Dovepaw was very worried.
Her sister was acting strange lately. It had been two moons since Jayfeather and Lionblaze had asked her to start spying on the Dark Forest for them while she pretended to train with the evil cats. At first she had been holding up well, and Dovepaw was proud of her sister for keeping up such a horrifying task for so long. But Dovepaw was also angry, angry and worried. Angry at Jayfeather and Lionblaze, for making her sister go through this. Worried because of what might happen to her sister every time she entered that horrible place.
And now she was more worried than ever.
For the last moon, Ivypaw had done almost nothing but stare at the walls of the apprentice's den, her once lively blue eyes now empty and cold, as if she were dead. She would snap out of it after a while, shaking her head as if coming out from some dark dream , even though her eyes hadn't been closed. Then she would go on patrols, hunting for her Clan, and everything would be okay again.
But at night, Ivypaw would slash and thrash, rolling over in her den, and letting out whimpers, sometimes whispering, "No! Stop!" or "please, I'll do anything…"
Somehow Dovepaw knew that Ivypaw wasn't visiting the Dark Forest in her dreams anymore. When her sister woke, her eyes would be hollow and filled with horror that she would not speak of, but she no longer woke up with any new mysterious wounds like she used to.
On a particular sunny day, Dovepaw woke up in her den alone. Yawing and stretching, she paddled out of her den. She sat there for a while, taking in the camp. Ferncloud was lying in the morning sun with Dustpelt. Brambleclaw was getting the hunting patrols ready, surrounded by warriors. Jayfeather was disappearing into his den, and Dovepaw heard Briarlight complain about trying to be useful. She stretched her hearing out further. A ShadowClan patrol was out. Ratscar had just caught a mouse…
Then Dovepaw heard something inside her own territory. It was her sister's voice. Lionblaze was with her. What are they doing? Concentrating hard, she finally began to understand what they were saying.
"Ivypaw, can't you tell me anything? You haven't told us anything about the Dark Forest in a moon. Are you sure you're okay?"
His mew was soft by impatient.
Dovepaw heard her sister shuffle her paws. "N-not too much has been going on lately," she confessed. "Just the same old battle moves…" her voice trailed off.
Lionblaze huffed. "Look, the good of the Clans rests in our paws. You're may not be one of the Three, but your just as important. There is no time for playing games!"
"Do you really think I don't know that?" Ivypaw snapped back. "Do you think I'm not trying? I hate this! I just wish it could all end!"
Her last words were choked by a mew of hopelessness. Dovepaw shivered in sympathy.
Lionblaze sighed. Then she heard his voice soften. "Look, I know this is hard. We all do. But it's the way it is."
Ivypaw shook her head.
It was silent after that. Dovepaw sat by the den's entrance, trying to understand her sister's distress. She hadn't exactly seemed happy about going back to the Dark Forest before, but she was getting worse every day. Dovepaw decided that she would question her sister tonight.
Ivypaw raced through the trees, tears blurring her vision. It was all so wrong. The claws, the blood, and the...she could not even bring herself to think about it. She left Lionblaze standing in the woods, by himself. Ivypaw didn't care. He could take care of himself.
Every day her vision was filled with visions from the past. That one horrible night, the one night were her whole world had fallen apart. It had been so awful. She would never go to the Dark Forest again…never…
She stopped running and stood panting, she chest heaving. She collapsed onto the ground and let out a small wail. Nothing would ever be alright again, not ever.
"Ivypaw?"
Her sister's soft mew came out from the trees. Ivypaw didn't even twitch or lift her head. She couldn't look her sister in the eye. She would never be able to again. She was so ashamed of herself, so ashamed.
"Ivypaw."
Ivypaw heard her sister coming out of the woods, her paws crunching as she stepped on pine cones. She must look so pathetic, lying there on the ground, her fur matted, her eyes wide with hopeless distress.
She was falling…falling…she would never stop falling.
"Ivypaw, please talk to me. I want to help you. I don't know what happened to you, but you need to tell me. Please."
Her sister's voice was soft and welcoming, so different from Lionblaze's demanding one. Yet she couldn't bring herself to move or even lift a paw.
Dovepaw sighed and settled down next to her sister. She gently lifted Ivypaw's head up with her muzzle and licked her on the cheek with a damp, warm tongue. Ivypaw closed her eyes, trying to hide from the shame and pain she had been running from for so long.
Why is this so hard? She wondered. Why can't I just tell her?
Dove rested her head on her sister's. They were both silent for a while. Then slowly, painfully, as If speaking were an effort, Ivypaw spoke.
"There was a night…a night where I went to the Dark Forest, just like any other. All the usual cats were there. The Dark Forest cats, I mean. But no regular cats, no one like Tigerheart or Breezepelt. Just me, and the Dark Forest cats. Th….they were all sitting in a circle, staring at me."
She took a deep breath.
"Brokenstar was in the middle of them. He…was smiling at me, except it was a terrible smile, horribly terrible, it made my fur itch and my skin crawl. I…I should have run away right then, but I didn't."
