Adagio for Strings

by JustAnotherTeenageWriter

Castiel Novak has always been able to hear the music. One day he decides to leave everything he's ever know behind search for the music, the family he's never known, and acceptance. Along the way he meets Dean Winchester front man for an up and coming rock band. who aids him in his journey. He learns that the music that is always around him can come from unexpected places.

I stand in the middle of the field with my arms outstretched. I let my head tilt back and I feel the sun on my face. The wind is blowing the grass around softly and I dip my fingers down into it. It is as cool as a stream. I stand there, and I wait.

I wait for the music to come to me.

I have found that the music is always around. You just have to let yourself feel it, let yourself open up to it.

It comes to me slowly, the wind blowing through chimes somewhere on the compound, like the tuning of an orchestra. The sunlight streaming through the trees is the brass, warming up. The wind is the tentative sound of the oboe, then the flutes. One by one the woodwinds come in. The grass rustling and stirring is the strings, tuning and adjusting.

Then it seems as if everything stops, like the conductor calling the orchestra to attention. I feel myself smile involuntarily.

The symphony is about to begin.

The music fills my ears and my heart and my soul.

It's beautiful and graceful and full of passion and light. The sound of the angels themselves.

I move my arms around in front of me, twisting back and forth letting my fingers dance in and out of the tall grass moving elegantly around me.

I move my hands out of the grass and act as if I am conducting the orchestra, letting my heart beat act as the metronome.

I am filled with utter euphoria, that is until the music come to an abrupt halt when I am violently slammed into by two of my brothers.

The wind is knocked out of me and I fall to the ground. "Conducting the symphony again, Cassie?" My eldest brother Lucifer sneers.

I remain silent, mainly because I have no air to say anything. "Raphael wants to see you now. It's urgent he says." My other brother Gabriel chimes in.

I get up and dust the dirt off of my trousers, then head towards the main house.

Where I live, they always try to keep me from hearing the music, but when I'm alone, it builds up from inside me and seeks purchase in any form it can, whether it be the wind or the light or the sound of my sister Anna sweeping and cooking. I often wonder if I learn how to play it, then angels might hear me, and in turn they might hear me. The angels would hear my cries and my prayers and then they might finally answer them. And I would finally be free.

I climb up the steps to the main house and knock, once I am granted permission I step over the threshold.

"Castiel." Raphael says, once I have walked into the parlor. "Please, take a seat."

I do as I am told.

"Lucifer tells me that you are writing of wishing to leave us here. To find the mother and father that abandoned you. Is that true?"

"Has Lucifer been going through my journal?" I ask in retaliation, that is the only place I dear speak my desire, I thought it would be safe.

"Your brother is worried about you, Castiel. He is worried that you want to leave and go into the Outside world. You realize that the people out there are not nearly as kind or thoughtful or Godly as we are here, Castiel? He is worried that you might want to seek the people who abandoned you. He is worried that you will get hurt."

"Lucifer should have voiced his concerns with me rather than going through my private journal."

"You never, answered my question. Are you wishing to leave us for the sinners of the Outside?"

"I do not wish to leave my brothers and sisters here, nor do I wish to join the sinners of the Outside. I just wish to be able to learn music, so I can be closer to the angels." And to my parents, but I do not tell him that part.

"We have music here, Castiel. Beautiful hymns and songs written for our Father and his soldiers. You have a wonderful family who loves you deeply. Is that not enough?" Raphael asks me, leaning forward and furrowing his brow.

"Of course it is, Raphael. I just wish to be able to learn the instruments of the outside. Like the ones of those in that symphony we went to once." I tell him.

One of the few times in my life that I had been out of the compound was near Christmas almost seven years ago. We had all went to a special Christmas show. We had received the tickets as a form of payment for produce by an elderly lady who was too sick to go. It was that night that everything finally fell into place for me.

Raphael frowns. "We have music here, Castiel. There is nothing more important than Him. You do know that, right?"

"Yes, Raphael, I only wish to-" But before I can finish Raphael cuts me off.

"If you leave you will not be allowed to come back. No matter your intentions for leaving. The Outside is a dangerous place and I will not have you go out there, have your mind poisoned by the filth those Godless people spew, and then come back and poison your brothers and sisters, do you understand, Castiel?"

"Yes, Raphael. I understand. I am sorry."

"It is alright. As long as you know there is nothing more important than Him, and you serve only Him, there is no wrong that you can do. You are dismissed and free to finish up your chores." Raphael tells me.

I nod my head, stand, and leave.

I walk to the stables to finish up the chores assigned to me but with every step I take I can feel the weight that settled in my stomach when talking to Raphael grow and grow. I love my family and God and everyone else, but being here has never felt quite right, in the seven years since the symphony the idea of leaving to learn music has become more and more appealing. I hate myself for thinking such selfish thoughts. Leaving my family for my own selfish reasons. They need me and I need them. But the music is growing stronger and stronger.

I finish up my chores and walk to the house where I can smell that Anna is cooking dinner. I offer her my help once I am inside as I always do and she politely declines just like usual.

I eat dinner with my family like usual. We take turns talking about how our day as usual. I help Anna with the cleanup even though she insists she does not need my help like usual and then I am off to bed like usual.

But as I lay in bed and stare out my window, the music is welling up inside me, yearning to get out. I try and hum the melody that is trapped inside, but my voice cannot do it justice.

"You should just give up, Castiel. They cannot hear you." Lucifer says from the doorway.

"You do not know what they can and cannot hear. They are celestial beings, warriors of God. They can hear and see everything." I tell him in retaliation.

"I was not speaking of the angels. I was speaking of your biological parents. They did not want you. They cannot hear you. Save yourself the heartache and just give it up, Castiel." He then continues walking down the hall until I hear his door open and shut.

I roll over and close my eyes. I pray to God, asking him to get rid of the selfish thoughts in my head, to help me see the way.

What Lucifer said resinates with me. I believe they can hear me the way people on the Outside believe in fairy tales. The music I hear inside of me is my mother and father. I can feel it. I often wonder if the notes that I hear are the same one's they heard the night they met. I do not know much of my parents. Only that they were both musicians and I was left here when I was an infant. I hope the music is how they found each other. And how maybe one day they'll be able to find me.

I believe that once upon a time, long ago, they heard the music and followed it.