Hey, everyone, been a while, huh? Yes, yes, I know, you all missed me~ *crickets chirp*
…wow, I feel the love…bastards-ANYWAYS~ this little idea came to me out of nowhere =D Yes, well, I was reading some depressing Naruto fics (Naruto angst, gotta love it), and I thought I'd give another go at it. ^_^
Not sure if this will be a multi-chapter one, I was planning on it, but I'm a lazy bum…
Okay, let's get the show on the road~
I don't own Naruto, I'm just an adoring fan of the show~
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Chapter 1-Disease
Naruto's POV-
I could feel my hand shaking with anticipation. In my hand I held and repeatedly counted 40 pills, none the same. I breathed in, once, a calming breath, 'No turning back now…' I shoved them all in my mouth and swallowed them dry. I closed my eyes and waited, and before I knew it, I felt a pain; my lungs were on fire and my heart beated at an irregular and fast pace. I fell to the floor, and instinctively my hands reached for my throat. My vision was fading, blurring at the edges as it did, and I couldn't help but smile. 'Goodbye, Konoha…minna, gomenasai…'
I woke up, later, in a daze, "…Fuck….it didn't work…" I cursed whatever God existed and stood up, only to realize my balance was off, and staggered, slamming into the wall. I leaned against it for support and made my way to the bathroom. If the damn pills weren't going to kill me, why bother letting them stay in my body?
I reached the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. I shoved my finger down my throat, as far as it could reach, and threw up the remains of the pills. As soon as I was sure I had gotten it all out of my system, I flushed and left the bathroom. I crawled into bed, with a scowl on my face, and pulled out, from under my pillow, a small, maroon-color journal. I opened it to a fresh new page and began to write:
October 3,
Dear…whoever the hell will read this,
I tried to kill myself, again. Guess what? It didn't work. Another failed plan, let's see, that goes right up on the chalkboard of "Shit That Failed", right along with hanging myself, cutting, stabbing, drowning, and jumping off the Hokages' Heads Monument. (A/N: Dunno if that has an actual name, but you all know what I'm talking about) Maybe I need to plan this out more carefully...oh well, I'll think of something…
-Naruto
After I finished writing, I stashed it back in its hiding place, and lied down. I closed my eyes and soon enough, everything faded away, as sleep overcame me.
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Normal POV-
"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed in his loud voice as he ran up to the usual meeting spot for Team 7. Upon hearing her name called, she turned towards him and scowled. "Naruto, quit being so loud! Geez, the whole village can hear you!"
"Sorry Sakura-chan…" He suddenly turned his head towards the raven-haired boy, who paid him no heed. Naruto growled, "Teme…"
Sasuke looked up and narrowed his eyes, "Dobe…" Naruto, with a sudden burst of energy, pointed as him and yelled, "Teme! I can't wait to kick your ass!!"
Sakura, as always, hit him over the head and scolded him, "Baka! Quit picking fights with Sasuke-kun! Can't you see he's better than you?" Naruto pouted and turned away, "Whatever…"
An hour passed before their sensei arrived, with a poof. "Yo." He raised his hand in greeting, with his usual smile. Both Sakura and Naruto, in such perfect unison, you'd think it was practiced, pointed and yelled at him, "Kakashi-sensei, you're late!"
He smiled, "Ah, I'm sorry, I saw a fish with a broken fin, so I had to help it…","LIAR!" Both yelled, again, in unison.
"Let's get today started," he said, ignoring that last comment, "We've been assigned another D-Ranked mission! Our mission is to help the Nara's with managing their deer farm, today."
Naruto sighed and complained, "Aw man, why do we have to keep doing all of these D-Rank missions? They're BORING…" he moaned, and Sakura smacked him again, "Baka, do as you're told!" Sasuke just rolled his eyes, "Dobe, you're hopeless…" Naruto glared, "What was that?!" Kakashi placed his hand on Naruto's head, "Now, now, you guys, we don't have time for fighting, we've got a mission to complete. Now let's go." He took off towards the Nara's house, and the three genin followed.
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"Stupid deer, I'll show you!!" Naruto yelled, when Sakura held him back, "What's your problem, baka?!", "The freakin' thing head-butted me!! He's asking for it!" Sakura smacked him and yelled, for what would be the seventh time that day, not that Naruto was counting, "Baka!! You were probably being an idiot and accidentally hit your head! Quit messing around, his is a mission!" Naruto folded his arms, "Some mission, all we're doing is deer sitting…" Sakura just rolled her eyes and went back to feeding the fawns. Naruto sighed in boredom and sat underneath a nearby tree.
