DISCLAIMER: Dick Clair and Jenna McMahon created the fictional characters Jo Polniaczek and Blair Warner. Jimmy and Jenny Whelchel created the actor Lisa Whelchel. Don and Barbara McKeon created the actor Nancy McKeon.
The author of this fan fiction does not profit, in any way, from the story and that all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).
AUTHOR'S NOTES: As an out and proud lesbian, I was more than a bit appalled after reading this part of Lisa Whelchel's beliefs on homosexuality, "…I expressed my belief that, if a person desires, it is possible to leave behind a homosexual lifestyle. I know this is true because I've seen it come true in the lives of many of my friends. Thousands have been helped, loved, and supported by websites such as exodus and the many ministries they recommend."
As I fumed and ranted to my girlfriend, I began to wonder just how the fictional lesbian icons Blair Warner and Jo Polniaczek would feel and this work of fan fiction was born.
WARNING: THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING BEFORE THE BRIDGE INTO FEMSLASH!
If lesbianism offends you, why are you reading this? Did you not read the summary? What part of the word "Femslash" do you NOT understand?
If challenging Christian Fundamentalists offends you, do NOT read any further and go find something else to entertain you.
Entitlement
The FBI
Since her graduation from the Eastland School for Girls, Blair Warner made quite a name for herself. She graduated in the top five of her class at Oxford University. At her graduation party, her parents basked in the glow of her accomplishments, taking full credit for their daughter's success. When Blair informed her parents of her plans to attend Harvard Law School, instead of taking her pre-destined position with Warner Industries, her father threatened to cut off her financial assistance. Of course, she was ready for him and informed him she would apply for public financial assistance, which would give the financial world cause to wonder about the stability of Warner Industries. Realizing Blair would make a great lawyer, he acquiesced and she graduated at the top of her class. Of course, at her graduation party, her parents once again basked in her accomplishments, never acknowledging their daughter's abilities.
When she was appointed Boston's youngest Assistant District Attorney, her parents were right beside her once again, taking credit for her hard work. After two years of proving herself as Boston's youngest Assistant District Attorney, Blair made the difficult and possibly career-ending decision to come out as a lesbian. She carefully chose a well-respected lesbian publication for her coming out. Once the major media outlets caught wind of the story, Blair's parents were conveniently out of the country. The only person standing by Blair's side throughout that momentous time in her life was her life partner, Jo Polniaczek. In every single interview, Blair credited Jo for shaping her into the strong independent woman of today.
What the public did not know was after Blair came out, her parents promptly, but quietly disowned her in order to manipulate her back under their control. Unfortunately, they underestimated their intelligent daughter. She waited until she had complete control of her trust fund before coming out. Blair knew if she came out to her parents when she came out to herself, that fateful day after graduating from Eastland, she would have handed her parents, as Jo liked to call it, her "Ace in the Hole."
Tonight, as she paced in the living room of the home she and Jo purchased a year after she came out, she did not feel like a strong independent woman. She felt like every other cop's wife, worried sick when their civil servant was late coming home and dreading "the call." Jo was supposed to be home hours ago. She usually called Blair when she worked late, but tonight, there was no call. Over the years with Jo, Blair learned to let Jo call her.
Throughout Jo's years as a rookie police officer, Blair would call constantly, since she was in law school and had more free time. Unfortunately, the constant calls almost got Jo fired and the frustrated rookie came extremely close to walking out of their budding relationship. Jo's years undercover really put Blair's mettle and their relationship to the test. Fortunately, Blair found herself buried in work, which kept her extremely busy and exhausted. In an ironic twist, when Jo made Detective, she found herself calling Blair most times, since Blair was on the fast track to Assistant District Attorney.
When Blair heard Jo's key in the lock, she pulled open the door and threw her arms around her partner's neck.
"Princess, calm down," Jo managed as Blair squeezed her tightly, "I'm sorry I didn't call."
Blair kissed Jo deeply as the detective kicked the door shut.
"JO!" Blair fumed when she tasted alcohol on Jo's lips, "You're drunk!"
"No, I'm not," Jo said, "The guys took me out to celebrate, but I'm not drunk."
"SO! You couldn't call because you were out with the guys?" Blair seethed.
Jo knew she was in deep trouble, so rather than lie, she opted for telling the truth and taking her punishment.
"Yeah Blair, I was and I'm real sorry. Time flew by and before I knew it, it was too late to call ya," Jo gave Blair her best puppy dog look.
"Jo, you know it's never too late to call me. I would rather you wake me up, than wake up and find you haven't gotten home yet," Blair smiled, her anger defused by Jo's best puppy dog look.
Blair secured the front door.
"Let's go to bed," Blair said, taking Jo by the hand and leading her towards their bedroom.
'It never fails,' Jo thought triumphantly and smiled smugly.
"And don't think that puppy dog look is going to get you out of being punished," Blair said over her shoulder.
