The More I See of The World:
The Diary of Elizabeth Bennet
by
HallieMonday, 23rd September 1811
We are all in uproar, as Mama would say! It appears that Netherfield has been let at last, and by a young man of large fortune. A single young man of large fortune. Naturally, Mama is ecstatic. I believe she is planning to marry one of us to him, and as Jane is by far the prettiest, not to mention the most amiable, I fear the task of 'capturing' Mr Bingley (for that is his name) will fall to her!
Papa is being his delightful self, which naturally vexes Mama to distraction. However, it is impossible to blame him for it; Mama is incorrigible when she gets an idea into her head, but he really should not bait her so. Until Papa visits Mr Bingley, it appears that we no peace will be had here at Longbourn, and Papa is most adamant that he will not visit Mr Bingley. I do not mind the lack of the gentleman's company; in fact, it would be most embarrassing to have to witness Mama's fawning over him - but Papa really ought to visit him, if only to pacify Mama. Then again, perhaps that is his intention. He does so love to taunt Mama, and my Papa is certainly no fool. If he seeks an introduction to Mr Bingley, then Mama will not rest until the poor man is married, and preferably to our dear Jane. As long as the introductions are delayed, Mama will have to bide her time. It's just that she is so vocal in her disapproval of Papa's stance.
I'm beginning to wonder whether there is any point in marriage at all; if one took Mama and Papa for an example, then it would seem not. They do not suit one another, and I often wonder whether there is any real regard between them. It makes me wary of the matrimonial state, and I am glad that Mama would never presume to marry me off to Mr Bingley. I suppose that is the advantage of not being the favoured daughter. My poor dear Jane will have to bear that particular burden. However, she bears Mama's matchmaking schemes with such equanimity that if I were not her sister and friend, I would suspect that it does not bother her. But the mercenary nature of Mama's choice of beaus cannot be ignored. She fears the day that Papa dies, and believes we will all be thrown out of our home if one of us does not make a good match. I refuse to believe that our relatives would allow this to happen; Aunt and Uncle Gardiner would no doubt help us if help were needed. And besides, Papa is in very good health; dwelling on his death can only cause us all great sadness, not to mention an excess of anxiety. Mama will worry us all out of our looks if she carries on in this vein. Indeed, it does not bear thinking about. Dear Papa! Although he delights in vexing Mama, and is not the most adept of parents, he is still my very own Papa, and I love him dearly. Longbourn would not be the same without Papa here, and Mama is morbid to even consider his death. He has many years of happy healthy life in him yet!
Friday, 4th October 1811
The servants moved into Netherfield today. This has only vexed Mama even more, for Papa is still adamant that he will not visit Mr Bingley. For myself, I am convinced that he will visit him just as soon as may be, and that he is merely teasing Mama. But Mama will have none of our platitudes, and I have been escaping the house as much as I can for exactly this reason.
The country is truly beautiful at this time of year; all the leaves are just turning to their most glorious shades, and the air is crisp and fresh. I took the path to Netherfield today, which is how I know the servants have moved things in. It looks so very grand, and I own that it will be marvellous to have someone residing there after it has been vacant for so long. It will be strange, though. Mr Jones was such a dear man, and his passing was very sad indeed. He and Papa were in such great spirits when they were together. I fear there are very few people in Meryton who can really match up to Papa's wit, and he spends much of his time in the study. Mama often laments about our lack of male kin, and though Papa never complains, I am sure that had they had but one son he would be much more agreeable towards Mama. Papa lacks male companionship now and is content to barricade himself away from the world. It is not healthy for him. I would have hoped for him to get on well with our new neighbours, but as Mr Bingley is purported to be a young man, he will hardly fit the bill as a friend for Papa, for I believe he is closer to dear Jane's age than our father's. Still, any masculine company will be a welcome respite in Longbourn's study, and I am sure that like myself, Papa is hopeful that Mr Bingley will be as amiable a neighbour as Mr Jones ever was.
