Gone
I can't eat. Can't sleep. I can barley breathe, without you.
Without your warmth. Without your voice. Without you.
It hurts. It has since the first moment. It feels like I'm living with no heart.
It feels like I'm just an empty shell, of sadness and despair.
They try to cheer me up. To make me forget. But I won't. I can't.
I loved you too much. I cared about you too much. I needed you too much.
Tears slipped down my face, as I glanced up at the sky. Rain fell down from the gray sky, mixing with the fallen tears around me and on my face.
Right about now… you would have probably scolded me for being in the rain with no jacket. Then you would wrap your arms around me and hold me close.
"And tell me everything would be ok…" I mumbled softly, as my eyes fell onto the gravestone in front of me, my eyes glued to a single word.
Atem.
My Yami…
God that name. That name that once brought me happiness, now brought me pain.
A part of me, wants to let go. But can't. I won't let myself let go. If I let go, I forget. If I forget… I don't even want to think what would happen if I forgot. I would never forgive myself.
I fell to my knees, on his grave, more tears coming out of my bloodshot eyes, but I didn't make a sound.
A year ago… he died. He was going to America for a dueling tournament. And the ship he was on, sunk in a storm… taking my love with it.
My love. I haven't said that since he died.
Love. A nonexistent feeling for me. All it is now, is a dark memory.
Dark. He was my darkness. And he's my only one. And he will always be my only one.
I remember… when he proposed to me a few years ago.
In life and death…
"Huh…" I said softly, "In life and death, Atemu. We would love each other in life and death. Yami…" I haven't said that word, ever since the funeral. Every time I would hear it, I would go into hysterics… until I became numb. I would only show emotion once and that's was when I was with my lover.
"When uh… I got to sleep, and wake up in the morning… sometimes I can feel you next to me… but then I realize your gone. Your really gone." A sob escaped my throat. "And I'm alone. I am nothing without you. It hurts Yami. It god fucking hurts!" I started raising my voice, as I squeezed my eyes shut. I never cussed. Only when I was beyond pissed or sad.
"But… I-I can't do anything to bring you back. I've asked Ishizu a million times now… She says she can do nothing…" I shook my head. "I can't keep doing this Yami. Atemu. I can't keep living with this pain!" I was screaming now. "I need you! I'm NOTHING without you! I'm not strong, I'm weak! I-I've turned so numb now, even my friends have given up on me!" The rain poured down on me, and before I could tell what I was doing, I was on my feet and running.
My whole body hurt, between the lack of movement and food in me.
I've tried…. I've tried to survive. To live on. I can't even smile now, without thinking of him.
I stopped when I was on the bridge. I looked down at the raging water below.
I needed… I needed to see him. To be in his hold and never let him go. To see his smile. To see his eyes. To see him.
I climbed up onto the railing, and balanced there.
"Atemu…" I said softly. "Yami," I almost begged, "I need you. I know… you wouldn't want this…" The wind began to push me back, almost as if he was trying to tell me not to. Trying to get me to live. A sad smile crossed my lips. "But… I need you. So… bad…" I could hear yelling but I ignored it. "And I want to be gone too… if I can be with you." The voices grew louder and I looked towards them. The gang, including Kaiba, were bolting towards me. I let out a hoarse laugh and shook my head softly. I held my thumb up and they froze. I whispered one word.
"Goodbye."
Then I fell. I could hear them yell. I watched as the bridge grew farther and the rushing water grew louder. They leaned over the railing and watched as I fell. Joey raised a thumb at me, and I could see the tears on his face. I gave a weak smile before coldness surrounded my body.
My eyelids grew heavy so I closed them.
Yami… My darkness… I'm so close.
My body grew numb as the pressure built up in my chest.
Yami… Yami…. Yami…
I kept repeating that name in my head, as everything grew faint until there was nothing.
I felt a pair of arms wrap around my and I opened my eyes, looking up into crimson orbs.
"My angel… My Aibou… you're safe." Pearl white wings encased me, and I looked up at the mad smiling gently at me.
"Atemu… Yami…" a smile appeared on my lips, as tears fell down my face. "We're gone."