Her voice faltered on the last word. Dovepaw nudged her sister gently. She felt like something horrible was about to happen, despite the peaceful atmosphere.
Ivypaw's eyes were wide with horror as she continued. "I walked up to them, asked them what sort of training we would do today. He said we would get to train as soon as he…as he…asked me a few questions."
Ivypaw clenched her teeth shut, trying to fight against hot tears. She felt like she was about to let everything go, everything she had every valued at work for.
Gone….it was all be gone.
"He asked me about spying, Dovepaw. He said he knew what I was up to. He said he saw me after I came back from the Dark Forest to the ThunderClan camp. He said he saw me talk to you and Jayfeather about their battle moves. He…he said he knew everything… and that he…he wanted to 'reward' me for being so clever."
Dovepaw felt her sister shudder.
"His voice was cold. The cat around him began to gather around me, their teeth gleaming. I stood there, my legs shaking. And then…"
She gulped.
"They hurt me, Dovepaw. After questioning me about spying, I mean. They began to nip at my ears and shoulders and paws. They were all around me, their eyes, their faces, their claws slashing my face…It was horrible. Their slinky, oily bodies moving around me, spitting and snapping. They beat me up until every inch of my body was covered in wounds. I could barely see or breath."
Dovepaw felt sick. She could hardly believe what her sister was saying, and yet she couldn't not believe it. There was no way her sister could make this up.
"After…after they finished clawing at me and biting me, I was left lying on the floor. I was cold…so, so cold. " Ivypaw started at her paws and shuddered again.
"I must have passed out. When I came back to consciousness, Brokenstar stood in front of me. He…he picked me up by the scruff and shook me until I was dazed and everything went black. More cats came from the shadows and began tossing me like a piece of prey. They laughed at me and bit at me until their own paws were soaked in my blood.
Ivypaw looked up at her sister, her blue eyes huge. "I'm scared, Dovepaw," she whispered. "Scared."
Dovepaw couldn't imagine what was coming next. But it was awful.
"Brokenstar pushed me my face into the dirt and put his paws on my shoulders. He…he began to claw at them. He said if I didn't come with him to his den, he would kill me right there and then. So I did it. I went with him."
Dovepaw dug her claws into the dirt.
"I thought he was going to beat me up again. But it wasn't like that. At all."
Ivypaw was shaking. Tears streamed down her furry cheeks. She dug her claws onto the forest floor. She let out a whimper.
Why couldn't she just say it?
And then it all began to come out in a rush.
"Once we were inside his den, it was dark and I could barely see anything except Brokenstar's eyes and his brown pelt when he moved. He laid himself on top of me..and…then…he went inside of me."
Dovepaw didn't breath or move. There were no sounds in the forest, not even the whisper of the trees or the sounds of forest prey.
"He was purring the whole time, telling me what a lucky apprentice I was. He said a dirt bag like me was lucky to get a mate like him. I was hardly breathing the whole time; I was half alive and half dead."
Ivypaw bit her trembling lip.
"Then…when we came back to the others, I thought it was all over. But Brokenstar shoved me to the next cat, and he had his turn with me, too."
Dovepaw closed her eyes. How could Ivypaw have endured this for so long? It was so wrong, so awful. Dovepaw herself could barely endure it, could barely hear what her sister was telling her. No wonder she had stopped going to the Dark Forest…
"Once each cat got their way with me, they all forced me to say their names one by one and made me tell them that I loved them. They made me say horrible things, Dovepaw. They told me I was filth. They laughed at me and threw stones and pebbled at me and butted me from behind.
"At last they let me go. A cat I couldn't remember came up to me and whispered In my ear. He said, 'now bring this message to the next cat who tries to trick us: No one, no cat, alive or dead, will ever, ever get away with treachery. Tell that to your precious forest friends. And never come back, you traitor.' Then they all slinked into the shadows and were gone."
Ivypaw rested her head on her paws.
"When I woke up, I promised myself I would try to forget it ever happened. But it was always in my mind, always blurring my vision, always, always there." Her voice died in her throat.
So that was why.
Dovepaw closed her eyes, opened them again, and closed them once more. This was all her fault. She should have protected her sister. She had failed as one of the Three, in her own mind. She would never get over it, ever. She wanted to break down crying and never leave her sister's side again. She looked at Ivypaw, and realized with a jolt that she was staring back at her with blue-watery eyes.
Was she ashamed of herself? Did she blame herself for what happened to her? The realization took Dovepaw like being struck like lighting.
"Oh, Ivypaw….none of this, absolutely none of this is your fault. If anything it is mine. I should have protected you…"
Dovepaw's voice trailed off in hoplessness. The forest was still silent.
"I promise…I'll do everything I can to make it better. I promise I'll do whatever I can to make the pain go away. And you will never have to visit those heartless cats again. "
Ivypaw only nodded weakly and buried her head into her sister's chest.
I promise.