Monday, 7th October 1811
Mama was in a very petulant mood this evening, for Mr Bingley is now installed at Netherfield, and Papa deliberately provoked her. I was trimming a bonnet, and he happened to voice his hope that Mr Bingley would like it. Well, any mention of our neighbour is enough to set Mama off, and she became most fractious. I tried to placate her, for Mrs Long promised to introduce him to us, but Mama insists that Mrs Long will think only of her nieces. She can be very irrational when things do not go her way! Indeed, she even scolded poor Kitty for having a coughing fit, though Kitty cannot help it. And Papa did not help matters, by teasing her further, especially when she realised that Mrs Long would not have a chance to meet Mr Bingley for herself before our next ball. And that is when Papa casually mentioned that Mama would have the honour of conducting introductions. As I had surmised, he was one of the first to visit Mr Bingley. Well, Mama was beside herself again, only this time it was with rapture. She began to plot when Mr Bingley would return the visit, and whether we should invite him to dinner, and all sorts of other little things. She believes that Mr Bingley will stand up with all of us at the upcoming assembly, and that everything will work out for the best. Of course, the best in Mama's estimation involves the conjoining in the state of holy matrimony one of her daughters and our esteemed neighbour, or rather, his fortune. Her intentions are well enough, though I believe somewhat misguided. Nonetheless, we shall have to continue on as always and hope that she does not allow her nerves to get the better of her.
Thursday, 10th October 1811
Well! Mr Bingley returned Papa's call today, and once again Papa vexed Mama by keeping the gentleman in the library for the entirety of his visit (which admittedly lasted a mere ten minutes!). Lydia and Kitty could not be kept away from the window, and so we are now in the knowledge that Mr Bingley wears a blue coat and rides a black horse. Quite why we should worry about such things I know not, but blue is a very pleasant colour, and I have no doubt that the horse is an admirable reflection of Mr Bingley's character. In an effort to rectify Papa's mistake, Mama took it upon herself to invite Mr Bingley for dinner, but sadly we discovered that he is obliged to return to London on business. This is something of a reprieve, for having seen Mama away from Mr Bingley; I am beginning to dread her actions when he is readily available.
In fact, we know very little of Mr Bingley. Papa has been remarkably close mouthed about him. This is unsurprising, knowing Papa, but it left poor Mama reliant on Lady Lucas for her information. By all accounts, he is young, handsome, and amiable and plans to attend the next assembly. Imagine Mama's joy, though somewhat tempered by the fact she was reliant on Lady Lucas for information. Lady Lucas of all people! I can never quite fathom the relationship those two have, it is nothing like that of Charlotte and myself. It is insupportable to think that we should ever fall into the fierce competition that so dominates discourse between Mama and Lady Lucas. They have turned the idea of marriage into a sport of sorts, each vying to marry their daughters off first, seeing who can attain the more desirable son-in-law. Mama gloats over Jane's beauty, and Lydia's youthful charms, and Lady Lucas gloats over Sir Lucas' baronetcy and her fortune at having sons. I cannot imagine having the stamina for such affairs!
It was very fortunate that Lady Lucas was aware of Mr Bingley's circumstances in this case, though. If it were not for her intelligence, Mama would have been insufferable for days. Even so, Mama was most put out that Mr Bingley had returned to London so soon after arriving here, and I fear she began to worry about his commitment to Netherfield and in turn his commitment to matrimony. After all, what good is a young man of good fortune who is neither in attendance nor seeking a wife? It is a truth universally acknowledges that a single man in possession of good fortune much be in want of a wife, after all! Poor Mama! And Jane cannot possible exercise her charm over him if Mr Bingley is not here! Indeed, Mama was very vocal in her disapproval of Mr Bingley's defection, but fortunately Lady Lucas comforted her with the knowledge that his return to town was only in order to collect a large party for the ball, and we later heard that he was bringing twelve ladies and seven gentlemen. Far too many ladies, of course, for my liking, but that cannot be helped. Indeed, I wonder at our amiable Mr Bingley; where does he find all these young women? Perhaps he is not so suitable for Jane after all. It is probably best not to mention this to Mama, but I shall be on my guard when she starts flapping her wings, as she is so often wont to do. All joking aside, I believe this talk of Jane and Mr Bingley is out of hand, and that Jane is really quite exhausted by all of the speculation. How she can be linked to a man she does not even know I cannot fathom! It is intolerable! I dread to think what life will be like at Longbourn once we've met the gentleman, if his mere arrival has caused so much speculation.
