A/N: Holaz! Yes! I am back to writing! Well, actually… I wouldn't really consider this "writing" (looks around) This was actually based on one of the FF7 doujinshis I found, but I fake translated it and… yeah. These are the results.

I never write these kind of things, but I just wanted to try it out once. (clears throat) In this chapter story, it will consist of chapters that have nothing to do with the previous chapters. Sort of like… a random gag comic book or something. Though, there may be acceptions. (gasp) Yes, if you couldn't tell by the title, it will consist of random Vincent-related randomness. Oh goody! (evil smile)

Welp, hope you enjoy my randomness! I warn you, this and future chapters will have no plot whatsoever. So, prepare thyself!

Disclaimer: FF7 doesn't belong to moi!

Life of the Valentine
Team Valentine

Story One

It was a beautiful hot summer day in the city of Tokyo. All was well… the birds were chirping, the grass was greener, and laughter filled the air. Nothing could have done anything to prevent such a wonderful day from happening.

Until… disaster struck!

A shrill cry for help echoed throughout the downtown area. Soon, more and more screams for help had spread about. What were they screaming about? Why, a gigantic Jenova head, of course! It had decided to take a stroll down the city! Everywhere it went, destruction! Buildings, cars, roads, anything you could think of was destroyed by this… Jenova head! Oh! What could the people do in this situation! Who was willing to fix the problem?

Team Valentine, of course!

Team Valentine was an undercover crime-fighting organization. Their whereabouts were unknown and many people had no idea who they were. They blended in with the crowd quite well. The team consisted of five members, working in separate jobs, trying to keep their identities a secret. (even though… they had no need to)

In no time, Team Valentine quickly fled to the scene, ready to fight crime once again!

Meanwhile, down to where Jenova had stopped to take a nice rest, Cloud and his friends had noticed the big scene. Confused at the moment, Cid commented on the gigantic Jenova head that was no more than one hundred feet ahead of him.

"Dammit, traffic's gonna be such a bother with that thing in the middle of the road!"

The gigantic Jenova head responded with a sigh as she fell into a deep slumber.

Suddenly, Aeris gave out a loud shriek! The friends turned around, only to spot the legendary heroes… Team Valentine!

"Team Valentine is here to save the day!" a team member of Team Valentine cried out. "There is nothing to worry about!"

With a dramatic change of pose, Team Valentine finally revealed itself to the public.

"WE ARE TEAM VALENTINE! PROTECTORS OF E-VILE!"

Everyone expect Cid were absolutely were shocked! Their sudden appearance left them quite speechless. However, Cid only cared about one thing,

"WHAT KIND OF CRAP OUTFITS ARE YOU WEARING!"

GASP! The team members were shocked! No one would have ever cared about the way they dressed! They were indeed wearing the same exact outfits. One of the members lifted his head and responded.

"B-But, our job is to fight crime! Not think about the way we-"

"NONSENSE!" Cid roared. "Super heroes were supposed to have neat outfits! Yours are just crap crap CRAP!"

Team Valentine was shocked by this! What were they to do! With this stuck in their minds, they couldn't find the heart to complete their mission for the day!… to destroy the Jenova head that… was resting at the moment… but was destroying half of the city! Oh! What should Team Valentine do now?

Meanwhile…

Somewhere far away from the scene, Sephiroth was enjoying his nice Sunday paper. Although the page he was looking at was completely blank, he didn't care at all. As a slight sigh escaped from his mouth, Hojo, his godforsaken mad scientist father, had burst through his bedroom doors. He was out of breath and his face was redder than the blazing sun. He grabbed his head and yelled,

"There you are! What the crap are you doing, sitting there like an old oaf!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes and turned away from Hojo. "I'm not sitting, I'm lying down."

Hojo twitched. "Whatever! Listen! Your mother escaped from my lab, and she's destroying half of the city in a blink of an eye! Please! Go down there and keep her steady!"

"…what did you do to her now?"

"Nothing! Alls I know is that before she escaped, she kept complaining about how she had a bad case of constipation!"

The last word echoed throughout the SOLDIER's ears. He snapped his head to his father and threw his paper to the ground. "Mother… has… WHAT!"

Hojo stepped away from his mad son. "Y-Yes! That's why, I want you to go down there and keep her calm until I can figure this out!"

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes and grabbed his newspaper. "…I want bread."

"GO ALREADY!" Hojo stomped up to Sephiroth and chucked him right out the door. "AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU SET HER STRAIGHT!"

"I ish coming, Mommy!" Sephiroth said down the hall.

Hojo pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I-I still can't believe he's my son…"

In no time, Sephiroth had made his dramatic appearance downtown. The skies turned a dark red color and flames spread all around. Cloud and the others were quite shocked with Sephiroth's appearance!… more shocked than Team Valentine's appearance!

Cloud stepped back. "WAA! IT'S SEPHIROTH!"

Sephiroth drew out his almighty Masamune and swung it around, like it was no big deal. "Fooshmoogly."

"AHHH! THE HORROR!" Yuffie screamed into Tifa's ear.

"Roar… I'm here to cause destruction to all," Sephiroth started. "But first, I need Mother to take some pills to ease the pain of her constipation. Then, I'm gonna have to ask her to come home with me."

"MOMMY'S WIDDLE SON!" Reeve taunted from behind.

Sephiroth twitched his eye and stuffed his sheath into Reeve's mouth. "SHUT UP! Who cares!… I love my mommy- MOTHER."

Suddenly, a mysterious gust of wind twirled around Sephiroth. He perked his head up high, only to come face-to-face with…

TEAM VALENTINE!

Their, yet another dramatic appearance, sent chills down everyone's spine! Sephiroth stood still, unaware of what awaited his demise. All five members lifted their arms in the air with evil looks on their faces. Sephiroth grabbed his head and crouched down.

"N-No!" he sobbed. "I must save Mommy!"

"HOW…" the team started, "…DO… our outfits look!"

Sephiroth looked up. "Hah?"

Cid stomped over to Team Valentine and whacked them on their heads. "WHAT THE CRAP! Forget about your stupid outfits! Beat the crap out of Sephiroth already!"

One of the Valentine's stood up. "B-But! We needed neat outfits!"

"We never considered ourselves super heroes," another replied.

"But, we love to become one!"

Cid slapped his own face and roared loudly, "NO SUPER HEROES WOULD COSPLAY OTHER SUPER HEROES!"

"WAAAHH! BUT I LOVE BATMAN!" one cried from behind.

"AND SUPERMAN!"

"SPIDERMAN!"

"THE HULK!"

"AND WONDERWOMAN!"

Silence.

…silence.

…yes, all was silent.

And everyone had forgotten about why they were there in the first place.

As for Jenova… her constipation had been relieved… the hard way.

A/N: End of Story 1! Bwaha! How'd you think? I told you it was random. So… out of characterness. (shudder) But, that's okay. Remember, I would try anything for once. (nervous smile) Hope you enjoyed and please tell me how you thought of it!