When I'm Cold
By: Angelus Erreare
A/N: Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters featured here belong to ATLUS USA.
WARNING: LIME, LEMON, OOC, SEMI-AU, MILD LANGUAGE
xxxxx
Argilla shivered as she felt his hand on her shoulder. His touch had sent waves of emotion through her nerves that she found herself mute. She looked at him; he merely smiled at her but said nothing more. She smiled in return. She smiled tightly, knowing that she would never be able to say anything to him anyway; well, at least, nothing coherent.
Something had changed within her. She let her eyes travel from him to the other girl; the mysterious girl. Her eyes softened at the sight of her. She had a mysterious aura around her, yes…but it wasn't malicious. It was anything but. She had a kind and pure aura. Her black hair was also as mysterious; Argilla had never seen anything quite like it. She smiled; feeling a natural likeness to the girl. Did she know this girl from somewhere?
Argilla gave up thinking more of her as she shook her head. They would know more when she awoke.
She looked at her leader again. His eyes were also on the girl. His eyes contained only compassion for the girl.
'He probably likes her…' she thought sadly.
She had been surprised however when her eyes met his. He was looking right at her. She felt a blush creep up on her cheeks and she quickly looked away.
'What is this feeling? I've never felt this way before…'
She had always served Embryon. She had always served him. But…never in her time of service did she feel towards her leader the way she did now. What changed? The mysterious girl. The ATMA mark on her chest. She felt an air of impatience within her suddenly. She wanted to wake the girl and demand an explanation from her…
Her eyes widened; how could she think of being like that? No…she would wait until the girl was ready.
She gritted her teeth and clenched her hands at her sides. She looked at him again and felt that knot in her stomach again.
xxxxx
They had set the bombs within the ship. She could only watch from afar, the ship's destruction. Bat's words still rung fresh in her mind. They all eat to survive…it was all but natural…She wanted to sob right then; his words held truth in them…and she didn't want to face that truth. She didn't want to be this monster…She didn't ask to be given this curse.
She turned her attention to her leader. He had listened to what she had said. He had looked at her sobbing form and held her as she sobbed; as she wallowed in self-pity and regret. And as he did so, she felt her spirits uplifted. His touch was warm and from the way he held her, she could feel her doubts and fear ebb away. It was as if her problems, this war…didn't exist. She breathed in deeply as he held her closer still, telling her that it was going to be alright. She drank in his scent and found herself intoxicated by it.
She pulled away instantly and looked at his eyes, confusion written all over them. She blushed and turned away, angry at herself. She was feeling this again about him…why? It wasn't that she found the feeling to be repulsive; on the contrary, it was overwhelmingly pleasurable.
But, no matter how pleasurable it was, she had to resist it. Why? Because it was different; and being different meant that it was frightening. She didn't know anything about these feelings before. And now, to have them so suddenly, she didn't know what to make up of it. She sighed.
xxxxx
She lay awake on her bed, not daring to close her eyes, afraid of what laid beneath her subconscious. She knew that it was a form of irrational fears, but all the same, she just didn't want to close her eyes.
She would see him again; she was sure of that.
Ever since he had touched her; her feelings for him had changed. Her appearance had also changed; mainly her eye color. She never paid attention much to it before, but now that she noticed, she noticed that when before she had dull grey eyes, now, she had bright pink eyes.
She had spoken to Sera about this and she had been shocked when Sera had told her that it was her emotions that had been awakened. She had also asked the girl why she felt the things she felt for their leader; the girl just refused to meet her eyes and remained quiet.
She lightly shook the Sera, asking her to tell her everything.
Flashback
"Tell me why Sera? Why do I feel this way about Serph?" she asked desperately.
"You care for him…" she said finally.
"I…care?"
"Yes."
"But…I care for everyone else too…"
Sera shook her head, "No…not the way you care about Serph. It's different."
"How is it different…?"
"…I don't know…Only you can know yourself…you must find yourself and understand it." she said cryptically.
Argilla stood there, her eyes wide, her lips trembling.
End Flashback
xxxxx
A month had now come to pass, and Argilla became all the more aware of her feelings for her leader. Whenever he would look at her, she would stop dead in her tracks, petrified. Whenever he would touch her casually, anywhere in her body, from her shoulders, to her arms, to her hands, she would feel an intense wave of energy surge through her body.
She then found herself staring at him, daydreaming…
It was unbecoming of her.