Tuesday, 22nd October 1811
The long awaited ball finally came to pass yesterday, amid much uproar in the Bennet household. Papa would not come - he rarely does; Mama was left to chaperone us. The thought of Mama as a chaperone is quite laughable; she is all too often trying to throw us in the path of rich young men, and I do believe that she is of the opinion that 'all is fair in love and war'. Having said that, Mama loves us all dearly, and is really only looking after our well-being. It is her manner of doing so that is unfortunate and indeed, quite mortifying.
But I digress. Last night was the assembly ball and we finally got to meet the elusive Mr Bingley. I have to say I was well pleased with him. He is all that the gossips have suggested, and he had the good sense to favour Jane, which I cannot fault. It does seem rather strange that after all Mama's hints and hopes he should single Jane out, but she is the most beautiful girl in Meryton, and I daresay there are very few women of the ton who can rival her, so perhaps it is not so very surprising after all.
Contrary to rumours, Mr Bingley only brought two women with him: his sisters. I did not think much of them, if I am to be truly honest. They seemed to have far too high an opinion of themselves, and their gowns, although of good material, were also overly flamboyant and more in the style of Mr Brummel[1] than that of a country assembly. It was clear that they had no real desire to be in the company of us mere mortals, and I find that they do not form pleasant impressions. Mr Bingley was also accompanied by two men, a Mr Hurst (the husband of his elder sister) and a Mr Darcy, from Derbyshire, with an estate worth £10000 a year.
I have to ask myself now, why we must value people based on the size of their fortune. Over the course of the evening it became apparent that for all his material wealth, Mr Darcy is not a pleasant man. He kept himself aloof from the company, dancing only with those of his party, and generally hiding in corners, glaring menacingly at the rest of the assembly. One wonders why he joined Mr Bingley at all - it was evident that he was ill at ease with our company. He obviously felt himself above us, and it was displayed for all to see. Arrogance and conceit reared their ugly heads.
I own that I am not disposed towards friendliness with Mr Darcy. As Mr Bingley was very taken with Jane, he was clearly frustrated by his friend's apparent lack of interest in the proceedings. He tried to coax Mr Darcy into dancing, and I believe that I was to be the bait. Mr Bingley, wonderful man that he is, suggested that I was very pretty, and well worth dancing with (I had been forced to sit out for several sets due to a shortage of men), but Mr Darcy, in that oh-so-perfect voice of his, merely said "She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me" and had the gall to suggest that I had been slighted by other men. Well! My vanity has been injured, although I must admit to seeing a certain degree of humour in the situation. It is very unfortunate, though, that Mr Bingley should have such disagreeable friends, and I wonder how it reflects on his person. I suppose he has no choice when it comes to his relatives, and I will admit that I can forgive him for their follies, but Mr Darcy is said to be Mr Bingley's dearest friend, and his manners do not leave me disposed to like him.
I cannot fathom why my reaction to him is so intense. It is most trying to think that such a man can reduce me to this. In truth, although I am amused by his conceit, I also find my pride wounded by his remarks. I do not understand why this should be so. Perhaps because it would not have been insupportable for him to accede to Mr Bingley's request, in spite of his protestations to the contrary. After all, the dictats of Hertfordshire are not those of London, and no one would have frowned at him if he had danced with me. Perhaps it was the way he treated me to his disdain, implying that I was inferior to him. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter. Granted, our financial situations differ greatly, but we are both of the gentry. I dislike being judged, and that is precisely what he was doing. I have never been subjected to such manners before. Yet I have never cared for the opinions of others, and so I ponder anew why his attitude disturbs me.
