I never stopped loving him, even if he left me at the alter. I still loved him with my very last breath.
I can see him now, down by the hole left of Sunnydale. I want to tell him that I still want to be with him, to hold him once more in my arms.
Even if Buffy died (again) that day, the day Xander asked me to marry him was the best of my life. I'd say that our marriage day was the best but then I'd be lying because it kinnda never happened.
I wanted to be with Xander when I died, all old and wrinkled with a bunch of fat little kids and grandkids and great-grandkids all around me. I wanted to go knowing how loved I was, peacefully and painlessly, not cut up in pieces.
I don't mean to be selfish, but I don't want to be dead.
I look up at the gates of Heaven and they are open, with little chubby pink angels calling me to join them, calling me a hero. But I can't leave him without him knowing how much I love him even as I died.
I'll be his angel.
His guardian angel.