I've always taken light for granted. It's such a powerful concept; the way it just completely disintegrates blackness in such an effortless way, is truly miraculous. Given what I do as a side job, dealing with light tends to be on the backburner. Darkness, since becoming The Arrow, has been one ally. I never realized that light had such an impact on my life as it did until I returned from the island the second time; until Sara told me that light was still a part of me, that it just needed to be harnessed, and protected.
She was sitting at her desk, her blonde head staring at the computer screen, her legs crossed in a dainty fashion. Her glasses were neatly perched atop her small nose, and her hair rested in a ponytail. She was hard at work, per usual, one of the many qualities that I've admired about her. More than that, however, is her belief in lost causes. If you looked up the term 'lost cause' in the dictionary, my picture would be all that you see. She is the only one, besides Diggle, who has ever believed that I was actually more than just The Arrow – she believes that I am not only a hero, but a savior.
"Oliver?" I heard her voice and smiled, leaving my office only to be in hers two seconds later.
"Miss Smoak?" It came out as a question, but the smile never left my face, a telling sign that we were exchanging playful banter.
"I'm afraid I can't make lunch today." Her red lips were turned down in a frown. My heart sank. Lunch with Felicity Smoak was the one thing I was looking forward to today. Between busy schedules, and pointless meetings, this one loophole painted within my botched life was the one thing giving me hope.
"Why?" I asked, knowing the answer. Felicity had been seeing someone for the past couple weeks. A business rival of his, named Ray Palmer. He was good looking, rich, and a match for himself. I despised the man.
"Ray wanted to take me out. I'm really sorry. I know you were looking forward to this. So was I." Her eyes peered down, and she looked so solemn, so broken. If she was excited for the lunch, why cancel at the last minute. Why choose her try-hard boyfriend over someone who would drop everything for her – someone who loves her unconditionally?
"Don't even worry about it." I swallowed back the urge to make snide remarks on her choice. After all, it was her choice. Her choice to have lunch with her new boyfriend. Her choice to bail on the one event that I was excited about. Her choice to disregard the fact that she was my everything.
"You okay?" She asked. She knew. She always knew. "You seem… I don't know. Distracted."
The debate rattled around in my brain for what seemed like hours; tell her how I feel about the situation, or run for the hills. Either way, I would lose the one thing that meant the absolute world to me. Either way, I'd be falling into darkness.
A sigh escaped my lips. Brushing a hand through my hair, I spoke, my mind going many different speeds. "Actually… um, no. I-I'm not."
She got up from her chair, a concerned look painted on her beautiful features. Crap. She was worried.
"Oliver, why are you acting like this?" She placed her hands on either side of me; her touch woke me up from my wimpy demeanor.
"Because… because I'm angry, Felicity." I watched as her expression changed from one of worry, to one of curiosity. "I'm angry at the choice you made." I started pacing now, trying to find the right words within the confines of my lovesick mind.
"You're basing all of this off my lunch date with Ray? That's a little dramatic, Oliver."
I walked towards her, limiting the distance between us. We were now inches apart. I could feel her sweet breath on my strewn face. My heart started skipping beats, and not just from the adrenaline.
"Lunch has nothing to do with this." I slowly placed my hands on either side of her face; I took some moments to really soak in the masterpiece before me. Her beautiful blonde hair, her bright red lips, her delicate, but confident features. She was perfect in every way; she was the face I saw in my dreams every night. "This has to do with the choice you made the minute he walked into your life. This has to do with the fact that you chose him. That he's the one getting all your attention. I guess I'm not the only hero who believes in you anymore."
Before I could gather my thoughts, our lips met. The kiss sent electrifying waves down every inch of my body; she was tiny, but fit perfectly in my grasp.
Felicity was the one to break the kiss. She wiped her mouth. Her eyes were filled with emotions I couldn't quite decipher. Confusion? Excitement? Fulfillment? Guilt? Reading Felicity Smoak in this given moment was one thing I couldn't do.
With that, I turned and walked out, the clicking of my shoes on the floor resembling the rapid pace of my heart. She was going to see the light. She was going to see how much of an impact she had on me. She was my light, and it was time I became hers.
She opened the door; her pink elephant pajamas brought a small smile to my face, but it slowly faded. Her expression was angry, as it should've been, rightfully so. Her manicured hands were crossed.
"OH! Look who it is?! Shouldn't you be kissing other girls with boyfriends at this time of night?" Her sarcasm stung me, but I shook it off.
"Can we just talk, please?" I hated that she was mad at me. I hated that she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I hated that I potentially ruined her relationship with the one guy that virtually makes me ill. I hated it all.
"Talk, or make out? Clearly you don't know the difference between the two." She left the door open and started for the couch, a sign for me to walk in. She was taking this whole situation to the extreme. Her attitude started to spark something in me.
"I didn't come by to fight, okay? I came by to tell you, that I just want you to be happy, and if that's with him, then so be it."
The first part of that sentence was one-hundred percent true. I did want her to be happy. I always want her to be happy. Did I want her happiness to be Ray? No, but I couldn't tell her that for fear of a potential, future computer virus making its way to my computer at Queen Consolidated.
Now Felicity was the one who closed the space between us. Her arms were still crossed, but she didn't appear as defensive. Her exterior was now softer, signaling to me that she was almost ready to let me in again.
"What do you want from me, Oliver?" She asked, with a tiny shrug.
I took her hand in mine and watched as her demeanor changed yet again; she appeared to melt away.
Gathering everything that I had, and everything that was bundled inside my brain, I uttered out almost incoherent words. "I want you to see it, Felicity. I want you to see that what you need the most is right in front of you."
I left without another word.