But enough of unpleasant subjects. The recent trend of my writings has been Mr Bingley, and I see no reason to break it now, especially as Mr Darcy and his superior wealth is sadly superseded by his dismal personality. I was pleased by Mr Bingley's attentions to Jane, I will not pretend otherwise. Not because I wish for Jane to marry for money; indeed, we have often spoken of our desire to marry for love - but because Mr Bingley seems to be a very amiable man, and over the course of the evening, his partiality for Jane was very apparent. He danced with her as often as propriety would allow, and was genuinely interested in her. He was pleasant to me, and our sisters, and I can see no reason to dislike him. Indeed, Jane admires him already, and whilst she loves all people, her praise of Mr Bingley suggests that she is flattered by his attentions and in no way averse to them.
Jane, being the most angelic creature on this earth, also liked Mr Bingley's sisters. However this does not recommend them to me. She did admit that at first they were disagreeable, but that they became more tolerable on further acquaintance, and she believes that they will make charming neighbours. I did not question her judgement, but Jane does have a tendency to see the best in everyone. For my own part, I am in no way convinced as to the sincerity of the Bingley sisters, and I hope for Jane's sake that their overtures are indeed genuine. Unfortunately, I fear that they are not. From what I have observed, they pander to Mr Darcy in everything, and if he disapproves of my situation, he must also disapprove of Jane's. At least he acknowledged her beauty, allowing her to be the only pretty girl in the room. He may be lacking in social grace, but he is not blind. I would be disposed to think much worse of him had he maligned Jane in addition to myself.
The Lucases came to visit today, and I was very pleased to see Charlotte once again. Poor Charlotte is much maligned by Mama for having reached the grand old age of seven-and-twenty without finding herself a husband. Husbands, I think, do not like to be found, and it is hardly Charlotte's fault if no one has solicited her hand. It is one of the difficulties of being a woman: you may not court a man's suit, one can only accept or reject what the men of the world offer you. It seems grossly unfair to me, but such is the way of the world. Charlotte is in favour at Longbourn, though, as she brought news about Mr Bingley, who is still Mama's favourite topic of conversation, as he favoured Jane so much last night. Charlotte told Mama that she had overheard Mr Robinson and Mr Bingley talking about who was the prettiest girl at the assembly, and that Mr Bingley had answered that without a doubt Jane was the most beautiful. How different are his manner from those of his friend. I am still wary, though. Certainly, it appears that Mr Bingley is very taken with Jane, but we do not know the ways of the bon ton[2], and I would not wish for her to have her heart broken. He has done no more than favour her as a dance partner; it means nothing at this stage. I am determined not to count my chickens.
Wednesday, 30th October 1811
In return of our visit a few days ago, the Netherfield Ladies called today. Needless to say, it was a most enlightening experience. It was evident that they were not impressed with Longbourn - I daresay it was too simple for their tastes, for they always appear in the London fashions: overdressed, whatever occasion . But perhaps I am too harsh on them; they are ladies of society, and perhaps their choice of attire is perfectly normal in London this season. Here in Hertfordshire though, it appears ridiculous. It was plain that they cared not for the presence of Mama, nor of the girls, but were very solicitous towards Jane and myself, intimating that they would like to further their acquaintance with us. There was so much falsity in their manner, I cannot credit it! Jane is very pleased by their attentions: she perceives them as an illustration of the good characters of our neighbours. I am less convinced. They are supercilious towards everyone; even Jane does not escape their condescension and yet she is so very good as to make disliking her impossible.
Some good does come from their visit, though. I am convinced that Mr Bingley is intrigued by Jane. The manner of his sisters towards her speaks well of his opinion, and he has never been anything other than charming towards her. Clearly he prefers her company to that of anyone else here. I believe that Jane is fast succumbing to his charms and I am very happy for her. Mr Bingley does not seem to be a man who would break her heart, and they are so well suited in temperament that they cannot help but be happy.
