Just how does it feel killing your best friend?
Suzaku's POV of the Zero Requiem.
It was a hot day. The air was arid and dry, waves of heat washed over me.
I looked at the sky, not a cloud in sight- clear blue.
My hand went to the sword on my side; fingering the hilt absently....dreading the moment I would have to pull it out...I wondered how long that would be though...
It was nearing noon, I had been almost waiting for an hour now...waiting for the procession to pass....waiting for Lelouch.
A dull headache was starting in my right temple; partly from heat, but mostly from the tension.
It was stifling hot inside the mask; difficult to breath, almost suffocating. Beads of sweat trickled down my back and forehead.
It was heavy too; putting a slight strain on my neck....
I concentrated on all these details, so that I wouldn't have to think about the deed I was about to commit...
I waited in silence for another 10 minutes before I felt the unrest among the crowd....I heard the distant voice of an announcer announcing the arrival of The 99th Emperor of Britannia...
A shiver passed down my spine, suddenly I was tense. My whole body went rigid...taut as a string...
"No I should be calm" I told myself..."Lelouch would want me to..."
But my hands were beginning to shiver; my heart beat accelerated; my breathing quickened...
"Get a hold of yourself" I ordered myself...I had to; nothing could be accomplished with my being tense...
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths but it was some time before I could think clearly again...
Now I could see the prisoner's vehicles, Jermiah guarding the carriage and then....Lelouch himself.
The sight sent a jolt through my body, for a moment I forgot to breathe...
I had to compose myself or else I'll mess up the whole plan I thought fervently.
But what did it matter even if I did mess up the plan? Atleast it would mean Lelouch would live...
But even if he did live, what could he do? He was a tyrant wasn't he? Continue this act?
I knew the answer only too well.
It was a checkmate. No other way, but for the king to fall.
But in this case it's a checkmate the king had imposed upon himself...to win the game...to save the pawns...
The procession was nearing and I could see Lelouch clearly now...
He was staring straight ahead, hands on either side of his throne, his back straight, his face expressionless....
Though he was acting as a tyrant the aura he gave was unmistakably that of majesty and dignity... even this act of a shameless dictator couldn't tarnish my friend's radiance...I felt a sense of pride watching him...
It was now time for me to make my appearance....
I came out of my hiding place & started towards the procession...I choose the perfect spot to make my appearance....an elevated portion of the road to give everyone a good view of myself...I was silent as I made my way to the location to have a surprise impact on the people...
When I reached there I swiftly climbed and stood hands crossed in front of me...allowing the people a moment to get a grasp on what was happening...
Their reactions were just as I predicted...gasps of shock and surprise...and one single name being repeated "Zero"
I looked at Lelouch, he was sitting on the throne...seemingly petrified...
Time to act...I started running towards him ignoring all the gasps and whisperings... The knightmares guarding him started firing at me, but that was no problem, they were only doing so unwillingly....After all everybody wanted him gone didn't they?
Even then Jermiah didn't take chances...asking them to stop, saying he'd take me on himself... But he only acted as a stepping stone for me to land on the vehicle in front of Nunnally...I felt a pang of pain to see her...But no time for that; I had to reach Lelouch...
I jumped in front of him; he got up to meet me, drawing out his gun. I hesitated only for a fraction of a second before drawing out my sword.
"You cretin "he shouted arrogantly pointing the gun at me.
But his grip was loose and his aim careless...he winced in pain as I sliced the gun out of his hands effortlessly; leaving a long gash on his palm...
He let his hand drop, relaxed his body and turned to face me properly.... standing before me; completely unarmed.... he smiled...a serene and welcoming smile.
It was this smile that helped me do what I was about to do, it was this smile that helped calm my tense and excited nerves, helped me surpass my emotions...helped me kill him...
I leveled my sword and drew it back to build the momentum I needed... All the while I was studying his face...searching for the slightest bit of hesitation... had I found any I am sure I would have completely lost it... messing up not only our plan but our lives as well....
But what I found there was determination and encouragement. He was ready. I knew it.
I started bringing down the sword deciding the perfect spot to stab him; in between the ribs, through the lungs and into the heart....If I had to kill him; atleast I would make sure the process isn't too painful for him.
I aimed the sword at his chest and lunged forward in a piercing stance... he involuntarily moved back a little...but otherwise he was very calm...focusing on me and the blade moving towards him.
Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Kallen screaming not to kill him...But she'll have to forgive me; it's too late to stop.
What happened next was over in a few seconds; but I remember the details in utter clarity...every nanosecond of it.
My sword plunged into his chest; piercing through the fabric of his shirt, penetrating his flesh and sliding between his ribs.
His eyes widened in horror, he arched his back & lifted his face skywards, letting out a strangled cry of pain...a cry that would haunt me forever.
His whole body shook with the shock of the pain...but I kept inserting the sword... it was a long sword; too long in fact...but the more lethal the wound; the less my dear friend would suffer...
The sword was barely halfway through; but it had completely pierced through him and already thrust out his back... It passed through smoothly, easily; almost as if his body was welcoming it... but I could see the pure agony in his eyes as the icy pain shot through his body...
I prayed to God that this gentle friend of mine should somehow become unconscious until I finished killing him... but I knew it was impossible...no matter how quick death comes, you cannot escape the pain...
