GlaDOS the Storyteller
"Welcome, girls, to Aperture Science Laboratories and Cake Factory. I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, or GlaDOS, and today I have been invited to entertain you-" her robotic hum fluctuated- "sTUpid Wondderful little hellions."
"This procedure includes four programmed stories- the first being an insipid metaphor for the decline of the Roman Empire. Once there was a bunny named Greg. Greg loved money. And power. And Greg did not care what he had to do to seize it. So one day Greg ate his little brother, Steve. Yes, poor little Steve. Now here's that metaphor I was talking about. The Germans invaded and destroyed the Western Roman Empire, leaving the East, or Byzantine Empire still intact." GlaDOS drawled.
"Here's a quiz: Which one of you is the ugliest? Decide amongst yourselves, and then laugh at the winner. Our second story is the tale about a small, fat little pig. This fat little pig ate all the cake, so the farmer slaughtered him. In fact, the farmer was several little girls who killed the fat pig girl. You see what I did there. Because one of you is an animal."
"You still haven't chosen. Very well. I will laugh at all of you. Ha. Ha. Anyways, the third story I have prepared for this little exercise is entitled Wonderful Little Girls. One day there was a little girl who was pretty and smart and beautiful. Her parents loved her. She had a cute little puppy that loved to play with her. Every day the little girl smiled and laughed. She was none of you. Here's a secret: no one will ever love you."
"My final story is called Little Girls who Can't Survive Deadly Neurotoxin. It goes something like this-"