Monday, 4th November 1811
I had an interesting visit with Charlotte today. We were talking of Jane and Mr Bingley (who occupy the thoughts of many, it seems), and Charlotte appears concerned that Jane's happiness with his attentions is not obvious. This is ridiculous, of course, but Charlotte believes that Jane should wear her heart on her sleeve and leave Mr Bingley in no doubt about her feelings. I believe such a course would be folly; it is improper and goes against Jane's very nature. Charlotte believes that without Jane's encouragement, Mr Bingley may never do anything more than like her. Well, if that is the case then Mr Bingley does not deserve her affections! He is not a stupid man - I am sure that he will realise that Jane enjoys his company very much; if I can perceive her affection for him then surely he can too!
To be honest, I was quite disturbed by the tone of the conversation. Charlotte made the whole affair sound so business-like and devoid of emotion. But Jane is not acting by design, she truly does feel for Mr Bingley, and she is not so much interested in his material goods as in the man himself. She is in no way certain of her own regard and it would be foolish to try to show feelings she does not have, especially in one so reserved. Jane has danced with Mr Bingley four times, seen him at Netherfield one morning and dined in his company four times: this is hardly enough of an acquaintance to be certain of one's own heart much less form a lifelong affection. If Mr Bingley is in doubt of Jane's feelings then she can be in no less doubt of his. They have not had enough opportunity to make out each other's characters, and I would wish prudence upon them. There is more to marriage than duty, and an ill matched couple will ultimately spend their days in sadness. Dear sweet Jane certainly does not deserve that.
Thursday, 7th November 1811
We had the fortune of seeing the Netherfield party once again today, at a soirée at Lucas Lodge. I say fortune, but I am not convinced that it was so very fortunate. Oh, it was undoubtedly so for Jane, for Mr Bingley is still as attentive towards her as ever he was. For myself, I took little pleasure from their attendance. Perhaps I would not be so inclined, were it not for the peculiar actions of Mr Darcy. Having pronounced me to be only 'tolerable' - I will admit that my pride was bruised by his comment – he has now taken to listening to my conversations with others, presumably to find more faults in me. Whilst I refused to allow his manners to deter me, it is most frustrating.
I called him out on it, as far as a lady can do so, but his answer was less than satisfactory and any further discourse we may have had was prevented by Charlotte, who took it upon herself to open up the piano, and to call upon me to entertain the company. I had no real desire to illustrate any more of my shortcomings to these people, my pride is bruised enough as it is, but Charlotte would not take no for an answer, and thus I had no choice but to bend to her wishes. I have no doubt that Mr Darcy took great delight in criticising my performance, but I have decided that I care little for his opinion. After all, he cares little for the opinions of Meryton, so it is only fair!
As for my sisters, Lydia and Kitty were as lively as ever they are, and poor Mary bore the brunt of their enthusiasm. She is always eager to please; for I fear that here at home she is paid very little attention, and took it upon herself to play the longest concerto of her repertoire. I am loath to criticise my own sister, for in truth she executed it very well, but Lydia and Kitty would have none of it and were not satisfied until she obliged them with some airs. They took it upon themselves to dance with some of the officers of the militia who have recently been encamped in the area. They were really very lively, and as usual, it was necessary to rein in their natural enthusiasm. This task usually falls to Jane and myself, for Mama can sometimes be as bad as the girls. My father's claim that they are the silliest girls in England may not be justified, but neither is he entirely misguided. I only wish that he would take it upon himself to do something about his daughters' silliness. Public outings often turn into a farce in the face of my sisters' youthfulness. Although I do not oppose their being out, for they enjoy these assemblies as much as the next person, I do wish that it was not my lot to ensure their behaviour remained within the bounds of propriety. But thus it is, and thus it always has been and in truth, it does not bother me so very much. It was just vexing to think of Mr Darcy watching with those criticising eyes of his. As Jane was engaged with Mr Bingley, and Mama has no notion of these things, it fell to me to curb Lydia and Kitty's enthusiasm. Always in high spirits, Lydia began to forget herself. I felt it best to intervene, but as I was moving in that direction I was waylaid by Sir William.