The next morning, when Jo woke, her body felt as if she went ten rounds with the champ. Every single muscle in her lean, tone body ached.
"Damn, she never stops surprisin' me," Jo smiled broadly, as she slowly sat up in bed.
"Of course, I'm Blair Warner," Blair teased as she entered their bedroom in nothing but a towel.
Jo's mouth hung open as she stared lustfully at her still gorgeous lover. When Blair tossed her towel onto a chair and began rummaging for some lingerie, Jo forgot all about her aching muscles and lunged for her now naked partner.
"Jo," Blair playfully protested, "I have to get ready for work."
"Court?" Jo asked as she seductively wrapped her arms around Blair from behind.
"No…," Blair started.
"Be late," Jo said as she kissed the side of Blair's neck.
"I have…," Blair moaned as Jo cupped her breast, "…a morning meeting," Blair moaned louder as Jo lightly pinched her nipple, "…with the District Attorney," Blair growled as she very reluctantly pulled herself away from an extremely amorous Jo.
"Oh…'kay," Jo said, unable to hide her disappointment.
"Tonight?" Blair cupped Jo's face, "I promise," and gave Jo a soul-searing kiss.
"Uh…yeah…tonight," Jo stammered.
"Jo, you never told me why you were out celebrating last night," Blair said as she began dressing.
"OH YEAH! I got GREAT news! The FBI asked the Cap if they could borrow me for a task force they're forming," Jo said excitedly.
"That's wonderful Jo. What's the task force's target?" Blair asked.
Jo blankly stared at Blair for several seconds.
"I couldn't tell ya. In all the excitement, I forgot ta ask the Cap," Jo laughed.
"You can tell me tonight," Blair slipped into her heels, gave Jo another soul-searing kiss, and swept out of their bedroom.
"Damn, that woman can get ready quickly…when she wants," Jo mumbled.
"I heard that!" came from the front door before it slammed shut.
Jo smiled to herself and headed for the bathroom.
After grabbing a cup of coffee, Jo settled behind her desk and started tackling the mountain of paperwork waiting for her. A little bit before lunch, the Captain called her into his office.
Jo stuck her head in the Captain's office and asked, "Cap?"
"Polniaczek, come in," the Captain answered.
Jo entered the office, smiled at the man seated in front of the Captain's desk, and took the vacant seat next to him.
"Polniaczek, this is Special Agent Lang with the Northern District of Texas Hate Crimes and Civil Rights Working Group. They're the ones who want to borrow you to work on their new task force…apparently due to some special connection you have to the case," the Captain stated.
"Huh? What special connection?" Jo asked confused, "I never heard of them before."
Special Agent Lang reached into his case and pulled out a file.
"Detective Polniaczek, do you know a woman named Lisa Whelchel?" Special Agent Lang asked.
"Yeah, she's the one who played Blair Warner in the old television show "The Facts of Life," Jo answered.
"Yes, she portrayed Blair Warner…your life partner Blair Warner," Special Agent Lang said and closed the file.
"Is that my special connection to this case? Some washed up actress who portrayed my life partner?" Jo asked incredulous, trying hard to keep her infamous temper in check.
"Her and Nancy McKeon, who I believe portrayed you," Special Agent Lang stated.
"What? I thought that McKeon broad retired and is living in Texas raising a bunch of rugrats?" Jo chuckled.
Special Agent Lang stared silently at Jo before speaking.
"Well, apparently the Christian Fundamentalist group Mrs. Whelchel belongs to has decided the time has come to do something about the "Homosexual Plague" sweeping our country. The reason the Northern District of Texas Hate Crimes and Civil Rights Working Group was been alerted is because the group's headquarters in based in Texas, Mrs. Welchel's home state."
"I still don't see what that has ta do with me and Blair?" Jo said.
"Since you both worked as consultants on the television show, we assumed you developed somewhat of a working relationship with the actresses, so you both would have a better insight into those two women," Special Agent Lang stated.
"You want me AND Blair to go undercover in some wacko Fundie group?" Jo exclaimed loudly.
"That is exactly what we want Detective Polniaczek," Special Agent Lang said flatly.
"NO FUCKING WAY! Leave Blair out of this! She's a lawyer, NOT an undercover cop!" Jo yelled and jumped out of her chair, knocking it backwards.
"Polniaczek! Sit the hell down!" the Captain instructed firmly.
When she saw the anger in her Captain's eyes, she instantly calmed down.
"Yes Cap," Jo righted her chair and sat down.
"We understand your reluctance to involve your life partner Detective Polniaczek, but we spoke to her and her boss this morning. Assistant District Attorney Warner said she would assist us, but only if you agree as well," Special Agent Lang said.
"How 'bout the fact she and I are…," Jo paused and mocked how southern Fundamentalists pronounce the word, "ho-mo-sex-uals?"
"We have taken that into consideration," Special Agent Lang smiled.
The Special Agent's smile sent a chill down both the Captain and Jo's spines.