A/N: This fanfic is based slightly off of the Doctor Who minisode Clara and the TARDIS. I came up with this idea after watching it. This story is set between The Name of the Doctor and The Day of the Doctor.
Clara walked into the console room of the TARDIS, not amused at all.
"Where is it?" Clara sternly asked the TARDIS.
The TARDIS responded with a few beeps.
"I know what just happened. I woke up, needing to use the toilet, so you decided to make my bathroom go completely missing!"
The TARDIS beeped a few times at her, pretending to have no idea what she was being accused of.
This wasn't anything new to Clara. The TARDIS had pulled things like this on her before, such as hiding her favorite jacket from her, but nothing this big or something vitally important.
Clara sighed at the response she received from the TARDIS.
"I know you're the one who made it disappear. Just tell me where you put it and we'll keep this between you and me."
The last time the TARDIS hid something from her, she immediately snitched on her to The Doctor. The TARDIS was clearly getting her pay back on Clara for getting her in trouble with The Doctor.
"Do you do this to all of the women The Doctor travels with, or am I just extra special?"
The TARDIS beeped in a way that Clara took for laughter.
"Are you laughing? You are aren't you? What's so funny?"
The TARDIS didn't respond.
"That's it! I'm going to find my damn bathroom! Do your worst you fat cow!"
Clara left the console room and began the search for her bathroom. She continued to search high and low in the never ending TARDIS and before long she realized she'd been searching for five hours. Being so invested in finding where her bathroom was moved, she had completely forgotten why she needed to find the bathroom in the first place. Upon this realization she noticed the aching pressure on her bladder. She had become more desperate for the loo than she had ever been in her life. Even more so than the time when she drank too much juice during a road trip when she was five or the time when she and The Doctor were held captive on some alien planet she couldn't remember the name of without toilet access. On the verge of wetting herself, she decided to take a break from the search of her own bathroom and decided to just use The Doctor's instead and continue the search for her own after emptying her bladder. She made a dash in the direction of a The Doctor's bathroom. When she got there, she couldn't believe her eyes. The Doctor's bathroom was missing too! The TARDIS must've known she would try to use his and decided to hide it as well.
"That bitch!" Clara shouted from the top of her lungs. That's it, she thought, you're going to get it.
Clara wiggled her way to the console room, unable to run due to her full bladder.
"That's it, you bitch! Put my bathroom back now or I'm going to tell The Doctor what you did!"
The TARDIS beep laughed at her.
"Please, I'm begging you!" Clara shouted on the verge of crying. "I really need to pee!"
Clara was now on the floor sobbing and clutching her crotch, in order to keep from wetting herself.
"You just want to see me wet myself. Is that it?"
At that moment The Doctor rushed in.
"What the hell is going on in here? What's with all of the commotion?"
The Doctor had been spending the day attempting to fix his bunk bed, which he had broken after jumping on it. When he heard Clara yelling, he immediately stopped what he was doing and ran to find her. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He saw Clara sitting on the floor with tears streaming down her face and clutching her crotch. 1200 years of traveling in all of time and space and he had never seen a sight like this.
"I really need to use the toilet, but this stupid machine of yours hid all of the bathrooms from me!" Clara shouted at The Doctor.
She had never yelled at him before and The Doctor was shocked at what he was hearing. He was puzzled. Before Clara, the TARDIS had never once done anything mean to one of his companions.
"TARDIS, is this true?" The Doctor asked his beloved machine.
The TARDIS beeped at her owner, ashamed of her actions.
"Bad TARDIS!" The Doctor shouted at her, the first time ever during their many travels together. "What on Gallifrey has gotten into you?"
The TARDIS once again beeped in a sulky tone at her beloved owner.
"Doctor?" Clara piped up, no longer crying since the Doctor was finally scolding the TARDIS. "I'd hate to interrupt you finally telling off the TARDIS, but in case you've forgotten, I'm about a minute away from my bladder releasing all over the TARDIS floor. Now at the moment, I kind of wouldn't mind that happening after the way the TARDIS has treated me, but I'm sure you and the TARDIS would prefer that I pee in the toilet. Am I right?"
"Ah, yes!" The Doctor exclaimed. "I'd just about completely forgotten. Just give me a sec and your bathroom will be back right where it was." The Doctor started pressing some buttons on the console. "Please don't go on the floor. I don't want to clean that up. You can hold it just a little longer right?"
"Yeah. Just messing with you, you clever boy." She said giggling. But don't take too long, because I really am close to bursting."
"Right then!" The Doctor said while continuing to press buttons. "That would be a first though. Traveling all of these years I have yet to have one of my companions lose control of their bladder on the TARDIS. It would be interesting to see."
