Kim Loves Jared, Jared Meets Kim
I leaned on my elbow with my head in my hand pretending to take notes while my eyes rolled up to stare at him. I sat beside the most delicious looking guy that could have been placed on this green Earth. I was good to karma in my past, and she was rewarding me with a seat next to my 3-year crush, Jared. He hadn't talked to me yet, I was pretty sure he didn't know my name, but this year would be my year. Though I might be moving too slowly, seeing how the school year was almost over.
Dddoooooooooooooooooooooo.
And my ecstasy with Jared ended. I picked up my books slowly, just in case he decided to say something to me, but he never did. I paced myself as I walked to my locker to put my books away and to grab my lunch.
"Kim!" I look up from my locker to see Amber running up to me.
"How was Algebra?" she asked. I knew she didn't care, but whatever.
"Same old song. And PE?" I answered.
"It was fine. Basketball," she said smugly. "Paul's back, so that ruined it." I knew Amber was bummed when she had to pull out of the girls basketball team because her family couldn't afford to pay the dues to join. And though she was usually shy around guys, she found her outlet playing with and against them in basketball. The other girls played their own games. "Never seen him so mad though. I mean, he's usually grumpy, but today, he looked like he was going to tear something apart."
"Maybe he didn't quite recover from his deal with 'mona' a few weeks ago." Amber and I made up some theories to joke about that his prolonged absence from school that involved rabid dogs and the witness protection program. Whatever happened, he came back taller and older. I laughed at her satisfaction and walked with her to our tree.
It was only the two of us now. We used to have a nice healthy group of friends in middle school, but high school ripped us apart into different classes and schedules so that everyone ended up meeting new friends and forming new groups. I guessed that was just how it was. We still saw some of our other friends and chatted, but it was never the same.
"So how is Jared?" Amber asked liked a third grader. But I amused her.
"Perfect as ever." She was the only one who knew of my crush on Jared since the beginning of high school.
"He turn his head around today?"
"No," I said. She shrugged.
"Maybe tomorrow." There had been a lot of tomorrows from where I stood.
"So you going to see Abel today?" Amber asked me after swallowing the last of her cafeteria's version of a burrito.
"Yeah. I gotta leave like right when school ends, so I can't meet you after school."
"It's fine. I wanted to use the computers for a bit before going home anyway."
Ddddddoooooooooooooooooooooo. We separated and I drudged back to my lockers to finish off the rest of the day.
I stepped into my house to the smell of chicken cacciatore. My older sister had dreams of becoming a chef, but she wasn't able to chase her dreams on account of me.
"Hey Jasmine!" I hollered.
"Oh, Kim, perfect timing. I just got this out of the oven."
"It smells divine," I said heading to the kitchen to wash my hands.
"I'm glad you think so." We took our seats at the table and I took a bite out of my chicken. Jasmine looked at me before touching her food like she had something to tell me.
"Kim," she said hesitating before going on, "I wanted to go to an interview at a restaurant in Seattle." I stopped before taking another forkful of food in my mouth. The first thought in my head was "but what about Jared?" Yes, that was the thing to think about. To spend my days being unseen by Jared.
"That's great," I said trying to sound supportive.
"It's not a 5-star or anything, but it's more than the job I have now and it's a foot in the door. And I'll be able to pay for you to go to college." I put my hand up to stop her from talking.
"Jasmine, I think we'll do all right in Seattle. It is a great opportunity."
"Thanks," she said. "I mean, it's a long shot anyway; I haven't even applied."
"It'll work out, Jaz." We ate the rest of our meal, chatting about our days. Meanwhile, I tried not to think about the person I would leave behind, who never knew who I was.
After dinner, I went to my room to ugly down. The thing I hated about being around people was how long it took to look presentable. I always took as little time as possible to get ready, especially in the morning. Maybe if there as even a smidgen of hope that'd he'd turn around to notice me, I'd put in more effort, but I accepted long ago that it wasn't going to happen. So as it were, I always changed into my comfy clothes at home which consisted of pink bloomers pajama shorts and an old holey wife beater. I put my shoulder-length hair up in a bun and used a big but light hair clip to keep my bangs out of my face. I finished my homework and checked my email for a bit, turning on some music. Then wound down with an entry in my diary.
Dear Diary,
I think I need to come up with a plan to win Jared. The getting-over-him plan didn't work, and neither did the move-onto-someone else plan. Plan C isn't at all better, but I haven't tried it, so I'll judge it later. I haven't heard of a girl with him lately, so I'm crossing my fingers that I will be next. Think positive, Kim!
Love,
The Future Mrs. Jared.
Finally bedtime rolled around and I lay in bed daydreaming about being with Jared. I imagined him leaving me notes and stealing looks, which moved on to talking to me in class and then hanging out with me at lunch. I dreamt of our first kiss and places he'd take me to on a date. Sigh. But then things seemed to go wrong. I always saw girls flirting with him in the hallway and in class; he always smiled at the really popular girls. I heard he went out with a lot of girls, not even settling enough to have a steady girlfriend. I even heard girls talking in the locker rooms of their dates with him, and they always seemed to end up in bed. I cried when I heard those stories. It seemed so ludicrous that he'd notice me, and in the end, I realized I couldn't even get Jared in my dreams. So supremely frustrated, I just fell asleep.
