I Won't Cry
((I've been listening 'Big Girls Don't Cry' a lot recently and I just came up with this idea. This has no plan so it may be a bit sketchy. Yesterday I wrote a oneshot about my Death Note OC, if you like this, please tell me whether to upload it or not!))
The case is solved and everything will go back to normal. So why aren't I happy? The others are overjoyed that Kira has finally been brought to justice, however, I feel nothing. I'm intelligent, so why can't I think of an explanation. I look down at my puppets and flinch. Mello and L's puppets glare up at me. That may be the reason.
My success comes with a dire price, everyone I really cared about is dead. L, Mello, Matt…Hell, I don't even have Watari anymore. I grab a lock of my thick white hair and begin to twirl, hopefully the other SPK members will take it as normal behaviour. I look down at the puppets again and then rise up. I look through my fringe at the others,
"I need to go visit someone. You're all free to do as you please seeing as Kira is now probably dead," I go to exit but Linder stops me and produces a pair of sandals out of her bag, I faintly smile at her to feign gratitude and slip my feet into them. I nod at the others and pad out, walking up a road I had only visited once but felt like I knew it all too well. I sneak a glance at myself in a car window and notice that my determination looks like madness on the outside. I calm down and carry on.
After a while of walking, I find myself at the foot of grand black gates. I walk through the cemetery, although I know there is nothing here that could harm me, it doesn't decrease the scariness of it all. I finally find the tombstone, a simple cross with RIP engraved into it. They obviously didn't put anything else down, everyone was to think that L was alive and still working. Feeling childlike and foolish, I sit next to the cross and start to speak to thin air as if L was sat right next to me.
"The investigation is over. You were right, Light Yagami was Kira, I think he's dead now." I pause and then begin to speak again, "Mello and I finally worked together, like you always wanted. If you're with him, could you tell him that I'm sorry I can't visit his grave as I don't know where it is and that I'm sorry we didn't get along when he was…alive." I begin to fiddle with a lock of my hair again, my uncomfortable feeling easing off. I don't feel crazy now, it's as if I'm really having a conversation with L.
"Also, tell him I'm very sorry about Matt… Although, I suppose they're together now aren't they?" I blink and try to shrug off raw emotion that I feel overcoming. Now it's there, I would be foolish to ignore it. "I know it's not very professional but I need to tell you everything before it drives me crazy." I pause. Petrified. Though, I'm not sure why. I know if L could hear me, he would take it seriously and not mock me, so what is there to be afraid of? Nothing. I inhale deeply and then start to rant, getting everything off my chest.
"I'm alone now. No one is here and I can't celebrate my victory in the defeating of Kira. Without Mello, I will never be able to become your real successor, on my own I'm nothing. I need you both to come back…A-and bring Watari and Matt too! Just…please?" The desperation in my voice surprises even me. For the first time since I was taken into Wammy's, I feel vulnerable and alive. It's probably because too much emotion was frowned upon in Wammy's, which was also another possibility Mello always came second.
I feel tears prick my usual dead eyes, the sting as a single teardrop slides down my cheek. I rub it away thoroughly and stand up quickly. I look once more at the cross and feel the tears welling over, "I'll visit soon…" I whisper as I wipe my tears with my sleeve. I look at the ground, ashamed of myself for crying. "And I won't cry anymore."
As I walk out of the gates and head back to the SPK, I mumble, "That's a promise."