Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Fate brought John Sheppard and Rodney McKay together. Follow their romance as they try to battle USAF rules, their friends, and their enemies.

Pairings: John/Rodney, Jack/Daniel (later)

Author's Note: John and Rodney belong together. This is my take on how it would happen. This story has been my baby since 2007. It's not finished, but like my other recent stories, each chapter can theoretically stand alone. Total AU. No spoilers.

Undeniably Fate
by: JnnLuvsU

Chapter 1: Noble Intentions of Love
Chapter Summary: When John confesses his love, Rodney decides to be noble.

Rodney supported John down the hallway, taking most of the other man's weight. John was dead on his feet. He had his arm wrapped firmly around his friend's waist, John's arm draped around his shoulder. He doubted the other man had slept in four days.

He was almost to John's quarters when the other man suddenly stopped. Confused he turned to find that the other man was staring at him, smiling sleepily. He sighed, "Come on, Colonel. Just a little farther. We're almost to your room."

John apparently had no intention of moving any time soon. He just kept staring at Rodney, smiling his infuriating grin. Rodney sucked in a deep breath as John cupped his cheek. "Colonel?" he whispered, confused and not sure what to make of his reaction to the touch. He leaned into it slightly and supposed it was merely because it had been far too long since he'd been touched this way.

"Beautiful," John whispered, stroking Rodney's cheek softly with his thumb.

John's whispered declaration went straight to Rodney's heart, but he knew that John wasn't thinking clearly. He snorted, pulling away from the touch. "Sure, right." Pulling slightly, he attempted to lead John down further down the hallway.

John refused to move and frowned at the sarcasm he heard in Rodney's voice. Reaching out, he gripped the other man's chin. "You are," he said firmly or as firmly as he could being sleep deprived.

Rodney sighed, "Okay, I'm beautiful. I get it." He put his arm back around John's waist and led him down the hallway, "Come on, Colonel. Let's go. Almost there."

John pouted, but meekly let Rodney lead him to his quarters, "You don't believe me," he whispered once they were in his room, hurt in his voice.

Rodney pushed John onto his bed, reaching down to take off the other man's shoes. "No, I don't. You're tired and stressed. You don't know what you're saying. Go to sleep."

John laughed, "Come on Rodney, we both know I'm not that out of it." He sat up, reaching out to still Rodney's hands, still on his left boot.

Rodney looked into his eyes, surprised at the amount of anger in his friend's voice. He raised his eyebrows in confusion, "You're angry?"

John ran his hand through his hair, only messing it up more than usual, "Well, yeah," he stated the obvious. He couldn't believe he'd finally put everything on the line and Rodney didn't believe him. Bullshit! "Do you realize how long I've wanted to tell you that? I finally take that chance, finally decide to," John fumbled for words, not knowing exactly what he wanted to say, "beg...start t..t..to tell how much I lo...," he backtracked, "th..that I have feelings for you, and you don't believe me? How would you react?"

Rodney stared at John in shock. For the first time in his life, that he could remember, he was struck speechless. His hands were still trapped under John's, still in the process of taking off John's boots. His thoughts wouldn't settle. He wanted to believe John, so much, but knew the other man would probably think differently in the morning. He stood up, "You...um, you need sleep. So, um, I'm, uh...going to go." He backed towards the door as he talked, knowing giving in would not be a good thing.

John put his head in his hands, cursing himself. Now he'd scared Rodney off. How could he have been so stupid? "Stupid. Stupid," he muttered to himself, banging his head into his hands.

Rodney sighed, "You're not stupid," he whispered, "I...I just need to think, okay? You don't just drop a bomb like that and expect me to just...I just need to think." He turned towards the door.

John sighed, standing. There was no way he was letting Rodney walk out, not if he could help it. "I've seen the way you look at me," he stated. And it was true, John had seen Rodney look at him, eyes full of affection. He'd even dreamed he'd seen desire in them a few times. Rodney's blue eyes haunted his dreams.

Rodney froze three steps from the door. He didn't think he'd even been that obvious. "Excuse me?" he asked, indignant. Keeping on the defensive was the only way he would be able to survive this conversation.

John invaded Rodney's personal space, but not touching the other man. He smiled, "I said I've seen the way you look at me." He tentatively put a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "And I know you've seen the way I look at you."