Her body would heat up just at the sight of him and she would find her throat suddenly dry. It took a while for her to understand it, but after giving it some thought, she soon realized that the problem was biological.
Her body was craving for something. She didn't know what it was exactly, but she had a fair idea. And so, she had an experiment made. They had gone for a simple mission…and she decided to conveniently collapse near him. Serph automatically caught her in his arms. There. She felt the all too familiar wave of energy.
She resisted the strong urge to press herself tighter against his chest. Her body was beginning to react as she began to feel warm and hot all over. Apparently, Serph felt it too as he clutched her tighter against him, whispering to her to hold on. It was then that she realized that the feeling, the urges were beginning to ebb away…slowly dissipating.
She then realized that her body craved for touch; for release. She was craving for his touch and his touch alone. It was only his touch that could banish these unwanted feelings and urges within her.
But of course, despite these uncontrollable and painful urges, she would never get the courage to tell him of her problems. No…she couldn't. It would ruin whatever relationship they had and she couldn't have that.
xxxxx
She looked at him again, with a pained expression on her face. His steely silver eyes looked at her and held them in his piercing gaze. She tried to look away but she found that she couldn't.
"Is there something wrong Argilla?" he asked, his voice rousing her from her conundrum.
She snapped awake, "No…!"
His eyes were as stoic as ever and she cast her head down. No. He'd never want her the way she did him. There were just too many reasons why. Namely, the war that they were all fighting was draining his time and his heart that he had no more time to indulge in his bodily needs. Secondly, he probably thought of her as a friend, a comrade…or a sister.
That thought caused her to wince.
Thirdly, the black haired girl. She was special to them all. Argilla had once said that she had felt a strong bond towards the girl. She seemed to know more about her than she herself knew. Argilla smiled at that; it was nice to have another female in the group. But, because there was another female in the group, the attention was drawn away from her. She was no longer their only one. No; now, someone else was sharing in her pie.
She cast her head down; now, she had to share everything with Sera.
'Even him…'
Yes; she felt that their leader had taken a special liking to the girl as well.
That was the main reason why she would never have him.
xxxxx
Argilla arched her back in pleasure. She had no idea that this kind of activity could yield such feelings, such pleasure within her. He thrust deeper into her and she cried out, openly moaning, "Oh!! Serph…!! Serph…!"
He grabbed her hips and set an even fiercer pace within her. He couldn't get enough of her. He pressed his lips to hers, savagely kissing her. She moaned in his mouth and kissed him with as much urgency and passion as he did her.
His hands left her hips and went for her plump breasts. He massaged them carefully. His lips left hers and he looked into her pink eyes. He said nothing but continued to thrust within her madly.
"Aaggghhhh!!" she cried out, wrapping her legs around his waist.
This was what her body had been craving. His touch. His kisses. He and he alone. He grunted as he came. She pushed her hips upwards, meeting his in one final thrust as she came. She groaned and felt her body ease down. He fell on her unceremoniously and she held him to her, with tears in her eyes, "Oh Serph…"
He remained unspeaking.
"Thank you…" she said, her eyes brimming with tears.
xxxxx
It had been a month now since she had been seeing him. He would never act in any way out of the ordinary either. He would remain his stoic, unfeeling self during the day. But by night, his passionate self would awaken.
Argilla paced around her room impatiently. He had wanted to see her again and she had complied. She was waiting for him. And in every second that she continued to wait, her body ached and her heart suffered. He was the only one who could ease her suffering. He was the only one who could relieve her pain.
A figure walked in the room and she immediately looked up at him. She smiled and walked closer to him, "Hey…I've been waiting…? What kept you?"
He sighed, "Sorry…Gale had to discuss something with me."
"It's alright now…It's okay…" she assured him.
She then touched his face lovingly, tilting his chin up, looking into his eyes. She leaned in and closed her eyes, pressing her lips against his. He responded immediately and cupped her face firmly. He parted her lips and darted his tongue within her cavern. He moved within expertly, every contour and every crevasse, fully explored.
Her hands wrapped themselves around his neck and pressed herself against him tighter. He groaned and grabbed her hips, letting her feel his growing desire. She chuckled as she felt him. He growled as he heard her chuckle and he pressed her against the nearest wall. His lips left hers and dove for her neck, biting it painfully. She sucked a quick breath; he was impatient tonight.
The upcoming battles must be all the more dangerous.