I looked at Jared a little differently for the next few days after my talk with my sister. He was still as beautiful as ever, and possibility even bigger, but it was like looking at him for the last time. I wanted to memorize him. Maybe I should try to take a picture. Seriously Kim, get a grip. You need to get over it. But I dont want to. You realize that you're talking to yourself now, right? This is a new area of crazy for you. Sigh.
I walked into Algebra II one day, as always, eager to see my dream man. But today he didn't come. Great, algebra and no Jared. Not that I didn't like math though our teacher sure liked to stab happiness in the heart. I loved math actually, but Jared made it that much better. So I stared out the window, wondering what could be holding my Jared back from coming to school.
"So how long has he been gone?" Amber asked taking a sip from her orange juice.
"I don't know," I replied.
"Yes you do."
"Fine! 11 days. He has been gone 11 days. And that's not even including weekends!" I said lying down on the grass.
"Lunch is almost over, girl. You should eat your... what is this?"
"I think it's a combination of fish and soy that are trying to look like chicken?" I responded getting up and grabbing my Styrofoam tray of crap. If I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't have even tried. "I paid a whole $5 for this ... thing," I said taking a bite. It tasted better than it looked though so I ended up eating the whole thing.
Which I severely was paying for that night and the next day. I got up in the middle of the night and threw everything up, digested or not. My stomach hated me.
"Are you sure you don't need to me stay home?" Jasmine quickly asked, checking up on me before work a few hours later. That's right, my body found new food to throw up.
"Not unless you want to hold my hair back," I said sickly. She made a face.
"I'm good," she said decidedly. I gave her a laugh. "Call me at the restaurant if you need me." I heard the door close and her car turn on before I ran to the bathroom.
Dear Diary,
I have decided to make my own lunches from now on. School food is evil. Now I just need someone to teach me how to make a sandwich. Please root for me!
Love,
Mrs. Jared.
The natural detox apparently made me miss a project assignment last Friday, so I wasn't looking forward to whoever I got stuck with who was most like going to make me fly solo. I started drawing on my notes of hearts and ballet pointe shoes, thinking how things would be different in Seattle.
Jared
I hated math, especially algebra. Maybe I could do with pictures and shapes like in geometry, but show me numbers and letters and I'll show you a finger. But I hated being stuck at home all day just hoping that I wouldn't combust into a really big dog. I finally managed to convince Sam that I was all right to go back to whatever, and he only agreed to that if Paul kept tabs on me. That was one thing that really bugged me about all this. I didn't like having to answer to anyone.
"I'll give you some time right now to work on your projects with your partner. Kim and Jared, since you were both absent the day we picked partners, I'm assigning you guys to work together."
I ducked my head. We have a math project? What kind of project can you do in math? I gave a sigh to figure out who the hell Kim was who, judging by where the teacher was looking, sat really close to me. I turned my head at the girl sitting beside me. She looked like she had just turned away to stare out the window.
I had probably seen this girl before; she was plain enough for me to forget. For some reason, I felt really bad about that. And I was staring, involuntarily. Try as I might, I found my body not turning away. I didn't try; I didn't want to. I didn't usually think twice, or even once, about girls like her. I usually noticed really glamorous girls, the kind with body parts hanging out and makeup all over the place. Seeing her made me feel like a dog, and I wanted to be better to deserve her.
"You have until the end of class so I suggest you use your time wisely." Kim turned her head, and I saw her face for the first time, studying her. She had a really clear complexion, a refreshingly pretty face without any makeup. I realized how.. clean she looked. She seemed shy, and I could even hear her heart beating ultra fast, but her face was totally calm. Did she like me?
"Hi, I'm Kim," she said. Was this really the first time we were meeting? I've sat in this desk for how long and never met her? I felt like I knew her, or should have known her my whole life. I heard her heartbeat get faster. And I still wasn't talking. Why wasn't I saying anything?
"Uh, yeah. So what's this project about?" Those were my first words? I wanted to know everything about this creature from her last name to what brand of cotton swabs she used, and I start asking about the project? I gave myself a mental punch in the face. Kim looked at the handout that Mathman gave out.
"I guess we have to teach a lesson for 10 minutes of an algebra concept we previously covered." Her voice was shaky, barely noticeable, but I heard it. She had a... sweet voice. I tried to remember what we went over this past year. "I was thinking we could do logs. I think we can do a lot with the different bases to take up the time and the visual should be pretty easy to do." I thought I was listening, but when she stopped talking, I had no idea what she said. I guessed my face gave that away. She looked all scared and bit her lip. Damn, she had beautiful lips. "I'll just come up with something," she said after my inadequate reaction. So, she thought of me as dead weight. Maybe she didn't like me after all. I wondered how many others had taken advantage of her like that.
"No, no," I finally got out. "Sorry you got stuck with me. I'm no good with a lot of this math, but I'll do what I can." She seemed surprised and nodded. She smiled and I felt like it was the first time seeing a woman smile, like all other women were doing it wrong.
"So should we meet up since it looks like we missed the weekend," I suggested.
"Yeah, we probably should. You can come to my place. It's usually pretty empty."
"How's tonight?" She just nodded, but I heard her heart go so fast I thought it was unhealthy.
Ddddddddooooooooooooooooooooo. It doesn't even sound like a bell. I turned to offer Kim to walk her to her next class and to find out where she lived, but she had already scurried out when I wasn't looking. Wow, what just happened?