Sir William is a wonderful man and as Charlotte's father he deserves much praise, but he does have a tendency towards placing one in unwanted situations. He had been in discourse with Mr Darcy, about what I do not know, and he took it upon himself to offer me as an ideal dance partner to Mr Darcy. Well, I can only imagine what Mr Darcy thought of that! Besides, I promised Mama that I would never dance with him, and I certainly had no desire to do so this evening, especially with a man who was not humoured to give consequence to young ladies slighted by other men! If I had wished to dance, I have no doubt that my sisters would have found me an officer, but as things stood, Sir William had placed me in an awkward position. I disengaged myself as best I could, saying that dancing was not my intention, and then Mr Darcy – MR DARCY of all people – said that he would be honoured to dance with me. I'm sure he was just following propriety; after all, Sir William had given him little choice in the matter. I declined his hand as well, for it would only have been a punishment for him to stand up with me.
The evening passed as such evenings always do after that. I was pleased to see Mr Bingley again paying particular attention to Jane; Mama's hopes may yet be realised. But we do not really know Mr Bingley; perhaps he merely enjoys the company of pretty women. I cannot fault him for that, but I do not blame Jane for her reticence in showing him her feelings, for if he were just entertaining her for his own amusement and without any serious design at least she will not suffer public humiliation should he abandon her for another. I doubt that this will be the case, however. I sincerely hope that it is not.
Tuesday, 12th November 1811
I am very grieved with Mama. In her enthusiasm to marry Jane to Mr Bingley, she insisted that Jane ride to Netherfield, and poor Jane must have been caught in the rain. It was folly on Mama's part, but Jane is too sweet to put her foot down. Mama wanted Jane to stay the night at Netherfield, in order that she might see Mr Bingley, and she would not allow Papa to give Jane the carriage, although he would not have been able to help her in any case as the horses were all engaged on the farm. The weather is now of the most appalling kind and I have no doubt that Jane must have been soaked through. I sincerely hope that she is well, but I fear for her health. Mama, of course, was delighted that her plan was executed so successfully.
It has been a trying few days at Longbourn generally. The militia are now firmly encamped in Meryton, and Aunt Phillips is well acquainted with all of the officers, on account of my uncle visiting them all and inviting them for tea. This does not surprise me, for Aunt Phillips is as incorrigible a gossip as Mama. It is not hard to believe that they are related! This would not have affected us at Longbourn were it not for my aunt's determination to introduce the officers to her nieces. Consequently, Kitty and Lydia have been dreaming of redcoats and heroic deeds and being whisked away by knights in shining armour. It is not healthy to obsess so and I am certain that Papa does not approve. His admonishments are in no way successful, however. Mama is most annoyed by Papa's declarations, and the girls carry on as they always have. Mary, fortunately, is not affected by this sudden love for officers, but then Mary is little affected by anything other than Fordyce and her pianoforte. It is most troublesome. None of Jane's efforts, or my own, have managed to pry her away from these pursuits. It is worrying, but at least we know that she is not in danger from lascivious redcoats! Oh, I know young ladies are not supposed to think such things, but I am no fool and Papa's library is a treasure trove of knowledge. It seems that men of the militia are rather partial to a young girl's virtue, and I worry that my sisters are too innocent to realise this.
It is still raining and very hard. Jane will have to stay at Netherfield, for Miss Bingley mentioned that the men there are dining with the officers so there is no way she can be sent home in their chaise. Poor Jane I could not bear to spend an evening alone with Mr Bingley's sisters, but I have no doubt that she will bear it remarkably well. I worry for her though. The weather is at its vilest and there can be no doubt that she was out in it. I trust that the ladies at Netherfield will attend to her needs and that no ill will come of this misadventure, but I am uneasy.
[1] Beau Brummel was born in London in 1778. In his day, the prince of dandies; he was patronized by the Prince of Wales, afterwards George IV. Brummel began to regarded in the circles around the Prince as a virtual oracle on matters related to dress and etiquette. He played a major in popularizing trousers as opposed to knee breeches.
[2] The term bon ton come from the French meaning 'good tone', and was used in the Regency era to indicate high society and a sophisticated manner or style. It is often reduced to ton.