Rodney closed his eyes. He had noticed a peculiar look in John's eyes from time to time, but always dismissed it. Fact was he'd never believed that someone like John would ever want him, "Colonel," he began, "you don't... you're tired.." He sighed, "you can't mean..." He fumbled for words, "You...Me?" He looked John in the eye, "Just, please, go to sleep. You'll forget all about this and I can go back to pretending this never happened." His voice was breaking and panic tinged.

John blinked at the amount of hurt on Rodney's face. He was also surprised at how much Rodney's statement hurt him. He hadn't expected that. "Rodney?" he whispered softly, "You're right. I'm tired. And I probably shouldn't have brought this up tonight. I know you're stressed. We all are. And I'm sorry. But I'm not taking it back now. But you know what else I'm tired of, Rodney?" He lifted Rodney's chin with his finger, "I'm tired of watching you get hurt, knowing that I can't be the one to hold you. I'm tired of hiding this. Especially from you."

Rodney stood still, shock evident on his features, "But..." he stuttered, then paused. Eventually, he sighed, hanging his head, "I know," he whispered, giving in. "I hate seeing you in the infirmary, knowing the only role I can play is the snarky friend and co-worker."

John smiled. He'd known Rodney felt the same way. He moved closer to Rodney, frowning when Rodney backed away, regret in his eyes. John recalled what Rodney had said earlier. He cupped Rodney's cheek, "Rodney, why are you fighting this?" he asked, "Why do you want to forget this?"

Rodney tore his gaze from John's, moving away from him to collapse on the edge of the bed. He put his head in his hands, "I've worked for the US military for a long time, Colonel. I know the rules."

John didn't miss the emphasis Rodney put on his rank or the other man's meaning with that emphasis. He knelt in front of his friend, lightly resting his hands on Rodney's thighs. He spoke slowly and deliberately wanting Rodney to know how serious he was, "We save this planet every day. Earth is a billion miles away. On the other side of the galaxy! We risk our lives all the damn time, Rodney. I think we're entitled to some happiness."

Rodney covered John's hands with his, "Be that as it may, Colonel," he stated, "I'd rather be just your friend if it keeps you on Atlantis. They could reassign you, discharge you. Hell, even court martial you." He gripped John's hands tightly, "I will not be responsible for that."

John sighed in frustration. He'd never imagined that Rodney would try to be noble about this. When Rodney started to pull his hands from John's, John quickly flipped his over to grip Rodney's wrists. Rodney struggled briefly, but froze when he realized John's face was inches from his own. John smiled at the look of longing on Rodney's face. He let go of one of Rodney's hands, keeping firm hold on the other, and cupped his friend's cheek. He leaned his forehead against Rodney's in the customary Athosian gesture of affection. "Tell me you don't want this," he whispered, his voice breaking, "tell me you don't dream about touching me." His hand moved to the back of Rodney's neck and he looked into Rodney's eyes, "Because I do. About you."

Rodney licked his lips, "It's not that simple, Colonel, and you know it." He pushed John away, "What do you want me to say?" The agitated tone was back, and he began to pace. "That I dream about you?" He was agitated, his hands going wild. "That I want you in my bed every night?" He collapsed against the wall, hugging his knees to his chest. "I can't," he exasperated, "I can't be responsible for you getting in trouble." He shook his head, standing, "It doesn't matter what I want." He looked at John, "Don't you understand?" He whispered, "I can't." He headed for the door.

John mentally locked the door, "Please, Rodney," he whispered, the fatigue apparent in he voice, "please, don't walk away from me." He was practically begging.

Rodney hung his head, "please don't make this any harder than it already is." His voice was pleading.

John placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder, gripping tightly, "I don't want to make this hard," he whispered, desperately needing Rodney to understand him. He sighed, dropping his hand, "I...um, understand...that Atlantis needs to come first." He shuffled backwards, "I'm sorry."

Rodney turned to face him, "Don't you see?" he whispered, "Atlantis needs you. Do you have any idea what would happen to us if you were sent back to Earth? What would happen to me? And we could be as careful as we wanted. Eventually, we would get caught. And you will get in trouble. I'm responsible for enough mistakes already, I will not be responsible for Atlantis losing you, too. Please understand."

"I do understand," John returned, "I really do." He took a step toward Rodney, "Do you really think I would risk everything if I didn't think it was worth it? Do you really think I'd throw this all away for something that wasn't everything?"

Rodney flushed, opening his mouth to speak.

