Diary
SUMMARY: Just what it says: random pages from Orihime's diary entries. Dribs and drabs, misc content. I will add warnings as they come up.
DISCLAIMER: The talented Tite Kubo is the owner of Bleach, and all its characters. I am merely borrowing them to tell my story. I own only my plot and ideas. I receive no financial compensation for my writing.
A/N: A page from Hime's diary, a letter to Ichigo that she never planned to send. Some of this may mesh with my personal AU, but it's not specifically intended to, at this point. In this version, Ichigo never gets his powers back.
WWWWWWWWWW
May 28:
I saw pictures of you online today. I guess you must still keep in touch with Chad, because he had some linked. Looks like you're getting married.
I'm happy for you, I am. It never would have worked out between us, for so many reasons. After you lost your powers, we started dating. I think you just wanted to find some balance of "normal," somehow, and thought us dating would help that. I've always like you, Kurosaki-kun, but I don't think you felt the same, and as time went on, you realized it too. We're just too different. I think maybe you felt like I was going out with you out of pity, but that wasn't the case, and couldn't have been further from the truth. Aside from my liking you, I saw pain in your heart that I knew my Rikka could never heal. I can't bear to see someone like you, so broken.
So, in a way, it was my way to get close to you, and offer you a comfort that you didn't otherwise know. And in the beginning, it seemed to help. But after a while, you started to feel pitied, and pushed me away.
It wasn't pity, Kurosaki-kun. It was compassion, empathy, and love. But, you're not the type I can argue with and win, so I let you walk away.
We both went to university in different towns, so we drifted even further apart. And when I came home to Karakura, you eventually slipped off my radar. Uryu and I were happy together, and his sweet, nervously awkward proposal was something I couldn't say no to. He was always there in the background, always kind, always gentle, always a gentleman. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. And the idea of him not being there beside me was just too lonesome. You and I tolerated each other, but Uryu and I… Well, it just fit better.
Eventually, love becomes a matter of finding not the one you can live with, but the one you can't live without, it seems.
I saw you one day in the grocery store. I didn't realize you had moved back to town, but I guess I could have expected as much. Karakura is a pretty small place; it was only a matter of time before I ran into you. I remember how my heart stopped for a moment, and I stared. You didn't see me; I was at the other end of the aisle, and before you could look up, I went around the end of the display and walked away.
I've seen you other times, either at the store or walking on the street while I was riding the bus to work. It always makes my breath catch in my throat, but I won't go up to you. There are things I want to stay, to explain, to apologize about, but it's clear that you've moved on. I won't stir things up. You seem happy, and I'll just have to let things go between us and get over it again. It seems like every time I see you again, things get ripped back open for me though. Maybe it gets easier over time. I don't know. It's been a long time, and it doesn't seem any easier.
Uryu and I are happy, we are. Things aren't perfect, but what in this life is? Five years of marriage and a two-year-old is nothing to sneeze at. Anju* is beautiful; she has my hair and Uryu's clear, blue eyes. Part of me wishes you could meet her.
I've never met your fiancée. I wonder if you two met at university, or maybe at some job you worked somewhere. I wonder if you ever told her about me, or if she knows about any of your past in Soul Society. With no powers anymore, you can live a normal life. I wonder sometimes what that must be like. You cut ties with most of us since then, I guess it must have been too painful to be constantly reminded of the sacrifice you had made…
I hope you're happy with her, Kurosaki-kun. And maybe someday, if it's you who sees me on the street first, and you come up to me and start up a conversation, I'll try not to start crying.
There are some wounds that even my Rikka can't heal.
WWWWWWWWWW
*Anju means "Honor; shine," it seemed like a good name for a child between the two of them.