both naked and aroused before each other. Renji leant down to suck on the others neck. Shuuhei moaned at the feeling of skin on skin. Time passed in a blur of kisses, touches and flesh and then Renji was inside him.

He closed his eyes to feel more of the pleasure his lover caused with every movement, each and every one only convincing further that this moment was nothing less than perfect.