'I guess hoping for a dangerous mission isn't gonna work. No enemy is gonna kill me off on a stupid D-Rank mission…' He fell backwards so he lay sprawled, and stared up at the bright blue sky that shimmered through the leaves. He knew he had a mental illness, a disease, as he called it sometimes, no sane person tried to kill themselves. But he didn't care, he didn't want to be sane. The sane people were the ones that hurt him, and he refused to be like them. He'd rather die, and so he intended to.
He thought back to when he first decided on suicide, it was a year ago, before he graduated the academy, on his birthday. Every day sucked, for him, but back in those days, things were a lot harsher, and his birthday was the worst day of them all.
~Flashback~
Glass broke on his head and he fell to the ground. He had run all the way home and locked the doors, but what he didn't know was that there were attackers waiting to ambush him in his own home. "Hey, Demon! Do us all a favor and die! You've got some nerve; living and acting human like you're one of us!" Naruto could smell liquor on the man's breath, he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself propelled into the wall. He winced and fell to the ground, and sprained his wrist when stopping himself from hitting the ground hard. But he wasn't concerned with that, because he was distracted from it when one of the men grabbed him by the hair and yanked him to his feet, only to knee him in the gut, hard. The last thing Naruto saw as he fell into unconsciousness was the hatred in his attackers' eyes. "Die, Demon!!!" He closed his eyes, "Maybe I will…"
~End Flashback~
Naruto sat back up and looked at the other two. Sakura was petting the fawns, and when she noticed him looking at her, he smiled, only to receive a scowl back. He idly wondered why he even tolerated her. He didn't like her; he didn't hate her, by all means, he just didn't like her. She was the same as the rest of them, calling him names and hurting him. Some of her punches actually left bruises, or else they left lasting pain, but he'd never show it on the outside. He just complained as always.
His gaze shifted to the Uchiha, who looked bored. What was so great about Sasuke? Sure, he was a good ninja, he'd give him that, but he wasn't that great. The village worshipped him like some God, and he's spoiled enough to not give a dime. He acted better than everyone else and truly believed he was. In their eyes, he was the great Uchiha survivor, but in Naruto's eyes, he was nothing more than a spoiled brat who needed a lesson in humility.
Naruto let his mind wander for the rest of the afternoon, and began plotting different ways for his suicide to be carried out. He had thought of mainly ten random ways, which included being struck by lightning and getting eaten by cannibals, when Shikamaru and his father came back from their missions.
"Oi, Naruto, you're done, you can go now…" Shikamaru told the blond as he walked over to him. He kicked Naruto in the leg, "Hey, earth to Naruto…" Naruto blinked and looked up. He grinned and got up, "Hehe, sorry, Shikamaru, guess I was just thinking…" Shikamaru sighed, "Troublesome…" Naruto laughed and walked off, when Shikamaru grabbed his arm and pulled him back, "Naruto." Startled, the blond looked at him in surprise, "Yeah, what's your problem?" Shikamaru looked at him seriously, "…are you okay?"
Naruto was stunned, could Shikamaru see through his mask? He grinned wide and laughed, "Of course I am! Geez, ya worry wart, you act like I'm dying or something!" He pulled away and walked off, "Later, Shikamaru!"
He walked off, but as he did, he could feel the burning stare of the thoughtful, dark-haired boy that watched him leave. Oh yeah, Shikamaru saw through, alright…
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After parting ways, Naruto strolled around the village, before settling himself at Ichiraku Ramen, his favorite place in Konoha. He ordered pork-flavored ramen, and slurped it up happily, as he thought to himself, quietly.
How can he kill himself without the damn fox healing him? If the fox didn't heal him, someone saved him, and he would have to pretend it was an accident that he ended up in that near-death predicament. They always believed him, not bothering to look deeper into it. It was lucky for him that everyone thought he was as cheerful and optimistic as he acted. If they knew the real him, he'd have been put into therapy long ago.
Unless no one even cared to do that. The only ones that had ever cared about him were Iruka and Sandaime. Iruka was busy with his new students, and Sandaime was dead. In other words, he had no one.
He paid for the ramen and decided to head back home. Home. That wasn't the right name for it. That place wasn't his home; homes didn't make you feel like running away, or crying, homes were supposed to be safe havens. Sanctuaries, even, but his apartment was no sanctuary.
It was a dwelling, a residence. Nothing more than a place to sleep, eat, and live for the time being. Maybe even for the rest of his life, that is, if he stayed in Konoha. But why plan that far ahead? He was going to die, so there was no reason to think that far into the future. His future was death.
He kept on walking, nearing his apartment, when he passed by a food stand that cooked its food infront of its customers. He paused and looked at the show, the chef was an expert, for he tossed in ingredients left in right, and didn't miss. Naruto looked and saw the flame that cooked the food. That's when he came to a realization. He grinned wide.
The fox can heal a cut from battle, or even self-inflicted, but can it restore life from ashes?