John cut him off with a finger to his lips, "I'm talking now," he whispered, fingertips gently tracing the outline of Rodney's lips. John licked his lips, forcing himself to pull his hand away. "I will accept this. Because you want me to. However, this was never just about sex, so I hope you realize that these feelings I have for you aren't just going to go away. I will wait."

"Wait?" Rodney sputtered. He was sure his rejection of John would merely mean the other man would find someone else. Someone who was willing to bend the rules. And for the life of him, he couldn't understand why John would want to wait. There was no doubt in Rodney's mind that there were handfuls of people on the base that would be all too willing to jump into bed with the other man. "But why? You could do so much..."

John cut him off again, "Don't finish that sentence," he growled. "Don't even think it. Don't you understand what I've been trying to tell you? You aren't listening." John was exasperated.

Rodney was slightly offended, "I've heard every word you've said."

John cupped Rodney's face in his hands. "But you haven't been listening. I don't pretend to know what goes on in that head of yours, especially right now, but you seem to think that I just woke up this morning and decided to come on to you."

Rodney looked at John, hope in his eyes, "It's not?" he whispered, his disbelief apparent in his voice.

John shook his head in disbelief. For someone who was so sure of himself in every other area, Rodney sure was insecure about this. "Rodney," his voice was tender, full of affection, "apparently you're not getting this, so I'm going to spell it out for you." He placed his hand on the back of Rodney's neck, the other still cupping his best friend's cheek. He looked into Rodney's eyes, "I love you," he stated firmly. Rodney reacted and jerked away, but John held fast. "No," he murmured, thumb lightly caressing Rodney's cheek, "you're not running from this. I love you. And I will wait until you are ready."

Rodney's eyes darted around, looking for escape, before looking into John's eyes. He could see the affection and desire in the other man's eyes and was blown away. He wanted to give in; he really wanted to give in. "I can't," he choked, jerking away from John. "I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't." There were tears in his voice.

John was confused, "Can't what? Can't love me?" He asked, his voice full of hurt.

Rodney shook his head, frantically, as if he could make John understand by sheer willpower, "No!" he whispered urgently, "God, no, that part is easy." He began to pace, "I can't give into it. As much as I want to. And I do want to. So much. But I can't."

John sighed, "What about later? If the rules change? If we are forced to go back to Earth? I leave the military?"

Rodney stopped and stared at him. It hit him like a ton of bricks. John was willing to wait. For him. Rodney was blown away, that didn't make any sense, "But..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

John took a step back, "Um, unless you don't want to, of course. I, um, shouldn't have just assume..."

It was Rodney's turn to cut John off with a finger to his lips. "That's not it. I'm just surprised. You could have anyone you wanted; someone who isn't afraid to break the rules. Why wait for me?"

John could tell Rodney was honestly confused. He leaned into the other man, smiling softly, "Because I love you," he whispered, simply. "You're worth waiting for." He looked down, insecurities burrowing in his mind, "Am I?" he asked in a small voice.

Rodney jerked his eyes back to John, gripping the other man's shoulder tightly. "Look at me," he whispered. John reluctantly brought his eyes to Rodney's, doubt evident in them. Rodney smiled, moving one of his hands to the back of John's neck, playing with the hair there. "Yes, John," he whispered, "You are worth it." He leered at John, "In fact, if it weren't against both my rules and the Air Force's rules, I'd show you just how much you are worth it."

John grinned, "You called me John. I like that." He took a deep breath. "One day, Rodney," he promised, "we will get our chance.." He raised a shaky hand to cup Rodney's cheek, "However, if you don't leave soon, I'm going to break all those rules that I told you I wouldn't."

Rodney smiled, nervously, "You're going to remember this in the morning, aren't you?" he asked, fear in his voice.

John grinned, "Yes. This isn't something I'd forget."

Rodney sighed in relief, "Good." He took John's arm, "Come on, Colonel. Time for you to get to sleep."

John nodded, yawning, "I liked John," he said, as he allowed Rodney to lead him to his bed. He couldn't help but wish that Rodney was leading him to bed for a different reason, and forced those thoughts out of his mind.

Rodney smiled, "John." He pulled the cover up to the other man's chest and mentally dimmed the lights, "Sleep now."

John was already half asleep. He reached out for Rodney's hand, "You, too. Sleep. Promise me."

Rodney nodded, "I am. Right now. Promise." He stood up, "I love you, John," he whispered as he left the room.

"I love you, too," John echoed before sleep claimed him.

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