Finally after what seemed an eternity I finished inserting the sword till the hilt...
Life's blood started pouring out of the wound; both from front and back; soaking his robes in warm wetness.
There was deadly silence all around us.
All the emotions I had restrained till now burst out in a flood. Tears began pouring out of my eyes like the blood pouring out of his body...
"Le Lelouch" I gasped unable to say anything else...
His body was paralyzed in pain...but the sound of my voice seemed to bring him out of it. He slumped onto my shoulders one hand clutching the wound.
I could almost feel the life draining out of him as he leaned weakly on me. But I was happy that I could atleast offer him this support.
My hands were beginning to shake again; but I forcefully controlled them, because I knew if my grip on the sword shook; it'll be even more painful for him.
He smiled a little; his face was somehow even more serene than before....
"This is also a punishment for you" he gasped in a voice weak with pain...
Typical Lelouch; even now he can't stand being pitied, but I was glad he said this. If he had said it was Ok and asked me not to cry, I would have gone insane with guilt.
"You will no longer be able to live as Kururugi Suzaku..." he continued quietly...his voice was feeble, I had to strain to hear him. But I hung on to every word as if my life depended on it.
"You will be the defender of justice and wear a mask forever" he whispered quietly...
I was amazed that he could still talk. But this was Lelouch wasn't it? One can't be amazed for anything...
He must have felt sorry for me...because with a superhuman effort he raised his crimson stained hand and gently placed it on the side of my mask... Even now you had to comfort me huh, Lelouch?
I remembered how I had wanted to kill him in the past and here he was willingly dying at my hands and trying to comfort me. I felt ashamed; I knew Euphy would have been ashamed too; not for killing him; but for having wanted to.
"You will sacrifice all of your own happiness for this world...eternally..." he trailed off, unable to speak anymore.
If you can accept this fate; can I not accept mine Lelouch? I accept it, all of it; this burden, this mask; even your wish that I must live on. I understand now Lelouch and I accept it... your wish... this geass.
"I accept...this geass" I told in a surprisingly steady voice...
He smiled slightly; his hand fell limply from the side of my face...
There was a horrible sound of metal sliding through flesh as I wrenched the sword swiftly out of his chest.
The blood gushed out even faster now; the sword not being present to block its flow...the crimson stain grew like a living thing, spreading rapidly over his white shirt.
I had always hated his white robes; but right now I would have given almost anything to see them back in pure white again.
His face was already pale from blood loss. His beautiful violet eyes were unfocused; misted in a near death state, their color slowly fading.
He was only semi-conscious now.
He swayed unsteadily...there was nothing nearby to hold for support. Nobody was even trying to help him. Everyone watched him expectantly, with pure satisfaction on their faces....satisfaction in watching his pain, in watching his death.
But I also saw looks of puzzlement; that such a look of peace could be on the face of a tyrant during his dying moments.
He turned away from me and staggered forward shakily taking a few steps before falling to his knees...almost immediately he fell forward his head hitting the ramp with a thud.
Every part of me had wanted to catch him then; to hold him in his last moments. But it would only ruin everything we had done, waste all his hard work.
So I turned myself to a statue and stood watching as he tumbled down the float; leaving a huge trail of blood and came to rest at the bottom.
My mind thought back on something I had told him a year ago...
"You hide behind the shadows while others take the blame for your dirty deeds"
"The fact that you exist is an error"
I smiled at the irony of the words... my noble friend had taken the blame for the sins of the entire world and had asked me to erase his existence...
I wanted to scream his name; cry out aloud; let this pain out...it took every ounce of will power I had to keep standing there and look on at my best friend lying in a pool of blood.
Nunnally reached out and gently placed her hand on his, she gasped as she realized something. She lifted his hand and placed it over her eyes; I could see tears running down her cheeks.
I didn't hear clearly from my distance but I could make out the words...
"Brother, I love you" she said quietly.
Yes Nunnally tell him that, this is the greatest gift you can give him...
He lifted his head weakly and looked at the sun....again I could not hear; but make out his words...
"Yes... I destroy worlds...create worlds" he said weakly and closed his eyes...I knew forever...
The silence was shattered, Nunnally started screaming; everybody started rushing forward shouting the one single name that now dominated the world.
ZERO. ZERO. ZERO. ZERO. ZERO. ZERO.
The crowd was cheering, not for me; but for Zero; a nameless, faceless symbol: a symbol of hope & justice.
His blood was dripping from the sword; it made me sick. I flicked the sword; spraying the blood in a wide arc.
Nunnally was screaming hysterically her cries rising above the chants...go on Nunnally, cry...I silently urged her...show the world that he won't go completely unmourned. This is the least you can do for your brother.
I was crying too...but now it was from joy as well; joy that my gentle friend was gone from this cruel world...that I had been the one to end his pain...
He was a prince, but a prisoner as well and I had freed him.
The sight before me was gory, but his face itself was serene, contented...almost healing to look at... I smiled at him for one last time...
Goodbye Lelouch.
I shall miss your smile, but more than that I shall miss my own smile.
The world had found its peace and so had my friend.
Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine :
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
In memoria æterna erit justus,
ab auditione mala non timebit.
Author's note:
Well my 3rd CG fic. Made me cry as I wrote.
Read & review.