Written during a very dark time in my spiritual walk. I hated myself for the longest time, but I've forgiven myself, so don't worry about that.
This poem is about wanting to stop sinning, but being unable to. Written July 2, 2005.
Hatred
I hate myself!
I can't stop.
The wish of mine,
To cut off my hands...
I wish it were possible...
Shame...
It is not...
Yet, they are already stained.
Stained with the blood of my Savior.
I kill Him,
Over and over,
Every single damn day.
Every single damn time I fall.
And I can't stop.
Oh!
Oh, how I wish it were possible...
This second wish of mine...
Shame...
It is not...
So, I will continue to hate myself.
Loathe myself.
Despise and sicken myself.
Because I kill my Savior,
Every damn time I fall...
And I can't stop.
A/N: I just realized that the second wish isn't very clear. That wish was to be able to stop sinning.