"Shut up!" Clara jokingly spurred at him. She was now acting a little too happy, considering she was extremely close to bladder failure.
The Doctor pressed a few more buttons. "Ok! Your bathroom's right back to where it was."
Clara immediately got up as she was hearing this. "Thanks so much, Doctor! I'll be back in a minute. Could you wait to continue scolding the TARDIS until I get back?"
"If that's what you want my impossible girl." The Doctor said to her smiling as she was making her way out of the door.
Clara made her way to her bathroom as fast as she possibly could with her extremely full bladder. When she got there and finally saw the toilet, she gleamed. She quickly shut the door and then proceeded to pull her skirt, tights, and underwear down. Her bladder almost immediately let go when she finally, after what had seemed like forever, sat on the toilet. She sighed in relief at the great feeling that was releasing a full and aching bladder. That was the only good part of nearly not making it, the feeling of relief that you got when you were finally able to do the deed. As she continued to empty her bladder, she remembered having the exact same feeling when she was five and when she was on the alien planet. She then thought about how much more scolding the TARDIS was going to get from the Doctor.
After she finished, she wiped and pulled her tights, skirt, and underwear back up. She then flushed and went to wash her hands. After all of that was done, she exited the bathroom and darted for the console room, able to run much better now with her empty bladder, excited to continue seeing the TARDIS get it from The Doctor.
"You make it?" The Doctor asked as she walked into the room.
"Of course! I have quite the excellent bladder control." She replied with a big smile on her face.
"Well it didn't sound like that a little while ago. If I remember right you said, and I quote, 'I'm about a minute away from my bladder releasing all over the TARDIS floor.'"
"Ok, whatever. But part of that was just trolling you and the TARDIS."
"Ok, now that that's all sorted out, what I am I going to do with you girl?" he said to the TARDIS.
The TARDIS beeped once again ashamed of her actions and how much it had upset her beloved Doctor.
"I've never had to punish anyone before, so Clara what do you think I should have the TARDIS do? What will resolve this issue between the two of you?"
"To be quite honest, I'd really be fine with just an apology and a promise to never hide anything from me again."
"That's fair enough. TARDIS, will you please apologize to Clara and tell her you'll never do this sort of thing to her again?"
The TARDIS protested The Doctor by bringing up the fact that Clara had called her names, all said using different beeps.
"You do have a point girl. Clara, did you call the TARDIS a fat cow and a bitch?" The Doctor asked Clara, now starting to scold her a little bit.
"Yes, and I'm very sorry TARDIS. You just made me angry and really got on my nerves. I promise I'll stop calling you names if you stop messing with me."
"Thanks for the apology to the TARDIS, Clara. TARDIS, now it's your turn to apologise to Clara." The Doctor firmly said to her.
The TARDIS then let out a series of beeps along the lines of I'm sorry for hiding things from you and for being mean to you and I promise I'll never do it to you again.
"Thank you, TARDIS. Clara, do you accept the TARDIS' apology?" The Doctor asked Clara.
"Yes, I do. Thank you, TARDIS, it really means a lot to me and I really appreciate it."
"This is great!" The Doctor exclaimed. "My girls are finally getting along! I'm going to remind you guys one more time: Clara, be nice to the TARDIS and TARDIS, be nice to Clara."
"Will do, Doctor. I promise." Clara responded.
The TARDIS beeped the same words in response.
"Great!" The Doctor exclaimed excitedly.
The TARDIS then unexpectedly beeped something that only the Doctor understood.
"What did she say?" Clara asked puzzled.
"Are you sure you want to that, TARDIS?" The Doctor responded to the beeps.
The TARDIS then beeped again to The Doctor.
"Ok, then. Clara, the TARDIS wants to give you a peace offering gift."
"What is it?" Clara anxiously asked The Doctor.
"Snap your fingers and see for yourself," The Doctor answered.
"Why?" Clara responded confused.
"You'll see," The Doctor said excitedly.
Clara snapped her fingers and to her surprise the TARDIS door opened. She then snapped her fingers again and the door closed. She then got a huge smile on her face.
"She wanted to show you just how much she appreciates you by letting you snap your fingers to open and close her door. It's quite an honor, I wasn't even able to do it for long time."
"Aw, thanks TARDIS. I'm so glad that you like me now."
The TARDIS beeped cheerfully to Clara.
"Ok, how about we all celebrate your getting along by traveling somewhere?"
Clara nodded and the TARDIS beeped in response.
"Great!" The Doctor exclaimed. He was incredibly happy that his beloved TARDIS and impossible girl were finally getting along. "Ok, we've got all of time and space in our hands, where would you girls like to go?"