He stripped her of her uniform impatiently almost as impatiently as she stripped his. They soon found themselves on her bed, with him straddling her. He spread her legs apart quickly, having no time for foreplay. She complied.
He thrust into her and she pressed her lips shut, suppressing a loud moan. He chuckled as he saw her face; she was so cute. He pinned her shoulders on the mattress and continued his thrusts.
Soon, the two reached their nirvana; together. He pulled out of her and lay down beside her. He looked at her and saw her faint smile on her lips. He pulled her closer and nuzzled his face on the crook of her neck. She cuddled up to him in return.
"Serph…"
xxxxx
She awoke the next morning to find herself alone. She smiled sadly; she supposed that this was the only way she would have him. He would never allow for them to see each other once the sun had risen. It had hurt…but this was the best they could do. It was better than nothing after all. She quickly bathed and got dressed. She then left for the strategy room. They had another mission today.
She glanced at him and smiled. He smiled in return, "Good morning Argilla. I trust that you slept soundly?"
She blushed under his intense gaze, "It was…alright."
He smiled, "Good."
She blinked and looked at Gale, "So, what's up?"
"The Karma Temple has restricted entry to their gates. And Sera has gone missing."
Argilla furrowed her eyebrows, "Then what?"
Heat interjected, "We storm their asses and take Sera back!"
She smiled at seeing his enthusiasm; Heat always had the talent of making the complicated, simple. Cielo joined in, "Hell ya! Wat are we waiting for ja?!"
Gale smiled and nodded, "Well, let us depart for Sahasrara. Serph?"
All eyes were on him. He merely nodded. Argilla looked in his silver pools; they were filled with so much emotion. Her heart softened as she gazed at him; it was all the more that she fell in love with him.
xxxxx
That night, they had retreated from Sahasrara as they had heard that Svathisthana, Manipura, Ajna and Anahata had fallen to rookies. She looked at Serph from afar as he processed the information given to him. He frowned; his lips set on a grim line, his eyes stern.
So many of their comrades had fallen. They were to seek retribution and retribution they will receive. But still, her heart ached. Sera was gone. Varin had accused her of being evil but she didn't understand why. Sera was anything but evil…she was their angel. She turned to her side and she saw Heat. It was apparent that it wasn't just her heart that suffered. His did too.
It was no secret that Heat harbored strong feelings for the black haired girl.
'He probably likes her the way I like Serph…' she thought sadly. She knew how that felt like; to find that the one you wanted didn't like you back.
But now…at least…now, she couldn't say that she didn't have Serph…because she did. Even if she cannot have him fully, she was thankful all the same.
xxxxx
He was as rough as the night before and she understood why. Sera was gone; their four cities had fallen to rookies. It was enough to drive anyone mad. She didn't say anything, and just imagined. She imagined that it was just she and Serph, away from this hell; this hell that they called home.
She just imagined that they were on a white sandy beach…just she and he…watching the sun set.
She imagined that his hands, now rough, were as gentle when they held her as she collapsed on that mission, on that day.
She imagined his eyes looking at her now…his beautiful, mysterious silver eyes. She imagined herself melting at the sight of them. She imagined that he loved her.
She sighed and bucked her hips, matching his thrusts.
She knew that this wasn't enough. Her body had received its gratification. But what of her heart? But he himself had told her that he cannot give her what she desired…What she and he had now was all that he could ever hope to offer her. She of course accepted. She needed this…she needed this no matter how unfair it was all…
There was no way that she would give this up.
"Oh Serph…" she moaned as they came.
He collapsed on her…she felt him…she felt his strife…his agony. She felt his pain…and she did the only thing that she could. She shared in that pain because she herself felt it. The feeling of unrequited feelings…of unreciprocated love.
She felt her eyes brim with tears…Could he ever love her?
'…' She didn't want to answer that. She was afraid. So, instead of saying it, she said nothing and continued to hold him to her. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. She smiled, "I love you Serph…"
She was deaf to everything that he said…she didn't trust his words…and so, whatever he said, just passed from one ear and onto the next. This was the best that they could do…then so be it.
He leaned in and kissed her passionately. She reciprocated and let her hands travel wherever they pleased.
Moments later, they pulled back. She looked into his once silver eyes that now turned red, "I love you Serph…"
He smiled at her, taking in her shimmering silver eyes, stroking her pink turned black hair, "I love you too Sera…"
xxxxx
FIN